Sophie allowed herself three seconds in Dex's embrace before she pulled away. Was that long enough to acceptably keep up the pretense of care?

  When she did, she still couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes. She didn't want to look at the forgiveness and sadness there. She didn't want to face how that would make her feel.

  Because she still hated all of them, didn't she?

  She couldn't let herself feel anything, because it would be fake.

  And all because of the Neverseen. They were the ones that made it so she wouldn't feel any happiness or relief when her best friend forgave her. When the people she had hurt so much welcomed her home.

  Sophie thought that she felt something like this deep down, but it was layered under repulsion at Dex touching her and disgust at the compassion in his eyes.

  But. . . there was something else, too. Something the Neverseen's altered emotions couldn't tamp down.

  Disgust at herself. For feeling the way she did when Dex hugged her. When he'd forgiven her.

  She should've been overwhelmed with gratefulness and relief. She should've held on to her best friend with everything she had.

  Edaline wrapped her arm tentatively around Sophie, giving her a small squeeze and a smile. Sophie forced herself not to pull away, remembering how Edaline had reacted before when she did.

  Hurt.

  And she would continue hurting the people around her—the people she loved—was supposed to love—if she didn't get her emotions back to normal soon.

  She was stunned to realize that she was almost looking forward to the meeting with Keefe later.

  She wanted to find out what was wrong with her, and how to fix it.

  She was so tired of her mind and emotions warring with each other. 

  She looked away, needing to ask one question. "How can you—?" She cleared her throat. "How can you seriously not be upset?" She whispered. "I could be—I could be a spy for the Neverseen, just pretending to come back. I did so many horrible things to you guys, whether. . ." She broke off again, rubbing the back of her neck. "Whether you know it or not."

  The corners of Dex's mouth lifted again, but in a sadder smile this time. "That wasn't you, Sophie. That was the Neverseen."

  Sophie looked down. "No. I knew what I was doing."

  "No, you didn't," Edaline jumped in. "Not really. The Neverseen took and twisted your memories and altered your emotions. You didn't truly have free will over yourself."

  Sophie opened her mouth to argue, but found she didn't really have anything to say. She definitely would have acted differently if everything inside her had been how it was supposed to be.

  For starters, she wouldn't have joined the Neverseen in the first place.

  But that didn't mean that she wasn't completely unchanged from her time spent with the opposing organization. And . . . that was scary for her to think about.

  "I promise that we'll fix everything," Dex assured her, flashing his dimples, which made her almost believe him. "We're the good guys, remember?"

  Sophie almost believed that, too. Maybe she would really believe that once Keefe helped her fix her emotions.

  She was able to muster a small smile. "Okay," she said, letting him take that how he wanted to.

  "You guys are set to go," Kesler said, reminding them that he was there, too. He met Sophie's eyes, giving her a smile that made him look just like his son. Or made Sophie see just how much Dex looked like Kesler. Either way, she was touched by the warmth radiating out from him. "It was nice to see you."

  Sophie gave a small smile in return. "You too," she said, unsure if she actually meant it.

  She felt Dex and Kesler's eyes on her as she and Edaline walked out. She didn't look back.

  "See, that wasn't so bad," Edaline said once they were out of the store. Sophie finally felt like she could breathe again.

  "Speak for yourself," Sophie muttered. She begged to differ.

  What was even worse was that since going into the apothecary, Sophie felt less calm. She felt like something inside of her was fighting to come out, buried under layers and layers of something negative and suppressive.

  It was harder for her to find peace again. She ached for the composure she'd felt just this morning under the branches of Calla's panakes tree.

  Edaline and Sophie wove through the crowd, making their way to the huge bubble wand that would take them out of the city. Sophie remembered the first time she'd ever been in Atlantis—with Alden and Fitz, not long after she'd first arrived in the Lost Cities. She'd been astonished at all the elves' strange ways and customs.

Even though she wasn't completely used to everything in the Lost Cities, she definitely wasn't as fazed by the things she saw as she would have been years before. She was sort of proud to realize that.

  She'd been through a lot, hadn't she?

  As they floated out of Atlantis, Sophie finally thought to ask Edaline where they were going now.

  Edaline wiggled her eyebrows. "Why, to your Empathy meeting, of course."

  Sophie groaned. She's almost forgotten about that.

  She couldn't believe that before, she had almost felt ready to go.

  She distracted herself with wondering how Edaline had gotten a crystal to the Black Swan hideout. Maybe Mr. Forkle had given one to her.

  Edaline rolled the crystal in her hand. "Are you ready?"

  No.

  But she wasn't about to say that.

  So Sophie squeezed her eyes shut and let Edaline pull her into the light.

  The woody, flowery smell of the Black Swan's hideout hit Sophie first, because she still had her eyes squeezed shut. She gave herself three seconds of blackness before she forced herself to open them.

  Reluctantly.

  Sophie gulped as she stared at the round, looming door in front of her. She'd been here so many times in the past few weeks—once, she'd been filled with hatred and anger, and once she'd been filled with confusion and sadness.

  But for some reason, none of them had felt as bad as today did. Sophie's gut curled, a feeling like oncoming sickness coursing through her veins. She wanted to punch something. Or run.

  Very, very far away.

  Edaline gave her hand a small squeeze. Sophie jumped. She'd forgotten that Edaline was still there.

  "And this is where I leave you, kiddo," she said softly.

  Sophie swallowed again, nodding. She forced herself to speak. To put on the pretense that she was fine. "Okay."

  Sophie pulled away from Edaline, hiking up the hem of her dress as she walked. She cursed herself again for wearing the dress, praying that she didn't trip.

  Sophie reached the door, and stood there, frozen. Seven seconds passed as she stared at the door until she finally forced herself to move, recalling the instructions Mr. Forkle had given her what seemed like not too long ago.

  While her body moved, her insides remained frozen; cased in ice.

  The door slid open.

  Sophie stepped inside, shivering.

  She lightly walked towards the direction of the main, central dome, bringing up the map of the hideout in her photographic memory she'd complied. She assumed that once she got to the main dome, she would go from there.

  As she got closer and closer, her heart filled with more and more dread.

  She reached the dome.

  Someone was already there, she knew, without even having to look. She felt his presence like she would feel a knife shoved through her side.

  And she felt his eyes on her like a heavy weight pushing her down, making her drown. 

  A deeper cold crawled up her spine.

  She stopped in the doorway, searching inside of her frigid self for the courage she needed to look up.

  To meet the ice-blue eyes she'd never been able to get out of her head.

  Slowly, she raised her eyes.

  He sat in one of the cushy armchairs she hadn't noticed before in the middle of the room, his feet propped on the dark table in front of him, looking as relaxed as could be.

  His mouth quirked in a duller version on his trademark grin. "Hey, Foster. Welcome to Aurahand."