012
kie's ransom money

"On a scale of one to ten, how mad is he?"

Bianca asked as Kiara neared the edge of the boat. The girls were perched on top of a seat overlooking the water which was barely visible in the moonlight.

The town lights from Saint Kitt's reflecting against the rippling water were the only indication the Pogues were heading in the right direction. They were almost at the port, where Pope volunteered to top up the boat's fuel tank and grab supplies for their trip home.

Kiara gave Bianca a pointed smile and took a seat beside them, "He's not mad, he's just... being JJ."

Bianca groaned dramatically, flopping backward into Sarah's arms. She rested her head on the blonde's lap, "What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Oh, I don't know," Sarah arched a sarcastic eyebrow down at her. "Maybe talk to him?"

"Thanks, Sarah. Any other suggestions?"

"B," Sarah narrowed her gaze.

"Fine," Bianca rolled her eyes and pushed herself onto her elbows to face the girls. "Ugh, men are so complicated with all their feelings and stuff."

"Boys are so complicated," Cleo corrected, glancing over at Pope who was leaning against the railing on the lower level. "I mean, what's Pope's deal anyway?"

Bianca frowned, "What?"

"His deal," Cleo persisted. "Y'know, like, why he gotta be so sad and mopey all the time?"

Bianca's eyes drifted over to Pope who was staring out into the ocean. Something was clearly on his mind, and she had a sinking feeling it had to do with his lingering feelings for Kiara. Although he'd told Bianca he was very much over the girl, she knew better than anyone that love didn't fade so quickly.

As if sensing her eyes on him, Pope glanced over his shoulder, catching her gaze. He gave her a small smile to which she turned. To Bianca, Pope was Pope. He was the best guy she knew and any girl would be lucky to have a shot with him.

"Probably something in the air," Kiara hummed.

"Maybe it's, like- their man period?" Sarah piped up jokingly.

"You're saying they're PMSing?" Kiara arched an amused eyebrow.

"Must be the full moon," Bianca teased to which Cleo cupped her hands over her mouth and pretended to howl.

The girls laughed, glancing at each other. The cool breeze nipped against their skin but pressed against each other's sides, they didn't feel it. Instead, a cozy warmth emanated from within their chests.

"Well, whatever it is..." Kiara trailed off, bumping shoulders with Bianca. "At least we got each other, right?"

"Always," Sarah agreed, pressing her cheek into her best friend's shoulder, their hands entwined.

Bianca rolled her eyes but couldn't stifle the smile on her lips, "Is this the part where we paint our toenails and braid each other's hair?"

"Oh, please," Kiara scoffed, recalling their sleepovers when they actually did do that. "Don't act like you wouldn't love that."

"I would," Bianca conceded with a laugh. "I would love that."

Cleo's eyes drifted between the three. She never really had girlfriends before. A little voice in her head, the one which had taken residence in her ear since her father left, told her not to get too attached. It warned her not to get her hopes up because, in her life, things like this never really stuck for long. Usually, they died or left or disappeared forever without a trace. But for some reason, against all instincts she developed making it on her own, Cleo found herself hoping that this time, it would stick. They would stick.

"Well," Cleo cleared her throat and got to her feet. "We're almost there. Maybe some light shop-lifting will do Pope some good."

"Hey, don't go getting into too much trouble out there, alright?" Sarah arched a pointed eyebrow.

"Wouldn't have to if girl wonder over here didn't throw away all our Vaux Hall money."

Bianca gasped over-dramatically, "Hey- you were the one who pushed that old lady's stall over! I was just paying her back."

"I can't believe you guys are arguing over you what did with my ransom money," Kiara pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You're right. Everyone say thank you, Kie," Bianca told them to which she, Sarah, and Cleo repeated in unison. "We never would've made it out if you didn't get kidnapped on our behalf."

"At least we got a good meal out of it?" Cleo offered with a smirk to which Bianca silently high-fived her.

"Oh my god— get out of here!" Kiara laughed loudly in disbelief, shooing Cleo off as she backed away toward Pope.

Once the girl disappeared around the corner, Sarah nudged Bianca again, "You too, girl wonder."

"Captain's orders," Kiara added teasingly referring to the blonde girl who'd been calling the shots.

Bianca groaned but begrudgingly pushed herself to her feet, "You are the bane of my existence."

"It's only because I love you. Now go," Sarah ordered, nodding toward a brooding JJ on the top deck. "Before I make you walk the plank."

"Aye, aye, Captain," Bianca feigned a salute before flipping her off instead.

Sarah rolled her eyes as she watched Bianca disappear up the stairs. She knew the only way she was going to get through this was with JJ on her side. So, she was determined to make sure her best friend didn't push the boy away, even if it was easier than telling the truth.

The atmosphere was still as Bianca tip-toed upstairs toward her boyfriend. The blanket of darkness didn't do much to alleviate the gloominess settling around them like a heavy storm cloud. If JJ heard her coming, he didn't turn around from where he was staring out into the empty waters.

"Hey," Bianca piped up quietly, careful not to startle him but he didn't move to acknowledge her. The only indication that he even heard her was the muscles in his back tensing at the sound of her voice.

Bianca wasn't sure how to start this conversation so she thought it best to keep rambling. Her heart hammered, the silence reminding her of Rafe when they argued. He too would often give her the cold shoulder until she caved and eventually apologized.

"Um, we're almost at port," Bianca shifted on her feet. She wrung her hands together, "Pope and Cleo are about to leave. They're gonna grab some supplies and fill the boat up before we head out again..." She trailed off, her chest tightening the longer she spoke. "We should be back by—"

"I told you to choose yourself."

Bianca tore her eyes away from the ground, "What?"

"I told you, if it came down to it," He finally, finally turned around to face her. "To choose yourself."

JJ's tone was strained, as if there was a fit of anger behind locked gates, waiting to be unleashed. His eyes were red-rimmed, and his jaw clenched. His fingers shifted in their balled fists and Bianca's gaze flickered down at the action. It scared her more than she wanted to admit.

JJ took a step forward, too in his head to notice the step she took back, "I'm really fucking trying to understand you, Bianca," His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. "You could've gotten yourself killed!"

"You could've too!" She jumped to her own defense. "If I didn't-"

"That's different, alright?!" JJ interrupted, taking another step closer. "You- you can't just do shit without thinking! That's my job!"

Bianca swallowed thickly, pursing her lips shut as if it would stop her pounding heart from escaping her throat. Her back hit the railing behind her and she clung to the metal till her knuckles turned white, "JJ-"

"You're the one who thinks things through! Who- who makes sure we don't jump off cliffs or- or get lost but now? It's like you don't even care that you could've died!" JJ's eyes were wild, searching hers for some kind of explanation or answer. "But fine! You have a death wish now!" He threw his arms up in exasperation.

Bianca's voice was small when she spoke again, "If I wasn't there, he would've shot you," Her eyes hardened into a glare. "I couldn't let that happen."

"So your solution was to take a bullet for me?!" JJ tilted his head mockingly. "And then what about after- when he had the gun right here?" He raised his hand to point between her eyes.

Bianca's eyes squeezed shut out of instinct, rearing her head back. Her mind reverted to the place it did when she was with Rafe. Her hands trembled even while gripping the railing, trying to ground herself. With the Cameron boy, if she showed signs of weakness, he would exploit it any way he could. She couldn't let him win. She couldn't let him think she was weak.

"What do you think would've happened if John B didn't stop him!? You would've had your brains blown out, that's what!" JJ towered over her, every muscle in his body taut. "And I would've had to stand there and watch—" This time, JJ's voice broke.

He took a step back to compose himself, allowing Bianca the reprieve to finally exhale. She took a deep breath, unsure when her next would be. She still couldn't meet his gaze, her eyes firmly planted on the floor as the boy paced in front of her.

"You just sat there," JJ's hand pressed against his pounding heart when he felt his chest tighten painfully. "He was going to kill you and you just sat there, Bianca!"

Bianca was trying to listen to JJ, she really was. But the pricking of panic in the back of her neck kept telling her to run. To get out of there. The better, more reasonable part of her told her to stay. JJ would never hurt her. He promised.

"You might not care about getting hurt, Bianca, but you know how I'll feel? I'll be devastated!" JJ stopped right in front of her. "And if you die? I will literally go out of my fucking mind!" It was as if he was looking at her but he was so blinded by fury that he couldn't see her. See how she shook with his every word, "So, don't fucking do that again! I can't imagine a world where you don't exist! So, if you die, you'll take me with you. And then your so-called 'sacrifice' would mean nothing, Bianca. Nothing!"

Bianca's breath hitched, tears pricking her eyes. She couldn't show weakness. He couldn't win. Her hands reached up to hide her tears from him, hide her face from him. Not JJ. Him. Rafe.

Her throat was like sandpaper and she could barely get air in, let alone words but she needed him to stop. Amidst the deafening silence of JJ's confession, she uttered the promise they agreed upon in the Twinkie, "Red."

JJ halted, the blood in his veins turning to ice, "What?"

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry," Apologies were falling from her lips faster than she could catch her breath. "Just- please- stop shouting- please, I'm sorry," She choked out. "I'm sorry- I-"

JJ didn't say anything. Not for a moment. Then for two. All that could be heard was his heavy breaths mixed with her shallow ones. Her eyes were still squeezed shut, her face hidden in her hands.

Then, finally, his fingers wound around her wrists and pulled her hands from her face. The hold was so gentle Bianca almost sobbed right then and there. Instead, she stifled a stifled whimper as JJ drew her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her trembling frame.

Beneath her ear and the fingertips pressed against his ribs, she could hear— feel, JJ's heartbeat. He began peppering kisses on the crown of her head, along her forehead, her temples, any place he could. All the while, he whispered over and over again, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I love you.

Each kiss was followed with another apology, another declaration of passion, mending the girl's fractured heart. It filled the cracked crevices with a love so unconditional and safe. So, so safe. In his arms, she was safe and she was loved.

"Bianca, listen to me..." She could hear JJ's words but her throat was too tight to respond. "Baby, please- when I'm like this, you don't need to hide. Just tell me I'm being a dick. It's okay. I don't-" His eyes squeezed shut. "I never want to scare you. I'm sorry I scared you, okay? I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

Bianca didn't say anything, she just needed to hear his heartbeat a little bit longer. She remained pressed into his chest and JJ could feel his shirt stain with her tears, which only made his chest ache more.

The guilt was unsurmountable. JJ didn't think he would ever forgive himself for the way he acted when he raised his voice. The thought that the could be anything like Rafe— like his own father, was so chilling he forgot how to breathe.

"Bianca..." JJ trailed off. "Princess, nothing you might do to me could hurt me more than being without you."

The moment she heard his words, Bianca melted on the spot. She didn't move, her voice muffled by the material of his shirt, still wobbly, "That is ludicrous and... excessively romantic and horribly unrealistic."

"Get used to it," JJ chuckled and she could feel the rumble emanate from his chest. "Because I have a lot of feelings for you and they're all kind of unreasonable and I really don't care."

JJ wasn't sure how long they stayed like that. Only that her proximity soothed him. Soothed the ache of hurt in his chest that he buried deep within his ribs for her sake. The boy swallowed thickly, wanting to keep pressing kisses against every inch of her skin and feel her body impossibly close to his but he knew their argument wasn't over yet.

"Kiara told me something," JJ whispered tiredly and wasn't surprised when he felt the girl tense beneath his arms. He knew where this was going. He knew he was fighting a losing battle.

Bianca pulled away abruptly, eyes searching his, "What?"

Her hand slipped from JJ's and his heart sank, "She thinks Rafe knows something... something about you."

Bianca's stomach flipped and dropped, "What else did she say?"

"It doesn't matter," He shook his head.

"It does," She sniffled. "What else did Kiara say, JJ?"

JJ sighed, "She thinks something happened on the boat."

Bianca didn't say a word, her eyebrows drawing together. Her arms crossed over her chest and JJ could tell she retreated behind her wall, putting up all her fortified defenses.

"...So?" JJ's eyes narrowed.

"What?" Bianca's bloodshot gaze snapped back to his.

"What happened on the boat, Bianca?"

"Nothing," She took a step back, turning away.

"Nothing?" JJ scoffed, his jaw clenched. "Nothing happened?"

Bianca merely shrugged, unable to meet his eyes. Her hands were trembling again but this time, for a new reason. The thought of JJ finding out what she did sent her into a downward spiral of panic.

"I don't get it," JJ ran an exhausted hand over his face. No matter what he did, he felt like they were going in circles.

"What's there to get?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

"I dunno," JJ gripped his wind-tousled hair at the base of his neck. "When we got to the island you just looked so..." He shook his head. "I think I'm just trying to understand what happened after you and John B got separated."

Bianca finally paused, staring at the boy with so much intensity, he almost looked away. But upon realizing he wasn't going to let this go, she answered, "I ran into Rafe."

"Rafe?" JJ's eyes widened, his hands curling into fists, the anger no longer directed at her. "What happened? I swear to god if he laid even a single—"

"He didn't," Bianca cut in sharply. "He let me go."

"He just..." JJ's frown deepened, unfurling his fists. He could tell she was still holding back, "He let you go? Just like that?"

"Yes," Was all she said. Her eyes were piercing but blank as if trying to conceal whatever emotions threatened to be exposed.

"So, he kidnapped you just to let you go?" JJ deadpanned.

Again, he was met with silence. Bianca shrugged again, shifting on her feet. The pressure behind her ribs rose, threatening to burst from their human confines.

"Why would he—"

"I don't know, JJ!" Bianca finally snapped, throwing her arms up in exasperation. "I didn't stop to ask him why, I just..." She trailed off, eyes squeezing shut as the memories resurfaced. "I ran."

Coward. Liar. Murderer.

Her throat burned as did her eyes and JJ could sense her discomfort. Even though he desperately wanted answers, he knew he wouldn't get the ones he wanted by interrogating her. Bianca was withholding something from him. No, she was lying. And JJ couldn't tell what hurt more, that she was lying to him or that she was lying for Rafe.

"You're hiding something from me, B," JJ spoke up again with accusatory eyes. Bianca could see the hurt in them and immediately, the guilt increased ten-fold, "I thought that maybe if something was wrong, you'd come to me first. But now I find out Rafe's involved?" He scoffed harshly. "What does he know that I don't?"

Bianca swallowed, not saying anything for a moment. Then, "I don't want to fight with you again."

"I want you to fight with me," JJ gritted his teeth, taking a step closer to her. His eyes tried to search hers but she wouldn't even look up, "Fight for me."

Bianca remained silent. As much as she knew it would hurt JJ, it had to be done. They won't understand. He won't understand. He'll hate you, forever. He'd never forgive her. How could he when she couldn't even forgive herself?

"Fine," JJ's tone was rough. Pained, "I'm not going to push it," His adam's apple bobbed. "But it's getting harder and harder to pretend like nothing's going on with you, Bianca."

Irritation bubbled within the girl. But not at JJ. From holding everything in so long, "Oh, that must be so hard for you, JJ," Bianca scoffed sarcastically.

She couldn't help but try to pick a fight, reliving the same old habits she did with Rafe. But the moment the words slipped from her lips, she regretted it.

The muscle in JJ's jaw ticked, "Yeah, I'm not doing this," He shook his head and backed away with a glare. As much as he loved her, he wasn't going to be someone's punching bag. Not again.

The boy headed for the stairs and as much as Bianca wanted to reach out for him, hold him and never let him go, she knew she couldn't give him the one and only thing he needed. The truth. She wasn't ready for that yet. She had yet to come to terms with it herself.

JJ paused briefly, glancing over his shoulder at her, "Whatever this is, Bianca?" His voice was so small, so vulnerable. "I hope it's worth it."

Bianca could read between the lines— was it worth losing JJ over? She wasn't so sure. All she could do was watch him leave and disappear from her view. She only hoped it wasn't forever.

author's note. this ones for the girlies who love angst (trust me, we're just getting started lol). i just wanted to make this fight a little realistic because jj's not very calm or reasonable when dealing with feelings so i thought it made sense for him to react this way. also, he can't control how bianca reacts to arguments, that's just ingrained into her after being with rafe. all he can do is try to control the way he communicates (which, again, he's not very good at). they're just teenagers, they're not the best at everything or perfect by any means but they're trying!

also, this is super duper important, but i'm thinking of introducing a new oc into this book to replace jiara (so kie isn't always the seventh wheel lol) but what do you guys think ?? i kinda hate the idea of introducing another new person but she was already going to be part of this story anyway (but just as a more minor character). i would also love to tell you guys about her but i'm gatekeeping the idea because i'm so excited for her role in this story. so what do you guys think? she probably won't be a part of the pogues bc there's already so many of them but still important !!