Title

The title was rather intriguing as I came to wonder, what exactly would this vampire sacrifice? Love? Wealth? Immortality? Or it could also go the other way, maybe the main character ends up being the sacrifice of the vampire? I must say, good job on choosing your title. I look forward to reading and I hope the blurb does not disappoint.

Blurb

So perhaps I said things a little too early. The blurb was two paragraphs long and to be honest, a short paragraph would have done the deed as not much of note really happens in those two paragraphs. At the same time, you also revealed several things that I would have liked to find out for myself. When writing blurbs, we must keep in mind that though we must entice the readers, we must also find a balance between the two severes of too vague and spoiling the plot.

In the blurb, you introduced the main character, Daniel, and a little bit down closer to the bottom, you also introduced us to the vampire love interest who inadvertently ruins Daniel's life. See, I believe that mentioning this part spoiled the story as you could have used this as a plot hook or a narrative driven theme that will run throughout the book. I suggest you cut down this blurb. Show just enough, but don't show everything, otherwise what's the point of reading?

Cover

The cover is bright, yet almost melancholic. I will presume that the woman depicted on the cover is the vampire. From what I can see, she doesn't seem to be a typical vampire. The cover gives me a warm feeling, quite unlike most vampire fic covers that depict dark and mysterious colours. I think I actually like this one, it's uncommon for sure and I think it's suited to the theme of this book. If you could remain consistent, then oh so the better.

The only issue I can find it the fact that the title is almost flush with the background and is not easily seen. I suggest you edit this by choosing a colour that will help your title stand out. It is very bright and it blends too much with the background. Choose a darker colour for your font in order to make it stand out against the cover and thus make it more visible.

Other than that, I really can't say more other than good job. I commend whoever made this cover.

First Chapter

The first chapter was well written; it had a good flow to it, and I like the descriptions you put in the very first few paragraphs. They gave me a good picture of the characters, though I feel like you overdid this later on. Though there is no harm in describing the characters, overdoing the descriptions will slow down the pace and take up precious time. I suggest that you stick to a few descriptions only, or describe only the essential characters. As for the other, less important characters, you can give passing remarks as to their features without going through them too in-depth unless it is very essential to the story.

So, the pacing was good, and I was able to enjoy the first chapter. It did a good job of introducing the main character, Daniel, and it was able to showcase his personality and establish the setting. Personally, I absolutely adore Daniel's mother as I think she's very sweet. She gives me a warm and cuddly feeling which is definitely a good thing.

Chapters Two to Three

The time skips to when Daniel celebrates his 12th birthday. When I read twelve, my mind immediately went to the romance bit. I thought, if he is twelve, how is he going to be the love interest of the vampire? So immediately my mind was stirred and I kept on reading. I found the chapter to be less about the party, and more about the events that occurred before the party. Daniel goes to his grandmother and his grandmother gave him his great-grandfather's old suit. This he wears to the party afterwards.

I enjoyed the interaction between Daniel and his grandmother. There is something so heartwarming about their relationship. In addition, I thought that you added some really great details to this chapter. Firstly, you showed the attitude that his parents have - something that the reader will have to know in order to better understand the upbringing of Daniel. In addition, you also depicted his classmates as well as his blooming crush on Sunny. Which is cute, if I do say so myself. I like that you humanised the side characters, and that you gave them their own feelings.

I would also like to note that your descriptions were very consistent and I am very impressed. Consistency is tricky, but with enough practise and persistence, it is an art that can be mastered.

The third chapter felt as if it was dragging out for too long. Though I do love the pacing and the tones of this book, I cannot help but feel as if the stakes are being pushed farther and farther away. We get a few scenes of young love, and then we receive exposition on Orra.

So concerning the exposition, I didn't really enjoy it as you basically just told us her biography. It was all about her being a witch and all. Don't get me wrong, witches are dope, however, the way you revealed this information did not sit right with me. It would have been better if you had slowly revealed this to us instead of simply telling the audience. It is much better to slowly unravel this and thus use this information to build up tension and stakes for the novel than give the reader everything at once.

I guess my issue here is that the story has been dragging its feet. Three chapters in, and nothing of note has occurred besides maybe the birthday party. But apart from that, nothing of importance to the plot has occurred and this is draining the audience's attention.

So let's get back to the point about the blurb. The blurb depicted this as romance, however, so far, all that there is is Daniel's crush on Sunny. This is disappointing for the readers; sure, many of us are patient, however, if this goes on for too long without anything related to the blurb even happening, the readers will say 'screw it' because the thing they came here to read isn't being fulfilled. This is a case of failed expectations, something that all authors must be wary of.

Grammar

You have good grammar. There were very few mistakes to be found. My only suggestion is that you go and look back at your story and then edit yourself, or you could get the aid of an editor. But overall, good job with the grammar, keep it up.

Dialogue

The dialogue was written out very well. The way the characters spoke gave them a sense of realism and I certainly found myself intrigued by their dialogues. I guess the reason why I am interested is because they acted so human and their dialogue felt smooth and natural. They were not scripted, rather they felt like the dialogue of a real person. Highest commendations, you did an excellent job with the dialogue.

Characters

So far, I really like the characters. They all give me varying vibes and they help in my overall immersion into the story. Like I said earlier, Daniel's mother gave me a very warm and fuzzy vibe and his grandmother is oh so sweet. His father was supportive yet strict, and so he felt realistic despite the fact that he really had the least amount of character screen time.

In addition, I do appreciate the fact that you took the time to characterise Danile's classmates instead of giving them no apparent personality. Belka is a cute but annoying girl, and I can see her relationship with Daniel developing slowly but surely. For all that I am aware, these two might end up as best friends.

Perhaps my only issue is Daniel. He has a great supporting cast, however, I feel as if his own personality was being overshadowed by the ensemble. He doesn't give me those same vibes, but then again, I appreciate other aspects of his personality as per provided in the narrative. He is kind and respectful, and he seems genuinely annoyed whenever his classmates or other people blush around him because of the family title that he holds.

All in all, my only suggestion is that you should develop Daniel a bit more further. Give him more character and add more to his strengths and flaws. Make him human, make him vulnerable. But besides that, you did a magnificent job with the characters. I am definitely impressed and there isn't much else I can say.

Overview Impression

This book was a good read! I'll be honest, I had fun reading in between the lines and I loved the descriptions. You did well in terms of the setting as it was well defined and I was able to imagine the scenes in all their lucidity.

Now, when it comes to the characters, you did well with humanising them. You paid attention to the minor characters and that's just brilliant. As a reader, I often look forward to reading more when I know early on that the book will have good characterisation. You did a great job with the characterisation, can I say that again? A job well done!

I also admire the consistency of the narrative. The style remained the same though there were a few cracks here and there. It's tricky to be consistent, so minor cracks every so often are forgivable.

Now, whilst I was reading this, I was rather confused, as Daniel here is only 12. The blurb says that he will end up as the love interest of a vampire. I am not sure on the themes of this book just yet since there are only four chapters. However, I found myself rather befuddled at the thought of a 12 year old boy with a vampire. Obviously, I doubt there will be anything explicit, but still it got me thinking. He might age up soon however, and that would be much better. But I cannot fathom a twelve year old being the love interest of a vampire, I really just cannot come to terms with such a concept.

The pacing was great; neither too fast nor too slow. However, the plot did drag around, as as previously said, by chapter three, nothing of note had happened.

Overall, I like this book and I will definitely recommend it to people I know. I think there is a lot that can be learned from this book.

First of all, the pacing. From the pacing, we can extract the value of approximating the pacing with the theme. For a softer, lighter narrative, a calm pace is fitting. For action driven stories, the pacing is fast and upbeat, this is why most dystopian novels run at a mile-a-minute.

Secondly, the characters. They were well developed and the elicited emotion within me. You showed that it is important to develop, and that even the minor characters have their own lives and their own stories to tell.

To all those writers out there who wish to learn more on pacing and character development, I would recommend this book. Highest commendations and I wish you luck in further projects to come.

Reviewed by: Lyssa