Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo

God, I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.

"Happy Fourth of July." Avery singsongs as she walks into my room opening the curtains harshly. 

"What time is it?" I ask. "9am. We're leaving at 11." she informs me. I open my eyes wider and see Avery smiling brightly. She wears a cute white dress with a blue cropped cardigan and a red headband. 

I stand up and look at my closet door which has an outfit already hung up and ready. After showering I get dressed.

I cringe when I look in the mirror. Denim shorts and an oversized American flag shirt that I tied into a knot at the middle so I look less dumb. I wear my shades and my mothers necklace. My hair is curled with two thin braids at the front.

I grab my laptop and head out.

Libby wears a red dress and white denim jacket, her hair acting as the blue to her look. 

Avery, Libby, Alisa, Oren and I ride together to the parade. When we arrive, there are huge crowds. I check the time. 11:42am. I have 18 minutes until I need to send that confirmation email. I have to talk to Jameson first. 

I leave the laptop in the trusting care of Alisa who places it in her bright red shiny bag. 

I run through the crowds and try to find Jameson. I glance up at the big clock on a tall building. 11:51am. "Jameson?!" I yell through the crowds. 

I keep running and searching. "Jameson!" I yell. 

11:56am.

I need to send that email.

I run back to Alisa as quickly as I can. When I find her I desperately beg for my laptop. She passes me it and I break free from the crowds to the sidewalk. 

11:58am.

I open it up, sitting on the sidewalk. I open my pre-written email. 

I take a deep breathe. 

Send.

It's done. 

I'm going to MAD.

The thought makes me grin and run back to the crowds of people, ditching my laptop in the SUV we drove here in. 

I spot Avery and run towards her. "It's official Ave. I'm going to MAD" I tell her. She pulls me into a hug excitedly.

"Paris?" Jameson asks from behind me. I turn around, my smile instantly dropping. "Jameson" I greet. 

"Can we talk?" He asks, "What do you think we're doing right now?" I joke. He gestures away from the crowds where we escape to.

We still haven't spoken since our fight yesterday.

"I'm sorry. I don't really know what else to say. I was wrong and you didn't deserve it. I love you." He apologises. His tone makes me believe he is sorry but I still feel a little hurt from his words. 

"I love you so fucking much and I know people give you so much shit but I want you to know, no matter what those assholes say about you, I love you and I'm always going to protect you." He says.

"I love you too" I give in, smiling slightly. He grins and pulls me into a hug, he kisses my forehead.

I sigh now, knowing what I need to tell him. I step back.

"I have to tell you something" I say. His smile fades a little. 

"I've been lying to you about something for a while now" I admit. "When I applied to that college, I got in. I wanted to tell you but you suggested we travel together and I didn't want to burst your bubble so I just kept it going. But I'm not travelling with you. I chose school." I confess.

He takes a step back and blinks quickly, "You what?" He asks angrily. "I'm sorry. It's not that I don't want to travel with you but schools just-" I try to explain. 

"I don't care that you chose school over some stupid tradition. I would've done the same. But you lied? All this time, you let me plan a future with you when you knew it was all bullshit?" He yells. 

"I'm sorry" I whisper. He breathes heavily and shuts his eyes tight, trying to think. 

"No. Paris. I.. I can't trust you" he mutters. "I can't be with someone I don't trust." He says.

I feel tears on my cheeks, "what do you mean Jamie?" I whimper. 

"I love you." He says. 

"I love you so much. You know I love you. But you lied. And you kept that secret from me for weeks. And.. And you let me believe we would have this life together." He starts crying now too.

"You'll be going to college, I'll be travelling the world. If we don't break up now it'll only hurt more later." 

"Please don't do this Jamie." I beg.

He scrunches his face up a little with pain. "I love you" is all he says. 

I take a couple steps towards him and hug him, I sob into him "Please Jamie" I beg. I don't feel his arms wrap around me and comfort me like they always do.

This is really over. 

I know by now there are cameras on us, recording every action from a distance. For that reason, I step back. 

I let go of a shaky breathe. His eyes meet mine. His beautiful emerald eyes. 

I walk away. Back to the crowds. Back to where I find Avery and Libby. 

They smiles happily as they watch the parade until they notice me. 

"Pear.. what happened?" Libby asks, "Jamie" is all I manage to say before the throbbing in my heart becomes too much and I start sobbing hysterically. 

Avery pulls me into her, Libby joins the hug as I sob into their shoulders. 

My hand reaches up to my heart, trying to stop the feeling of it shattering into a million pieces.

I really did love the dickhead..

I take a moment away from Avery and Libby, on my own. I tell them I'll be fine and they continue enjoying the celebrations.

I see a small restaurant still opening and wander towards it. I take a seat at one of the outdoor tables.

A young man comes towards me, he looks no older than me. "Can I get you something?" He offers. "You still open?" I ask. "Nah. But we're a family business, I'm sure my Dad won't mind." He winks. 

"You okay there?" He asks me, "had a shitty day" I say briefly. "I think I know what you need." He says.

"And what's that?" I ask. He removes a flask from his apron pocket. I grin, "Well Dylan, I like your thinking" I say reading the name tag on his apron. He passes me the flask, I take a sip. 

"Keep it. You need it more than me" he nods and walks away, back inside the restaurant. 

I smile and keep drinking the flask until it's empty. 

"You still out here?" Dylan asks with a laugh as he locks up. "Mhmm. You were right. Did the trick." I laugh drunkenly. 

"Want a refill?" He offers. I nod lazily and toss him the flask. He disappears back inside and soon emerges again with the flask, he passes me it and locks the door. 

"Well anonymous girl, I need to head, don't get too drunk out here. I'll maybe see you 'round?"

"Maybe, Dylan." I wink up at him. He walks away.

I take a few more sips and place the rest in my back pocket.

It must be pretty late as when I return the commotion has moved and the parade is over. 

Everyone watches a person on the stage. I walk closer and make it out to be Grayson. 

I walk towards the front so I can hear better. 

"Thank you. Happy Fourth of July everybody. See you next year" he finishes, walking off the stage, being replaced with Jameson. 

He starts talking and I jokingly start pretending to bang my head against a pillar out of boredom, even though he can't see me in the large crowds of strangers.

He makes a joke and everyone laughs. Then he steps down and Xander steps forward to the mic. He talks for a little and then Libby goes up. 

 She says something short then Avery goes up. It occurs to me I'm supposed to be up there next. I take a tiny swig of my flask and push my way towards the front. 

Avery finishes up what she was saying and walks off the stage. I push passed Alisa who tries to stop me and talk about what I should say when I'm up there.

I walk towards the microphone. "Yo" I say, causing a screech of feedback from the mic. "I'm Paris. But if you'd prefer, you can call me Whore, Slut, Bitch, Skank. That's what a lot of people seem to be calling me right now anyway" I smile brightly. I see from the side of the stage Alisa is trying to hint for me to stop before I start, on the other side all Hawthorne boys look a little confused as well as Avery and Libby. 

"A lot of people think I'm a slut because I got caught kissing someone whilst in a relationship. But that relationship was fake. I was in love with the guy I kissed, who just broke up with me. Isn't that right Jameson?" I smile and turn towards him. 

He clenches his jaw and gives me a look I can't place. "Is she drunk?" Libby asks. "Looks like it" Nash replies.

"I don't even fucking know any of you but none of you have a problem with sending me death threats, or slut shaming me. I'm sick of it. I didn't ask for any of this shit. I didn't want to stay in that house with a bunch of strangers. But I had to. For my sister. And what do I get? Half the fucking internet hating my ass for no reason." I say, tears falling from my eyes. 

"And you know what? I know something you don't" I start. Jameson, Grayson, Avery and Xander all make eye contact and quickly run onto the stage. 

"You know Toby Hawthorne? He's-" I start before being pulled back from the mic. Grayson holds me firmly, Jameson takes the mic. "Sorry folks, someone's had a little too much fun celebrating" he says with a laugh. 

"Happy Fourth of July motherfuckers!" I yell and Grayson puts his hand over my mouth. He has his arm fully wrapped across my shoulders as he walks me off the stage. 

Xander walks behind with Jameson and Avery walks in front of us. He drags me into a small marquee built behind the stage. 

He lets me go and zips the flaps closed. Avery puts a seat down for me to sit on which I do. I sit criss cross on top of the chair as everyone stares down at me. 

We sit in silence for a moment before Jameson speaks up. "What the fuck was that?" 

I shrug cluelessly, "What? I was told to make a speech." I justify. "Where did you even get alcohol?" Avery asks. "Me? Drunk? What could possibly make you think that?" I ask mock shocked, putting my hand to my heart.

"Cut the shit" Jameson says. "Language!" I yell. "Paris." Avery warns. "I got it from Dylan" I shrug.

"Who is Dylan?" Grayson asks. "Dylan is this really hot guy" I inform. I take the flask back out my back pocket and take another sip. "What is wrong with you?" Avery grabs the flask and inspects it. 

"What's in this?" Avery asks. I shrug. "You took a drink from a stranger?" Jameson asks, "he's not a stranger. He's Dylan." I smile. Jameson takes a tiny sip. "Hey! Joey doesn't share food." I quote Friends in a New Yorker accent. 

"Whiskey. Really cheap whiskey." Jameson confirms. "I swear to god Paris. I'm gonna-" Avery starts. "You're gonna what? Tell Mom?" I taunt. Smiling and raising my eyebrows at the last part. 

Avery clenches her jaw and shakes her head, slipping out of the marquee. "Avery" Jameson comforts, following her outside.

I bite the inside of my lip jealously and cover it up immediately. "Bitch took my drink" I say when I realise Jameson took my flask with him. 

I slump down into my chair with Grayson and Xander both watching me closely.

Neither says anything for a while as I stay sitting trying to count each and every hair on my head, I'm currently at 129.

Avery and Jameson re-enter with Nash and Libby. "Fucking arsehole" I mutter as I grab my flask back from the pocket of Jameson's jacket.

"Sit." Avery orders pointing to the chair. "Yes Ma'am." I smirk as I sit back down.

"What the hell do we do with her? If she goes outside she'll make more of a scene than she already has" Jameson asks, looking at everyone but me.

"She is right here." I reply. "She can be addressed when she doesn't get drunk in the middle of a party." Avery says.

I raise my hands in the air to surrender and let them continue talking about me. 

"We could sneak her out the back" Xander suggests, "Someone would have to meet her there, cars can't get back there" Nash comments.

I take my flask and take some sips. "We could- Will you stop?" Avery yells when she notices me. I put my hands up again in surrender but forget I'm holding my drink and it pours out, all over me. 

"Shit" i mumble when i look down at my alcohol stained body. Jameson shakes his head and walks out. "Sit still and don't say anything. How difficult is that?" Avery yells. "You try it for once big mouth"

"The second your hungover I'm going to bang pans together in your ears" Avery threatens. I stick my tongue out at her.

Jameson returns a moment later with a towel and a spare shirt as well as bra.

I stand up and tear off my shirt. Xander's eyes squeeze shut, Nash's eyebrows shoot up in shock, Grayson swallows, Jameson takes a deep breathe.

"Christ Paris. A bit of fucking warning would be great" Avery says. "Sorry." I smile. 

"Warning." I say deadpan, unclipping my bra. As if sharing a mind, all four boys turn around to face the opposite direction in record speed. 

"Oh please, don't try and act like you're gentlemen now" I scoff.

I replace my bra and shirt then sit back down. "Turn back around pussies."

"Sorry that we have an ounce of respect" Jameson scoffs. "You? Respectful? That's a first." I fire back. 

I'm wearing one of Jameson's sweaters, fuck knows where he got a bra but it's better than nothing.

"You know I'm the best rapper in the world?" I say randomly. Avery shakes her head, already having been submerged to my talent for our entire childhood. The boys give me a sceptical look.

I take in a deep breathe and start rapping rap god by Eminem, whether I actually do it well though is difficult to tell. 

"Uh, summa-lumma, dooma-lumma, you assumin' I'm a human What I gotta do to get it through to you I'm superhuman? Innovative and I'm made of rubber so that anything You say is ricochetin' off of me, and it'll glue to you and I'm devastating, more than ever demonstrating How to give a motherfuckin-"

"Stop." Avery begs. "Just because you don't have my talents doesn't mean you-" I start. "Someone get this kid a muzzle" Avery says.

"You didn't miss a beat" Xander says. "You've got robots, I've got a mouth. You know, I can use that for lots of other things too. My mouth can do incredible things." I smirk. "Jesus Paris just sit down and shut up. It's not that difficult." Avery yells. 

I zip my lips together with an invisible zip and lock it, throwing the key away and sitting down.

"We could call her an Uber?" Libby suggests. "Putting her in a car alone with a stranger drunk. Maybe not." Grayson dismisses. 

"One of us could walk her home?" Xander suggests. "Over an hours distance." Jameson says.

"We could wait it out until this is over?" Avery suggests. Nobody objects. "Everyone leaves after the fireworks which'll start in about an hour, they last 20 minutes." Grayson informs. 

"We could rotate it so we're not all gone at the same time?" Xander suggests. A few scattered nods of agreement. 

"Who's going first?" Avery asks. Everyone is deadly silent. "Guys stop fighting over me" I speak up. "I'll go." Xander volunteers. "I promise I'll behave." I say. 

"We take 15 minutes each?" Xander asks. Everyone nods and walks away outside the marquee.

"Alexander Hawthorne?" I ask, "Yes, Paris Grambs?" He answers, "You ever had a girlfriend.. or a boyfriend?" I ask. "Girlfriend. Once or twice." He answers, "which is it? Once or twice?" I press. "That's for you to figure out." He winks. 

"If we had a different friendship dynamic, would you date me?" I ask curiously, he shrugs "You're not my type." I gasp and put a hand to my chest.

"You know, I have a girl I think you would like." I say. "Oh really?" He smirks.

"Yeah, Avery's friend. She's funny, loyal, honest, energetic. She's just like you. Plus you're both super hot." I say.

Xander raises an eyebrow. "You'll have to introduce us sometime" he says. 

"Xan Xan?" I ask, "Never call me that again" he laughs. "If you had to kiss Avery, Thea or me, who would you choose?" I ask. "Thea is the spawn of satan. And even though you're my best friend, I would kiss you if you asked me to." He tells me.

I pause. "I'll keep that in mind." I joke. "Wait did you just call me your best friend?" I smile, "Well I spend all my time in the house, you're the best of a bad bunch." he tells. "Well.. Back at you." I say.

Eventually he leaves and Nash comes in. I try to fall asleep on the small chair as Nash stares an angry older brother stare. 

In no time he leaves and I'm stuck with Libby, who constantly tells me how disappointed she is.

Next is Avery.

"Let it be known you'll never be taken anywhere ever again." She tells me. 

"I didn't want to be here." I fire back. "If you didn't make me come, Jamie wouldn't have broken up with me." I tell her.

"If you hadn't lied to his face for weeks Jameson wouldn't have broken up with you." She replies. "He fucking told you?" I stand up. "Of course he did. He's just as upset as you are, he loved you too. Not everything is about you" she says. 

"Get out Avery." Is all I say. And she does.

Grayson walks in a moment later. He stands silently.

"What-" I start, "You don't need to talk" he cuts me off. "I was gonna ask what time it is." I frown. "7pm." He says.

I nod. That's when I hear it.

Bang.

I quickly get to my feet. My heart pounds against my chest. 

A gun.

There's a shooter. 

Libby and Avery are out there. Xander, Nash, Alisa, Oren and Kennedy. 

Jameson. 

My hand goes to my wound instinctively. It burns. I can feel the bullet seeping through my skin once again. 

Please not again. 

My thoughts appear in my mind quicker than I can process. My chest tightens and it becomes harder and harder to breathe. The blend of alcohol in my system and terror becomes to much to the point I'm hyperventilating.

"Paris" a voice echoes. 

Bang.

I jump at that one. "Paris." The voice echoes again, coming closer.

Bang.

"Paris. Listen to my voice okay?" It echoes. I whip my head around trying to find the owner of this voice. Grayson stands close behind me. 

I reach out to him, hoping to feel something and assure myself this is real. He seems to get what I'm trying to do and moves my hand up to his chest. My hand shakes as it approaches his shirt. 

"I'm here Paris. Just breathe." He tells me, his voice sounding as if it's coming from all different parts of the room. I can't stop my rapid heartbeats. Is this a heart attack? Am I going to die before the shooter even gets to me. 

There's a shooter

My eyes flick around the tent, desperately trying to stop the space from shrinking and closing in on me.

We're going to die.

"Paris. Keep your eyes on me." Grayson's voice warns. 

I can't tell what is sweat and what are tears at this point. 

I feel as if taking one step could take me out. I don't trust my feet to walk themselves.

"Close your eyes Paris. I've got you. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you." He tells me. 

I do as he said. My eyes squeeze shut. My hand remains on his chest. 

Beat. 

Beat. 

Beat.

Bang.

I recoil. Grayson puts my hand back on his chest. "Just focus on my heart" he tells me.

He moves closer so my arm bends until it's flat against us both. He wraps his arms around my lifeless frame and holds me. 

I breathe in his sent, already feeling the speed of my breathing slow to match his. 

"Fourth of July fireworks. I tried to get them cancelled, they're terrible for the environment. If I'm being honest, they scare me too sometimes." He comforts.

Bang.

I flinch, he gently squeezes my hand which makes me only now realise he's holding my hand, drawing delicate circles on my wrist.

Bang.

I wince. "It's okay." He soothes. 

Bang.

It's okay. It's okay. The words repeat in my head until eventually, it is.

Bang.

I don't flinch. I pull away from Grayson. He gives me a concerned look. 

Bang.

I take a deep breathe.

I hear the zip open and I quickly turn around. Jameson appears. "I heard the fireworks and came as fast as I could. Are you okay?" He asks out of breathe. Did he run all the way over here to make sure I'm okay?

"It's okay" I repeat, more to myself than him. He glances to Grayson, he nods assuringly. Jameson gestures outside and Grayson puts a hand on my shoulder, sharing a look before following Jameson out.

I hear muffled chatter outside the marquee before I eventually get sick of waiting and open the zip quietly. They don't notice me. "Nobis opus est. Illa iustus hedum in frusta concerperet." Grayson says to Jameson. Jameson gives a painful look. 

Is that Latin? 

Next person to look after me is Jameson. I can ask him.

I wait. Xander enters. My smile drops. I wanted Jameson.

"What? We're you expecting someone else?" He asks. "What? No." I reply defensively. "Sure." He nods unconvinced.

"Could I play games on your phone Alexander?" I ask with puppy eyes. "How old are you?" He mocks, handing me his phone nonetheless. 

I don't make any attempts to play games, instead I open a translation website. I type in what I heard to the best of my memory 'Nobis opus est. Illa iustus hedum in frusta concerperet.' I press translate. 'She needs us. She's just a kid.'

I don't need anyone.

"Your game selection is rather underwhelming." I frown, passing Xander his phone back. "That's because I don't play games." He smirks. 

(a/n. This is a little cringy because I'm not from the USA so this is mostly made up of how the media portrays the fourth of july so let's just roll with it. Thank you so much for 30k reads!)