Yuki's POV
That day... That night... It was one of the most horrid days of my life... I despise that wretched day of horror and blood.

After Arima dropped me off home after our emotional dinner date, coming home means coming back to that horrid moment.

The night before, that deliciously rotting smell was that of a bloody piece of work. For that disgusting! Dirty! And bloody thing was flesh! Human flesh! Don't ask me how I can think it's human flesh, but I just had that feeling! What horrid sight...

But! Is it really flesh or is my mind playing tricks! It has to be my mind only!

When I told my coworkers including Amon and Mado to why I had looked so sleepy and yawned so much was not a lie... Looking at the stars and eating too much that caused a stomach ache... Those were no lies... They were truths that did not explain itself.

After all, I found the source of the smell which was either  enough human meat or animal meat, I heard a voice of a woman ringing through my head... A voice which sounded so familiar... A voice that makes my spine grow cold! I hated it! That voice called my name so creepily yet so happily... That woman's voice made me do something so dreadful.......

... She made me eat the meat...

I ate it and felt my taste buds dance and crave for more! I felt my stomach ache for more and more! I felt my stomach battling with the disgusting taste of blood! I felt my throat burning with fire!

I T   W A S   P A I N F U L . . . .

My stomach was battling with delight and disgust which made me vomit and vomit. I craved and craved, but I didn't know what was wrong with my body.

I tried eating anything I can find, but I found out that the cupboards and fridge were barely filled. In fact, the shelves of food from before were replaced with bags and cans of coffee beans of many flavors.

I ate all that there was and found that my taste buds were working just fine with normal food, but slowly after chewing longer... the taste of a peach tasted as if it were only moldy slime.

I doubted myself thinking that I was something monstrous and disgusting, but... after working for CCG even as a beginner, I knew that I was something disgusting to mankind.

Of course I doubted myself thinking that I ate the flesh because I thought it was a joke and not for a hungry craving or that the peach tasted off after a long time chewing, but... I know that ghouls can't absolutely eat anything of what humans can eat. Ghouls will die if they don't eat flesh. So I convinced myself that I would have died awhile ago and that I've been eating human food, thinking it's tasty. After all, how did I not grow sick while having dinner with Arima?

But... My curiosity was brought to my brother. Ken. Is he a ghoul or is it just my mind again? Why else would there be "human flesh" in our apartment when there's only two of us? After all, I know for a fact that I do not carry such... revolting food if it were both some rotten animal or human meat.

Plus, I hear it all the time that a ghoul would have those red and black eyes that reveal themselves when smelling blood. I remember once and not too long ago when a fellow coworker had gotten a paper cut and blood started seeping out. I didn't have that strange craving to devour him.

Plus, I thought that I had only come to think that the flesh was delicious due to my crumbling mentality from the past. As if my weak state had reappeared of all time to hallucinate myself to think the normal beef was human flesh. For I, I could not tell or remember if it was truly a hallucination or reality. But, I believe that it was just a hallucination of games for the stake of my future and my mind.

I... I am human.

Soon, my stomach ache got worse as I started feeling my head slowly get smashed by the constant ringing of the return of that woman's voice. I walked over to the balcony with heavy steps and swayed left and right and right and left. I saw the stars and they started to become red.

As though it sounds odd, it was true when I saw every star in the sky turn red. The sky itself turned pitch black, complimenting the red dots that shine.

It was awful... I thought that I was just imagining... That I was stuck in some traumatized hallucination due to my hearing that I was in a coma from an attack.

The doctors and those I know have informed me of both Ken and I being attacked by a ghoul. A ghoul whom I am not known from the name. No one is able to give me those information of who my attacker was. All I know is that it took place in a construction site, but why was I even there? Why were Ken and I there?

I asked myself this so many times and I am uneasy asking my own brother. There's this wall that's between us that breaks the comfort zone we use to have. I only feel as if Ken is only going somewhere far far away from me.

But, I also feel like I'm drifting apart from a lot of people. Like Hide. Since I've became a ghoul investigator, I couldn't take classes anymore. Actually, I didn't need to. I've been seeing in the mail that Ken hasn't been attending class as much as he should too. Hide will surely be lonely now...

I wonder... What is the world coming to? What is there in store for all the people I know and are connected to me? What am I forgetting? What do I need to remember? Should I don't denying the small details of the recent occurrences? If I do stop denying the facts, will I go insane?

To be honest, I was the opposite person I was then compared to now... I was never the bright, happy, silly, goofy, and childish child I am today. I was rather reserved, loud, rash, extremely hot tempered, and pretty much hold the characteristics of a gangster!

I had only changed to become who I am today because of people I know and for them to stop worrying or to smile. Because I knew that those people who I know are in pain needs a smile and someone strong. I realized that through someone special to me.

The day when Ken and I lost our mom, the day when I met Amon, the day when Arima found me, the day when my aunt was mainly attacking Ken, and whenever sorrow strikes those around me, I had to be strong. To be strong, I forced myself to not remain as that gangster self with some help. And I regret not changing sooner.

As a gangster, I had bad grades, terrible reputation, and I treated people horribly. Those people include the ones I love or have conflicted feelings for. Such as my mom... I was the biggest bitch there was and never returned home during the nights, wandering the streets to be "free". Luckily, I wasn't attacked by ghouls at such age! I was the biggest and stupidest child for not fearing ghouls!

I talked back to my mom, slapped her whenever we got into arguments, walk away while she is talking, and I was the most ungrateful child there was in the world. I'm sure some other kids would appreciate her more than I did.

Ken... Ken was always there for mom. Ken comforted whenever I made her cry. Ken always had perfect grades. Ken was kind to mom. Ken was more grateful to have mom. Ken always returned home with a smile for mom. Ken always had mom's attention.

As for me, I felt the most guilt when she died form overworking herself. I felt like committing suicide. I wanted to commit suicide so badly because I couldn't change to fix myself before mom died. She would have never seen the girl I am today. Maybe she hates me and maybe she doesn't. Mom was ill. Mom was mentally ill.

She'd beat Ken and I time to time from stress, frustration, and hatred. She was abusive despite her kind smile. Maybe that was why I hated her, but I wouldn't know for sure. If I hated her, why did I feel so guilty of not changing before she died? Why did I feel like my mom meant so much to me when I hated her?

Even after my mother died, I was still that young gangster girl who'd skip school or go to school to only pass time or pick up fights. I was scolded by my teachers and classmates. I didn't have any friends. I was emotionless.

Hide was the only guy who wanted to be my friend, but I wanted to keep by myself. He was Ken's friend and I didn't want to get close to him.

I went on and on to being the bad girl for a month. I come home late, procrastinate doing homework, and started self-teaching myself how to box and to do Judo.

Some time after, I reached my limit. I went suicidal and was ready to die that one night. It was on a winter and snowy night of December. The day of mines and Ken's birthday. December twentieth. 

I left home to leave Ken to celebrate his birthday with Hide and went far away from home using some random bike. I biked towards any abandoned factory and cried so much that day. That was the most I've cried with my emotionless heart. How I hated myself and still hate myself even now.

I cried silently and walked up the stairs, crumbled in rubble and dust. The building smelt moldy and the air was cold. Drafts of wind blew about and my bare legs didn't shiver. For my body already felt dead and cold so there was no need to shiver furthermore for such useless body.

I continued to cry, remembering how empty the crumbled down walls were and how it felt like the ground underneath me felt like breaking. For the first time, my nerves were tense like concrete of how I felt like I was about to fall.

Reaching the rooftop of the factory, I felt the strong wind breeze past me. My school uniform skirt danced rapidly and my long black hair covered my blurry vision.

I kept walking closer to the crumbling edge of the rooftop, hearing the sounds of the city from afar. As a girl who was only twelve and in her first year of junior high, who would have thought I was a crazy and suicidal girl with problems. Well, it's not as if I wasn't use to being called names.

Right when I was about to jump with a silent voice with silent tears, a voice called out to me. A voice of a boy. That boy was my savior who saved me from my fall.

He was my light and warmth... My everything.

A/N
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It's a bit different than a normal chapter, but I hope that it's interesting!

Thank you for reading and please like and comment!

Bai bai~!

12/2/17