gun to the head—the sweetest scenario in my life.

It comes with a brief smile, like still water, yet radiant as hellfire. Perhaps this doesn't suffice so Adolf adds a steely gaze and lets his veins loose onto his flesh. The Hypno beside him swings zir white ring, inciting after every oscillation an ugly giggle. It's working well, messing with my damn senses.

My voice, stuck on tenterhooks that prick both body and soul, floods into the dim area. It is not light, and it can never be.

"Why does it have to be like this? I thought you were helping me."

His smile twists into a sneer. "A sinner has no right of choice."

"No. This is not the truth. This isn't right." I back away, toward the peeling wall, running my hands across the paling yellow and their spiderweb cracks. "You know you're denying the truth."

"But it is the truth. Or we're both denying our own truths." Adolf takes a step forward. He seems calm, composed, and cold. Has he killed before? I wouldn't want to know. Before I could draw any conclusion, he speaks, "Whatever. It is not truth that matters, but victory."

Silence cuts the air between us.

To whom does this victory belong? It isn't so clear in a stalemate as this.

Though, I hate to admit that I'm shivering. It's as if I'm in a blizzard, caught in a judicious white while trying to find some hint of shelter. I think I must be insane, out of my mind. Off-centre. There is no way I can accept this scenario.

"Then kill me." I try to sound firm. I try to hide the growing, sickle-shaped fear creeping about my heart that's soon ready for harvest, but I can't do it right. I deflate. My voice goes down with me. "If you feel satisfied with this, kill me."

Adolf offers a quick frown. "Why the hell not?"

A silver bullet penetrates the air and whooshes right into the centre of my forehead. Blood explodes the instant it sends ripples of agony in short wavelengths into my nerves. I think I'm dying. There's no way I can survive this.

"Hypno." Zir cries are faint. I can tell, that devil is enjoying it. Heck yeah, twisted audiences, come one, come all, this is so entertaining.

His voice is hushed, but I can still hear Adolf. "If you stay in the state of hypnosis for too long, you may never return to the present."

Why did he only say it now? I can't deny that I have placed my trust in someone so shallow. But then, it is expected. Betrayal is expected. When someone betrays you, you know you are superior to him. That's why I'm smiling as I fall.

Everything unravels in slow motion. Cliché, but time doesn't travel fast. Even time is hellbent on making me suffer. Sanguine spills onto the floor, creating dark splatters all over the area. I might be drawn in chalk afterwards. I don't know.

Thing is, I know I'm still alive. Miraculously.

I can't die. It happens at this moment, at this time-frame-the feeling that I am immortal. It's a false hope.

"A sinner has no right of choice." Adolf chants those words like a prayer to God. Who am I kidding, God doesn't exist here. In this strange building floating in the sky, where two huge clocks face the innocent, white clouds, there is no God. No one will come to save me.

I'm beyond saving. That's what it seems to be.

That's why I want to die. Why I want to be killed. Nothing seems better than death. It's something I choose, something I want.

Darkness dots my vision, fast, furious, and it burns my eyes.

My mind goes blank.

•

I open my eyes to piercing lights.

The ending is seared in my skull. No, that was a dream. Scratch that, when was the last time I slept?

I doubt I can tell dream from reality or vice versa. I think it's a dream. I'm hoping it is. I've been getting many nightmares lately, and recurring ones too, each one slightly different from the other. In all of them, there's this stranger I come to know as Adolf... and I die for most of the time. It's like a never-ending nightmare and I don't even know when I'll wake up.

"Where am I?"

I take in my surroundings. Through the windows, a blue moon stares at me. It's kind of surreal. I'm lying on glass, it seems. Below me are distant dots, blue, green, orange, and white. I might have been sleepwalking earlier on. That's probably why I have no recollection of it, not the slightest idea of my bearings.

I get up. Across the room lies an unassuming elevator. What kind of place is this? A glass floor, brick walls and an elevator. I've never seen such architecture in my life!

Shaking my head, I trudge over and press the button. Seems great. I'm probably kidnapped. Seems great. I can escape.

I can leave without the kidnapper knowing. But heck, I'm no child. I'm an adult. A woman.

I enter the elevator. It's got a mirror and I see a skinny woman, olive hair, pale complexion, dull blue eyes. I like them dull. Gloomy things are great.

As if.

The only way is up, it seems. There's only one button.

Yan, you can't go back down anymore.

That's some decrepit place, dingy and dusty. I'm a shit ton glad that I'm out of there.

The doors slide open, part ways like a reluctant couple after a long kiss. Gross.

This floor is no different from the one I was on, except that the floor seems to be concrete. It's got a flickering ceiling lamp, and a long path into the unknown darkness too. Maybe this is a test of bravery. Maybe after this, I can return to Hearthome City and live happily ever after with a skeleton.

Actually... I'm not a necrophiliac.

"Anyone here? Is this an asylum?"

I don't expect a reply, of course. Still, if you believe that a ten year-old can collect eight badges and become champion all while subduing a villainous team, you can probably believe me. Ridiculous, I know.

I won't hurt you though.

Scratch that, there's no one here. Who am I talking to?

Okay, maybe I'm talking to the walls.

"Hi wall. Nice to meet you. Can you tell me where the exit is? Oh, you can't talk? It's okay, you can write it down. You mean you don't have hands? Right, you're just a wall."

I roll my eyes at the thought of it. I must look stupid if I do that.

Fear brings you to unexpected destinations. Maybe if I'm brave and I shout something, miracles will happen and I will see that I'm just trapped in a dream.

Maybe this is my ex-boyfriend's revenge. He's a great boyfriend, the best two-timer I've ever met, the kind that gives you honey-coated words and wait for the Vespiquen to order swarming Combee to sting you to death. But death is an understatement, I guess.

He's one sick person. Maybe he's watching me. Maybe he's laughing right now at how helpless I look. Maybe he's shoving popcorn down his throat and waiting for me to cry out loud, waiting for me to curse him to choke and wee-woo goes the ambulance.

Arceus, that's probably not going to happen.

As I walk down the path, stepping on the occasional ripples, the path forks.

"Hypno." I hear a voice cry on my left. Steeling myself, I take the path on my right. I don't want to go there. It's probably the same as the one in my dreams. Thing is, I only remember how the dream ends, never the beginnings. I don't want to know how it began. Who knows? It may be a movie marathon of sorts, an endless sequence.

It's not long, but it feels like I'm walking for years. Solitude is an extraordinary feeling. Maybe if I tire myself out, I'll wake up to sunshine and roses.

Breaths grow audible. A shadow moves in the distance and I crouch in response. Is it the Hypno? It's here to kill me again, right? Along with that Adolf?

"Who's there?" I raise my voice as I shift myself closer. I wipe my cold palms against my blouse but all that sweat's still there.

"There's someone else here, too?"

"Yeah. Unless I look like a something to you, I am a someone."

A hand pulls my long olive hair and I scream. Okay, this doesn't seem like a dream. Maybe this is reality and the dreams are some kind of premonition.

"Thank Arceus I'm not alone. I thought I was gonna die here."

It's a man. The voice is low and a little scratchy. But I know it. I can only trust myself. A woman's intuition never goes wrong.

"Same. Can you let me go now?" I feel the five fingers loosen on my scalp. The heck is he? Does he think I'm a stuffed toy and he's a claw machine? What a creep.

"Do you know where this place is? It looks quite... high." He gestures to the window.

Great to know I'm not the only one who's high.

So I follow his gaze across the clouds and the stars. I know building castles in a sky would be out of the question, but perhaps that might happen. No chains, nothing. It's a building floating among the clouds like a ship in the middle of nowhere. The only difference is that there's no turbulence. Just like the one in my dreams.

"If I knew, I would have gone out by now. Thing is, I can't remember anything from before this crap."

I don't know why, but telling him the truth seems like a safe option.

"Same for me. I can only remember my name."

So we're practically in the same boat.

Then he says, "I think I have an idea. I can help you. I'm a hypnotist, you see. I don't think I should hypnotise myself, but if you allow me to do that to you, you might just remember whatever happened to you-and maybe, us." The man snaps his fingers.

"Can I trust you? You said you only remember your name, but you suddenly remember your job?"

I need to know. Hell, maybe we should play a game of "20 Questions" and get to know each other better. I could ask him where he was from, what his name was, if he's single and ready to mingle...

Wait, he doesn't remember much either. Bad idea.

"Yes." He smiles. "I don't know why, but I remember my name and my job. But I promise to help you."

"Okay."

"I'm Adolf." He places his hand into his trouser pocket and rummages till he finds what he wants. I don't ask him why he has a pendulum with him. Who knows, he might be testing out a hypothesis or two related to the object. He might be investigating if the length of a pendulum affects its period. No, wait a second, he's a hypnotist. Obviously it's for hypnosis purposes.

Is he the Adolf of my dreams? If that's the case, I need to make sure he doesn't come close to the Hypno. If not, he will betray me like Dream Adolf does.

I don't understand it, but I find myself attracted to him like he's boyfriend material. I'm not exactly certain about that either so I raise a brow. At least this means that I'm not trapped in my ex's revenge game. Humans can be scary creatures, especially when you have an ex-if you have more than one ex, prepare for hell.

That means this is real. That means my dreams predict reality. Or are they all real? Confusing shit.

His presence comforts me. It gives me the courage to sell off my name for free. It's like I'm inebriated and we're in a bar. I'd go to the bartender and call out to zir, "Heya, can I have a cup of detergent? Or some paraffin-based cocktail?"

This is no bar, though. So, I tell him three words. "I am Yan."

If I were less serious, I would have said "please marry me" but we barely know each other. Heck, I don't know if he's going to be just like Dream Adolf. Should I have said "please kill me" or *please betray me"? Maybe it might trigger a memory or two in him.

Wordlessly, he brings me to an armchair in a rather plain room and sets me down. Swinging the pendulum and asking me to follow its movement is nothing hard. Did Dream Adolf do this to me too? I don't know.

Adolf's voice is soothing. "Now, slowly, close your eyes. You are in the realm of your mind. You see a golden door. Open the door. It's locked, but you key in the passcode. Afterwards, you open the door and enter."

I grin with my eyes closed. I feel it, my hands pushing the door open after a beep is produced. I feel the light, and step into it.

"You'll go back to the beginning, moment by moment." He presses my temples. "Just relax and go forth."

A crack echoes in the distance. As I whirl around, the tiles fall into an abyss, the room seems to contract. Adolf dissipates into wisps and is no longer there.

•

It's begun, I think.

My eyes are shut tight till seconds later when they snap open. Adolf stands above me, wielding a crowbar as he passes me a devilish grin. Then, he retreats into the shadows.

What the heck? Is this another dream? Is this real? Which Adolf is this?

Somehow, I gradually return on twos without propping myself up. It's an eccentric feeling. My squinting eyes widen. What a pain indeed. Also...

What the heck?

There's ringing in my scalp just as I feel something hard remove itself from my head. Pain sears at the nape of my neck but it's gone as fast as it came. I backtrack.

It's not a dream. Another thought invades my mind. It's like someone planted it into my mind, my private space. It's said in reverse, though.

My hands reach for my cheeks, and a hellish warmth permeates me before I give myself a slight pinch. Now, that's really strange.

I look around, but I'm not controlling myself. It's as if someone is controlling me and I'm a playable character, an avatar gifted the privilege of thoughts.

Somehow, I'm back in the building. It's a different floor, I think. Adolf's floor. There's a door near me. Above me, two diagonal brown planes intersect. It's probably the roof. The rose-lit cumulus is beautiful outside, looking just like cotton candy. It's a distraction, for certain. My head snaps to the left on its own accord. I retrace my steps. One, two, three, fo-

I fall onto the ground, my hands supporting my weight, but no dust flies. My hands give way and I am sprawled on the floor. A paralysing feeling rushes up and down my veins for a while.

So this is what Adolf meant by 'back to the beginning, moment by moment'.

My head smashes the floor uncontrollably.