Title

The title felt rather bland and cliche at first glance. I wouldn't have read this on a normal day. Admittedly, however, the title holds the weight of the premise and even without explaining the premise in the first chapter, I would have still understood quite easily thanks to the title.

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that these kinds of themes rarely do intrigue me. However, in the simplest of points, for the casual reader, this is a very good title and it carries a catchy weight to it that generate both interest and intrigue.

Blurb

I had to say, I was both mystified and intrigued by the blurb. I got a hint of danger and of something bigger to come. I found myself asking many questions and I really do hope that your story answers these questions. I got the sense of a much bigger cast and a mystery beyond my initial perception.

I had fun wondering what to expect and I was excited to jump right in. Your blurb is a good example of how mystery can be woven into a story with just a few simple words. I am certainly getting the feeling that this may be a YA Romance/Mystery of sorts. Though I can't really be sure as of right now, if it does end up as a YA Romance Mystery, I am more than excited to read it because the Mystery genre is one of the best genres in my opinion when paired with Romance. Both genres have their stakes that when put together, creates a brilliant narrative full of twists and turns.

To aspiring authors wishing to find a way to intertwine the mystery and romance genres into a blurb, I would say that this is a good example to look into. I most certainly learned from it and that speaks volumes concerning the author.

It takes a good author to write a blurb that can teach and intrigue. For all that can be said, good job with the blurb. I cannot wait to dive in and devour the pages of your narrative. Hopefully, the narrative lives up to the blurb.

Cover

The cover was clear however the same cannot be said for the font. The font was too dark and it blended too completely with the faceclaim's clothing to the point where it was almost disguised. From further away, it could not be seen at all. This speaks to the fact that it would be a good idea if you changed the font to something brighter, to something that will contrast with the background and thus be more visible to the audience.

The quality of the faceclaim was really good, in the sense that it was clear and lucid. However, I find the photoshopping work on it to be less than satisfactory. It almost looked like a sticker pasted on a coloured piece of paper and that by itself is not good for a book cover.

When we create book covers, we must keep in mind the themes of the book and perhaps opt for a cover that foreshadows some important element of the story. Most importantly, we also want a cover that is appealing to the audience, something that will catch their eyes and make them say, "whoa, this looks brilliant."

I showed the cover to a few friends of mine - over at discord - and they said that the cover could be a bit more appealing as it didn't give them any feeling or vibe towards the narrative. This is the opinion of a group of people with very different tastes in literature and in art, yet generally speaking, I have to agree with them as I would have said the same thing myself. The cover could still be improved to better fit the themes of the book.

Have a seat, take a deep breath, and brainstorm. Over a cup of tea or coffee perhaps, look at your story and note all the themes and the tones you have included. See if you can incorporate the central theme into your cover, perhaps along with a photo of your faceclaim. See if you can improve your cover for the better. Remember, creativity has no limits so let your imagination flow and don't go around saying that you are not creative enough. Creativity is in the human nature, you simply need to tap into it and use it to empower yourself in the field of literature. Everyone is creative, no exceptions at all.

Introductory Chapters

I did not expect such a big main cast. The lineup was intriguing as I began to wonder, "What will each of these characters bring to the table?"

When I see a large main cast, I immediately presume that there is a reason why they are here. Large main casts that only have one or two active characters are useless casts. In such cases, most members are mere backup dancers for the protagonist rather than fully-fledged characters in their own right. This is a problem that many young adult literature writers suffers with. The focus is solely on the main protagonist while the others are left to the mercy of the background with little to no character development.

With this case, I do hope that the other characters are given their fair share of characterisation. It would be a shame if their characters are left alone in favour of the main character, Rynn. As interesting as Rynn is, the other characters deserve to be treated fairly and I expect nothing less.

In addition, good job with the covers you made. I thought that the first one was really pretty and it would have really suited the theme of your story. Playlists are also really good, they help you concentrate and get into the writing vibe. So, great strategy!

I would however say this: instead of placing these extra chapters before the actual first chapter, I would recommend you put them at the back instead. They give off the wrong vibe as some people will think that you are just filling your book with all sorts of nonsense chapters that are not related to the book at all for the sake of having a bigger chapter count. Do take your time and ponder on this.

First Chapter

I was rather surprised by the format of the first chapter, and the format of the entire book really. This may be the first book that I have read to include this sort of format. Normally, I see the diary and letter format in video games. But I did not expect to see it in a book and I think that it is very unique.

You introduced us to Rynn, the main protagonist of the story. I am very sorry to say this, but I do think that this was intended by the author and thus I am not afraid to say that Rynn is the most pathetic bitch that I have ever read about. By the first chapter, I was already pissed off by how pathetic and judgemental she was.

However, it is the fact that she is so hateable that makes the book an even more interesting read. She is no good person, that's for sure. Her flaws are very obese and I absolutely dislike her.

The fact that you were able to write a character that caused me to immediately hate the first chapter, much less the primary protagonist, speaks volumes about your writing skills. You were able to write a real bastard of a character and I commend you for that.

The rest of the first chapter served to introduce the stakes for Rynn. If she does not attend the party, then her grades will plummet. Honestly, I imagine this is pretty illegal in most - if not all - places, but okay, I'm willing to suspend my disbelief because I am having so much fun reading about this bish.

The Chapters That Follow

The following chapters had the same format. I have to say, this is a unique narrative that I have never seen before and I am astounded. However, as the narrative went on, I became more and more confused because of the said format. As unique as the format may be, it remains ineffective as you are dealing with a large cast.

In addition, Rynn grew more and more annoying with every passing chapter to the point where I couldn't bear to read it any further. I am very sorry and I apologise in advance, though you did a wonderful job in writing an insufferable character, you have also made your narrative insufferable to the point where I was contemplating on whether I should just put the book down. As much as I enjoyed the format, it slowly got confusing and the point of view of the character became annoying.

You went rather overboard with Rynn. I understand that she was written that way, however you  must also keep in mind that if your readers get annoyed, they will most often times find themselves unable to finish the given book. Readers read because they want to enjoy themselves, and if they cannot enjoy themselves, then what is the point of reading?

It is important for us to consider the enjoyment of our audience as it can make or break the narrative. An unhappy and annoyed audience is never a good thing to have on your hands.

Characters

At first, Rynn was very interesting, however, as the narrative progressed, she grew more unbearable by the second. Her character was well developed, and most of the time, the narrative is all about her. For that reason, she gets the centre of attention. She is a massive bastard for all that can be said; jealous, judgemental, insincere, cold, and she craves attention to the point of obsession, though this was not much expanded upon in the narrative.

I like a unique character, as most readers do. No one likes to read a cliche and for that reason, we are all looking for that one character who is unique and unlike the many cookie-cutter characters across literature.

Rynn is a good example of a unique character because it is very much impossible to root for her. Most of the time, the reader is rooting against her because of her unbearable personality. She comes across as a pathetic girl who craves attention. Through her diary, we are able to see just how terrible she is and how much she differs from the average protagonist. Rynn is no hero, in fact if anything, I see her as a villain.

As I have noted earlier, I do not think I have seen a protagonist this unbearable yet so well-written before in any Wattpad book. She plays a crucial role in this story and I don't think the narrative could have been completed without her character.

For all the shortcomings of the narrative, I highly commend the author for writing this brilliant bastard who I would very much desire to strangle any time of the day. You did a great job! However, I cannot survive reading in Rynn's point of view, so I apologise for that. I tried, however, Rynn killed me before I could strangle her.

Now, let's move away from Rynn and tackle the supporting characters. In all honesty, the only secondary character that stuck with me was David. Firstly, David is my friend's name. Secondly, he was the only character that I had any incentive to care about. I was very much intrigued by how much Rynn hates him just because of that note he left in the loveboard. I found myself asking, well, why does she hate him so much? Because of that, I had the incentive to care and wonder about him. I wanted to ask more questions, henceforth, he stuck in my mind and I was able to remember him in the midst of the flood of characters.

There were many characters. I would have liked to know more about them, unfortunately, the format of the book is not well-suited to having a large cast and thus, I wasn't able to remember anyone besides Rynn and David. They were the only characters that meant something to me and hence I could remember only them.

Though the others had their parts, I was already too confused and my brain simply did not bother to distinguish this lad from this bloke; this gal from this girl.

Had the format been different, it is very possible that I could have been able to distinguish between them with greater success. However, from the beginning, I found myself overwhelmed by the sudden rush of characters.

An important note for all authors to remember: when dealing with a lot of characters, it is a much better strategy to introduce them slowly. Instead of dumping their names all in one place, give the reader time to get to know the main character, and then the side characters individually.

Remember, the readers do not have the same intimacy with your characters as you do. You created them, you know them inside and out. The reader is a stranger and they do not know anything about your characters. They will need the time to get to know them and then, they can actually start to care for them.

It would be great if you kept this in mind. Had your characters had not been as rushed, I believe that I would have gotten to know them much better.

Dialogue

Once again, due to the format of the story, there is none of the traditional dialogue. I find any words said on this matter to be unfitting as it would be unfair to speak of dialogue in a story without it. However, I do consider the things written in the diary to be dialogue.

The sincerity in Rynn's voice can be heard, profoundly, as she writes in her diary. Her thoughts are voiced and her feelings are given words in an effort to give them flight. Through the diary, the author was able to characterise the protagonist. Though traditional dialogue is absent, we can still appreciate the words and the secrets shared between the diary and the protagonist, Rynn.

Grammar

Your story had no serious grammatical issues. The only comment that I can make is that perhaps an editor may be helpful to you as I did notice a few mistakes here and there with punctuation and tenses. Be aware that tenses are very important for they may break the flow of a narrative when done incorrectly.

Overview

I had a good time hurling insults at Rynn whilst I read this. It was certainly a fun though near unbearable experience for me. I shall commend you once again on your format - it is undoubtedly unique and well-executed. Please do keep in mind the notes I have discussed above for the sake of bettering the overall narrative. I wish you the best of luck!

Review By: Lyssa