Why, why, why?

What in the holy hell was even happening?

I rushed into my flat, flustered and immediately, I threw my coat and bag away.

My heart was beating.

Beating fast and this had happened only two other times in my life.

Both times differing dramatically in the way I felt.

I collapsed onto the floor, tears streaming down my face. As the clocked ticked away, I sobbed and sobbed in my lap and didn't know what to think.

At this moment, I was as vulnerable as ever and I hated feeling like this.

So many memories came flooding back of me and my husband.

Memories of the days we had. The laughing, romance, fighting and the one thing we failed to keep.

Or at least, what I failed to keep.

I pressed my hand onto my stomach and pressed the back of my hand onto the wall behind me.

All of a sudden, I hear my phone buzzing- I look to see Harvey's name- yet I choose to ignore it.

I was only human. And I knew that one day I was bound to break.

Grasping the phone, I throw it across the room and continue crying.

And then, my throat tightened, my breathing raced and I struggled to breath. I wheezed as I tried to take the advice of my late therapist- inhaling and exhaling slowly to get my breathing back to normal.

Once my breathing slowed, I curled up into a ball and fell asleep.

° ° °

I woke up to the sun glaring at me and I winced a little.

My eyes were dry and my hands clammy as I stood up, running my hands through my hair.

I felt sick and tired. But I had to go into work.

It was the only distraction I had to keep me sane.

I left my flat on an empty stomach, wearing the same clothes, but my mind was clouded.

Maybe the scotch I drank with Harvey had me hallucinating my husband. It was possible. I clung onto that excuse as I looked out of my cab window.

My phone buzzed a minute later and I answered.

"Hello?" I hear ragged breathing.

"M-m-miss Steele? It's M-Matthew."

"Are you alright? What's happening?" I frown and lick my lips.

"I've just been arrested!"

"What!" I exclaim. "Tell me where you are?" Matthew scrambles the address out and I direct the driver to the station.

I exit the vehicle and I lean into the open can window to pay the driver, only to met with Harvey standing in front of me.

I gasp.

"Shit Harvey. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I push him out of the way and walk to the entrance.

"Hey, wait!"

"What are you even doing here?" Harvey rushes after me.

"I'm here because he called me too. What the fuck has Tanner done now!" I sigh.

"Fuck knows." We pause outside of the door. I close my eyes for a moment, nearly tipping over.

"Hey." Harvey grabs my shoulder, frowning. "You okay?"

"F-fine... Haven't eaten-"

"Shall we go and get a bagel or somethin'? It's only a few blocks away." I clench my jaw.

"What? No!" Harvey sighs.

"What? He isn't going anywhere."

"No, Harvey!" I shout and Harvey looks down for a moment. "Look, I'd rather get this over with. Travis had no right to get him jaile-"

"Why didn't you answer the phone last night?" Harvey asks and I freeze.

"What?"

"I called you after you left... I wanted to give you some paperwork. But you didn't answer." I divert my eyes away.

"... I... fell asleep Harvey. Can I not do that without your permission?" I snap and step back, walking away from the station.

"Where are you going!" Harvey shouted after me.

"You bail him out and I'll deal with this bastard!" I yell back. "I'm coming for you Sean Percy." I whisper to myself and stepped into a cab.

Boy, this was going to be interesting.

° ° °