Title

I think the title is brilliant. It's very alluring, and it sparks interest within the reader from the very beginning. The word 'never' has a capital 'V' in the title. I'm unsure so far if this is intentional or not.

Cover

Your cover is also very appealing. The diamond in the background makes me wonder if this book will include royalty, or some kind of high-end theme. The fading of the font is very effective too, and does draw me in to read more.

However, part of the image in the centre does appear to be slightly blurred. This is a very minor issue, but it is worth noting. Personally, it's not enough to turn me away from reading the book; from the name and cover alone, I'm already intrigued.

Blurb

I like that the blurb says what is going to happen in your book, but doesn't really spoil anything major. It's a job well done, I'd say. The ideas mentioned were interesting, particularly that of someone ending up lost in a whole other world.

However, there are a number of grammar mistakes in the blurb that make it a bit of a rockier read. The second paragraph is one long run-on sentence, which makes me wonder what exactly I'm going to find within this book.

I would still say this doesn't really put me off reading the book, but it does make me apprehensive of what the writing style will be like.

The First Few Chapters

The first few sentences of the prologue are very gripping. It's a brilliant way to begin the novel, and really makes me want to find out more. Why is it dark? Is the main character dead? These questions are great to pull the reader in this early on.

The entire prologue is rather intriguing, but it's also incredibly confusing. This is largely due to a mixture of grammar mistakes, run-on sentences, and possibly a lack of development so far. It's okay for a prologue to be confusing - it is supposed to make the reader want to know more - but it's really not the best for it to be so littered with mistakes, as this alone will turn many a reader away. I'd recommend hiring an editor, or going over this yourself.

Prologues should raise questions, which is why the confusing aspect plot-wise isn't much of an issue yet, but proper grammar is of very high importance. The prologue can make or break a book. It's the reader's first sight of you as a writer, and will give them the option of reading on to find out more, or leaving and going off to find something else.

The first chapter begins in a very skilful way, I think. You introduce the concept of animals that can talk, the main character's ability to talk to them, and her role in the book. It's instantly gripping, just as your cover and blurb were. As a reader, I'm very interested in where this book will go.

I like the introduction of Caroline and her relationship with the main character. She so far doesn't seem very much like her own person, due to how closely she is said to be connected to the main character, but as this is only the first chapter, there is still plenty of time for this to change.

However, there are more grammar mistakes spread across this chapter. In some places, it's hard to work out what you're trying to say because of how odd the sentence structure is in a number of places. This is quickly becoming your biggest issue I think, and I would strongly recommend you rectify it as soon as you can.

If needed, TTT offers an editing service. We would be happy to help you out.

Chapter two begins well, but quickly becomes more confusing due to a lack of description. It reads as if you're rushing through the events, even though they are a part of the main story. It's very important to give thorough scene descriptions not a book like this that isn't set in the world as we know it.

When Caroline scares Millicent for example, it's hard to work out what is actually going on. Just before this, they're inside, and then they find some horses just standing about? It doesn't make much sense. I believe further explanation of this would be beneficial to both your plot and the reader.

The idea of 'people hunting' is very inventive, I really like it, but I do think it deserves more of a build up. It sounds sort of creepy, maybe a bit mysterious, but this isn't shown at all through your narrative aside from the mention of ghosts.

As the story continues, there still seems to be a lack of scene description. There are plenty of things mentioned in passing - a campsite, a forest, lakes, forest creatures, etc - but there is very little actually said about any of these things. It's confusing to read, because it's like these things juts appear out of nowhere since they haven't already been introduced.

I like how you've worked the magical creatures into the plot though. It's a nice touch, as it reminds the reader that this world is different from theirs, and it also adds to your world development. Bravo!

The ending of chapter three is brilliant, I have to say. It's very tense, there's a lot of suspense, and your description here is awesome. It brings forth a lot of questions, which is brilliant for an ending like that.

Chapter 5 doesn't begin in the best way, in my opinion. Why does this blonde girl decide to trust someone who's broken into her house? Why was she checking that room? Why is she so okay with being shushed by someone she doesn't know, and perfectly happy to let this person into her room? It doesn't make very much sense to me.

I also don't really understand how Millicent knows what's going on. She's just been thrust into, presumably, another dimension, so why is she so calm? I think there is a lot missing between this scene and the end of chapter four. I would recommend you go over this section and add more detail to make the reader understand.

The use of ellipsis after statements is ineffective. In dialogue, or to exaggerate cliffhangers, they work very well, but when used continuously they simply become meaningless and add nothing to the story. Keep this in mind, unless you strongly believe that they add something to Millicent's character.

I like Caleb. If I'm honest, he seems like the only sane character in this book so far. He's doubtful and questioning of what he's just been told, which I'd imagine would be a pretty normal reaction to this kind of thing. It's a lot to take in, and his reaction seems realistic, more so than Josephine's was.

Middle Chapters

So far, the basic plot has been introduced, as have the main characters, and the themes of the book. There is a lot that can be improved, but I don't believe this is a wholly bad book. The plot is interesting, and the twists are well placed too.

Usually by the middle of the book, there is a solid idea of who the main character are through quirks, background information, and personality tidbits found throughout the story.

However, by chapter 11, I still don't really know very much about Millicent, or Josephine, or Caroline. I believe this is due to a lack of description and inner thoughts. At the end of chapter 11, you do show some insight, more than has been seen from Millicent so far throughout the book, and it's very effective. Even these smaller pieces of real personality make a big difference to your story. I would like to see more of them.

Chapter 12 contains some nice insight into Millicent's past, and explores a bit more of her character, thus allowing the reader to connect with her more. However, the descriptions are difficult to understand because of how they're worded. You've said some pretty interesting stuff, but it reads like notes. It's as if you maybe aren't sure what you want to say, so you're gushing information at the reader to give them some insight into your mind without any real fully fledged information. I think with a bit of scene planning maybe, or a detailed list on what you want to say, this chapter would be vastly improved.

The next few chapters quickly become confusing more than anything else. It is again largely grammar issues that make your writing hard to understand. At first, this was less of an issue, but now that the plot is coming together a bit more, detail is all the more crucial. I'm finding it hard to keep up with what's happening.

Everything I've said already continued to apply throughout your book. Editing would serve you very well, I believe.

The size of the chapters begins to become more similar as the book goes on. Your chapters are a good length and each do seem to add something to the overall storyline. It was a good decision on your part to make this happen.

Plot

Despite the previously mentioned issues within this book, the plot is actually very intriguing and well structured.

The introduction to the world that Millicent lives in makes it easy to understand, and though it is all very rushed, I can keep up with what's going on up until she goes through the magic bubble.

I really like the idea that the story came true. It was a very well done plot device in my opinion, because it was made to seem like the most ludicrous thing. The story helped Millicent to figure out what was going on and act accordingly.

The next dozen or so chapters pass in a blur, if I'm honest. Things happen, the plot is unfolded, but everything seems to be written as if you're running out of time. Important scenes are flown through, character development is rushed over. It quickly becomes a lot more difficult to understand anything.

Why is she going after the diamond? Why does Caroline have to be there at all when she doesn't seem to do very much aside from get hurt?

Caleb's questions for Millicent are stretched out, too. It's predictable what he's going to tell her, but the lack of development leading up to him telling her really decreases the impact of what could happen when he does.

This book has a lot of potential, but I don't feel like you've quite taken advantage of how brilliant this idea is as well as you could have.

You need to expand the plot and take your time to go through each important event. Rushing through them to keep to an update schedule may seem good because you're updating habitually, but overall it does little but adversely affect the book. It makes every chapter seem jumpy and underdeveloped.

Every issue with this book can easily be fixed through editing and more in depth planning. I can't deny that this is an amazing idea you've stuck onto; it deserves to be written to its full potential, and currently I believe it is lacking considerably.

The story of the truth and the lie is a brilliant example of just how talented a writer you are. It's an amazing addition that furthers the plot and explores how Millicent thinks.

When you unveil Millicent's grandmother, I think you really missed out on a lot of opportunities.

The scene is brilliant. She emerges from the diamond and explains all that has gone on in the story, all the missing puzzle pieces, and pulls them together expertly.

But, the build up you've created throughout her explanation is then destroyed.

She doesn't come across as evil, which could be due to a lack of description in that chapter, and instead just seems like a woman doing her job. I'm unsure if I should be hating her, indifferent towards her, or happy that Millicent has found her. It's a very confusing chapter, I can't say it's as good as I was expecting.

For the big event need the end, it's a little bit of a let down. The idea behind it is great of course, but the scene itself just isn't.

Writing

Your writing in terms of plot is very rich, but in terms of grammar and punctuation, there are a lot of issues.

Almost every sentence has something missing from it, whether that be a word, a comma, a period, or a colon. I believe these are largely editing issues, but the amount of mistakes in your writing makes understanding it more than a bit of a struggle.

When reading, it's like I'm missing out on parts of the plot due to interpretation of what you're trying to say. It gives the text a jolted feel that, were I not reviewing your work, would have turned me away by chapter four.

As I've said before, the quality of the writing itself has a huge impact on any book. The plot of course should be high quality, but if the writing is hard to understand people will simply give up and move on to another book.

Even if you're book isn't finished yet and this is a first draft, it still needs major editing as quick as you can do it. I would highly recommend hiring an editor to help you out due to the size of your book. Editing can be a real drag when it's only a few chapters needing done, I can only imagine that thirty will take a very long time to perfect.

You seem to use a lot of passive description, which can be good in books of the horror or mystery genre, but doesn't really work out too well for this book.

Characters

The character of Millicent above all others does shine through your writing. She is a sarcastic, hard-to-like character with awkward confidence that comes across alright, but could be expanded on more.

She is the main character who's head we're inside for the majority of the book. This first person POV is often used to explore internal dialogue and the character's thoughts on whats going on, however, Millicent doesn't really do that for the most part, aside from the odd sarcastic quip.

Her internal dialogue tends to scratch the surface of her personality rather than diving into it, which I think is a shame really because what I have seen of her makes her a very interesting character.

The characters of Josephine and Caleb are similarly only touched upon. I don't feel like I know them very well despite the twenty five chapters or so they've been present in.

Josephine seems like a less prominent version of Millicent with very few traits aside from 'sister' and 'secretive', which again is a shame because what I know of her makes her seem like a good character.

Caleb I could tell from the offset was a love interest. He's funny and goofy, and he wants to talk to Millicent about how he feels about her but can never quite seem to get the words out. He's a more developed character than the other two combined I believe, and even then his character is only just deeper.

I think if you went back to head the beginning and added more dialogue, more description of movement and emotion, these characters would be brought to life more smoothly.

Gothica, your newest character however, is very quickly and effectively explored. Your style seems to change a bit when she appears, which could perhaps be due to time or practice getting into character. She fits my expectations of her very well, and I believe she is one of your best characters.

Overall Impression

Overall, I believe your book as a lot of potential that's been left dormant. The plot is excellent, the bases for the characters are excellent, but it's in danger of falling into a substandard section because of underdevelopment and issues with exploration.

I do plan to add this book to my library. The plot is a masterpiece in my opinion, and I want to know how the story turns out. As an editor myself, the mistakes in grammar and wording don't bother me as much as they might the average reader.

There are a lot of areas needing improvement all across this work, but there's nothing that a bit of further development can't fix.

I hope this review is helpful to you and doesn't come across as being too harsh. My aim here is to provide constructive criticism and help you build your book up to the best it can be. I don't wish to demotivate and put you down.

Review By: Emma