All of the stars by Ed Sheeran

Back to the time you were lying next to me, i looked across and fell in love.

22nd November 2022 / Around a year later

Sweat beads down my forehead, gluing the wavy hairs on my head which have broken free from my tight bun to my forehead. The stench after a ballet class is something no human should have to smell. My leotard is halfway up my ass but I would not dare pick a wedgie in Madame Moreau's class, knowing full well she would catch me and punish me with a hundred pushups — yes, she actually punishes wedgie picks with physical exercise. She uses a lot of physical methods of punishments, which i'm grateful for, because now I have muscles. 

Like actual muscle. No more baby fat around my stomach, just genuine muscle. I think aside from the exercise forced upon me by teachers the reason for this is simply having grown up. Well growing up, the constant dancing, exercise punishments, self defence classes and going to the gym every morning at 6am with my roommates. 

And I actually feel really fucking good about myself. My therapist told me filling up my spare time with things I enjoy is a great way to exert stress. So every time I feel stressed I go for a run around campus. 

I haven't been back to Texas in way too long, but I know when I return the difference in me will be clear. 

I've changed physically, but more importantly, I've grown mentally. I'm not paranoid anymore, i'm pretty much cured of anxiety, and I've not had a panic attack in months. Or maybe that's just the cover up that I tell everyone back home whenever we talk. Truth be told I am doing better, but my anxiety is constantly making me on edge about everything. Like anytime someone looks at me funny I can't help but think, hey that guys about to shoot me.

I've spent so much time working on the medias perception of me, and though Grayson has reminded me it does not matter what they think, I still care. Which is why i'm doing my best to be an advocate for equality, making speeches at all kinds of events for feminism and the sexualising and shaming of the media on women. And since then people don't actually hate me that much. I've got a huge social media following.

My dancing is going great, I have an agent who approached me after the showcase last year. I've booked lots of paid dancing jobs that are constantly going viral. I've had an abundance of people coming up to me on streets to talk or ask questions.

I think ever since I danced at the showcase on national television and didn't miss a beat, people finally realized that my sister may have made me famous but I'm actually talented on my own. 

Speaking of the showcase, I recently found out i've been one of the four chosen this year alongside two 4th years and one 3rd year. I get to perform the most equally beautiful as it is challenging ballet number.

My phone pings as I get my water from my bag. When I realize the sender of this text I immediately drop everything to read what he has to say.

Grayson. Are you busy?

Me. on break, why

The second he has read my text he starts FaceTiming me, I hit answer and head through to the empty library and prop the phone up against a stack of books as I wait for it to pend. Grayson is not the type to FaceTime anyone, but now it's all we do because we're so desperate to see each other's faces. 

Whoever said long distance is hard was right. I miss him so much, plus the distance is making the calls take minutes to connect.

"Hey." I say excitedly when I see his face. He looks stressed, pacing like he does when he's worried. He barely realizes we've finally connected until he hears my voice and looks back to his phone.

"Hey." He smiles fondly. "Are you okay? You look hot." He says with alarm. "Yeah I just got out of a ballet class." I brush off.

"Oh, right.. How'd it go?" He asks conversationally. 

"Yeah, it was good. Is everything okay?" I ask worriedly. 

Grayson sighs and finally sits down. "It's fine. Just doing a lot of paperwork. I'm sure it's not as interesting as what you're doing." He brushes off.

"So why'd you call?" I question. "I figured if it wasn't you I was talking to, I would never let myself have a break." He jokes with an unwavering face, glancing between me and his desk with concern.

"Good thing I'm on my only break today as well. For the next hour i'm all yours." I smile happily.

He runs a hand through his hair. "Maybe I shouldn't have called. I don't think I have an hour.. Don't want to take your break from you." Grayson stresses.

"You have an hour. And I have no other plans except watching listen to Taylor Swift whilst procrastinating about doing homework until it's too late to do anything." I dismiss with a smirk.

This makes him smile gently. "Right. I'll have to stay an hour later but I guess I can talk." He decides.

"No. As a working man you are entitled to an hour off work every single day if not more. And considering your boss is a pretty nice guy off, i'm sure he does not mind considering how fast you're working and how stressed it's making you." I urge firmly.

He's a teaching assistant in a pretty big Texas law school. God knows how when half the students are younger than him, but he's undoubtably more intelligent than them. The money is huge, but the workload is just as big. He doesn't only work during class hours but he has to stay back hours late to do paperwork and train and tutor. Not to mention the stress of helping Avery out with her new foundation. I'm honestly pretty worried about him.

He unbuttons the one button done in his jacket and lets himself breathe. "I love you." He says softly.

"You too Gray." I smile. 

"I wish you were here." He admits, the smile on his face fading. "I know. I do too. But doesn't it make it all so much more exciting when I see you again at Christmas break." I remind him.

I didn't come home at summer. I tried but I got accepted into an advanced additional summer school with professionals teaching the best students. It sucked but Grayson managed to get a weekend off working at the start of the summer to visit me. 

Grayson's mad that he missed my 18th birthday which is also a year anniversary since we first hooked up, told me he was visiting but then there was a storm that cancelled his flight, so he sent a gift and we did a virtual birthday party, he said he'd visit after but neither of us could get time off. It seems like everything is against us. 

Six days before my birthday is Grayson's, he turned 21. It was a big year for both of us and it really sucked having to spend it alone. My roommates knew I was upset so they through me a huge house party but it all meant nothing without him. From what I know, everyone back in Texas did the exact same thing for Grayson. I ended up crying that night because I missed him. I miss him all the time, but I don't usually let it get to me that much.

I tried to miss a week to come home for Avery's 19th but they sprung auditions for this year's showcase — which I got into effortlessly, in case there was any doubt about it. And Grayson's already booked flights, checked the weather and took time off work to make sure nothing comes between him and the others seeing me perform on Christmas Eve.

I was supposed to get a week off for thanksgiving next week but just this morning I was told that they were willing to pay me to stay back for the week to teach a masterclass to children aspiring to attend MAD some day. It sounds crazy, me doing a masterclass. I'm hardly a master of anything, far less dance. But according to the headmaster, all the children have seen videos of me dancing and are keen to learn from someone they look up to so much. Which is insane that anyone looks up to me. 

"Wait Christmas? What about next week?" Grayson interrogates. "Did Xander not tell you? I asked him to tell you.. I'm teaching a masterclass to some kids. I didn't find out until this morning but the money's like crazy good for teaching a bunch of kids a dance routine. I'm sorry." I frown sadly. 

"It's fine.. I would've liked to see you though. It's been 155 days since we last saw each other. And that was only for two days. Before that it was when you left because you couldn't get spring break off. By the time you get back at Christmas it'll have been.. 178 days since we got two lousy days together. If it weren't for those days, it'll would be.. 334 days since I last saw you.. baby I don't know if I can do it." He calculates sighing as he rubs his forehead with stress.

I'm not sure if I'm more impressed that he calculated that shit in his head in seconds or that he's been keeping count. But those numbers send a wave of depression through me. And longing straight to my pussy. It's been 178 days since we saw each other for a weekend and we couldn't even hook up because I was on my period. Meaning it had been 334 days since I was touched. We tried phone sex one time the night before his birthday, but it ended in a disaster of epic proportion when everyone crept into his bedroom to sing happy birthday the second the clock hit midnight and all got subsequently scarred for life. Safe to say we never tried again.

"I don't have to agree to the masterclass thing. I know it's hard." I tell him.

"No. I don't want you to decline opportunities just so you can see me. I just.. I miss you." He admits sadly.

"I miss you so much too, Gray. I promise the second I see you we're gonna have over a whole month together, doing whatever we want." I swear.

"23 more days." He nods. 

23 more days.

We talk until I realize i'm late for class and then we keep talking whilst I run to class.

As I walk inside class with him still on call my teacher begins to yell at me for punctuality, to which I scramble an apology, hopping around on the spot to get my pointe shoes on as Grayson snickers. I finally get my shoes on and hurry to tell him I love him before hanging up and taking my position just in time to begin the group dance we've been perfecting recently.

That night my roommates and I were ordering takeout for the 1000th time, arguing over what type of food to get when I got a call from Xander.

Our nightly debriefs usually start around 8pm and continue until Grayson inevitably ends up storming into his room telling Xander his times up and it was his turn to call me. And then Grayson and I would talk all night until one of us fell asleep and then we wouldn't hang up until we woke up again. And we've somehow got into sync with when we wake up despite the timezone. I get up at 6am for the gym and he gets up at 5am to swim. 

It's tough not waking up in his arms, but waking up to his hoarse morning voice is enough for now. As much as I love him, I'm honestly surprised we've made it this long. I'm certain it's just because we're both equally as obsessed with each other.

(a/n. First chapter of part 4!! What do you guys think? It was a pretty hard decision to write that Gray and P haven't seen each other in a year but I swear they'll be reunited soon enough. Pretty short chapter to just kind of show you where everything is at right now but the story will kick off soon, i swear. Anyway thanks for reading)