013
el dorito

[ tw: brief mentions of self-harm, suicide ideation ]

"Welcome to the Outer Banks, Cleo."

Pope steered the helm of the Catamaran through the marsh. The sun peaked over the horizon as dawn lit up the sky, promising a new day.

It was bittersweet. This was the first time in over a month any of them had been home and for Cleo, it was the first she'd be seeing John B's Chateau.

"You're crazy, Pope," She scoffed as they neared the dock. "Your parents are not gonna appreciate me shackin' up."

"Nah, of course, they will. Are you kidding?" Pope assured. "Heyward might put you to work, but we could always use the help."

Cleo glanced over at Bianca who gave her a small shrug and a smile. She turned back to Pope, "I don't know, man. You sure?"

"Yeah," He nodded again. JJ, Kiara, and Sarah stood behind, giddy with excitement at the prospect of Cleo coming home with them, "Look, he might squawk a little bit, but let me talk to him. We'll figure it out."

"How bad do you think it's gonna be?" Bianca glanced over at Kiara whose bouncing knee told her all she needed to know.

"Scale of one to ten?" Kiara scoffed. "Twenty."

And that was exactly why Bianca decided to drop Sarah off at the Chateau, instead of going back to her place. She wasn't ready to see her mother yet. Not because Lydia would be angry when she returned but because she couldn't face the woman whose husband she murdered.

"Well, Cleo, this is it," JJ pointed out as Pope docked the boat. "Home sweet home."

"It's kind of..." Cleo trailed off, eyeing the run-down, wooden building. "A junker."

"I like to think it builds character," Sarah teased, taking Kiara's hand to step onto the dock.

"For who? John B?" Bianca scoffed. "Or the termites?"

"Hey, those termites have been through it just as much as we have," Pope warned jokingly. "The square groupers breaking in, Limbrey's evil henchmen, the 25K hot tub-"

"The floorboards," Bianca added. She never thought she would say it, but she sorely missed the Chateau.

"It's home," Kiara corrected with a giggle. "It's also John B's baby so don't say anything about it- or the Twinkie."

"What's a Twinkie?" Cleo's frown deepened.

"That's tomorrow's lesson," Pope waved her off. "Besides, he probably has to go pick it up from the impound lot when he gets back."

"We'll catch up with you guys later then?" Sarah offered, shifting on the edge of the dock.

"Yeah," Kiara shrugged. "We'll be around."

While the others were immersed in their conversation with Sarah, Bianca turned to JJ who was already looking over at her. Each was dreading to go home for their own reasons, JJ's being that he'd be going back to an empty house. He hadn't heard anything from his father since they helped him get off the island.

"Hey," Bianca reached up on her tiptoes, her hands on either of his shoulders to get him to meet her gaze. "I'll find you okay?"

She knew JJ was still upset with her, she expected that. But what she didn't expect was when she leaned in to give him a chaste goodbye peck only for him to turn his head at the last second, her lips skimming his cheek instead.

Bianca pulled back, trying not to let it show how much his rejection stung, "Bye, JJ," She whispered.

"Yeah," JJ stared out into the marsh, barely looking at her. "Later."

Bianca gave him a tight smile, which he did not return before taking Pope's outstretched hand and joining Sarah on the dock. After that, they quickly waved goodbye to the others and headed toward the Chateau.

Upon closer inspection, the two girls noticed a figure lying on the porch couch. Bianca thought it could be a squatter but Sarah could make out her husband's silhouette from over a mile away. And as much as she wanted to bound over there and kiss the shit out of him, he appeared to be sleeping.

Sarah couldn't disturb him, especially after knowing he made the trip back all by himself. He must've been so disappointed when he found out the bell tolling back in Barbados was just that. A bell. It wasn't his missing father and Bianca found herself feeling even worse for being glad John B came back alone.

Sarah settled on the porch couch beside him, waiting for him to wake up. In the meantime, after seeing the state the Chateau was left in, Bianca grabbed a trash bag from the kitchen cabinet and began cleaning up.

Leaves had blown in from outside, the windows were covered in dust— not to mention to empty beer bottles and cans lying around. It gave Bianca an odd sense of nostalgia. The Chateau looked pretty much the same but so different all at the same time.

Not too long later, John B stirred from his slumber but not the normal kind. He was having some kind of nightmare, shaking and hyperventilating in his sleep.

"Hey," Sarah's hands cupped his jaw, soothing his heavy pants as he shot up. "Hi."

"S-Sarah?" John B's eyebrows furrowed.

"Hi."

"It's you," He breathed out shakily, reaching for her face. "You're here."

"I'm here too," Bianca called from the other end of the porch and threw a yellow rubber duck she found wedged between the pillows at them. The toy squeaked loudly, forcing them to break apart, "So no making out till I'm gone."

"B?" John B's frown deepened, watching the girl drop another beer can in a trash bag.

"Yeah," Sarah grinned.

"Oh my god, oh my god," John B whispered and allowed the blonde to draw him into her arms.

"Hi," She chuckled lightly. "Hi. It's okay. Hi. Hi. You're home. You're safe. We made it back."

"I missed you, oh my god," John B nuzzled into her neck.

"I'm here. Oh, I know."

Bianca glanced away, allowing the couple to have their moment. Her heart ached at Sarah's soothing words. They were the kind she wished to hear but did not know how to ask for. And the one person she wanted to hear it from hated her right now more than ever.

"I'm so sorry we left," Sarah pulled back. "I am so sorry."

"It's okay, it's fine," John B shook his head, clearing his throat. He glanced over at Bianca, "Oh, you don't have to do that."

"I want to," She hummed, shrugging a shoulder. It gave her mind something else to think about. Besides, there was something unsettling about the mess. Her mind wouldn't let her rest until the Chateau was clean.

"They just dropped us off," Sarah continued. "We didn't even know if you'd be here. We literally couldn't hear anything on the phone."

"Wait- you- you couldn't hear anything?" He frowned.

"No, just that we should come back to OBX, but that's it."

"So, you don't know..." John B trailed off.

At this, Bianca put the trash bag down, turning to him, "Know what?"

Sarah's eyes narrowed, "Know what, John B?"

"He's alive," John B's eyes flickered between the girls, a hint of a smile on his lips. "My dad's alive. And..and he's here right now. Look."

Bianca's heart dropped to the floor, her throat tightening. She tried to steady her breaths but it didn't work. Sarah didn't seem to believe him though as she glanced around the porch.

John B stared inside the Chateau, through the open window beside him. The pull-out couch was opened up and the pillows were propped against the cushions. A cold, unmade blanket lay in the center but Bianca just assumed it was the boy who slept in there until he decided it was too hot.

"JB, I was just in there," Bianca frowned, having been cleaning the living room just moments ago. "No one's inside."

"No, he was just right there," John B pushed himself up on the couch. "Sarah, B, I- I swear to god, he was. He was here."

Sarah shared a weary look with her best friend. Neither of them thought he was hallucinating but it was a little hard to believe his supposedly missing father was back from the dead after months at sea.

"Dad!" John B called into the house.

"John B..." Sarah trailed off.

"No, no, Sarah. Hey, look I..." He got up off the couch and began searching around the house. "I promise he's here. Give me one second- Dad!"

"Hey, um..." Bianca tried to stop him.

"No, no, h-hold on. I promise you," He brushed past the girl and onto the grass. "Hold on. Dad! Hey, Dad! Dad!"

Sarah and Bianca watched from the porch as the brunet boy paced back and forth in front of the tree engraved with his headstone. The hammock swung lightly in the cool breeze, carrying John B's shouts for his father away.

He forced them to search every room in the Chateau until finally re-emerging onto the porch with the girls following behind, "Okay, I- I swear he was here. He was here."

"John B—" Sarah tried.

"Sarah, no, I swear, he was here, alright?!" John B cried, more agitated than ever.

Bianca rolled her eyes, following the couple down the porch steps. They had been going around in circles for a half hour and she had held her tongue more times than she could count. Sarah warned her to be sensitive about this, considering this was John B's dad they were talking about.

"Okay," Sarah nodded.

"N- no, no, I'm not crazy," John B pointed out toward the marsh where a little white boat was docked beside the HMS. "Look, that's the boat, right there. Okay? And- and- he was sleeping inside, right there," He pointed at the living room couch again. "Look, uh, you believe me, right, Bianca? Right?"

"I- I mean..." Bianca crossed her arms over her chest and shrugged. "I don't not believe you?"

"Hell, I wouldn't believe him either!"

Bianca's head snapped toward the new voice as a tall, bearded man, carrying a rucksack over one shoulder strode toward them. His hair was a little scragglier since she last saw him hanging around her father, and longer but there was no mistaking who he was.

He bore an uncanny resemblance to his son, even walking the same with one hand in his pocket and the other around his bag. Big John Routledge. He was alive.

Bianca's mouth went dry and her lips parted, but no words escaped her. Her eyes glossed over but she quickly blinked it away before the others could notice.

There was a cruel sort of irony that made her believe the world or some higher power was playing tricks on her. That this was all some stupid prank by the stupid universe because how was this fair? That the man her father supposedly 'killed' stood right in front of her and yet it was her hands that were stained with blood.

"Hello, Sarah," Big John tipped his head in greeting. "Bianca. It's nice to finally meet you both."

John B's eyes drifted between both girls, expecting Sarah's gasps as she turned to him in disbelief but was unprepared for the way Bianca staggered backward. Her limbs moved as if someone was controlling them and her eyes were wide, looking right at his father, but not really.

Big John chuckled at Sarah's reaction as she ran forward to hug him, "Wh- what- oh my god!"

"Come on, Sarah," He wrapped his arms around the small blonde, eyeing his son teasingly. "Or should I say Mrs Routledge? Welcome to the family. I heard the good news!"

"Where did you go!?" John B whispered harshly from behind them. Sarah couldn't hear it, but Bianca did, "Hey, where the hell did you go?"

"Sorry," Sarah choked out between half-giggles and sobs. "I can't..." She pulled away to glance over at Bianca who watched them with unreadable eyes.

"What're you doing all the way over there now, Bianca?" Big John turned to her with a warm smile. For a moment, she almost believed he was happy to see her, "Come on, get on over here."

"Oh, I- um-" Bianca shifted on her feet.

"Don't be shy now," Big John opened one of his arms for her. "John B told me you've been giving Pope a run for his money. We might have a new brains of the operation," He joked.

His hearty chuckle put Bianca slightly at ease, "No, that's definitely still Pope," She stepped forward, allowing him to engulf her in his arms. Sarah moved back, her hands covering her lips as she watched the two embrace.

The hairs on the back of Bianca's neck prickled. She tried to relax into Big John's fatherly arms but her shoulders were tense. It felt wrong. Big John was supposed to be dead. Her father killed him. He confessed it to her and then she killed her father.

"You're alright, Bianca," Big John whispered to her but she could barely hear him over the pounding in her ears. "My son told me everything. You got nothing to worry about with me."

Bianca couldn't shake off the nagging sensation that this wasn't how it was supposed to be. She wished for her father to be dead. She told him she would never forgive him for all the people he killed. For all the sins he committed. Even on his deathbed, taking his last breaths, she couldn't muster the courage to accept his apologies.

And now, Big John was alive and her father was dead. Bianca's blood turned to ice and her body grew numb. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

"Come on, son! It's a day of celebration," Big John rounded them all in for a group hug. "Bring it on in, boy."

"Surprise," John B scoffed sarcastically, molding their bodies together.

"I can't..." Sarah shook her head. "I can't believe it."

Bianca stood frozen in place, unable to move. She wasn't really sure what happened after until Sarah took her hand and led her into the Chateau.

Her mind was in a daze. She sat at the kitchen island while Sarah and John B cleaned up the inside of the Chateau.

"I mean, how'd you end up on Barbados?" She heard Sarah ask.

"Well, same way you did and for the same reason too. The treasure and Carlos Singh," Big John told them. "Yeah, I was marooned out on the Shoals for what felt like months, living on seaweed, sweat, and rainwater, and fixed myself up to be crab food. Thought I was a goner. Singh must've tracked my boat, then his men showed up.

"He must've known I was onto something because they found me. At first, I thought I was being rescued. Turns out, it was less of a rescue mission, more of a captivity-type deal. I didn't go without a fight. We left one of his men behind, as I'm sure you've heard. Next thing I know, I'm being shipped off to Barbados. Singh's place."

Bianca struggled to pay attention to the story while her two friends listened intently. Big John merely leaned against the counter, sipping a beer like his reappearance was an everyday occurrence.

"They locked me up in some audacious estate surrounded by cane fields and armed guards. I meet this particular little man, Singh. He wants to cut a deal with me. He wants me to tell him everything I know in exchange for him keeping me alive. But it didn't take long before I caught onto the game. So, as soon as I got a chance I took it. Got a little roughed up by Singh's men along the way but I made it out. And here I am, back with my boy."

Not too long later, Big John claimed he had a couple more errands to run and disappeared outside. John B took the next half hour as an opportunity to tell the girls about how he got up to the old church in Barbados and found his dad only to follow him on yet another treasure hunt.

He explained how he and his dad headed to an old antique shop to meet one of Big John's friends and business partners, Arjun, who'd been keeping an ancient artifact for him. Bianca wasn't surprised when he started droning on about El Dorado, the same city of gold Carlos Singh kidnapped Kiara for.

As it turned out, Carlos Singh was hunting down the artifact, and Big John too, forcing them to go into hiding. Fortunately, Big John struck a deal with Limbrey to help find his son and get a boat to take them home. In return, she wanted the holy garment she'd been trying to track down for so long.

"The San Jose was rumored to have found El Dorado. That's where all the gold came from. And that stone piece, is supposedly what led them to El Dorado. The Captain of the San Jose wanted to be the only one who knew how to get there. So, he dug this up out of the jungle, kept it with him," John B clarified as they walked out onto the porch again. "At least, that's the story. So, the idea is, if you can translate the stone piece, then boom, it tells you how to get there."

"I thought you said that little stone piece is broken," Bianca pointed out. "And where is it anyway?"

"Singh thinks that the diary holds a clue to the missing piece. My dad thinks he's probably right," John B shrugged. "Speaking of, he probably took it...wherever he went. For safe-keeping or something."

"What ever would he do that for?" Bianca hummed sarcastically, flicking the broken lock on the front door for emphasis. "The Chateau's so safe."

"Whatever," John B bumped shoulders with the girl. "My dad's been obsessed with this one since he was my age."

"Okay, well, while you're out looking for your city of gold, I'm gonna go home and steal some clothes," Sarah walked down the porch steps first, letting go of John B's hand. "And maybe a phone if I can find it."

"Well, I don't want to go home. I just don't care about this El Dorito shit," Bianca backed away, flipping the boy off.

"Hilarious. See you later," John B waved them off. "Road to the mother lode."

"We'll be back," Sarah called, picking up John B's bicycle.

"Six o'clock, back here!" He informed. "Don't be late."

"Toodles!" The blonde girl farewelled, walking beside Bianca. Once they were out of earshot, she turned to her best friend, "Hey, you okay?"

"Hm?" Bianca hummed, tearing her gaze away from the ground. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just- I need to go home. My mom's probably going out of her mind."

But the truth was, Bianca was the one going out of her mind. She'd been dreading seeing her mother for over a month now. She didn't know how to tell her— if she even would tell her. She'd never look at Bianca the same. How did one even go about telling someone they murdered their husband?

Sarah studied Bianca with a narrowed gaze. She didn't believe her but didn't push it either.

"Hey, are you sure you want to stay at the Chateau?" Bianca's frown deepened, quickly trying to change the topic. "You could just stay at mine, you know?"

"I know," Sarah reassured. "But I don't want to be a bother. Spend some time with your mom. I'll definitely come over soon, just not tonight."

"Yeah," Bianca nodded distractedly. "I'll meet you at the Chât or something. I don't know, we'll figure it out. Oh, and remember your toothbrush, you always used to forget that."

Sarah giggled, "What would I do without you, B?" She kissed her cheek before getting on her bike and began to pedal off in the direction of her house. "I'll see you later!"

"Later," Bianca waved her off as she turned the corner.

The question rang in Bianca's ears like white noise, what would I do without you?

Once upon a time, Bianca may have responded with a snappy comeback or a quick-witted remark. But now? That question didn't feel like a joke anymore.

It would hurt at first. But eventually, Sarah would learn to live without Bianca. And even if she didn't, she'd still have to forgive her. She couldn't hate a dead person, right?

Bianca knew she couldn't hide forever. Meeting her mother was inevitable after coming home. And it was easy to prolong the inevitable, yes, but the truth she could not run from. She could not hide from it either. All she could do was wait until it found her first.

Bianca's house wasn't much further from Tannyhill, a mere five-minute walk but each step dragged on longer than the last. Her feet felt like lead, sinking into wet cement and the thought of seeing her mother again and going home felt more like a nightmare than salvation.

By the time Bianca reached the familiar, obsidian-colored gates, her breaths were shallow but not from the walk. She was practically hyperventilating as she punched her birthday into the keypad that her father set as the code to enter. As she watched the gates swing open, it was yet another reminder of her father's love for her which she repaid by brutally murdering him and then dumping his corpse into the ocean.

Bianca glanced over at the new addition of peonies along the grass lining her front yard, no doubt planted by Reginald. The hedges were still as neatly trimmed as ever and the grass freshly mowed, not a single autumn leaf in sight. Bianca felt nauseous but she knew the man would not be too happy with her if she threw up in his flowers.

So, Bianca forced one foot in front of the other on the steps leading up to her front porch. By the time she pressed the doorbell, she could hear her mother's voice from the other side of the door, "Reggie, get the door, would you?"

"Yes, Mrs Prescott..."

"What did I tell you about formalities, Reggie!?"

"To drop them," The man's dull voice echoed through the glass.

Bianca had never seen Reginald show any kind of emotion or stutter but now, as the front door swung open, revealing the once-nonchalant man, he was doing both.

"Mrs- Lydia," He corrected himself, eyes wide. "You're going to want to see this."

"Oh, for god's sake," Lydia huffed from the kitchen, her heels clicking against the hardwood floors. She slowly emerged with a glass of red wine in one hand while the other fixed her midi dress. "Now, I've got Lafite all over this dress. Its Hermes! What could possibly be so important that I had to—"

"Hi, Mom," Bianca swallowed thickly.

Lydia halted, a gasp falling from her lips as did the wine glass in her hand. Before it could shatter, Reginald caught it in the palm of his hand, barely blinking as he did so.

Before Bianca could comprehend what was happening, her mother was wrapping her arms around her, "Oh my god-" She chanted over and over, tears spilling from her eyes. "My baby, you're okay. I'm so glad you're okay. Are you okay? What happened to you? Are you hurt?"

Bianca could barely get a word in, "Mom, I'm okay- I promise, please—"

As much as her heart wrenched at seeing her mother so distraught, it was as if Bianca retreated inside of herself. She stared at Lydia the same way she watched television; as if the sounds were arriving in her brain from far, far away and her touch was somehow disconnected.

Lydia pulled away briefly to cup her daughter's chin, "Oh my god, I was so worried. Bianca, where have you been? I-" She choked back a sob. "My baby."

"I'm sorry," Bianca didn't know whether she was apologizing for going missing or for her father. Maybe both but once she started, she couldn't stop, "Mom, I'm so sorry."

"Don't–" Lydia cut her off sternly, pulling the girl back in her arms. "Don't apologize. What are you saying sorry for? I'm just so glad you're safe. You're okay. Oh, my god."

"Miss Prescott..." Reginald trailed off, a ghost of a smile playing at his lips. "You certainly look..." He took in her filthy attire and muddy shoes before meeting her gaze once again. "Alive," It was the best he could come up with.

And even amid her mother's cries and the excruciating guilt, Bianca managed a small laugh, "Always a pleasure, Reggie," She wasn't even offended, she knew she looked a mess.

He chuckled, "Glad to have you back, kid."

Suddenly, Lydia whirled around, "Mama!" She cried, her throat hoarse from holding back tears. "Papa!"

Bianca's eyebrows drew together but before she could question it, her grandparents came rushing out at the sound of their daughter's hysterical tone. Pilar and Teodoro both paled at the sight of the girl and instantly went to embrace her.

"Oh, mi vida," Pilar sobbed beside her husband who ran his hand over Bianca's dirt-speckled skin. "We were so scared."

"We never stopped searching," Teodoro smiled through tear-filled eyes before quickly wiping them away. "We knew you'd come back to us, corazón. We missed you so much. So, so much."

Bianca knew they must've been feeling a lot of things upon seeing her and after finding out she was alive. But she just couldn't share that with them, maybe because she was so painfully aware she was still alive. Her hand reached for her father's wedding band around her neck, beside the shark tooth, and prayed her mother wouldn't notice it.

This all felt so overdramatic and grand, even though Bianca knew for them, it was not. She felt a little like a ghost, floating aimlessly with nowhere to go, and glanced over at Reginald, pleading with her eyes for help.

Instead, Reginald merely shook his head, and when Teodoro outstretched his hand out for the man to join the hug, he did so. Bianca may have felt lost, but her family, the people surrounding her, they felt found. As though a missing part of their hearts finally fell into place.

Bianca wasn't sure how long they remained like that until they finally, finally let go. And when they did, she could barely stand. It was as if all the sleepless nights, aches and pains, and harrowing exhaustion caught up to her so much so she could barely make it up the stairs.

Her fingers clung to the banister of the stairwell, the flight was more than she could handle. Everything appeared to be more draining than it usually did so even turning the doorknob of her bedroom was as punishing as carrying the weight of a hundred men.

Bianca's room was the same as it always was, untouched but tainted. There was something eerie about it now, housing all that she used to be, and what she could've been. Her room was a boulevard of broken dreams, and marred memories.

Each step she took inside reduced her to the little girl she once was. The one who wrote essays about her daddy being her hero in middle school, the one who clung to the embrace of a boy who never really loved her, and the one who dreamed of what lay beyond the shores of the Outer Banks.

It had only been a month but this room turned into more of a prison than a reprieve. Bianca couldn't stand it. She couldn't be here for any longer so she retreated to her ensuite bathroom but didn't turn the light on. She couldn't bear to look at herself. At the person she had become.

Instead, Bianca lit a few candles, threw a towel over her mirror, and finally took the shower she'd been dreaming of since being stranded on that island. She didn't time it but it must've been at least an hour, scrubbing the sweat and grime out of her hair, her skin, her teeth.

But even then, she never felt clean. No matter how many times she lathered soap, applied oils and creams and conditioners, Bianca couldn't shake the feeling of sticky, smudged blood beneath her fingernails, in every crack and crevice of her hands.

Forget the shower. Maybe, a scalding bath would relax her. So, the girl filled the tub till the steam fogged up the glass, dropped in a bubbling bath bomb, set up her diffuser, put on a face mask, and decided upon soaking herself till she became all pruney.

And it worked. For, like, a second. But no essential oil, face mask, or strawberry-scented shampoo would allow her muscles to release its taut state. Bianca stared at the candle beside her, resting her head against the white ceramic tub.

The flame flickered, reflecting against the ripples below. Her body shivered, despite the boiling temperature searing her skin. Bianca hadn't even realized she was crying until the first tear hit the water. And then, all at once, the rest followed.

There was a vice on her heart, squeezing with just enough pressure to be a constant pain. It killed her every moment just a little bit more, taking what was once an inner light and replacing it with a darkness that overshadowed each moment.

Although tears were streaming down her cheeks, Bianca was silent and that's what scared her the most. Yes, she was crying for her father, and for her mother, and maybe even a little for herself. But she didn't feel any of it. She lay there, shaking with mismatched breaths. She was numb.

Bianca couldn't feel anything. Not how hot the water was. Not the aching of her heart. Not even the heat of the flame when she reached out to run her skin over it.

Her hand hovered over the blue heat but even the pain didn't hurt like she wanted— needed it to. It just felt warm. Comforting. Addicting.

Finally, Bianca could feel something. She craved to do it again but before she could, a water rivulet dripped from her finger and extinguished the fire. The vice on her heart tightened.

When did it stop? Where is the limit? When came the point at which dogs were called off, the pain ceased to exist and the help began? Because Bianca needed to know.

She really needed to know.

author's note. damn this one kinda hurt a bit. writing is so much easier when ur sad and shit, all the emotions r already there u just gotta put it into words. anyways this chapter was super depressing, but it will get more fun next chapter !!! also i promise im working very hard behind the scenes to write this book for u, sorry if updates are a bit delayed. i prioritise writing everything first and then uploading consistently so thank you for being patient with me <3 i love u guys so much ! comment what you thought of the chapter !!