Say Don't Go by Taylor Swift

I said I love you, you say nothing back. Why'd you have to lead me on? Why'd you have to twist the knife? Walk away and leave me bleeding.

"I love you." I tell him. I've been waiting to tell him for some time now, waiting for a perfect moment. One where he'll kiss me and tell me he loves me too. 

The swelling in my heart absorbs every negative moment in my life and all that matters is him. Everything in my life is only a tiny fraction now that Grayson takes up around 99.99% of my time and thoughts. 

I feel dizzy just looking at his face, being this close and knowing that now he knows exactly how I feel. And I know he feels the same way. I know it.

My eyes bounce between his eyes waiting for him to say it back. He'll smile and tell me he loves me more than I could ever imagine.. he'll throw me into his arms and kiss me until all the air in the world is gone.

Maybe someday we'll be getting married and look back to this point, mentioning it in our vows. I'll have a memory book for our children and we'll tell them the stories. They'll point to the pictures and Grayson will tell our kids about the time their Mom told their Dad she loved him. He'll laugh in reminisce about how oblivious we had been before. How much we cared for each other and the feelings that consumed us whenever we were even in the same room.

I'll tell my Grandkids about the butterflies in my stomach when he looked at me. About the way he looks in those suits. About how we met. About the first time we kissed. About when he proposed. About when I told him I was pregnant for the first time. About how we celebrated every holiday together every year. But most importantly, about this moment, the moment I confessed my love for him in a flash of unconscious but passionate intimacy.

"Oh." He says quietly, avoiding eye contact. It's only when his smile drops and morphs into his usual stern pressed lip look that I process what he said.

He didn't say it back. He didn't even say it back.

"What?" I murmur with a faded smile, still hopeful he'll say he's just joking and say it back. Say it Gray.

I pray for a silent moment he's just so surprised that he's stunned to silence, he'll say it. I know he'll say it back. 

"I need to go." He grabs his shirt from the floor. He makes a move to start putting it back on but freezes when he sees my saddened features. Oh.

"Are we breaking up?" My voice breaks. I know this may seem dramatic but in the moment all I can think of is the way he said 'oh' instead of literally anything else, i would've been happy with an 'ok' or even a 'thank you'. The disgust in his eyes when I had even suggested love. He looks me in the eyes then jolts his stare away. 

"I think that would be the responsible thing to do." He says flatly, looking beyond me. He can't even look me in the eyes when he tells me he doesn't love me. He can't spare the woman who loves him so much even a glare. He knows what he said was fucked up. He knows he's losing me.

I beg him to fucking say something. Anything. But just as soon as he had me he's already lost me.

Tears line my eyes and he fights with himself to walk away. But he does.

He walks out. Not only on me but on everything we've built. It's over. Everything is over. Grayson and I are a thing of the past, something that'll pass with the winter. It'll be a memory of nothing more than a stupid momentary romance. We're actually over.

I stay still. Unable to even move. The door stays ajar and I stay there until I can no longer hear each and every footstep.

Turn around. Turn around Gray. Please. I love you.

I find my feet collapsing and my body falling to its knees. Sobs echo the now empty room. 

Grayson is no longer Gray. I am no longer P. We are no longer Graris. It's over, it's all completely fucking over.

The worst of it all is that I know he won't be back. He won't turn around and walk back inside, telling me it was a cruel trick. He won't see me tommorow and apologise. He won't even sleep in this bed again. And I worry I'll never be as happy as I have been with him.

He might get with Eve, in fact I know he will. I feel so stupid. Did he ever even mean the words he spoke not even an hour ago, calling me beautiful. Maybe I was beautiful but it wasn't love, was it?

I've spent this whole relationship thinking he loved me, that it was a mutual feeling. But now I realise every time we kissed he never once felt the way I did. I spent every kiss thinking about how incredible he is and how much I love him. He was busy thinking about how he would be done with me soon enough. Maybe he liked me for my looks, he just wanted the pleasure and pride to be with me. Maybe he didn't like me at all, only the idea of me. Maybe he does love me but just can't admit it cause then it makes it real. I push that last thought to the back of my mind, not letting myself think that for even a second. If I let myself believe that then I'll get my hopes up. 

I still love him, which is what makes this even more painful. I can't just stop loving him because it wasn't just a spur of the moment blurt, it was a genuine suppressed feeling.

"Paris?" Nash's voice asks from the doorway, he had been walking passed and seen me sobbing on the floor, missing my shirt. 

I look up at him, tears streaming down my eyes. It only takes one glance at my distraught face for him to rush to my side. He kneels beside me and lets my whole body collapse into his chest. His wool shirt is soft against my skin, his hand stroking up and down my back comfortingly. 

At some point or another he texts someone and before I know it I'm joined in the room by Libby and Xander. My big sister and best friend. Nash really made the right call, anyone else and I probably would've felt worse.

"Hey Pear, you okay?" Libby asks gently, kneeling beside me.

I separate from Nash for the first time now, leaving tear stains down his shirt. 

"I think we broke up." I cry out. Libby gives a sympathetic 'oh god' and pulls me into one of her signature warm hugs. 

"How did it happen?" Xander asks me, sitting on the edge of my bed and gesturing for me to sit beside him. I get up to my feet and sit beside him. Xander wraps his arm over my shoulder and pulls me into him.

Libby kneels in front of me whilst Nash stands leaned against a wall with his arms folded.

"We were kissing like normal and then I stupidly told him I loved him." I sniffle. Wiping the rivers of tears off my flushed cheeks.

"I waited for him to say it back and all he said was 'oh' like I told him him his dog died or something. Then I asked if we were broken up and he went all 'i think that would be the responsible thing to do'." I explain through sobs.

I see Nash seething in the corner, ready to kill his own brother for how he made me feel.

Xander sighs and caresses my cheek to wipe the tears, "As your best friend, he's a dick. But as his brother I'm obligated to say Grayson's dickery is mostly due to his serious commitment issues so don't hate him too much. But back to your best friend again, you're far too good for that ass hole." 

I sob into his chest, not even able to speak. Eventually Libby and Nash leave the two of us alone. Xander gets into my bed with me and holds me as I cry. 

"God I'm so fucking stupid. It's always my fault." I sob into Xander's arms. "What d'ya mean." Xander asks sympathetically. 

"My first boyfriend tried to kill me because I didn't love him. My second boyfriend loved me and I loved him but I broke up with him because I'm stupid, and my third boyfriend didn't even love me back." I vent.

"Shut up Paris, you're the most perfect girl in the world. You cannot comment on your first boyfriend because it was not your fault he was a psychotic killer. As for my brothers, it's not your fault they're both dicks. Any guy in the whole world be lucky to have you and anyone who says otherwise clearly hasn't met you because Paris you are the most gorgeous, talented, funny and kind girl I've ever met." Xander replies firmly.

I let out a loud sob and Xander squeezes me tight. He comforts me the whole night and I end up falling asleep in his arms.

(a/n. I ALREADY KNOW Y'ALL FUCKIN HATE ME AFTER THIS ONE. Damn sorry bout this guys. Ever since I decided Gray and P would hookup I decided that this exact scene would happen, I'm a mastermind. I've wrote all those beautiful cute scenes knowing it would come down to this. Can't lie, I'm so excited to write some tension. Early upload tonight cause I was so desperate to let you see this one. Thanks for reading, I'm sorry)