Taylor's POV

Do something brave. Despite the pounding rhythm of the song that's blaring on the speaker near me, Mum's words ring clearly in my head.

Tonight's going to be the night I come out to Bella. It's time — definitely time. After Darko taught me some moves and danced with me, there isn't a thing in the world that could shake my confidence.

Sweat begins to trickle down my brow as I throw myself into another song. I never understood how freeing dancing felt until I was dragged into it. A kaleidoscope of colours fill my vision, Lyra's strobe lights dotting the dance floor like a patternless, electrified paint splatter. Usually I'd frown at the heavily remixed versions of charting radio music, but I can't right now. I can't stop grinning.

A song passes, and I notice that Darko's disappeared. I look to Bella, and she's so into the music that I don't think she's noticed either.

I grab her attention. "Where'd Darko go?" I practically shout the words at her.

She leans closer, her voice barely audible over the music.

"He went to get a drink, said he'll be back later," she shouts. I nod and realise how thirsty I am. Must have been all the sweating — damn.

I begin to dance again, but I stop. The back of my shirt and armpits are soaked with sweat. Ugh. I feel dizzy. I think I'm dehydrated. Slipping out of my jacket, I turn to Bella.

"Let's go get a drink too — some punch sounds nice." Bella nods in agreement. Deftly avoiding other dancer's swinging arms and sweaty bodies, we weave our way out of the dancefloor and head towards the refreshments bar in the kitchen. Bowls of chips, lollies, sausage rolls and other finger food dot the table in colourful spotted plastic plates. The warm, savoury scent of the meat-filled pastry makes my mouth water. Bella heads towards the drinks and starts to fix herself something. I frown.

"Where's Darko?"

Bella shrugs, filling a plastic cup with some punch. "Maybe he's looking for Stefan or something?"

I shrug back. "Dunno. Maybe he went to the bathroom."

Bella nods, nursing her cup. She hands me one. "Here. Try this – it's pineapple flavoured."

As I take a sip, I turn to my left. A couple of students I don't recognise sway and laugh together, passing a vodka bottle around. I think its vodka — it has some Russian looking symbols on the side.

A few droplets of the drink spill onto Lyra's living room floor. The students look so happy and carefree. Why can't Mum look like that when she's drunk?

"What's drinking alcohol like, anyway?" I ask Bella. She looks at me with a quirked eyebrow.

"I know you don't like it, but there's no way you haven't ever taken a sip of it, right?"

I shift uncomfortably. Bella chuckles to herself, before looking at the drunk students. "It feels good, in a way. It helps you become more confident and relaxed, at least in my experience. The dizziness and general lack of coordination is fun too. Plus, your belly gets all warm and gooey—like a big hug. Why do you ask?"

Bella looks back at me, and the confidence high I was riding from the dancefloor crumbles into a million pieces in my gut. She grins, and I dread the thought of taking that smile away with my revelation. What if Bella takes it badly? What if she is so shocked about my homosexuality that she never talks to me again? I've seen the horror reddit stories, the tragic ways friends react to it. What if—

The laughter of the students cuts me out of my thoughts, and my eyes home in on the drink. I suddenly feel every inch of fabric on my shirt that is coated in sweat. I pinch the bottom of my shirt seam and fluff it back and forward, letting cold air breeze over my chest. Is it hot in here, or what?

"D-do you reckon they would share some?"

I didn't think her eyes could widen any more than they already were, but she proved me wrong. Her mouth fell. "What? You want to drink?"

I nod, almost hesitating. She stammers, unsure of what to say.

"A-are you sure?"

The question is loaded. The words fall out of her mouth so fast, I'm not even sure if she's asking for curiosity's sake or to reassure herself that this is really happening. I don't blame her. This isn't like me. I'm not acting myself. The sweat is back, and I take a long swig of my virgin punch, finishing it in one long gulp.

If it's as confident boosting as Bella has made it out to be, then I want it. I need it.

"Yes. I'm sure."

She nods once to me, then twice to herself as she turns to the group. After a few moments of small talk, the group comes over and pours me and her a shot, before walking away to the backyard. It smells like hand sanitizer.

As I bring the quarter-filled party cup closer to my lips, all I can think about is Mum and how she mistook me for Dad and how she shattered Dad's favourite mug. I hesitate. I see a potted plant nearby, and a thought of me dumping the drink into it crosses my mind.

But I look at Bella, and the thought of her not taking my coming out well is far more uncomfortable in my head than anything involving Mum.

"Now, this is your first drink so you're going to want to mix this with something—"

Too late. It's already sliding down my tongue, an intense burning sensation raking my entire throat as I swallow. The smell of medicine and the taste of what I can only describe as clean fills my nose and mouth from the back, and I choke back a cough. My throat feels raw and dry. Why do people enjoy this? How can someone enjoy this?

Bella's shaking her head, trying to supress a laugh.

"Yeah, it burns. Would have told you if you waited an extra second, but too late for that. Drink something else to wash out the aftertaste."

She quickly pinches my cup and tops it up with more punch. I quickly wash the taste away. Bella downs it as well, her expression cringing for a moment.

"God, it tastes awful," she says, and I nod. Despite that, however, it's already taking effect. My stomach does feel warmer, and I can't help but smile at her.

We stand there for a few moments, before my stomach rumbles. I look at the food, and Bella seems to have the same idea.

"Time to eat?"

I nod. "Time to eat."

#

Bella and I gather our paper plates of food and wander down to the loungeroom couches, talking about school and Lyra's campaign as the food and alcohol settle in. My stomach is now a furnace and feels all gooey, like fresh honey warmed by the sun.

Soon, a few people that I recognise from our theatre class join us, and Bella and I lose ourselves in our conversations with them. Normally I wouldn't go near strangers with a ten-foot pole, but I can't stop talking. This is so strange. I'm initiating topics, talking back, the whole socializing shebang. This is weird. This is cool.

Our flyer hand-outs and campaigning must have worked, because people can't stop talking about how they're going to vote for Lyra. Bella and I share a smile. The party's a huge success.

Hopefully, it'll be a success for me too.

The topic dies down, and one of the people sitting with us pulls out a bottle of vodka. Not the same one as before — this one looks expensive. Hollers and cheers ring loudly as someone goes and gets a stack of cups. The student pours Bella some and turns to me. I hesitate.

Why the hell not? I've done plenty of brave things tonight. What's the harm? If it makes me feel as good as the first shot does, then I don't see why one more won't hurt.

Bella looks at me funny as I down it, but I don't care. The room starts to spin a little, and I can't stop giggling. This is fun. So fun.

I feel ready to come out to her. Now, I just don't know how to say the words.

How do I actually do this? There's no rulebook on coming out. Do I just turn to her and go 'Hey Bella, by the way, I like men' or do I need to have this big dramatic monologue about self-acceptance ready to go like in the movies?

I don't know. What I do know, however, is that I need to take Bella somewhere more private. There are too many ears in the loungeroom, and there is no way I am ready for more than one person to know about my sexuality. More and more people join in the conversation, so it's basically impossible for me to say anything to Bella without other people hearing.

How do I get her to a room without getting people's attention?

As the chatter steers back towards Lyra's campaign, someone shouts from the backyard. Heads start to turn, and feet start to shuffle as people move to see what's happening. In a few moments, half of the room is clear, and the obvious sounds of people fighting echo from the back.

I turn to Bella. She shrugs.

"We don't have to get up," She says, "if it's important, someone will come back and tell us. Plus, this is nice. I like sitting here with you."

Smiling, I pick at the edge of my shirt. I also start to really feel the room spin and the idea of standing up makes me queasy. "Me too."

We watch as a group of people come back inside, crowding around someone. I can make out Lyra's face, and Lyra's dad's face, but there are so many people around them I can't make out what's going on. Whatever – I have more pressing things to do.

Turning back, I look at Bella, and I only just notice how flushed her face looks. Maybe the alcohol's affecting her too. She's all smiles – and I swear she's blushing a little – but she looks happy.

I look around the loungeroom. Nobody's paying any attention to Bella and me. This might be my chance to sneak her away.

"Can we talk?"

Bella lifts an eyebrow. "Talk? What about?"

I gently take her by the wrist and stand up. The earth shifts below me for a few seconds, but I try to ignore it, gesturing her to follow me. "It's important. Don't want anyone listening to us."

Bella looks stunned for a few seconds, before nodding. "Let's go, then."

As I lead her to one of Lyra's back rooms, I overhear other students gossiping. A fight definitely happened. The atmosphere has shifted, and I swear I see someone stuff Lyra's flyer into a bin.

Bella and I can see what happened after. This is more important.

#

I fiddle with my fingers after shutting Lyra's guest bedroom door behind me. Bella sits at the edge of the room's bed, patting the spot next to her. Despite the cool air on this side of Lyra's house, I'm hot and bothered again. I throw my jumper that I've been carrying around on the floor nearby and sink onto the spot next to Bella.

"You okay there, Tay?" She asks. I nervously laugh, avoiding eye contact.

Come on Taylor, two little words. I'm gay. It's so easy. So, so easy. Just say them.

Bella seemed to notice my hesitance. "What did you want to talk about?"

"How I feel," I stammer out, and Bella sits up.

"What do you mean?"

I gulp. "L-look, I don't really know how to say this, and I'm really nervous, and I am at a huge loss for words because I've never done this before, so—"

She holds up a hand. "It's okay. I think I know what you're trying to say."

My heart is about to explode in my chest. "You do?"

She nods, picking at the hem of the blanket she's sitting on. "Yeah. I've gotten hints from you all night. I know you've had a rough couple of weeks, and I didn't want to complicate it further my saying anything."

I feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders. My eyes water at the corners, but I fight them off. "Thank you."

She shrugs. "It's fine. I... I feel the same way too."

She inches closer. Wait, what?

Before I can process what is happening, Bella's lips are on mine, softly moving against me. I freeze. I don't know what to do. She leans closer towards me and puts a hand on my hand. It seizes. I'm a statue.

I've just been freaking kissed by Bella.

Relief floods my system when I hear the door behind me swing open. Bella flies off me, eyes wide with shock, muttering an 'oh my God' to herself. I turn around, and Darko's at the door, standing there with a strange look on his face.

The relief turns into a fuzzy mix of embarrassment, worry, and panic.

He's holding a bag of peas to his face, which looks a little swollen. I see on his knuckle that he's got a band aid on. His eyes are open wide, and his mouth hangs open, seemingly at a loss for words.

"S-sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," he finally croaks out, before shutting the door. His footsteps beat away against Lyra's floor, and I turn back to Bella. She looks mortified, but before I can stop myself, my mouth starts to talk.

"I'm sorry Bella, but there's been a misunderstanding. I don't... I don't like you in that way."

Her face scrunches up. "W-what? But I thought that's what you wanted to talk about."

I shake my head. "No, I was going to come out to you."

"Come out to me?"

Standing up, I take a few paces back. The words leave my mouth faster than I can think. "Bella, I'm gay. I'm gay, and I have feelings for a guy."

I look at the door where Darko once was, and I swear from Bella's face expression turning from confusion to shock, she put the pieces together.

Slowly, she looks down in her lap and says "Oh."

She doesn't look up. My heart sinks. Bella just gave me her heart and I went and stomped all over it.

I get up, snatch my jacket from the floor and burst out of the room, embarrassment and guilt filling my chest. I need another drink. I'm finding Ana, and we're going home.