Intro:

This feedback is for the book Bully Mate Contract by Robyn_Chicken. This chapter will be dedicated to the author. Bully Mate Contract is an intense story in the omegaverse that deals with heavy themes and topics.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

It would be a crime if I started this off with anything other than your word choice. I can go on and on about the incredible word choice you use to describe scenes and places, and I apologize in advance if I ramble. You sprinkle so many details into your sentences that it makes the world feel alive. Your word choice is super strong and never feels repetitive. You're always throwing new words at the audience to keep us invested.

Normally, when an author nails word choice, they also nail sentence structure since they have a solid understanding of how to word their ideas. Your sentences are structured well and never feel repetitive. A major part of engagement in a story is originality. Your sentences never feel dull or cliché in any way.

Other than some small things I'll get into later, the grammar is great. I can tell you have a solid understanding of the English language and how to evoke emotions out of a reader. Many readers overlook just how important how you phrase something is, which is why I'm making three whole paragraphs to praise the word choice/sentence structure. The way you phrase your story is how a reader consumes it, and without realizing it, they're learning things about the characters, plot, and themes thanks to how you wrote it. It's incredible, really.

You have very, very intense, sensitive, and mature themes in the story. However, you handled them well and didn't gloss over the severity of them. I appreciate that you knew what you were dealing with and didn't try to make it a minor thing, but rather you shined light on it and didn't shy away from it. When dealing with heavy subject matter, sometimes it's hard to shine light on it, but I'm glad you did. It makes for a more interesting and realistic story.

While on the topic of storytelling, I can tell you have a keen eye for creativity. You sprinkle lots of love and care into the plot and characters. Every character feels different from the other. They have their traits and characteristics that make them stand out, whether the readers like or dislike them. For example, we have extreme emotions about Gunner because of the way he's characterized, and we have extreme pity for Eric because of the way he's characterized. The way you give your characters distinct personalities makes the story feel more alive and intriguing.

You also have good pacing. The start of the story doesn't beat around the bush; you get straight to the point and tell us the plot, characters, and hints of the themes. The pacing is mostly solid and moves along without dragging. We're always learning new things about characters and uncovering new plot details. There's never a dull moment, and each chapter feels like it's contributing something, whether that be to the characters, plot, themes, or all three.

The story is realistic. People often misunderstand what realism in storytelling is. Realism is not realism to the real world but rather to the world in the story. If the world in the story happens to be the real world, then yes it does translate to realism to real life, but realism also extends to other genres. For example, Harry Potter is realistic. Not because it accurately represents real life (obviously... they're wizards), but because it follows the rules of the world established by the author. Realism also extends to characters, where characters make decisions based on how they are characterized rather than how the plot requires them to. This story does the same thing. It establishes a world and characters and it sticks to those rules. It doesn't bend or break or make characters act OOC (out of character) for the sake of plot. So, good job with that!

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What Didn't Work:

I'm not very familiar with these terms or the omegaverse in general, so I apologize in advance if I get any terms wrong or any plot details incorrect. Please correct me if I get an omegaverse term(s) wrong, I'd like to learn for the future since I'm sure I'll review other stories in the omegaverse.

I bring that up because the first thing I'm gonna say is about dams. Sometimes it's capitalized, sometimes it isn't. I was under the impression you only need to capitalize it when referring to specific ones, but then there are cases where it isn't capitalized even when referring to a specific one, so I'm a bit confused. If you have any clarifying info on that and how the capitalization rules impact that term, feel free to let me know. It's just that, from a reader's perspective (especially from one who doesn't understand the omegaverse), capitalization is more important than most realize. It clues us in to whether or not it's a proper noun. So when you lowercase it, the reader things you're talking about dams in general. When you capitalize it, we think you're referring to one specific one. It's like New York City and cities in general. When referring to NYC, we say the City. When referring to cities in general, we say city. So if there was more consistency with the capitalization, that would help clear up confusion. Again, please let me know if there's some specific capitalization rule I am missing for this term.

Your dialogue, for the most part, is consistently formatted well. However, there were some moments where it wasn't. For example, some dialogue ended with periods even though you used a tag when you're supposed to use a comma, question mark, etc. It's nothing to worry too much about because, again, you're normally consistent with it, but I just wanted to bring it to your attention.

For example:

"Hi." he said (wrong).

"Hi," he said (correct).

When you're writing a scene where the characters share the same pronouns, be mindful of how often you use them. For example, in chapter one, this happens:

"That made him smile. 'There's the fighter.'"

Although I believe I know who you are referring to, the previous paragraph was all about Eric, which implies Eric was the one smiling in that example. It would be more clear if you used the name again because it's a bit jarring to be reading about Eric then suddenly another him is thrown at us. Most of the time, context clues can allow readers to figure it out in a second, but when you're suddenly switching between who the he's and him's are, it would help to include more usage of their names. This is especially confusing when the next line is "He liked this cat and mouse game. And he loved to see the tears in Eric's eyes."

I was under the impression this was third-person limited from Eric's POV, but the sudden disconnect to show another POV made me think "Oh, we're going omniscient?" So if you're going to be switching in and out of POVs, make sure it's very clear which POV we're in.

For the most part, you do okay with this, but there are small moments like that. This is another thing not to fret too much over; it's just something to keep in mind for the future.

I would also recommend making the settings more clear. This is more of a personal thing because I can't picture scenes in my head while reading. It's very difficult for me. I can only put together certain pieces. However, some of the settings aren't given much attention. Like the second chapter, "Dam took off his sweater and put a kettle on the stove." What stove? Whose stove? Where are they? I can assume Dam's house, but it would be nice for more clarity earlier on. I received a piece of writing advice that said establish the setting as soon as possible so the reader can start their imagining. As I read more works and books as a reader instead of a writer, I'm starting to think that writing advice was very solid since not being able to identify where we [the audience] are can put me behind. I can't get invested in the dialogue or story if I don't know where everything is taking place. The same applies to the opening scene in chapter 1 and other settings in the story.

Be careful with exposition dumps. In chapter 2, there's like 8 paragraphs worth of exposition for backstory that would've been more effective if it was spread out throughout the story, told through dialogue, or vaguely explained and left a mystery for the readers to figure out as they went. You can tell the exposition however you want; I'm not saying you have to make it a mystery, I would just recommend spreading it out more so the reader doesn't get bored while reading. Giant walls of text can be off-putting, especially so early into the story. For example, you do exposition well in chapter 1. You did just enough to get us engaged without overwhelming us. You sprinkled in explanations but kept the plot and characters moving. That's a great example in your story of how you did exposition well. Just be cautious of exposition dumps and see if there is a more creative way you can relay information to the reader.

Side Note:

I would very strongly advise against trying to redeem Gunner. 

Tw: sa and ab%se for anyone who isn't the author. 

I'm not well-versed in the omegaverse so I know that readers will vary, but from an outside perspective, redeeming someone who has a past of r4ping others and attempting r4pe on Eric is not redeemable. Now, with that being said, this is a work of fiction and you as a writer are allowed to write what you want regardless of how someone, like me, feels about it morally. 

Morally, I don't think it's a good idea to redeem someone who is that far gone no matter how young they are. In fiction, we call it the point of no return. This applies to every character, but is most commonly used to define villains. It's exactly what it sounds like: how far can a villain or other character go before they are beyond redemption? How far can they go before they can't turn back, otherwise it's unrealistic? That's what I feel applies here. When the opening scene is attempted r4pe that characterizes Gunner as someone abusive, I think that right off the bat passes the point of no return. No matter how much Gunner regrets it, there is no coming back from attempted r4pe.

But again, that's just one person's opinion. You said you were torn, so I thought I'd give my thoughts. You as a writer are entitled to write what you want as long as it is marked and tagged as necessary. I trust you will not romanticize r4pe or ab%se regardless of what route you go.

But if you are going the redemption route, regardless of morals, do not romanticize it, at least not without warning. I very rarely flat out tell a writer to do or not do something, but romanticizing something like that without warning can be very dangerous to readers, and it can also get you banned from Wattpad. If you're going down the route of redemption, please either show it realistically or put an additional warning that there are going to be some heavy themes that are romanticized, but it is fiction so you do not condone it irl.

I get annoyed when readers try to tell me what extra warnings or tags I should put in the disclaimer, so I understand if this irritates you. However, as writers, it is also our responsibility to warn a reader when there is intense mature content that either wasn't originally mentioned in the disclaimer or is so extreme that the disclaimer doesn't warn enough. So, that's just something to keep in mind.

None of this is meant as criticism, btw. Just offering suggestions because what you are writing about is a very, very sensitive topic. You have handled it well so far, and I trust you will continue to do so. This is just author-to-author advice since I don't want you to get in trouble with readers or Wattpad.

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Summary:

- Excellent word choice

- Solid sentence structure

- Keen eye for creativity

- Handles intense topics maturely

- Distinct characters

- Realistic

- Watch dialogue formatting

- Watch the POV and make sure it's clear whose POV we are in

- Be careful when writing a scene where multiple characters have the same pronouns

- I would recommend making the settings more clear as soon as possible

- Be careful with exposition dumps

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Overall:

Bully Mate Contract is an intense story not for the faint of heart, but the themes and heavy subject matter are handled with maturity, which makes it an interesting read. If you are okay with reading about intense subjects, then Bully Mate Contract is for you.

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Thank you for submitting your story. You have a very strong sense of grammar and word choice, so I hope you continue to explore storytelling in the future. I wish you nothing but the best. Good luck, and please do not hesitate to reach out if you need anything else!

More reviews coming soon! I can't wait to be on vacation so I can focus on doing more Wattpad things.