Presence / Brand

It's not difficult to understand what this book aims to achieve –a saga of most epic fantasy proportions. While I'm having a difficult time deciding whether this is based in conceit or ambition, I have to admire the passion for the story that is evident from my initial introduction to it.

The cover has it strong and weak points; I like the thematic purple and I almost expect each book in the series to have to another thematic colour in the same dark tones. A navy blue, a maroon, a deep green – I think this purple is a great introduction to that and will help to make the book distinct when the series is complete.

The almost simplistic theme of the cover – simple, elegant lines and layout – is undone by the complexity of the text, unfortunately. They are incompatible with the three dimensional title, and the drop-shadows make it seem out of place. In addition to this, it is common practice to have three titular bodies with different weights – the Title, the Logline, and the Author. It is permissible to add the series order, but these would usually be in the blurb.

This book has four, and it is both odd and distracting. I would recommend removing the offending text 'The Legend of Voden' from the cover completely.

The background image is faded and blurred, something which sparks an interest and presents the dragon as looming power in obscurity. That's good, but not the best. A cover should have a thematic symbol of the main content and it should be in focus and presented clearly.

With fantasy novels like these, it's important to add a bit of texture and depth – not too much, though – while aiming for something simplistic. I've gone and made a quick cover as a demonstration of what I mean:

The conceit I mentioned earlier stems primarily from the fact that the author's tag is Voden The Hollow, which makes this book seem like a self-insert fantasy rather than an attempt to present a filling narrative. This is combined with the fact that the book rankings are presented in the blurb: #12-scales; #98-Mirror; #25-thechosenone. While there is nothing wrong with taking pride in your achievements, this lends to the idea of conceit by the fact that these tags aren't defining tags. As far as I understand, nobody will find your book by specifically searching any of these tags, because these tags don't define the nature of the story. It's fine to have them, just keep them out of your blurb.

Contents

The blurb requires some finessing, but I do like the note it ended on. It clearly sets out the philosophy of the book and defines the general tone of it. From the blurb, I expect this to be a sort of 'coming to age' and 'growing into your own' novel. While it sets the tone of the single novel well, I cannot say it sets any expectation for the series as a whole – and that's completely fine. Just be sure to begin working on the overarching plot in this book and set up an expectation for the next.

A minor issue I have and some advice to offer; in your description you promise to update every Saturday, but I'm reviewing this book on the 14th of August and your last update was on the 28th of July – and that was only to apologise for a two month long hiatus. I realise that life sometimes gets in the way, so my recommendation is that you don't promise an update schedule. You can try to stick to one, but don't set up the expectation for the reader.

The first chapter, which merely states the prophecy, is a good idea and helps to establish the tone of the book and what we should expect from it, as well as really grounding it in fantasy. The prophecy itself is a little lackluster and uses much too simple language. It's vague, which is a fair expectation from any prophecy, but I don't get the impression that it's thought out too well.

The prologue does a good job at building suspense, and I'm immediately struck by the powerful descriptive imagery. There does seem to be overwhelming instances of malapropism: "The darkness a mere fickle of imagination." – did you mean flicker? I don't understand the use of an adjective as a noun. If you did mean 'flicker' then that's a great example of of the powerful imagery previously mentioned.

This is just one instance I've noted where you contrast beautifully and play well into the themes of your book. A flicker is a descriptive word for light, and to have the darkness be a flicker of the imagination is such a powerful concept.

My recommendation is to get somebody to help you with editing.

I'm usually very avid about the plot moving too fast, but, this time, I feel it's drawn out. Your chapters are very short, but nothing of interest happens until chapter four. I can't really talk much about the plot, since it seems the book hasn't developed far enough to get into it, but we are eight chapters in and I've still to see something sufficiently relevant happen.

The characters are interesting, but they don't seem very real at the moment. They have potential to be great and interesting, key characters to the plot, but right now they feel half thought out.

Overall Impression

I think this is an interesting concept for a book, and I encourage you to work hard on it. I get the impression that you're a very young author, and I don't want to discourage you.

I was somewhat correct in my initial impression that the air surrounding this book is conceited, but that's permissible if you write only to have fun. I can see that you really like the story and the characters you've created – I like them too – and that's very important, but you shouldn't try and force your reader to like them. Readers will like the plot and the story if interesting things happen and the characters are unique and well thought out.

I had perhaps higher expectations for the book than what was provided. I'm somewhat disappointed by the fact that this isn't a great fantasy adventure and I think you've possibly abandoned the initial premise. My honest suggestion is to find somebody who can help you along in writing your story a little better, but it does show exceptional promise.

I wouldn't recommend it to others at the moment – it's still in its infantile stages and nothing particularly progressive happens in the book yet. Remind me someday when you've progressed with it to check it out again, and I'll reconsider.

Reviewed by: Rene