#NewClassicRTMC

Prologue

We were driving in fast speed. I could smell the salty breeze as we drove on the seaside road. It didn't matter that the sun was striking up in the sky and the weather was scorching hot. The wind blowing hard towards my direction was enough to make me feel fresh and cool.

But in all honesty, even if I was covered in sweat, I couldn't care less. I was in a very great mood. I was on my way closer into turning my dreams to reality after all the hurdles I had to jump over and advance on the track.

Ngiting-ngiti kong nilingon si Gian. Opposite to my mood, he was frowning while his eyes were focused the road. Kahit na nagtatampo ang aking matalik na kaibigan ay hindi ko maiwasan ang mapangiti. Alam kong kahit hindi siya masaya sa aking gagawing pag-alis, susuportahan niya pa rin ako. He would try his best to make me happy―just like how he didn't want me leave, but he still offered to drive me to the airport so that I wouldn't have to trouble myself in commuting.

Nang mapansin niya ang aking tingin sa kanya, mabilis niya akong sinulyapan. Mas lalo siyang sumimangot at medyo binagalan ang takbo ng sasakyan.

"You look so happy..."

Humupa ang lakas ng pag-ihip ng hangin nang bumagal ang takbo ng Wrangler. Kasabay noon ay niliitan ko ang aking ngiti upang hindi siya lalong mainis.

"Huwag ka na magtampo, Gian," malambing kong sabi sa kanya. "Alam mo naman kung gaano ko pinangarap 'to."

Malalim na paghinga ang kanyang ginawa. "Alam ko..." sabi niya. "I was just pointing it out."

I looked fondly at my best friend. Even though I don't look like it now, I know I'll surely miss him once I'm in Manila. He's always been there for me since we were kids. Nasanay akong lagi siyang nasa tabi ko kaya alam kong mahihirapan akong mag-adjust nang wala siya.

Trying to shrug those negative feelings off my shoulders, I turned away and averted my gaze back on nature. Kaya nga lang ay mabilis na pinisil ni Gian ang aking pisngi at ibinalik sa kanya ang aking tingin. Nang makita niyang ako ang nakasimangot ay siya naman ang natawa. Kalaunan ay nahawa na rin ako ng kanyang tawa at nakisabay.

Once the atmosphere in between us got lighter, Gian picked up the speed. Ilang sandali pa ay nakarating na kami sa bayan ng Puerto Princesa. Muli niyang binagalan ang pagtakbo ng Wrangler. Nasimulan ko na ring maramdaman ang init dahil sa kaunting traffic sa bayan.

Kahit na malapit nang magpaalam ang panahon ng tag-init ay madami pa ring turista na nagbabakasyon. Karamihan pa ng mga turista ay galing sa ibang bansa.

Every summer, every time I would need to travel to Puerto Princesa or El Nido, it was always the same sight. I know it's good for the tourism and economy of our province, but I don't really like it when it's crowded. It's like the beauty our precious paradise is getting spoiled, especially because most of the tourists have no sense of responsibility to protect nature.

Mabuti na lang at hindi nagtagal ang pagkaipit namin sa trapiko. Pagkarating sa paliparan, naunang bumaba ng sasakyan si Gian. He unloaded the huge suitcase I brought. Agad din akong sumunod sa kanya. Isinukbit ko ang crossbody travel bag sa aking leeg at pati na rin ang strap ng guitar case sa aking balikat.

"Akin na 'yan!" Inabot ko mula kay Gian ang aking luggage dahil mukhang wala siyang balak na ibigay sa akin.

Gian pursed his lips. "Sigurado ka na ba talaga sa pag-alis?"

I exhaled a deep breath and crossed my arms. "Giancarlo..."

"I know, I know..." He raised both his hands like he already gave up trying to make me stay.

Bahagya akong natawa dahil sa kanyang pagsimangot kahit na unti-unti na rin akong binabalot ng lungkot. Nanghihinayang din ako na hindi nakasama si Auntie Divina sa paghatid sa akin dahil kailangan siya sa resort.

"Sige, Gian. Bumalik ka na sa Roxas. Kaya ko na 'to," pagtataboy ko sa kanya.

"Are you sure you want me to go now?" He was very hesitant about leaving me alone. "Samahan na kitang hintayin iyong agent mo."

Nakangiti akong umiling. "Huwag na," pagtanggi ko at sumulyap sa aking relos. "Malapit naman na siyang dumating at safe na ako rito."

His brows furrowed, telling me that he wasn't convinced by it. Natawa na lamang ako muli at saka bahagya siyang itinulak pabalik sa kanyang Wrangler.

"Sige na, Gian. Magtetext na lang ako sa 'yo kapag sasakay na ako sa eroplano," sabi ko sa kanya.

Napabuntonghininga naman siya. Hirap na hirap akong mapaalis siya dahil ayaw ko nang makaabala pa. Mayroon siyang dapat na gagawin, ngunit sa kagustuhan niyang ihatid ako ay inusod niya 'yon kahit na tumanggi ako noong una.

"Magtext ka, ah! And if there's anything wrong, tawagan mo ako agad," paalala niya sa akin, trying to act way older than me even when we were born at the same year. "Hihintayin ko ang text o tawag mo kaya huwag mong kakalimutan."

Patuloy pa rin akong nagpipigil ng tawa habang pinapaalalahanan ako ni Gian. Hindi ko maiwasan ang hindi matawa sa kanyang pag-aalala. He's really overprotective when it comes to me. Nasa isip ko na kaya siya ganoon ay dahil siya ang bunso sa kanilang tatlong magkakapatid. He likes acting like a big brother to me because he doesn't have an opportunity to be one.

"Aleena!" Medyo tumaas ang kanyang boses, iritado dahil hindi ko sineseryoso ang kanyang mga sinasabi.

"Oo na, oo na!" Ngumiti ako sa kanya. "Promise, Gian, tatawag o magtetext ako sa 'yo."

He deeply sighed again. Ilang paalala pa ulit ang ginawa niya bago tuluyang umalis.

Once he was gone, I suddenly felt the weight of being alone. Sa totoo lang ay hindi ako sigurado kung kakayanin ko bang mabuhay mag-isa sa Maynila. For the past twenty-two years of my existence, I didn't have the chance of leaving the mainland, except when I went for a short trip to Coron with Gian.

It was bold of me to decide on charging right into a very unfamiliar place which is known to be dangerous because of high crime rates. I had read blogs about the National Capital Region and asked Gian about his trips to the metro in order to be acquainted with the place. I came up with a conclusion that it's different from the place where I grew up.

I shook my head and stop myself from feeding my anxieties. I reminded myself that I have to brave anything if I really want to reach my dreams. I shouldn't allow myself to fear the unknown and be easily intimidated.

Isang malalim na paghinga ang aking pinakawalan at ngumiti upang mawala sa isipan ang mga inaalala. I checked on my phone to see if there's a new message from my agent. Nabigo ako nang makitang wala siyang bagong mensahe.

The last message I got from my agent was a text before I left the house. She told me to have a safe journey and reminded me to wait for her at the airport.

Ngumuso ako at nagdesisyong itext siya upang sabihing nakarating na ako.

To: Agent Elsie
Nandito na po ako. Malapit na po ba kayo?

Although there was still a few minutes left before the time we agreed on, I couldn't seem to calm down until the agent's finally right in front of me. And so, I was uneasy as I waited for the agent. Kahit tirik na tirik na ang araw ay hindi ako umalis sa labas ng airport. I sent her three more messages, but I didn't receive any reply.

She was almost an hour late. Isang oras na lang din at lilipad na ang eroplanong dapat na sasakyan namin.

Inilabas ko ang e-ticket na ibinigay niya sa akin. Siguro ay sa loob na lang ako ng airport maghihintay. Nasabi rin sa akin ni Gian kanina na puwede akong maunang magcheck-in dahil nasa akin naman ang e-ticket.

Ganoon na nga ang ginawa ko. In order to shield myself from the heat, I went inside the airport. Ipinakita ko sa security sa entrance ang aking e-ticket at valid I.D. bago tuluyang nakapasok. I also asked one of the airport staffs to teach me how to check myself in and get the boarding pass. Gusto niyang padaliin ang buhay naming dalawa kaya naman iginaya niya na lang ako sa pila ng airline kung saan nakabook ang aking flight.

"Caringal, Aleena Iris." The airline's attendant frowned while she recited my name and scanned the barcode of my e-ticket. Halos tatlong beses niya iyong ginawa at nagtagal sa pagtingin sa kanyang monitor bago nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. "Uhm, I'm sorry, Ms. Caringal but there seems to be a problem with your e-ticket. The flight number is not on our system. I also tried to search your name if you have a booking with us on a different flight, but I really can't find any booking under your name."

My heart pounded hard against my chest as my lips parted. Muling gumapang ang kaba sa aking sistema nang madinig ang problema.

"If I may ask, kayo po ba ang mismong nagbook ng flight ninyo?" maingat niyang tanong sa akin.

Unable to speak, I just shook my head.

I saw her slightly taken aback with my answer. Mukhang nangapa pa siya ng maaaring sabihin sa akin. She awkwardly smiled at me and said, "You can try to contact the person who booked your flight and call our customer's service to see if there's a mistake on our part," she gave me an advice.

Tumango-tango na lamang ako. Hindi ko na nadinig ang sunod na sinabi niya sa akin. My mind was clouded with so much thoughts. Hila-hila ko ang aking suitcase papunta sa lugar kung saan ako puwedeng makaupo. Though I already knew that something was up, I still pushed that thought at the back of my head. Pinili ko pa rin ang magtiwala sa aking agent.

Kinuha ko ang aking cellphone. Wala pa ring reply kaya naisipan kong tumawag na sa kanya. I didn't know if I was blocked or not, but I couldn't reach the number, no matter how many times I tried to call. Namamatay na lang basta ang tawag at hindi na 'to nagriring.

I could hear Auntie Divina's warnings when I told her that I met an agent from a huge recording company in Manila. She told me not to trust her right away. However, I disregarded her warnings and trusted Agent Elsie after she successfully made me believe that she was really affiliated to Top Star and that her offer was real.

Ang sabi ng agent sa akin ay sa Top Star Records siya nagta-trabaho. Nadidinig ko noon ang recording company na 'yon ngunit hindi ako ganoon kapamilyar. Nakilala niya raw ako sa isang video kong kumakanta na nagviral sa social media. Madami siyang ipinakita sa aking dokumento na dahilan kung bakit naging kapani-paniwala ang lahat. She also showed me pictures of her with different artists. I know some of the old legendary artists signed under their label, but not the new ones.

Everything looked so real and promising. Agent Elsie was very kind, patient, and approachable. Although she told me that I would need to pay ten thousand for my lodging in Manila which also includes the training fee, she didn't rush me nor anything, unlike the other swindlers who are obviously just after your money. Siguro ay ang kaibahan niya ang dahilan kung bakit niya ako napaniwala sa kanyang kasinungalingan. Walang ibang dapat sisihin sa nangyari kung hindi ang sarili ko.

I was driven by hope and will to achieve my dreams and be a professional singer.

Ever since I was a little girl, I already love to sing. My mother taught me how to sing before she passed away when I was five years old. Naging vocalist siya ng banda kung saan niya nakilala ang papa ko na kanilang gitarista. Ang kuwento ni Auntie Divina ay third year college si mama nang ipinagbuntis ako. My grandparents were furious that they drove her out of their home. Nagtanan sila ng papa ko, ngunit hindi pa ako nag-iisang taong gulang ay iniwanan na kami nito. And so, her older sister, Auntie Divina, gave us shelter when we had nowhere to go.

Even though my father left me and my mother when we were in times of need, I couldn't let go of my wish to meet him someday. Noong una ay nagalit ako sa kanya nang malaman kong iniwanan niya kami. But deep down inside me, I still hoped to see him.

Gusto kong hanapin siya pero ayaw akong tulungan ni Auntie Divina. She told me that I'm better off without meeting my irresponsible father, and that I should just be contented looking at his pictures with my mother. Kaya naman ipinangako ko sa aking sarili na kung ayaw akong tulungan ni Auntie ay ako na mismo ang gagawa noon. I thought of pursuing my dreams to be a singer.

I dreamed that maybe one day, if my father happens to see me singing on television and my face reminds him of my mother, he will come to meet me and introduce himself.

That's the reason why I was trying so hard to achieve my dream, aside from my love for singing and songwriting. Na kahit ilang beses akong madapa sa daan na tinatahak ko patungo sa aking pangarap ay walang tigil ako sa pagsubok muling bumangon.

I tried sending audition tapes to some record labels or companies before but I had no luck. I was constantly being rejected. Karamihan pa ay hindi nagbibigay ng feedback. Apat na beses na rin akong naloko ng mga nagkukunwaring talent scouts or agents. I was a bit lucky that I was able to distinguish their true identities before they were able to get anything from me.

But this one... I didn't see it coming at all.

Every time I fail, it feels like my dream keeps getting farther and farther away from me until I lose all confidence I have, making me think that I can't reach it.

I wasn't sure if it was the Heaven's way of saying that the dream I keep chasing wasn't for me, or if He just really wants to test me how far I could go and endure.

Pero paano nga kung hindi 'yon para sa akin, kahit na gustong-gusto ko 'yon? Paano kung pagod na ako at hindi na kaya?

I stayed at the airport, throwing a pity party for myself while tending to my own feelings, until it was dusk. Nagdesisyon na akong umuwi nang maging blanko na ang aking isipan at nang namanhid na ang aking puso sa sakit na umaatake rito. I rode a bus back to Roxas. It took me three hours to arrive home.

Noong una ay hindi ako sigurado kung nasa bahay na ba si Auntie Divina dahil madaming nakacheck-in na turista sa resort kung saan siya nagta-trabaho, ngunit nang makita kong bukas ang ilaw sa bahay, nagdalawang-isip akong pumasok. Ibinaba ko ang gitara at isinandal sa aking bagahe. My grip on the suitcase's handle tensed up that my knuckles protruded and turned white. I didn't know how to face her.

Ilang beses niya akong binalalaan noon ngunit hindi ko siya pinakinggan. Hindi siya sang-ayon sa desisyon kong tumapak ng Maynila upang tuparin ang aking pangarap ngunit hinayaan niya rin ako kalaunan dahil iyon ang ikasasaya ko.

I was feeling ashamed of myself. I didn't want to embarrass her. But I failed her, myself, and the other people who supported me.

Natigil ako sa pag-iisip nang biglang bumukas ang pintuan ng aming bahay. Kita kong nagmamadali si Auntie Divina sa paglabas. Nang tumama ang kanyang mga mata sa akin ay agad siyang natigil. Her eyes widened as she didn't expect that I would still be there.

"A-Aleena?" she stammered. "B-bakit nandito ka pa? Hindi ba't..."

Hindi ako nagsalita at nanatiling nakatitig sa kanya. Mukhang alam na niya kung bakit hindi ako nakaalis. Kita kong bahagyang nagdilim ang kanyang paningin.

"Sinasabi ko na nga ba!" pagalit niyang sabi. Hinalamos niya ang kanyang palad sa kanyang mukha. "Sabi ko na nga ba't manloloko 'yon! Hindi ka nakinig sa akin! Nagpumilit ka pa rin! Ano na ngayon ang napala mo?! Wala! Tinakbo na no'n panigurado ang pera mo!"

She was really furious that she couldn't filter the words coming out of her mouth. Alam kong nagagalit siya para sa akin ngunit hindi ako makailag sa mga sinasabi niya. I couldn't help but blame myself more for being stupid.

"Kaya sinabi ko sa 'yo na wala kang mapapala diyan," pagpapatuloy niya. "Tumigil ka na, Aleena, ha?! Maawa ka naman na sa sarili mo. Dito ka na lang at maghanap ka ng mas maayos na trabaho―"

Auntie Divina stopped scolding me when she focused her eyes on my face. I wasn't even aware that I was already crying until I felt drops of tear on my hand. Kanina sa airport ay hindi ako umiyak. Ngunit nang makita ko si Auntie Divina ay parang sumabog na ang damdamin ko. Hindi ko na ito magawang kontrolin.

The fire inside her eyes was extinguished by my tears. She turned gentle. She looked worried and concerned as she carefully approached me.

Ibinaba ko ang aking tingin sa lupa nang makalapit siya sa akin. Hindi ko siya magawang tingnan nang diretso. I could see my tears falling endlessly on the cold and rough ground.

Just then, I felt her slowly pulling me closer to her. Maingat niya akong binalot ng mainit na yakap. I rested my face on the crook of her neck while she caressed my back, trying to comfort me.

"Pasensya na po, auntie..." I braved myself to speak in order to apologize, even when I was struggling to keep my emotions intact. "Nabigo ko na naman po kayo..."

Naramdaman ko ang pag-iling ng ulo ni Auntie. Ang kanyang kamay na nakahawak sa aking likod ay inilipat niya sa aking ulo. Sinuklay niya ang aking buhok gamit ang mga daliri.

"Huwag mo nang alalahanin 'yon... Ang importante ay walang masamang nangyari sa 'yo. Pera lang 'yon... Puwede nating kitain ulit... Huwag ka nang mag-alala..." she tried to console me. "Huwag ka nang umiyak..."

Pursing my lips, I stopped myself from venting out. I feared that she wouldn't be able to understand why I was hurt. She didn't know how much that opportunity meant to me.

I didn't care about the money. Like what Auntie Divina said, it could be earned. But it wasn't just the money that had been stolen from me. The will to reach my dreams was also taken away along with it. I lost all my motivation. I lost sight of my dreams. It was like getting lost in the forest where I had to find the way back on the road. But it seemed like I was just going around in circles that I already got tired trying.

All the harmony and melody I created inside my head were disrupted, and I don't know if I'd be able to find the beautiful rhythm in this chaos once again. I just felt myself slowly giving up.