Please read A/N at the end of the chapter.

Recap:

I jolt awake. Everything is disoriented and confusing. I'm in to much pain to comprehend whats going on.

All I hear is the door open.

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Unedited

My lungs scream in pain as my breathing gets harder. The black dots start to dance in my vision and I know a panic attack is soon to follow.

I scrunch my toes in a feeble attempt to keep the feeling in my feet.

Ok Madi just breathe.

In

Out

In

Out

I try to get my body to stop shaking, but it has little affect.

" Madi? You ok?"

The feeling in my toes start to come back, but the attack is far from being over.

"I'm fine." I manage to choke out. The buring in my chest never goes away but my breathing starts to even.

" Madi, come on." I barely manage to hear. The banging in my ears is to much.

I'm not sure if its Kian, or Jc. I know its not Ricky because he doesn't give two shits about me.

In fact, the entire time I've been here, Jc, Kian and occasionally Connor are the only ones who actually put the effort into pretending they care.

My mind is racing and I just wish I'd pass out.

I feel the bed dip and a hand is placed on my shoulder.

I try to flinch back, but its like someone put a lock on my body. I can feel everything I just can't move.

"Please don't touch me."

I force the tears to stop because I refuse to let anyone see me cry.

It's petty and helps nothing.

Yet we still do it. Because no matter how much we wish we weren't-- we're still human. We still feel. No matter how hard we try not to.

"No, Madi! When are you gonna see you don't have to fight this alone! You have six boys that care about you. And none of us are going anywhere! We want to help you-- so please let us."

I screw my eyes shut hoping this will all go away.

I feel myself being picked up and the only thing I can do is let out a strangled scream.

" It will get better. Just let us help you."

And with that I passed out in the arms of a boy I still don't know the identity of.

***
The next morning

Eveything hurts.

My head.
My back.
My hands and feet.
But most of all, I physically hurt.

Not my body, or my bones, me.

How can something not physical hurt you may ask?

Imagine being so empty that it hurts to breath because it feels like your dieing.

Imagine being so mentally scared and confused, it feels like your brain may explode.

Imagine your heart just aches because you know you can't get better.

Imagine not wanting to get better because you know you would feel this every day if you gave up the tools that cause outer pain.

Welcome to my life.

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So sorry the up date is late. I've just had no motivation to do anything lately. Its even hard to get out of bed.

I know not an excuse, but once again I'm sorry. Hope you like the update.

P.S THE FIRST FEW CHAPTERS OF MY TWO NEW BOOKS ARE OUT OF YOU WANT TO READ THEM