Title

At first glance, I thought the story would be a vampire fic as the title made me think blood, and therefore vampires. I have seen several stories with a similar title and it gave me the vibe that this story would be another cliché.

With that, I suggest adjusting the title to one that stands out from the rest as having a more unique title draws more attention to your book. I also suggest choosing a less misleading title, as I previously mentioned, I thought this would be a vampire fic and there are other possible readers out there who likewise could have had the same impression.

Blurb

As for the blurb, I believe it did a good job of introducing Ali in a way that sparks interest. You managed to reveal enough information, but not too much to mark it as a spoiler. However, the final line, unfortunately, outdoes the near-perfect blurb. The question, "can she have him?" is too frequently utilised and very often the answer is always a yes. The question has lost its impact and unless there were other stakes provided in the blurb, it wouldn't have encouraged me to continue reading. Nevertheless, overall you did a great job with the blurb and I commend you for that. It takes a talented writer to write a good blurb that hooks the reader from the beginning.

Cover

The cover doesn't really give much info as to what the story will be. When I saw the cover, I immediately thought that this would be steamy erotica and typical romance. I was wrong about the steamy erotica part, as the story edges more towards just typical romance. I suggest you make some minor changes to the cover which will help to highlight the themes more lucidly and attract the readers' attention. For instance, you could find a clearer picture and make the colour of the subtitles darker so it stands out against the bright background. Alternatively, I suggest enlarging the subtitle font to make it more visible.

Overall, the cover needs a few minor tweaks, but other than that, you should be good.

The First Chapters

Unfortunately, the first chapter failed to garner my attention as it was, at worst, a massive info-dump. However, it was effective in familiarising the protagonist to the reader; it explains why Ali is the way she is. When using exposition, I suggest you sprinkle it about instead of dumping it all in one place. Intertwine explanations with dialogue and setting to engage the reader in the narrative.

In my opinion, the second chapter was certainly better than the first. I feel like the first chapter would have been better off as a prologue or as a preface, due to its short length and the way it was written. As the story goes on, I saw an increased amount of info-dumping to the point where the story practically halts.

Nevertheless, despite the criticism above, I was impressed by the second chapter and I found the style to be rather sweet and seductive. I found Ali to be very seductive indeed and I got a few laughs when I read about the ridiculous lengths she went just to get her favourite lipstick. It was certainly ridiculous, but oh well, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Lastly, the second chapter ended too abruptly and the chapter that followed felt less of a fully-fledged chapter and more like a filler. I suggest merging the second and third chapters because they are much more cohesive when put together.

Dialogue

When you requested this review, you requested us to focus on the dialogue. The dialogue is all very well and good. The reader can easily differentiate between the characters and you did a good job of giving each character their own voice. Their voices feel so real that it's hard not to imagine yourself in the same setting. However, it would have been much better if you actually played out the conversations instead of letting the POV character narrate as this makes the dialogue seem weak and bland. In this case, it is better to show rather than recount the event.

For example, it seems like Sam does a lot more talking when he isn't the POV character, but when he is the POV character, it feels like he has gone mute all of a sudden. He no longer talks all that much and the conversations are handwaved. It's not a particularly bad style, and many books have incorporated this as well. However, do note that a played out conversation leads to more depth.

Through the played-out dialogue, we can see the hidden depths ourselves instead of just listening to what the author tells us. Besides, in stories where emotions are a focal point, like romance, being able to understand and gauge the depths of a character's mind through their speech and their patterns is priceless.

Themes and Plot

The book is a typical romance. You have Ali Stinson, a divorced woman who now has all the freedom in the world because she is living off of the divorce settlements. Then we have Sam, the hot bartender/pool boy with a mysterious past.

The plot is simple, but you have incorporated a few twists and turns as well. For example, you did a good job with building up the mystery on Sam and his past. I don't have much to point out, other than that you did a good job, which is highly commendable. I noticed that you incorporated the themes of depression and sadness into your narrative, but I feel like the themes are sometimes too blurred and too hidden for the typical reader to find them.

Grammar

You don't really have many mistakes, and the few that I spotted were rather minor. I suggest going through your work one last time to find those little cracks. Overall, great job with the grammar!

Major Characters

Your characters were interesting, from the main characters to the minor characters. I found myself loving the interactions and the banter between them.

Ali Stinson is the female lead and I like the strength of her character. Though she hit a point where she lost all hope, she still managed to rise up and regain faith that all would be good again. She isn't the typical, cliché lead; she has her own dreams and her own personality that is not dependent on Sam, her love interest. She can stand up for herself and though she has her own weaknesses and flaws, she is able to overcome them to become a better person.

Throughout the story, I could see her character growth and by the end, Ali is no longer the same person that she once was. She has changed for the better and she is much happier overall.

From the beginning I had always liked Sam. There was something so intriguing about him, something so alluring that drew me to him. Much like Ali, Sam is not the typical bad boy or the typical prince charming. For all that I know, he is more of a good boy than a bad boy.

Actually, no, scratch that, Sam is a good man: a man and not a boy. He is mature and although he messes up every now and then, he still respects Ali for who she is. He doesn't force anything on her, but rather cherishes her and shows that he loves her deeply. He is a gentleman through and through.

You did a brilliant job with his character and I only have praises for you when it comes to Sam. His character arc is rather intriguing as well. Throughout the book, he grows as a character and he becomes more and more lovable. I won't say he is a cliché because he isn't. Sam is his own character and his personality is consistent throughout. This is highly commendable.

Minor Characters

I am in love with the minor characters too, from Brenda, to Sarah, to Jonathon. Each of the minor characters seem to have their own stories, and their personalities are so lucid that they basically speak out to the reader.

I could hear their voices and they felt three dimensional instead of just being cookie-cutter cutouts of other characters. You treated them as people, with their own stories, and their own virtues and flaws. Though it would have been great if you expanded on their characters, I recognise that this is a book about Ali and Sam and thus I will accept the small parts that the minor characters play.

Overall Impression

Overall, I had a good time reading this book, even though this book isn't really for me. I have fallen in love with the characters and I only wish them the best.

The pacing is perfect and despite the minor errors in grammar, I wasn't inclined to throw it away. There are a few mature themes within the book and I'm glad you put a warning before them to alert the reader before they plunged into the scene. This shows that you respect the readers and you recognise that not all readers are comfortable with such scenes (like me for example).

This book holds great promise. If you could tweak your dialogue, the story would be much better as a whole. I would certainly recommend this to people who like romance and chicklit as the story is different than the usual and well planned.

With all that said, I wish you luck on all future endeavours, and if one day you decide to write a fantasy book, let me know. I would love to read more of your work.

Review By: Lyssa