002
island rules, princess

The first thing that hit Bianca was the sound.

The sounds of birds, the sound of the sea crawling onto the sand. She could feel a million grains of sand underneath her feet and the cool breeze against her face. Then there was the tantalizing scent of washed-up waves, coconut, and saltwater all mixed into one.

"Okay, John B. Your turn. Truth or dare?"

Bianca's eyes fluttered open. She was in awe by how easily fantasy and reality intertwined at that moment. It was like continuing a dream after waking up. Only this wasn't a dream nor was it her idea of paradise. To her, this was purgatory.

She was constantly waiting— wondering whether they would die on this island or if someone would come to rescue them, only to find out about the horrible, gruesome deed she committed and condemn her to hell. It was torture.

As the sun began to set and the evening breeze took its course, the Pogues gathered around the unlit fire pit. On the island, there weren't many ways to pass time other than scouring for resources and picking each other's brains. Fortunately, truth or dare seemed to be a game they were all pleased to play.

Kiara nudged Bianca who blinked, "I'm awake," She accidentally fell into a microsleep after her turn, something JJ noticed happening more and more often.

Bianca wasn't sure when the last time she slept through a whole night was. Her eyes were bloodshot, and they burned. Not from the seawater but from insomnia.

The nightmares were forever etched into the blacks of her eyelids like a white-hot branding. It must've been over a month ago because ever since arriving on the island, sleep no longer came easy to the girl.

"Alright, alright," John B stood up, his arms outstretched. "Truth."

"Truth?" Sarah handed him the makeshift hat she'd woven out of palm leaves.

"Truth!" He demanded.

"This is exciting," Cleo muttered sarcastically. They had chosen truth the past five times, all having exhausted themselves after their hard work.

Sarah smiled with longing as John B sat back down, the hat on his head, "If you could do it all again..." She trailed off. "What would you do different?"

Before he could answer, JJ glanced over his shoulder, "Uh, get the gold out before Ward did."

"Maybe hide the cross a little better?" Pope offered.

"Not yell 'murderer' at Ward, maybe," Kiara shrugged. The others could tell she felt bad about it.

"Invest in some running shoes," Bianca scoffed. She'd ruined more pairs of sneakers than she could count by running through all kinds of terrains with the Pogues.

"Uh, steal a couple bottles of rum before we jumped off the boat?" John B hummed.

JJ turned all the way around to face him, "Yeah, why didn't you do that, actually?" Kiara giggled at this.

"I don't know, maybe 'cause I was in a fight to the death?" John B shot back.

"I would look both ways before crossing the street," Cleo shot the brunet boy a deadpan look, causing the Pogues to break out into a round of laughter. Even Bianca cracked a smile, recalling the story of how John B quite literally hit Cleo with a car while he and Sarah ran for their lives.

"Yeah, my bad," He pursed his lips. "My bad."

"Your turn, chief," Cleo nodded toward Bianca, holding onto one of the spears.

"Alright, B, truth or dare?" John B took the hat off his head.

Immediately, Bianca reared her head back, "Don't put that stupid thing on me. I'm not wearing that," But despite her protests, he did it anyway.

JJ smirked, "Island rules, princess. You play the game, you wear the hat."

"Fine," She rolled her eyes. "Truth. Hit me."

"Surprising," John B arched an eyebrow. It was her third time choosing truth all game, "Okay... what's the last lie you ever told?"

The answer came to her immediately. But she didn't dare say it.

Bianca could feel JJ's eyes burning holes into her, "Um, I told my mom and Reggie I'd be back in, like, an hour. We never came back."

After a brief silence, John B frowned, "...That's it?"

Bianca's eyebrows drew together, "What do you mean, that's it?"

"'Cause it's boring," Kiara nudged her, mischief glinting behind her eyes.

"It's the truth," Bianca's eyebrows drew together.

"I don't know," John B shrugged, throwing a tiny pebble toward the fire pit. "Thought it'd be more interesting than that."

She shot him a glare, "Yeah, well, I'm not that interesting of a person."

"Why do I find that hard to believe?" Cleo laughed teasingly.

Although she hadn't known the girl for very long, from the moment Cleo met her, Bianca was an enigma begging to be solved. She wasn't like the other Pogues— she had secrets. Her eyes held a sort of mystery that was both created and could only be cracked by the Gods. Cleo didn't know what to make of her yet.

"Whatever," Bianca rolled her eyes playfully. "Kie, you're turn. Truth or dare."

Kiara shot her a look as she placed the hat on top of her curls, "Truth."

"Um," Bianca thought for a moment before deciding on the question that had been playing on her mind. Maybe if she knew Kiara's answer, she'd gain just a little bit of clarity on her own, "If you could go home, to your parents' house on Figure Eight this instant...would you do it?"

"Mmm," Sarah nodded, it was a good question. One that had been on her mind too. After all, the three kook girls had the most to lose.

Kiara pursed her lips and closed her eyes, stifling a smile. She didn't even need to think about it. So, when her eyes fluttered open again, she knew her answer, "No chance."

"Seconded," Sarah pointed at her with a grin.

"No chance," John B nodded.

"Hear, hear!" JJ lifted the coconut he cracked open earlier to cheers. "To no chance."

"The shower's tempting though," Kiara added.

"Ooh, I could use a fat shower right now," John B piped up. They all really could.

"I'd kill for a bubble bath," Bianca glanced up to the overcast sky, reminiscing. "Or a spa day."

"I mean, I could probably give you a seaweed wrap..." Sarah offered between giggles. "With real seaweed?"

Sarah picked up a small piece of washed-up seaweed by her ankle and threw it at Bianca's hair. The dark-haired girl gasped dramatically and threw it back with a glare in her best friend's direction.

This time, Kiara threw the palm-leaf hat at JJ, which landed in front of him, "JJ, truth or dare?"

"I mean..." He trailed off and placed it on his head. "Do you even need to ask?"

Kiara's eyes crept up toward the mighty cliff not too far from their shelter where the waves crashed against the rocky foundation. The others followed her gaze, already knowing where this was going and JJ's answer along with it.

"Big jump? Nobody's done it yet," Kiara pointed Cleo's knife she'd been fiddling with at it. "Dare."

JJ didn't need convincing as he immediately leaped to his feet, thrilled at the prospect of doing something adrenaline-pumping after lounging on the beach all day. The Pogues knew nothing they would say could talk him out of it, even Bianca knew that but she couldn't shake the dreadful sinking in her gut.

Bianca rubbed her arm as the group made their way down to the shore, their conversation filled with giddy excitement. She didn't want to be a killjoy but all she could think about was the moment she saw JJ's lifeless and pale body being propped up single-handedly by Kiara. She knew he was reckless, and rash but Bianca didn't know how she felt about JJ throwing his life away.

Before JJ could split off from the group and head up to the cliff, Bianca took his wrist, holding him back. Her stomach twisted into knots as they fell back from the group for her sake.

"What- B-" JJ fumbled for words, gazing longingly to the cliff but the moment he saw the small pout on her lips, he instantly straightened his back. He could tell something was bothering her, "What's wrong?"

"JJ..." Bianca trailed off unsurely. "There could be rocks down there, or.."

Sharks swimming at the bottom waiting for someone to be bait, or poisonous jellyfish or venomous sea urchins. The possibilities were endless but because of their isolation from civilization, they had nothing to treat JJ with if he got stung by something lethal or cracked his skull open.

"What?" JJ's brows furrowed, shifting with anticipation. "No, B, trust me. I'll be fine."

Bianca's frown deepened and JJ's eyes flickered between her rounded gaze and the cliff he'd been wishing to jump off since arriving on this island. But upon watching her face fall, JJ felt his resolve melt into a puddle at his feet.

"Hey," JJ ducked down, trying to get her to meet his gaze. "Hey, say the word and I won't jump," As much as he wanted to, the boy never wanted to scare her.

Bianca swallowed thickly and stared at both their hands entwined together, "You really want to, don't you?"

Immediately, JJ's face lit up again, like it did whenever someone suggested they do something dangerous and Bianca knew she couldn't take this away from him. She couldn't keep letting her fears control her.

"Please," He voiced with a hopeful, puppy-dog-like lilt in his tone.

God, that word— please. How could she say no to that? She was so weak in the knees when it came to him.

Bianca caved instantly and shook her head with a small smile, "Yeah, well, I double dare you."

JJ's frown turned into a boyish smirk, practically bouncing on the heels of his feet, "How can I resist a double dare?"

The boy then leaned down, his hand sneaking up her spine to press their lips together with an ardent passion. Bianca was stunned for a moment before melting into him. She savored the fluttering of butterflies erupting within her, a moment of reprieve from the nauseating guilt.

Bianca pulled away breathlessly, "What was that for?"

"In case I don't make it," He backed away.

"JJ!" Her jaw dropped. "You can't just say that and then run away!" She huffed. "JJ!"

But by then, he was already pulling his shirt off before she could finish her sentence. He threw the material to the sand before racing off ahead of their friends toward the cliff. Bianca rolled her eyes before rejoining the others, falling in step beside Pope and Sarah, who linked arms with her.

"There he is," John B pointed out as tufts of blond hair began peeking out over the cliff.

"There he goes," Pope added, watching JJ assess the bottom of the cliff. Suddenly, he cupped his hands over his mouth and yelled, "Send it!"

Altogether, the Pogues began cheering the boy on to encourage him. Bianca didn't join in but she couldn't stifle the small smile on her lips, holding her breath with anticipation.

"He's not gonna do it," Cleo scoffed with a grin, shaking her head. "He's not gonna do it!"

"Oh, I won't, huh!?" JJ shouted back, pointing to the edge.

"No way," John B chuckled in disbelief. "Oh my god-"

"He's gonna do it," Kiara nodded, her arms crossed over her chest.

"He's gonna do it," Pope agreed. "It's highly dangerous, uh, zero reward?"

"No regard for his personal well-being?" Bianca offered, glancing up at the boy.

Pope shared an amused look with her, "Yeah, he's doing it."

"Do it!" Sarah began chanting while the others all joined in, shouting at the boy to jump.

The blond boy cheered along with them and at the last moment, JJ's gaze connected with Bianca's. Mischief sparked in his eyes as his stance shifted and he squared his shoulders, rising to his full height.

Keeping his stare locked on her, Bianca watched as he canted his head and raised his arms, strong muscles shadowed under the sun. Running his fingers through his mussed, golden strands, his gaze never wavered from hers.

Then he sent her a playful wink - one laced with a tremendous amount of arrogance and cockiness. A crooked smile graced his lips and something about it had Bianca's heart simultaneously palpitating and swooning. The lighting of the setting sun draped over his face, playing shadows across his chiseled features.

JJ Maybank was something else, but before Bianca could finish her thought, he was already diving off the edge of the cliff. His body flipped midair before finally landing with a crash into the tides below.

This time, when the Pogues began clapping and whistling, Bianca couldn't help but join in. She exhaled the breath she'd been holding when the boy resurfaced, throwing his arms in the air before flopping back into the water.

The Pogues ran to the edge of the shore where the waves lapped against the sand and JJ swam to meet them. His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, having missed the high of adrenaline in his bloodstream.

John B and Pope began pulling off their shirts to swim while the girls, already adorning only their bikini tops waded further into the water. The boys were the first to greet JJ, immediately tackling him back into the ocean and falling back together. The group all returned to the campsite, laughing and conversing about JJ's great feat.

"I actually thought I was gonna die!" The blond boy scoffed loudly. "I'll be honest!"

"You looked like you were gonna die!" Pope's eyes were wide with awe, his jaw hung agape. "I thought you were going to die!"

The atmosphere was intoxicating but almost immediately as it came, Bianca's excitement was drowned by a bucket of ice water. It was cold in the way that death loomed. Death, whether fast or dreadfully slow, haunted her like an aching terror.

Upon noticing her best friend's absence, Sarah turned over her shoulder, "B? Hey," She fell back with Bianca to make sure she didn't get left behind. "Come on."

And so Bianca took her hand, mustered her most genuine smile, and continued ahead with the others, prepared for yet another sleepless night.

While the sky in the east was beginning to dim, the dusk on the west side already broke. As the sun set, all of the purple and deep blues seeped into the horizon, and the moon took its position at the top of the sky.

The salty breeze picked up around them and the Pogues gathered around their bonfire for dinner. They managed to cook the drum they caught on sticks, just like they did every night, and settled on a couple of logs to share the meal.

"Mm-mmm, that's what I'm talking about now," JJ leaned back after tasting the skate. "Freshly caught."

He glanced at his friends around the fire with a small smile that wasn't returned by any of the others. Ever since they got there, he had a sinking feeling he was the only one truly making the most of their time on the island. Even Kiara somewhat missed her parents back home, even if she acted as if she'd rather be here.

His gaze eventually landed on Bianca, who'd grown silent which she tended to do at this time of night. She had her legs pulled up to her chest and her chin resting on her knees, staring at the embers of the fire as they rose and blended into the stars.

At times like this, the guilt became impossible to ignore like a dark stain on a perfectly white painting. It was torturous, fearing she'd never overcome this feeling eating away at her insides. Her muscles were tense and her stomach turned with nausea.

Bianca found it impossible to sleep that night, pangs of unease keeping her awake. Her ribs felt tightly bound, unable to take much more than tiny, little breaths.

She wasn't exactly suffocating but it felt like she was on the verge. At the same time, it felt as if she'd been punched in the gut except not by anyone else so she had no one to blame. She couldn't get angry, because of that. But it still hurt.

The more she tried to relax, the more she couldn't breathe. She wanted to cry. She felt like sobbing. Hard. But she couldn't. She was too tightly bound, and too busy trying to force herself to relax.

Finally giving up, Bianca checked if JJ was fast asleep, which he was, before sneaking away from the camp. She made her way up to one of the cliffs nearby where Pope set up a cluster of driftwood to act as a distress beacon when lit up with fire.

The girl would often make her way up here on particularly hard nights, watching from above as the ocean deflected the moon's glare into her eyes. Here, there was no sound of insects, birds, or reptiles, no call of human voices, only the steady rhythmical lap of the sea.

Bianca sometimes wondered what it'd be like to step off this cliff and let the wind carry her way. She just wondered what it was to feel the clouds brushing against her skin, her body light as a feather, and the aroma of fresh air wafting through her nose as she drifted away. She wondered what it was like to hear the roaring of wind fill her ears, so loud the world stopped spinning on its axis and the universe held its breath for one moment in which everything ceased to exist.

In that state, Bianca felt as though she'd entered another reality, an alternative universe where her surroundings were just a comforting stillness and it was just her and the sky. A dimension where her father wasn't dead, where she wasn't responsible for it, and where there wasn't a black hole growing in her chest, threatening to swallow her whole.

Then she wondered what would happen if she drifted a bit too far. What her friends would think.

From up here, she could make out the Pogues' figures below. Curiously enough, there were only five bodies asleep. One was missing, and the spot beside John B was left empty. Her eyebrows drew together but the silent question wasn't left unanswered for long.

"Bianca?" Sarah's timid voice appeared from behind her, taking in the sight of Bianca cross-legged on the ledge. "What are you doing out here?"

Bianca knew how it looked but she didn't have the energy to defend herself, "Hey," She glanced over her shoulder. "Why are you awake?"

"I asked you first," Sarah countered and took a seat beside her.

Bianca sighed softly but chose not to respond. There was a hanging tension in the air, thick as smoke, and filled the girls' lungs. Sarah's eyes caught Bianca fiddling with the gold ring hanging around her neck, still lost in thought.

When it was clear Bianca wasn't going to answer, the blonde cleared her throat again, "What's going on with you?"

Again, she was met with silence. Bianca's eyes never strayed from the moon kissing the ocean's horizon. Maybe, if it were brighter, Sarah would've seen the glassiness in her eyes.

Instead, she persisted, "Lately, you've felt- I don't know...distant? Like, you're not really here."

Bianca felt her throat tighten, chewing her lower lip. She tried so hard not to act how she was feeling but apparently, she'd done a poorer job than she thought.

"I'm worried about you, B," Sarah exhaled, glancing down at her hands in her lap. "We all are."

"Don't be," Bianca finally spoke, her voice thick with something. Something Sarah couldn't pinpoint just yet, "I'm fine."

"Bullshit," Sarah's scoff was harsh. "You're not fine."

Bianca's eyes flickered over to her, not expecting the abrupt outburst. She didn't want to do this right now, "Just leave it alone. Please."

"No," She shook her head. She was fucking tired of seeing her best friend torture herself like this, "Are we ever going to talk about it?"

Bianca's heart dropped, "What?"

"The boat," She insisted, her gaze softening. "There was blood on your hands, Bianca."

Bianca's hand that was fiddling with her father's ring fell limp into her lap, "Stop-"

"You said it was your dad's-"

"-Sarah-"

"John B said he left you with him," Sarah didn't mean for her tone to be as unforgiving as it was. "What happened out there, Bianca? On the ship."

Bianca couldn't look at her. She could hardly breathe. She didn't want to remember. Her hands were clenched in her lap, nails digging into her palms so she didn't spiral. The girl didn't know how many moments passed until she felt another small hand slip into hers and finally, her eyes fluttered open again.

Sarah placed her warm hand in Bianca's cool one, forcing her to unfurl her first. She ducked her head, trying to meet Bianca's eyes, "What ever this is, B?" She whispered. "We'll get through it."

A lone tear trailed down Bianca's wind-stung cheeks but she quickly wiped it away. She inhaled sharply before finally, finally meeting Sarah's eyes. And when she did, she was met with an outpour of love so unconditional she almost stopped breathing for a moment.

"We've been through everything else together, right?" Sarah squeezed their hands together. "This is no different."

Bianca stared at Sarah Cameron, the girl who truly stood by her side through everything. When they were just kids, trying to navigate through life. During high school, when Bianca lost herself. And even now, after everything that happened with the Pogues.

Bianca was many things, intolerable being one of the few they could agree on, and yet Sarah was still here. But this was no ordinary high school drama or petty gossip and Bianca was afraid this may be the horrifying, bloody battle they wouldn't make it out of.

"Hey," Sarah, as if realizing the war in Bianca's mind, shifted closer to remind her she was still there. "It's me and you. Against the world, remember?"

Against the world. That was it. Bianca decided she couldn't lie to her anymore. If there was one person who truly understood her, it was Sarah Cameron and if she couldn't accept her, then there was no hope for anyone else.

"It's okay," Sarah reassured again, more firmly this time. "You can tell me."

Bianca stifled a small whimper from the back of her throat, "I can't."

"You can," The blonde nodded. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

More tears filled Bianca's eyes and she squeezed them shut to stop them from falling. But it was useless because she could no longer ignore the weight pressing against her chest. It had grown far too heavy for her to carry alone. She needed to tell Sarah. It was killing her inside.

"I don't know..." Her voice finally broke. "I don't know- we were on the boat and we were fighting and I told John B to go and- and find you and then my dad- he told me to put the gun down but-"

In all honesty, everything was still a little hazy. It was as if her mind tried to compensate for the pain and trauma by blurring out all the gory details. It didn't matter though, because Sarah could put the pieces together and once Bianca started talking, she couldn't stop.

"But- I didn't. I don't know why I didn't," Her heart wrenched, forcing herself to keep going. Her chest felt as though it were caving in on itself, "I just remember telling him to stop but then he reached for the gun... and- and we fought over it-"

"B..." Sarah paled, her heart sinking to the bottom of her stomach. If what she was saying was true, then they were in deep, deep shit.

By then, tears rolled down Bianca's cheeks but she didn't have the energy nor the willpower to wipe them away. Her breaths were shallow and sporadic, placing her hand on her throat as if it would stop the hiccups, "I don't know if it was his hand on the gun or- or mine- but I didn't mean for this to happen," Her voice was rushed, shaken. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I promise, Sarah-"

"I know, I know," Sarah exhaled deeply, pulling Bianca into her arms as she choked back a sob. "Hey, it's okay, it's not your fault-"

"No," Bianca shook her head fervently, pushing the girl away from her. That was the one thing she refused to hear, "No, no, no, no- it was my hand on the gun. I did it-"

"It was an accident-"

"Was it?!" Bianca snapped between her gasps for breath. "What if some part of me wanted to fire that gun?! I hated him. I told him I wished he was-"

Sarah reared her head back, eyebrows furrowed, "It wasn't your fault-"

"I shot him, Sarah. He's dead," Bianca grew irate. "I was the one holding the gun," Her hands hovered over her lips as an entirely new wave of realization crashed over her. "It was my hand on the trigger."

The rage inside Bianca quickly dissipated to exhaustion and was replaced by yet another bout of gut-wrenching guilt. Now Sarah knew as well and it made everything all too real.

"He was going to hurt John B," Sarah tried to reason. "Or worse. You saved him, B. I'm just shocked... I guess."

Bianca's wrung her trembling hands together, "But not scared?"

"Of you?" Sarah's eyes narrowed. "Never."

Bianca remained silent and Sarah's frown deepened, desperate to know what was going through her head. The blonde's own mind still struggled to wrap around what her best friend was saying but she was more concerned with comforting her at that moment.

Scared. The thought that she would ever be scared of Bianca was so foreign Sarah had to do a double-take. She couldn't comprehend why on earth Bianca would think that until finally, it clicked.

Bianca likened herself to Rafe. A murderer.

"You didn't do this, Bianca," Sarah assured and before the girl could deny it, she continued. "I was there on the tarmac when Rafe shot Sheriff Peterkin. Hey, look at me," Her tone was jarring. "Do you know what he did right after?" She scoffed harshly. "He smiled."

Bianca didn't know how to respond. She sat there, unsure what to make of Sarah's anger.

"He's sick, Bianca. So, don't you, even for a second, compare yourself to him," Sarah's jaw clenched, her eyes holding so much intensity. Bianca wasn't sure how all this rage had been concealed in such a small body, "You're nothing like him. You're not a killer. You're not a monster, Bianca. You're a child."

Because that's all they were. A bunch of kids, forced into this cruel world. She was so young but her eyes held so much pain. All of them did. They were only teenagers.

"This is not your fault," Sarah's voice was desperate now, almost pleading with Bianca to believe her even though she knew she would not.

Once the initial shock wore off, the two sat beside each other not saying anything. Bianca was glad Sarah hadn't run off screaming bloody murder but now that she knew, the fear crept up like a shadow. Sarah could tell JJ. Or the others. They would never look at her the same.

"One month," Sarah shook her head, struggling to come to terms with how Bianca held herself together up until then. "You kept this to yourself for one month?" She finally turned to glance over at her best friend after staring into the ocean for so long.

Sarah was no stranger to guilt or pain. She couldn't even imagine how Bianca had been feeling the entire time on the island. And despite it all, she managed to stay relatively sane and at least try to pretend like nothing was wrong.

"Promise me you won't hide something like this from me again," Sarah swallowed thickly, her tone grave. It was unfair they laughed together but Bianca cried alone, "Promise me."

She nodded, " I promise. But Sarah... You can't tell the others," Her eyes were blank. Numb, as she watched the steady ebb and flow of the tides. "Please."

Rafe's warning rang clear in her mind, the only thing she was sure of. You can't tell anyone. They won't understand. We're the same now, Bianca.

"If they found out-"

"B..." Sarah trailed off unsurely.

Maybe, because she was in the right mind or maybe she was just biased but the girl knew the Pogues would believe Bianca if she told them it was an accident. Now, she just had to convince Bianca it was too.

However, that was harder than it seemed when she was so lost in her mind. They won't understand. They won't understand. They won't understand. They won't understand.

There was a sense of urgency in Bianca's eyes that scared Sarah when she spoke again, "You said it was just us, S. Against the world. Those were your words-"

"Okay," Sarah interjected, a little defensively. "Okay. I won't say anything."

That seemed to satiate Bianca slightly and Sarah watched the girl's shoulders sag. She wouldn't push Bianca. Not now. At least not while the wound was still open and weeping.

Bianca didn't know how to feel anymore. Things were going to change now. It wasn't just her keeping this secret to herself. She trusted Sarah, of course, she did, it was herself she didn't trust.

Bianca was so lost in her thoughts, she almost jumped when Sarah's voice broke through the silence, "B...What did you do with the body?"

The body. Bianca hated that. That's all he was now. He wasn't her father. He wasn't her dad. He was just a corpse, decaying into waste in the same ocean she and her friends were admiring the beauty of. There was a sickening sort of irony in that and it made Bianca want to throw up.

Her heart squeezed painfully, not wanting to think about what happened afterward. She couldn't even be mad at Rafe because she listened to him. She listened to him when he told her to get out of there. To jump off the boat. To run.

She was a coward. A fraud. A murderer.

"Bianca," Sarah asked again, more severely. She had to know what needed to be done when they got back home. If they ever did, "I need you to tell me. Did anyone see what happened?"

Bianca's eyes stitched shut, her voice a mere whisper into the darkness, "Rafe."

Sarah's eyes widened, her heartbeat thudding against her ribs, "Rafe?" Nothing was ever as it seemed with her older brother. Her frown deepened when her best friend didn't speak, "Bianca, I need to know," All she wanted to do was keep her safe.

"He... he, um," Bianca began hesitantly. "He threw his body over- overboard," The words left a sour taste on her tongue.

But Sarah didn't react. Her mind was elsewhere, "...And the gun?"

Bianca's lips parted momentarily, turning to Sarah. This wasn't the response she was anticipating. Bianca assumed she'd be afraid more than anything but it appeared everything that happened over the past couple of months changed Sarah. Made her tougher. More protective.

She wasn't the same girl who saw things in black and white anymore. Neither of them was. Somewhere along the way, the two Kook princesses learned to see the world for what it truly was, not the pretty picture it painted itself out to be.

Bianca sniffled with bloodshot eyes. Her chest ached with an indescribable sort of pain when she nodded at Sarah, confirming what the blonde guessed in the first place. Rafe threw both Michael and the gun into the open ocean. This was the one murder Sarah was a little grateful her brother covered up, unlike the others.

"He said he'd take care of everything," Bianca's voice was thick with emotion.

Sarah watched her carefully. She knew her brother was still in love with her best friend, "And do you trust him?"

Bianca thought about it for a heartbeat before softly admitting, "I don't know."

Bianca wanted to trust him but the better, smarter part of her, told her not to. Her heart said yes but her mind told her to run as far away as she could. Rafe was a sinking ship that would only drag her down with him. And that should've scared Bianca more than it did if she wasn't already drowning under the current.

"Okay... well, we're going to figure this out together, right?" Sarah swallowed thickly, glancing over at Bianca who didn't return her gaze. "Like we always have. This doesn't change anything."

Bianca wasn't sure who Sarah was trying to convince because the unsure lilt in her tone told her everything she needed to know. She was just as scared as Bianca was of losing her best friend.

Sarah didn't know what the future held for either of them but she was sure of one thing, "I'm never leaving you," She rambled in a panic. "Never-fucking-ever. I love you, B."

And then Bianca realized. She couldn't leave Sarah. Not yet, at least.

She couldn't let the wind carry her away or feel the clouds or have the world stop spinning on its axis. Not until she was sure Sarah, JJ, and all her friends were taken care of. She couldn't leave them. Not yet.

So, she'd protect them. She'd make sure they got home. She'd make sure they were happy and healthy and loved. Like a wilting flower in autumn, she desperately clung to her petals till the summer sun set over the horizon.

And then— only then would she allow herself to wonder what would happen if she drifted a bit too far.

Bianca took Sarah's hand in hers, "I love you more, S."

author's note. that last line kinda hurt to write... anywayz sucks to be b,, so what did u guys think of the chapter ?! also, super random side note but i truly cannot comprehend that when i first started watching this show i was the pogues' age and now i'm the same age as the cast when they were playing the characters :0 !!!