Before I begin, I'd like you to keep in mind that your novel isn't complete, so I have done my review of the current version of the story that you have published right now. I also apologize if I come off as too harsh, I just want to help you improve your work.

Title

As a reader and reviewer, in my opinion, the title is not very interesting. It's rather bland, but still succeeds in making me curious to find out what is to come. It's a title that could make one think this is a sequel, but it could also signify events about to take place similar to what has happened before.

Cover

The cover is aesthetic, and I love that idea, but I do believe you have to work on it a bit more. I would suggest that you find different images that merge into one for the cover, rather than images that stand out on their own and make the cover look like a bunch of different random images thrown together.

You need to work on the font; it's not very clear and I suggest you make the size bigger. Perhaps it could go "And so it all begins..." in a smaller font, and "Again" in a different, larger font. I do like the font you used for the author's name.

There is also a "Pic Collage" logo on the bottom. I suggest getting rid of that as well.

Blurb

I like the current blurb; it's simple, it doesn't reveal too much, and it makes the story more mysterious. On the other hand, if a reader judges your story by the blurb, they would be rather uninterested, I'd say, except for this one sentence that I think is absolutely amazing:

"The best thing about night is, it is dark but it lets our souls glow."

I'll give you a way to rephrase this and make it even better than it already is, you'll see as you read on.

You could give the readers a bit more insight into the contents of the book. You haven't revealed the basic plot, or much on note of that. You showed the current status of your main protagonists, and I'd say that was done well, however, you should include full names of the protagonists, since they have middle names.

I saw very minor grammar mistakes and extra words: these need to be corrected to help improve your writing. I would suggest going through your blurb again, keeping all of these points in mind. I feel as though you can definitely make it better and improve it.

Prologue and First chapter

The prologue begins with Leila's POV, and we see the first conversation in the story between Leila and Sean.

We can see that Leila likes pulling Sean's leg and making him annoyed, and that she has gradually grown to like him more and more over time, as you have described. She just wants to spend time with him and get more attention from him, whereas he's focusing on his work more, and he feels guilty and bad about that but firmly puts his responsibilities first.

In the first chapter it starts with Sean's POV and we're able to see he loves Leila as much as she loves him.

We are also introduced to Kyle; Sean's cousin who supposedly betrayed him in some way. We find out that Kyle has always haunted Sean's memories, and was the one particular person he had a hard time forgetting.

Then, we switch back to Leila's POV. We also see Leila and Sean talking about Kyle, both agreeing that there was something off about him, and they have a small romantic moment where they kiss, say 'I love you' and wish each other goodnight.

These are what I would say could be improved to make this chapter even matter;

- You wrote the conversations in a rather peculiar manner.
Example,

"Dialogue."
Sentence

"Go away. Right now!"
Her voice echoed throughout the house as she screamed.

Instead, you could try

"Dialogue." Sentence

"Go away. Right now!" Her voice echoed throughout the house as she screamed.

Follow them up in the same sentence, rather than on separate lines. This will make your writing seem more professional, as if you look at published books, most tend to have dialogue structured like this.

Another point, make sure if you follow this method that you use different paragraphs for the speech of different characters.

- You wrote 'cause' instead of 'because' in some places. I suggest you change these to 'because' unless this is a particular character quirk that is important to your story.

I think you should make sure you only use italics where they are really needed instead of giving unnecessary words emphasis. There are some sentences which are obviously meant to be read as they are, and by giving importance to words that don't need it, you're doing little but decrease the quality of your writing.

The introduction of the character Kyle is a bit too early I'd say as well. It only been the one chapter. I think you could maybe build up the tension slowly, and work parts of Kyle's character into dialogue instead of bringing him forwards right away.

I also think you could add more tension to the first chapter. I don't think it was as intense as it could have been. After all, this is Kyle we're talking about; the one who haunts Sean's memories and suspicions.

There are also a lot of sentences with the same lengths, which after a while can come across kind of robotically. I would suggest you put the more important sentences separately, and allow other sentences to be put together in small paragraphs. The paragraph spacing would look much better if you do this too.

- Don't use the same word repeatedly unless repetition exaggerates a point you're trying to make.

Example

(Word A sentence.)
(Word B sentence.)
(Word A sentence.)

A. Suddenly, I saw him standing there, just staring at me with wide eyes and a wider grin.
B. I was gulping and gasping as he inched closer and closer, his grin getting wider and wider.
A. Suddenly, he stopped, and tilted his head, confusion written all over his face

Using words designed to impact the reader and build tension like 'suddenly' again and again tend to make them lose their effect. The use of these words may sometimes be beneficial if you're empathising the one point, but if it's something like the appearance of a character, and little is changing, it may be better to find an alternative.

There were very few grammar mistakes and typos. I suggest that you go over it again and make corrections. Keep these in mind because the prologue and first chapter are what makes the reader decide whether to go on and read your story or if it's not worth the effort.

Plot

Okay, let's go through your plot in a very basic way, so as not to spoil the contents to anyone who's planning on reading.

Sean Ryan Strigoi - a vampire - and Leila Clark Martin - a human - are friends. Everything is going well until someone Sean has high disregard for entered the scene, and new discoveries that surprised the protagonists occurred, along with a bit of drama, romance, and mystery.

There, now that that is summed up (I am so damn sorry, but for the purpose of the review, I butchered your work and turned it into two sentences), here are some points that I'd like to bring to your attention;

The romance part is something that people who are interested in romance and affairs between Sean and Leila would enjoy. I found it a bit interesting but also very cliche, and it's getting less and less interesting each time these two have a moment. Some feedback would be to slowly draw the interest of the readers towards the emotional parts that happen between Sean and Leila.

You did well in the middle, but then went back to the typical cliche acts again, and you're not very consistent when it comes to this. If you're doing this on purpose, to suggest that they're not always going to be on the same level emotionally however, you're doing a good job.

I found the character of Kyle uninteresting. He is an antagonist who was dropped into this story a bit too early, making him a character that doesn't seem very special, like I mentioned in the 'Prologue and First Chapter' section.

The investigation, finding another suspect, and revelation of the real attacker; I enjoyed these parts of the story.

It's always werewolves and vampires. More cliche. No offense to you, but all the vampire stories on wattpad are getting more and more unoriginal. I haven't read any vampire stories without the involvement of werewolves somewhere down the line. If you make it interesting enough, people wouldn't think of this as just another vampire story though, you may just need to work on some other aspects to make it really stand out from the crowd.

Amidst all of this, there is a kidnapping, there is a bit of drama, and it sometimes seems like you're writing sentences that aren't necessary to the plot at all.

As for my opinion, this is a good plot. It's not unique or special, it isn't original, it is like any other vampire novel I have read on Wattpad, but it still has a good grounding, and you can make it even better with the addition of just a few dashes of originality.

Characters

There is a lack of character development in your story. Aside from some changes in Sean - which were described nicely -and the relationships between some characters, there has been no development at all.

I was expecting more from Leila's part too, like realization that Sean is changing for her. I'd imagine she would've changed at least a bit if that had happened.

Kyle needs to be more mysterious and should be made more intriguing. I think he should be shown as someone more powerful, not through what he does, but through his thought process and point of view.

Then again, there are only 25 chapters, and if it's a long novel, it'll take time for development.

For now, I suggest giving more time to actually show the characters grow, and capturing a bit more of their feelings and thoughts

Writing

The character dialogues were okay, and the conversations between Leila and Sean show the readers how much they absolutely love and adore each other, even though they argue constantly. At first it wasn't anything serious but you slowly showed everyone how Leila and Sean's relationship really is, and that's a good thing.

Here are some points on which you you can improve:

- You had mentioned in the blurb that this was going to be a stand-alone novel, not part two of your book. But it says book two, and there would definitely be a lot of confusion for a reader who has not read your other book.

So, what will it be?
Part two or stand-alone novel?
You should make up your mind.

You didn't properly introduce all the characters to a level that made them recognisable. I kept thinking, "Who is this? Ace? Alex? Simon? Annabelle? Blaire? Who??"

If this is supposed to be a stand-alone novel, you have to do better; you have to explain who these people are and give them their own story arcs. Readers won't want an entire history or biography, but make them aware of who they're reading about.

You put more importance on dialogues than on building the scene and the plot. Focus more on those, as they're the key features of any book.

- There are typos, grammar mistakes, and some sentences that need to be rephrased in order to narrate the story more effectively to the readers. You need to describe everything more effectively and add more depth to everything. But remember not to go overboard with the description; you have to captivate the readers, and that doesn't require screeds.

- About your sentence, "The best thing about night is, it is dark but it lets our souls glow." I suggest rephrasing it to,

• "The darkness of the night is what lets our souls glow."

• "Our souls glow in the dark, that's the best thing about the night."

• "Even the darkest of nights aren't meant to oppose us, they are helping our souls glow."

• "Nights are dark, indeed, but that's so our souls can glow."

• "Souls glow in the night, so embrace the darkness." (this can also be written as "Souls glow in the dark, so embrace the night.")

Or any other sentence that comes to mind that will catch more attention. It is a really amazing sentence and I like it a lot, it could just be worded differently for more impact.

- The points I mentioned when I talked about the prologue and first chapter, remember those as well.

Overall impression

In the end, it wasn't anything special, but it's still a good read. It is supposed to be a stand-alone novel but it confused me at some points because it felt like a sequel, which was not a good experience.

I loved the conversations between Leila and Sean. That was the best part for me; as a reader who likes romance. It has a lot of room for improvement. I'm expecting a twist or a shocking cliffhanger, because it hasn't been that eventful so far.

I'm looking forward to the next chapters because I'm a very curious person, but a regular reader might be uninterested because of the uneventful chapters and how you put less importance on the plot and events by focusing too much on the dialogue. I would stop reading if the chapters don't progress faster after updates.

But ultimately, these are just from a reader's/reviewer's point of view. You don't need to change the way that you want to write, and you don't need to change what you want to write based on anything written here. My review isn't supposed to be negative or positive, it should be constructive in order to to help you.

And don't forget, whatever you do,

Write your heart out!

Reviewed By: Poppins