Alleria couldn't understand how she managed to survive the two weeks before the Exam. She always believed that the human body needed sleep, oxygen and food to live, but she had done without. Hours flickered by, the sun rose and fell in flashing sequences surrounded by pink and orange. Once she read in daylight, once she read in lamplight. There was an insistent cramping in her neck. Sometimes she read on her bed with the book held over her face until her arms grew numb. Sometimes she drifted off at her desk, and when she awoke every ache and pain in her body was tenfold.

Mam came in time and again bearing trays of food. Small, neat things that Alleria could pick up with her hand and not spill on her books. But after a few bites, her mind would wander back to what it had been doing, or she'd need her hand for writing rather than eating. In the back of her mind she knew Mam was worried when she came to retrieve the nearly untouched trays, but it was like a thing that happened in a dream, never registering for more than a fleeting second and failing entirely to raise up emotions.

When first she had been faced with this task she experienced colossal panic. Though the moment she sat down to study, everything vanished. She believed she was in a state of perpetual calm, there was a blank emptiness in her heart.

She felt absolutely nothing.

But then, three days before the exam, she started shivering and sneezing. She put down her pen as the words on the page became nothing but black blotches. She looked around. It was night-time, all was quiet. The lamp on her desk cast shadows in the corners of the room. They looked woozy.

And a fist of despair rammed into her stomach. She gasped, pulling back from her desk and bringing her knees up to her chest. Her heart constricted and the shivering grew harder.

Then tears spilled down her cheeks, followed by sniffles and gulps. She pressed the backs of her hands to her face, trying to reduce the pressure that suddenly formed behind her eyes. But somehow that only increased everything, her shivering became shaking as she did her best to hold back the racking sobs.

A soft knock at the door, and Mam, hair laden with rollers, padded in on fluffy white slippers. "Oh, darling," she said in that sweet voice mothers use and hurried across to Alleria. She hugged, patted and cooed, stroking and shushing and saying all the right things, in the right tones, until everything became uncomplicated and Alleria felt that she was once again little.

"Mama," like a child, like a baby, she was just so miserable and she didn't even know why. She clung to her mother, her tears streaming freely now. Then Mam pulled away, and placed a tenderly firm hand against Alleria's forehead.

"Oh no, 'Leria-love, you're burning up." She pressed her hand to Alleria's cheeks and looked with concern into her eyes. "You've gotta rest, duckie. Get into bed, love, and Mam'll warm you some soup."

It felt so nice to hear Mam use dialect and call her the old abandoned pet-names that Alleria complied without even the slightest argument.

Perhaps she drifted off, because Mam returned with warm soup and buttered toast in what seemed like mere seconds later. She somehow managed to both braid Alleria's hair and help her eat at the same time, before giving her some cold medicine and tucking her in.

Alleria lay snug and drowsy in her bed, her thoughts drifting like leaves on a pond. Her shivering had stopped, and now she was warm and heavy, like her bones were going to roll out of her flesh. But she also felt secure in a way that she hadn't in years. The music of the demon world played softly in the background.

She would likely fail, she knew there wasn't much of a chance. But maybe it wasn't a bad thing. She could be a child for a little longer.

Just a little longer.

*

Bright sunlight flitted through the window, Alleria woke up sweaty. The clock on the wall informed her that it was well past 11 o'clock. She stared at it in disbelief for several long moments and threw the duvet off her body to cool down. She felt better than she had in a long time, everything was vibrant and clear, but her limbs were like jelly so moving was out of the question.

She hadn't woken of her own volition, something had woken her. Voices. Raised voices were coming from the living room. It sounded like Mam and Da were having an argument, the pressed and angry tones were a good indicator. Mam was on the verge of shouting, Da was simply speaking fast and heatedly. But then a third voice intervened. Mam and Da were not arguing with each other, they were arguing with someone else.

Alleria tuned in, straining her ears. "... unnecessarily dramatic? I'm not being dramatic!" Mam sounded seconds from losing it completely. "WHAT YOU'VE CAUSED —"

"Sixteen! For God's sake, she's only sixteen. You've got no idea what this, all this, has cost her!" Da cut Mam off. Da was usually a soft-spoken person, he always listened and then thought and finally said his piece in a way that wouldn't hurt other people. For him to talk in such a way, something must truly be wrong.

"Now, Mr. Bellencreek, I wasn't implying —" said the third voice. A man's voice.

"You don't need to imply anything, Mr. Malluri. It's written all over your face."

Mr. Malluri.

Her parents were yelling at Mr. Malluri.

Alleria jumped out of bed and threw on her dressing gown. She was in a state of complete disarray, smelly, snotty, with tangled hair, puffy red eyes and flushed cheeks, but she rushed out of her room, down the hall and stood gaping through the living room door.

The three adults standing there froze under her bewildered stare. She opened her mouth to speak, but no voice came out. She ended up clearing her throat instead.

"You— you should be in bed, darling," Mam said, fighting to seem composed. Her pink face gave away just how agitated she was.

Da pursed his lips so tightly they were bone-white and crossed his arms. He looked pointedly at the wall.

Mr. Malluri gaped at her. He looked rather ruffled himself, like a bear that had just woken up from its winter slumber, except not so well-rested. Willum was in the room too, she noticed. But as always, he appeared bored, like nothing in the world could wet his parched spirit.

Again, it was required of her to say something.

"What's..." Alleria began, but stopped because Willum raised a questioning eyebrow at her. "What's going on here?"

Mam glared at Mr. Malluri who scratched his chin apprehensively, she noticed he had quite a bit of stubble. "Miss Bellencreek, I was only discussing with your parents, er, the matter of the future of this endeavour..."

"The future of which endeavour, Mr. Malluri?" Alleria asked in quiet, level tones.

"We have been debating what course of action would be wisest..."

"Course of action for what, Mr. Malluri?"

"In times like these, it is sometimes wisest to cut your losses so you would have enough revenue for future investments..."

Alleria crossed her arms. "Are you pulling away your support, Mr. Malluri?"

He balked, raising his arms up in defence. "No, dear girl, no, I wasn't —Irene believes that —"

The heat of anger rose from her stomach up to her throat. There was a tremor in her voice when she spoke. "Someone lied to you. Someone you trusted tricked you. Have you looked into that, sir?"

"Oh, have I indeed!" Mr. Malluri's face was suddenly red with anger as well. "The price I paid for that paper! That bloody piece of paper. The amount of favours I had to trade for it, the injury it inflicted on my reputation. And for what? You don't even stand a chance to begin with..."

Cold replaced the hot. "I don't?"

"Not now, not this time." Mr. Malluri sighed and deflated. "Irene believes that it would be best to wait four or eight more years. Frankly, you're too young, Miss Bellencreek. You're underage, and you're still an enigma in society. If it were only your gender and your background, they would have less cause to fail you by default, but —"

"Aye, I agree," Alleria said, the set of her shoulders easing.

The three adults in the room stiffened with surprise. Mr. Malluri's eyes widened. "You agree?"

"I'll probably be more intelligent in eight years' time. I'll know everything perfectly. There won't even be the slightest chance of failure."

"Yes, yes, wonderful point, dear girl."

"I can build a reputation in society, they won't think I'm just some charity case."

"Very true. Indeed, you are a genius."

"But I think it's better we talk about it only if I fail the exam this time."

Mr. Malluri looked as if he had been told that his house had burnt to the ground. "You mean to tell me you still intend to sit the exam? Even after what happened?"

Alleria didn't know she had it in her, but she wore an expression of incredulous surprise. "Of course I will, sir, it's the day after tomorrow."

"Yes, I understand —"

"I've worked rather hard for this."

"Naturally, but —"

"Maddox Barnel will personally be overseeing this exam. Do you know what that means, Mr. Malluri?"

Mr. Malluri sighed and rubbed his face. He knew what it meant, Alleria could tell, he knew that Maddox Barnel was their only hope for a fair chance. Perhaps the only fair chance they'll ever have. Along with the subjects, the Overseer had been announced. If she had known that he would be Overseer beforehand, if there had even been the slightest rumour of that happening, she wouldn't have accepted —

Alleria mentally reprimanded herself. That was not a thought she was allowed to think. She had to live with her mistakes.

"Will you make it?"

She could have sworn Mr. Malluri sounded wistful and shook her head in reply. She thought about the subjects, they were rarely asked about in the Exams but there was still a possibility that she could come up with a reasonable answer for four out of the five. Her greatest fear was the fifth subject — theology — she knew her limits. "Probably not."

"But you're willing to try anyway?"

Shrugging her slight shoulders, she turned to look at her parents who had been attempting to be as inconspicuous as possible. Da gave her a small grin and Mam, blinking furiously, stormed into the kitchen, then Alleria looked at Willum and was surprised to see him staring right back at her. She stiffened, the look he gave her was frightening, she had never been looked at with such loathing before.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Miss Bellencreek," Mr. Malluri concluded, lifting his hat off the coffee table. There was an awkward moment in which everyone recalled the shouting-match that had occurred only minutes before. "Well now, we should be going. Mr. Bellencreek," he nodded at Da, "Miss Bellencreek. Willum, come."

The way he said his son'sname, as if it was ash in his mouth. Alleria watched them go and only vaguelyremembered to say good-bye.