Title

The title didn't really catch my attention among the list of books we had to review. When I searched up the book, I had to scroll through dozens of books bearing the same name. That mere experience alone speaks volumes as to the aspects that could be improved when it comes to your title. It shows that you need to creatively tweak your title and add some jazz to it, something to set it apart from the dozens of books with the same title.

Many readers judge the title before anything else, and those who feel as if a specific title has been too overused often turn away from the book. If you seek to boost your readership, I really suggest tweaking it.

Cover

The cover was blurry and from a distance, it was quite hard to see. Nevertheless, from the cover alone I can understand that this is a fanfiction based on Pirates of the Caribbean. Other than that, it doesn't really interest me in any other way. I feel like you were too straightforward with the cover. However, I understand that this is a fanfiction and such covers are often the norm for fanfictions. I really can't complain about it. My only suggestion would be, please find a clearer image for the cover. A blurred cover isn't a good one. If you can find a clear cover that depicts the story you want to write, then go for it. It will only serve to make your story better.

Blurb

Alright, now let us move on to the blurb. The blurb immediately sets this apart as fanfiction, with the first line explicitly stating that this is about an original character who will soon fall in love with Captain Jack Sparrow. Growing up, I watched Pirates of the Carribean and thus I have semi-high expectations because this is a fanfiction about Jack Sparrow. You did a sufficient job of introducing the main character in such a way that it did not spoil too much. I have to admit, Catalina Perez does seem interesting and I was intrigued when you mentioned how she changed. I'm curious about how she changed and how that will now affect her relationship with her friend. I don't really know if this is going to be a typical romance, however, I can sense the draft of intrigue and I would be a liar if I say that I was not ready to dive in and revisit my childhood through this fanfiction.

My only feedback would be to check the grammar of the blurb as there was a moment where the grammar faltered and I got slightly confused. Since my brain tends to fill in the missing words to places they should be in I didn't even notice it at first, but after my fourth glance through the blurb, I noticed the slip and it kept on bothering me. Please do look at it, it is very minor but still, it would be much better if you edit it. It will only serve to improve the quality of your blurb.

The Character Lineup

In the first part of the book, you included the character lineup. Orlando Bloom is still pretty and Kiera Knightly will always be beautiful. I have no issues with this lineup, I think it's pretty good. However, this is coming from a girl who watched the show whilst growing up, thus, I am very familiar with the characters. Most readers, on the other hand, may not be very familiar and may find the list too long for them to properly handle. Not all will be familiar and thus, try not to include too many characters in your lineup.

First Chapter

The first chapter was a rather good read. I love the relationship between Jack and Catalina and you were able to ground their relationship well. You produced a good starting point for their relationship; with them being childhood friends, it is no wonder that they would grow up close to one another.

In addition, the descriptions were on point and I am personally happy that you used the 3rd person point of view. It was a good pick concerning the scene; you were able to depict it almost like a movie scene. I was able to vividly imagine the scenes, and that may be because I watched the movies, but I still think you did a great work with the descriptions. I also like your style; there's something very endearing about it. As the chapters progress, I only hope to see the progression of your character's voice.

Second Chapter

The second chapter had a lot more character development between Jack and Catalina. The reader can see just how their relationship has improved throughout the years. The more I read about these two characters, the more I can't help but admire their relationship. I think you did a really good job of developing the early blooms of their relationship by starting them off as friends. I can't say much about this chapter aside from that the pacing is great and the 3rd person point of view continues to make this an even more enjoyable read.

The Chapters That Follow

As much as I liked the first two chapters, chapter three commenced in a rather jarring way for me. You went from 3rd person to 1st person point of view and I suppose that is the reason why the chapter felt jarring upon entry.

I am not quite sure what to say about the third chapter. A lot of things happen to Catalina in this chapter and this is where the development picks up. You showed in the first chapter the reason as to why she ended up being evil: she was betrayed - by the man she loved - and her father was brutally murdered. In addition, she was branded as a pirate and thus will forever bear that mark. This also lends itself well to poetic symmetry and themes surrounding cause and effect. As jarring as I found the third chapter to be, I can't say that I disliked the themes that you included in the chapter. I actually liked them, a lot—and I commend you for that, a job well-done mate!

The chapters that follow the first three are all different and interesting enough in their own right. However, I think perhaps I liked the part where she finds out about her father's secret the most. Granted, I found the emotions contrived and forced, yet however, it may just be that I have a hard time empathising with Catalina, seeing that this is a fanfiction. I was mostly interested in the lore and the backstory as it gradually revealed itself for me. I think that perhaps the height of this may just be the chapter where she discovers the truth about her father when she reads his letter. I consider that chapter as the peak of an exposition well-done. Since exposition is very often hard to weave in such a way that isn't boring or simply mind-numbing, I much appreciate this chapter, and I think you did really well.

Dialogue

Granted, I recognise much of the dialogue from the movies but there was still originality to Catalina's dialogue and interactions with the other characters. I like the fact that as the characters progress, their dialogue and their manners in terms of interaction change as well. The difference is certainly very minute and I am not quite sure if you meant to do this or not. Yet, I like the minor adjustments and I think the only served to make your narrative better as the characters came off as more realistic through the dialogue.

Dialogue is very important for any narrative as I believe that the execution of dialogue is one of the things that make or break a narrative. Whether the dialogue is said out loud or may it be an internal dialogue, the way it is handled and executed really affects the reception of the story. Bland and boring dialogue make readers quickly lose interest. Flowery dialogue makes me think of poetry. Dialogue that contains messages between each drawn and written line completely fascinates me. I absolutely love it when there are hidden meanings in the dialogue.

Your book and the way you executed the dialogue was really good. There were hidden meanings behind each letter. Each expression was laced with emotion and I like it a lot.

However, I would like to note that there were several instances where the dialogue felt flat and my interest wavered a lot. There was a scene where Jack saves Elizabeth, he has a conversation with some of the folks and the way they conversed was rushed and fast. This was reflected in the dialogue. But by the time I was half-way through their conversation, my interest was lost and my attention began to wane. By the time it ended, I had no idea what was going on and though I watched the movie, I still couldn't understand what was happening.

I understand that this is a fanfiction and we, the writers, often find ourselves relying on the stored knowledge of the readers. But that is not always a good idea, we must keep in mind that this is still a narrative we are writing and though the reader will have some stored knowledge, it is always much better to write the story as a story instead. Write everything as you would write a non-fanfic narrative, and pay close attention to how the dialogue flows. This way, the quality will improve for the better of the book.

Grammar

The grammar was well done and I didn't see many errors. You did a good job with editing your chapters and I personally admire your choice of words. There are a few mistakes here and there, yet they are very minute and easily glanced over. However, still, I suggest going over the chapters one more time to correct those errors.

Characters

Admittedly, Catalina was an exceptionally intriguing character that held her own and certainly bore the strength to become a full-fledged OC. I liked the resilience of her character and the fact that her actions were very much motivated. The way she grew from childhood to adulthood was fascinating as I could really see the development of her personality and her motivations. Catalina is most certainly one of the better OCs I have read about, though unfortunately not the best. Still, I enjoyed reading about her and that is commendable.

As for the other characters, I think you did them good justice. Perhaps one of the more interesting ones was Catalina's father. It was his death that motivated Catalina to seek vengeance and I do like the lore that surrounds him.

Overview

Overall, I liked the story though there were times where the plot was too rough and bare. I think you could do well to add more meat to the bones to add to the overall interest of the book. I wasn't able to finish it as I was unable to find myself caring for the characters at hand. Genuinely speaking, I recognise that this has to be one of the better fanfiction out there, the only problem is that I was just not invested enough and the story was just not for me.

However, it doesn't matter if the story was for me or not, you wrote a great narrative that deserves high commendation amid a sea of fanfictions. This was certainly a good read and I had my share of fun. I wish you all the well and I hope you do more to improve in your craft. You have much potential and it would be a waste if you stopped cultivating it.

All in all, great job and best of luck on further endeavours!

Reviewed by: Lyssa