Intro:

Stay Mine was written by lostlovefairy. It is a sequel to the first book of a similar name, "Stay." It follows Fiza and Alan through the trials and tribulations of life, focusing a lot on the medical side. After Fiza and Alan are separated following the graduation from their internship programs, life gets in the way of their relationship, leading to many conflicts both on an individual and grander scale.

I apologize if anything I said in the Stay review is repeated here. I don't like looking back at my old reviews since I want to have a completely fresh mindset and offer raw thoughts, and since it's been a while, my memory is hazy on what I said in the first review. Still, I will do my best to give new, or at least helpful, feedback.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

Right off the bat, one of the things I like is how this is a darker approach to the series, going from lighter and more fun to now we're getting into the nitty gritty side of life, which makes sense and feels like a natural progression between books one and two. However, at the same time, I'm glad you recognized the need for moments of fun and humor. It's about life, and there is both tragedy and humor in life, sometimes at the same time. But it's also done in a way that feels tonally consistent, which is the best part. It doesn't feel like you sacrifice a good, emotional moment for a joke. It feels consistent and like it's all meant to be there.

This is a small thing that has nothing to do with the review, just an aside from me, but I appreciate the medical fields in this story, and how Alan goes into orthopedic surgery. I don't share the specifics of my surgeries often, but I was born with feet problems and have been in and out of orthopedic offices all my life and have an orthopedic surgeon I'm very close with, so it was almost comforting to me to see that branch represented here. I know it's a small thing that ultimately isn't even close to one of the core story elements, but this is just an aside from me to take a moment to appreciate that, and it also made me naturally gravitate toward Alan more despite his flaws and mistakes.

Moving back into the core of the review, I liked the display of culture, language, and location, and how all three were utilized here. The descriptions were all interesting and gave cool rundowns of Mangalore and all the environments, like in chapter 6 when Fiza is showing Alan around, taking him to the Arabian Sea and the Panambur Beach. These elements may not seem like big deals, but worldbuilding is one of the four core storytelling elements, and to have it fleshed out in a way that naturally fits into the book is great. It was awesome to see Fiza show Alan around, and also a natural way to give the audience a rundown of the environments without it feeling too exposition-heavy or anything of the sort. It made sense; Alan didn't know the geography as well as Fiza, so Fiza showing him around makes it so Alan is like the audience. Alan is our vessel to experience the world anew, which was engaging. I liked how culture, religion, and language played a large role in the story, too, particularly with Fiza. While on the topic, the last thing I'll mention is that I like how real life events, like COVID, played a role in the book. Considering they're both in the medical field, it was interesting to see their perspectives on it, not to mention how it impacted their already long-distance relationship. It added yet another layer to it, which I thought was interesting.

While on the topic, another thing I enjoyed was how every character had their perspectives shown. Of course Alan and Fiza, but also others, like Faisal. This is a very character and theme-driven narrative, with the plot mostly being about following life, meaning there is little plot (which is perfectly fine and there's nothing wrong with that), but that just means there's more emphasis on what the characters are going through. It's not always Alan in the wrong, or Fiza in the wrong. They both make mistakes. Alan is way too aggressive at times in terms of what he wants, and Fiza can get easily snappy with him after stressful days, taking it out on him. Both of them make mistakes, making the relationship feel more realistic as opposed to if it were just one party making all the mistakes. This element of the book was what allowed the themes to feel so real and interesting, so I appreciate the realistic depiction of relationships here.

The last thing I'll mention is I like the new characters introduced and their roles in the narrative. I touched on it in the last paragraph, but I wanted to focus on it here since it can be incredibly difficult to introduce new characters in a sequel. Considering we hold so much love for the characters from the first book, it can be really difficult to bring in new characters since they have a higher risk of being overshadowed by the legacy characters. All of them had their own personalities with clear wants and motivations, which made them stand out from one another, and they also contributed to the plot in their own ways based on their personalities, which was cool to see.

All in all, Stay Mine expands upon the original in a way that makes the sequel feel necessary and interesting, featuring members of the main cast alongside new ones who make themselves stand out and shine just like the legacy characters. I think you did a good job with the worldbuilding in particular, though other highlights are the themes and overall presentation of the characters and their varying perspectives and struggles. So, overall, this was a good read that added another intriguing layer to the series.

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What Didn't Work:

All of my suggestions are about dialogue since it's one of the most important parts of the story, but they're about different areas of dialogue, so let's start with the major thing.

The main critique I have is about dialogue tags. You do them correctly, which is good, but you often overuse them. For conversations between three or more people, I can understand using more tags since it can be harder to know who's speaking, but for two people, we don't need nearly as many tags, though you use them almost every line, sometimes multiple times per person. For example, in chapter three, a little over halfway through the chapter, there's the paragraph that has Alan speaking, and it starts with "I'm not sure." In that paragraph, for just Alan speaking, there are seven dialogue tags. Seven tags for one person, for one paragraph of dialogue. I hope that example shows what I mean, but this often happens where you'll use more than one tag for the same person speaking when that isn't needed except in rare scenarios, and even then, it normally isn't needed, just a style choice (like using a new tag for a drastic change in how someone speaks, but even then, you can often just show that instead of tell that).

I make this suggestion because dialogue tags are inherently telling over showing. Their one and only purpose is to tell the readers who's speaking. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling over showing, contrary to popular belief. Telling is used in most if not all books, and it's sometimes needed, so I'm not saying don't use telling over showing. What I am saying is consider downsizing in some areas because the tags can get repetitive fast. What's the most important thing in dialogue? The dialogue! So the tags can take away from that. I'll recommend the 50-30 advice of dialogue to you, which means of your dialogue, 50% or less should have tags, and of those 50%, 30% or more should be said or asked, though the thing I'm mostly recommending right now is the 50% or less as that's what I think is the better thing to focus on for the time being. I hope that explanation for why authors recommend using less tags makes sense, and I hope the 50-30 advice is helpful.

However, I believe I may have given you that feedback before, so I'd like to now shift my attention to other dialogue things so there's different, new feedback as well.

In general, there were occasional dialogue errors, like in chapter 6 with this: "Not here." She whispered, which should be "Not here," she whispered. Sometimes you'll also have lines spoken by different people in the same paragraph. I brought up chapter 6 since there's an example of that happening in early chapter 6 as well, when Fiza meets Faisal and he asks her if she's Malayali, and she speaks in the same paragraph as him. That happens occasionally. Neither of these things are big deals since they're not consistent errors, but they did pop up a few times, at least enough to be noticeable, so that's why I'm mentioning it.

There are two more things about dialogue, and both are more on the creative side than the technical side, though there's definitely a technical aspect to them. Starting with the smaller thing, I'd suggest avoiding using semicolons in dialogue. A friend of mine, hopelessroMINtic, once said that we don't speak in a way that warrants semicolon usage, and I agree. Not to mention most authors suggest using semicolons rarely if at all. I personally think it's a bit of an exaggeration to say to never use semicolons (I mean, I used one in this review, lol), but in dialogue, I'd advise against it since it can come off as awkward. Keep in mind semicolons are the most complicated punctuation mark, meaning they tend to make complicated sentences. It can overcomplicate the dialogue, and considering dialogue tends to be a lot more informal and choppier, that's why I recommend avoiding them in dialogue.

Lastly, I would suggest not using actions, such as "smiled" or "chuckled," as dialogue tags, which would look like this: "Dialogue," he chuckled. This is for a similar reason as the semicolon thing: it's a little awkward. Dialogue tags tag just that: dialogue. They're not people tags, so when you say "he chuckled" as a tag, it's almost like you're implying that the words are chuckling, not the people. Words can be said, asked, whispered, etc., but not smiled or chuckled. You can smile/chuckle while speaking, though, so here are two alternatives:

He chuckled. "Dialogue."

"Dialogue," he said with a chuckle.

So those are two alternatives, but I encourage you to play around with it! To summarize that point, most authors recommend not using actions as tags because they can come off as unnatural and like you're saying the words are doing the actions, not the people. I hope that makes sense.

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Summary:

- Good choice to go in a darker direction for this narrative

- Cool usage of culture, religion, and location to tell a story

- Great job giving the readers new perspectives

- Strong cast

- Consider downsizing on dialogue tags

- Consider not using actions as tags

- Consider not using semicolons in dialogue

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Overall:

Stay Mine continues to have the lovable charm of its predecessor while also giving the series more depth and nuance for the readers to reflect on. Choosing to go for a darker approach, Stay Mine deals with the realities of relationships, how long-distance can impact love, and how real life tragedies can tear apart a good thing. If you're a fan of the first book, I strongly recommend Stay Mine, but if not, I still recommend starting the series if you're looking for a good read.

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Thank you for submitting your book. If you have any questions or would like any additional reviews, please let me know.

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I'm going to start leaving this new note at the end of all reviews since Wattpad removed pms.

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