A/N  Trigger warning for domestic violence and abuse. This is kind of a long one, there was so much that needed to happen and I still ended up needing to cut it off. More to come!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Rick stared at his old friend in shock. This hadn't happened before. He hadn't seen Carol this day, hadn't met her until the quarry.

"I'm s-s-sorry," she stammered, looking surprised. "Do I know you?"

Ed came stomping over to the door. "How the hell do you know my wife?" he yelled as he approached. Rick took a step back as Ed got closer and looked very angry.

He turned to his wife, "You been steppin' out on me with the lawman here?" he accused.

Carol gasped. "No Ed! I don't even know him, what are you talking about?"

Ed stood there working up more steam. Rick could practically see the red as it moved up his face the angrier he got.

Rick got over his shock at seeing Carol quickly, realizing this wasn't his Carol. She didn't know him. No, this was the Carol from before, the subdued housewife putting up with abuse from Ed. Before she knew what she was capable of. Before she knew her worth. He turned his steely gaze on Ed instead. He hadn't known what was happening to Carol at the quarry, he'd only been there a night after all before he'd left on the rescue mission to find Merle. But he knew now and he was going to put a stop to it. First he needed to calm him down, defuse the situation. He opened his mouth...

"You been seeing my wife behind my back? Don't think I won't knock you on your ass just cause you're some uppity lawman. You leave now or I'll make you leave," Ed demanded.

Carol gasped. "Ed! Why would you think I'd do anything like that ever. You know I wouldn't..."

Carol was cut off as Ed turned and backhanded her across the face. He'd worked himself up even more, lost all sense.

"Don't you talk back to me woman, you get back in there and let me take care of this," Ed muttered.

"Mama!" A small shape raced across the room to Carol. Sophia. She's alive. Tears came to Rick's eyes, he never thought he'd see her again. Unfortunately, Ed had seen her too.

"You get back to your room, what'd I tell you?" he screamed at his child, then shoved her hard away from her Mother with both hands. She went flying halfway across the room where she landed hard on her butt, hands behind her. Carol immediately scrambled over to her.

"Sophia!" she cried, as she patted her hands over her small body checking for injuries.

Ed turned then, not worried about Carol any more. She'd never been a threat. Sophia even less so. His face blanched once he turned, red going to white. Rick's not sure if it's because Shane has stepped out to stand next to him in solidarity, or because Ed saw his eyes. It was Rick's turn to see red, when Ed slapped Carol, Rick could see the red haze descend over his vision. It descended even faster when he put hands on Sophia. He was a dead man laying hands on Carol and Sophia like that. Whether she was his Carol or the old Carol, he wouldn't be treating her like that. Not ever again. Rick took a step forward and Ed started to babble.

"Now, wait just a second, I think there's been a misunderstanding," he said as Rick advanced on him. Then he could practically see him puff up as he took a different tack.

"Get out of my house, you don't have a warrant!" he screamed as Rick continued advancing. Finally he took a swing and Rick let him. His puny fist bounced off Rick's chin and he smiled. It was a frightful smile from Ed's perspective. He took one look at that smile and started to turn to run. Rick caught Ed's chin at just the right angle and he went down hard, breaking a dining room chair on his way. He reached down and pulled him up enough to meet his fist again, knocking him out. Rick heard buzzing in his ear that suddenly resolved into words. Shane.

"Brother you gotta stop, you gotta let him go. He punched first but you gotta stop." Good. At least he'd retained enough sense to remember he couldn't punch first. Ironic that Shane is the one that pulled him back. He'd usually been the one to charge in full tilt with Rick to reign him in when he went a bit crazy.

Then he heard Carol as she slid on the floor next to you both.

"Ed! I'm sorry. Oh my God Ed, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Ed. Ed, I'm sorry."

It floored him hearing Carol apologize to Ed. She hadn't been in the wrong, that had all been Ed, but there she was apologizing. Rick threw one last half-hearted punch and dropped the unconscious man. Two hits and he was out. Pathetic waste of space. He felt world-weary now. Nothing was as it should be. Carol should have been the one taking out that dirtbag, not protecting him.

Shane clapped him on the shoulder and bent over Carol. "It's Carol, right?" She sniffled giving Ed one last glance and then turned her attention on Shane.

"Yes. You gotta help him," she pleaded.

Shane gave Rick a look over Carol's head. Domestic situations often got ugly, but it always amazed him how protective the victims were of their abusers.

"I will. The ambulance is on the way, they're gonna check all of you out. I need you to come with me now out front."

"Oh, I'm fine," she insisted. "It's Ed who needs to be checked out."

Rick had moved over and crouched next to Sophia while Shane talked to Carol.

"I'm just going to check for injuries, okay? You took a pretty hard fall there."

The girl nodded warily and then winced when he checked her right arm, he was afraid it was broken. He looked up and caught Carol's eye.

"Ma'am, I think your daughter needs to be checked out first. It looks like she may have a broken wrist."

"What?" Her face filled with horror as she ran back over to Sophia, checking where the girl was cradling her arm to her chest. Rick helped Sophia to her feet with Carol helping on the other side and they steadied her as they walked her out the front door to the ambulance that was pulling up front. At least that hadn't changed, Carol had always put Sophia above herself. He was glad to see she put her above Ed as well.

He sent one paramedic into the house to check on Ed, against his better judgement--they'd all be better off if he'd just killed the man. The other paramedic took Sophia into the back of the ambulance to check out her arm. He and Carol were left standing awkwardly next to each other, while she shot him nervous glances like he was going to attack at any moment.

Rick sighed. She had a point. This was all his fault. He should never have blurted out her name like that, he'd known what an abusive ass Ed had been. In his defense, he'd never in a million years expected to see her on the other side of that door. It was a shock to say the least, but he was slipping. In his time, in the real world, he'd never have let his shock show and wouldn't have blurted anything out to reveal his shock. He'd gotten the stoic expression down in the real world. This dream world was messing him up. None of this was real, but he found that he couldn't stand Carol being upset at him even in his dreams. She was family and he cared about her. Maybe if he resolved this the dream would end and he could get back to his family, his life and his quest to build a better life for all of them. And get away from these ghosts. He glanced again at Sophia where she sat with the paramedic. Guilt ran through him. He'd been such an idiot back then, left her alone, didn't have a weapon on him at all times. Her death was his fault. He swung his gaze back to Carol, unable to stand the guilt anymore. He needed to resolve this, to fix this, so he could wake up.

"I'm sorry," he said.

She'd been anxiously watching Sophia and every move the paramedic was making when he spoke. Her startled eyes swung to him.

"For what?" she asked.

"For accidentally starting all of this. You look like someone I knew once, but you aren't her. I'm so very sorry for what my mistake caused," he gestured around at the house.

Carol sighed. "It's okay, it's not your fault," she said in a small voice.

"Will you," Rick paused, trying to think about how to phrase his request. She didn't know him after all. Had no reason to trust him. "Will you let me take you and your daughter to a shelter tonight?" He knew she wouldn't come home with him. She didn't know him after all.

Her eyes widened and she looked him in the eye, shocked by the request. "But Ed," she started.

"Ed will be fine. The paramedic is looking after him now and he's not as injured as Sophia is. But I suspect he'll be looking for someone to blame and may retaliate and injure you. Or injure Sophia more than she is already."

Carol looked conflicted at this, her glance raced to her daughter again to check on her. Sophia was the key, Rick realized. She'd always been protective of her, he needed to emphasize her safety. At least get them out of the house for a few days until he could figure out how to get her to accept his help and how to get her away from Ed for good.

"Sophia is going to need rest and a good place to heal where she isn't scared," he pushed. "Even if you don't want to press charges, at least get her away for some time so she can heal in peace."

Carol gasps, "Why would I press charges against my own husband?"

"Because he assaulted both you and your daughter. Being your husband doesn't mean he gets free reign to use you both as punching bags whenever he wants to. But that's your choice. At least let her heal without him around."

Carol blinked. He could almost see the gears as they turned in her head. She'd never thought of it that way, never believed he didn't have a right to do with them as he would. She glanced again at Sophia and clenched her teeth, a touch of temper coming to her eyes and then looked back at him.

"We'll go to a shelter, let Sophia heal," she gave him a determined look, "but I won't be pressing charges. This is between us."

He nodded, accepting her decision. At that moment, the paramedic poked his head out and said, "Wrist is definitely broken, gonna need to take her in to the ER to get it set." His gaze went to Carol, "You her Mom, you going to ride with her?"

Carol nodded madly and climbed into the back of the ambulance with them. Just then the other paramedic walked up, getting Carol's attention.

"How's Ed, how's my husband? Is he okay?"

The paramedic nodded, "He's awake Ma'am, just a few scrapes and bruises but nothing serious. Mostly he's just pissed."

Carol nodded, a relieved and worried expression both on her face. The paramedic hopped into the back with them and shut the door. I waved them off as they pulled out and then turned to look as Shane came out of the house with Ed handcuffed and cursing up a storm. I waited while Shane loaded him into the backup patrol car that came and had a few words with the officers before he headed back over to me.

"You good," he asked.

I nodded, "Yeah. We need to head to the hospital, I talked Carol into going to the shelter tonight at least."

We got into the patrol car where Shane looked over at me. "What happened back there? You never lose your cool and I was afraid you were going to kill 'em. This isn't like you Rick. If anyone is going to go off, it's me and you pull me back. What's up with you today?"

Rick huffed out a breath. If only Shane knew how much he'd wanted to do it. How much he was tempted to kill that sonofabitch right there and then. "You saw it. He hit her and the girl right in front of us. Had to know we'd take him out. Stupid pos."

"Yeah, I saw it. But you usually keep your cool."

"Couldn't tonight," he shrugged, "Not after that. Kids' wrist is broken.

Shane sighed, a deep one. Then asked, "How'd you talk her into pressing charges?"

Rick laughed. "Oh, she's not. But I talked her into going to the shelter for a while at least, to get her kid out of there so she can heal."

Shane looked alarmed. "Crap! I have them taking him to jail, haveta call them and have them drop him back at the house then." He reached for the radio.

Rick put his hand on Shane's and stopped him. "She may not be pressing charges, but I am."

He looked at me with shock. "You never press charges Rick. Even when that doped out fuck went all Rambo on your ass."

"I am now."

Shane just watched me the rest of the way to the hospital. Kind of wary, as if I'd changed my skin on him. Rick wasn't sure what to say to him, he was right, he'd always given perps second chances if all they'd done was take a swing at him. But not this time. Not with Ed. He'd keep him in jail as long as he could. It'd give him a chance to work on Carol and getting her to accept the fact she couldn't go back to him. Rick clenched his jaw. He wouldn't let her take that abuse anymore.

~*~*~*~*~*~

They soon found themselves back at the station, doing the end of shift paperwork after stopping at the hospital and getting Carol and Sophia settled at the shelter. Carol gave Rick wary looks the whole time, but she went--if only for her daughter's sake. He rubbed his chest again. His heart hurt for her, and it hurt for how wary she was of him, how she looked at him like he was a stranger.

Stop, he told himself again. He knows this isn't real. He'll wake up anytime now. He looked down at his arm, pinched it, closed his eyes hard and then opened them back up looking around expectantly. Nope. Still here. And ouch. That hurt. He looked at his arm to see the red spot blooming where he pinched.

"You done?" Shane stood over his desk.

"Nah, just getting started on these," Rick gestured to the forms on his desk. Anytime there's an altercation or assault on an officer there's extra paperwork to fill out. He was going to dot all the i's and cross all the t's on this one. It had to stick as long as possible until he could get Carol out of there for good.

"Sucks to be you I guess," Shane grinned at him as he said it.

Rick laughed. "Yeah. I guess."

"I was going to head out, but you want some help?"

"Nah," Rick shook my head. "I'm good. I'm sure you have some lady waiting."

Shane grinned. "I will neither confirm nor deny that." He chuckled as he walked out and flipped the light out jokingly, leaving Rick with just his desk lamp on and moonlight streaming through the window. He laughed with Shane as he left. He missed him, he realized. The him from before he went crazy. Before he ruined everything, their friendship. This dream was good for one thing, he decided. He can relive the good times. Try to help some old friends as he finished up the paperwork that he hoped would put Carol's good for nothing husband away for a time.

Rick kicked back in his chair, thinking. This sure is a long dream. He can't think of any he'd had that lasted more than a day. He looked down at his arm, the red still fading where he'd pinched himself. He'd never felt pain in a dream before, that he remembered anyway. Everything felt so real. The touch of everything, of *everyone* felt so real. He shook out his hand, bruised from punching Ed. Even that felt real. What if...

No. No way this was real. But still...

Rick wiggled the mouse on his computer and pulled up the DMV software. It wouldn't hurt to do a little investigation anyway. He typed in 'Hershel Greene.' Luckily it isn't a real common name and his driver's license information comes up quickly. Rick gazed at the picture. Yep, it's his Hershel. Man, he'd missed him. It wouldn't hurt to give him a call, to just put to bed this notion in his head that this might possibly be real and not a dream once and for all. Before he knew it, he'd dialed.

"Hello?" A female voice answered.

He cleared his throat. "Yes, could I speak with Hershel Greene?"

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Rick Grimes."

"Just one moment please." He heard her calling, "Daddy! The phone's for you." Then another voice, one he hadn't heard in a long time. "Who is it Maggie?" He's in shock. Maggie. That was Maggie on the phone. She sounded so young. Wait. He told her his name and she didn't recognize it. Sorrow replaces the shock.

"He said his name was Rick Grimes Daddy."

Hershels voice came on the line. "Hello? This is Hershel Greene." Tears came to his eye. Oh, how he'd missed Hershel.

"Hershel?" His voice broke. He cleared it and tried again. "Hershel. This is Rick Grimes."

"Son, I'm afraid I don't know anyone by that name. Are you sure you don't have the wrong number?"

Rick closed his eyes in sorrow and swallowed hard. Just a dream, he repeated to himself. "I'm sorry sir, you must be right. I must have the wrong number. Sorry about that." He lowered the phone to the desk and stared at the screen, disappointment heavy in his chest.

However, that didn't stop him from looking up more names, making more calls. It was like he was possessed, frenzied. If just one person remembered, he wouldn't be alone. That would mean this was real and he could change things, he could make a difference for more than just Carol. If this was just a dream then that meant many of his family were already dead. Please be real, he wished. Please let this be the second chance I've always wished for. Please let me find someone else, anyone else who remembers.

"Is this Glenn?"

"Is this Merle Dixon? No, you don't know me, I'm looking for your brother Daryl."

"Is Andrea Harrison there?"

"Is Michonne Hawthorne in?"

"Can I speak to Dale Horvath?"

"Is Abraham Ford there?"

"I'm looking for Eugene Porter?"

"Is Rosita Espinosa at this number?"

"Hi, I'm looking for Aaron or Eric Raleigh?"

"Is Tyreese Williams available? Or his sister Sasha?"

"Is T-Dog there?"

"Hi, I'm trying to find Jacqui?"

Over and over again he called as he found names he knew. And over and over again his hopes were crushed. They didn't know him. Not one of them. Not even Daryl when Merle said his name loudly and asked his brother who the hell Rick Grimes was and why was he calling him to talk to his brother. He was alone. This was a dream. Just a damned dream.

A/N  Let me know if you still like where this is going. Poor Rick, all alone. And he's starting to realize, it might not be just a dream no matter what he's trying to convince himself of. Do you think he could change things alone? Or does he have to have help?