Chapter Twenty-Eight

I could move again.

Not properly, that was for sure. I was still healing, but while Yiuwa had gone to fight a battle that erupted in Inferi, I'd found the strength to get up and take a piss on my own. However, I returned to the bed and laid down, resting the soreness in my muscles, the pain pulsing in my back and along my arm, which I had stupidly thrown out against the wall to support myself.

Still, I was strong enough to move on my own.

Physically, anyway. Mentally, I wasn't so sure.

Hades still had yet to come to me with the information he was no doubt going to discover sooner or later. Blood tests took a while to examine, and Hades was incredibly busy. Between fighting shadows and healing the injured, he really didn't have time to focus on the blood test. No doubt, the vial was still sitting in a secure container in his private laboratory. Guarded by those black skeleton creatures.

Fuck.

I closed my eyes, reaching up to rub away at a headache that was forming between my eyes.

And to make matters worse... Yiuwa was planning something. I'd caught him looking at websites for renting out venues, something about a lavish hotel in Duat, homes in Inferi and Styx. It made my stomach churn and I didn't dare let myself think about what he was doing. Didn't let myself see the smiles he flashed me, the kisses he gave me. I couldn't sink any further.

And the nightmare I'd had the night before had been what solidified my resolve.

I shuddered in remembrance.

The sight of the blood, Yiuwa's body laying in a mangled mess at my feet, those cold yellow eyes staring up at me in accusation. It had been so real. I could still feel his warm blood running down my face, soaking my hands as I struggled to staunch the blood bubbling from his corpse. He was already dead, and I knew it, knew it by the coldness of his skin, the hollowness of his eyes, but I couldn't stop trying.

I saw flashes of Petros, of Theona, Rasi. I choked on a sob, surrendering to the fact that Yiuwa was dead.

"I'm so sorry," I choked helplessly, "I'm so sorry, Yiuwa, please, I'm so sorry." It didn't matter how many times I'd repeated it. It would never be enough. And it got even worse when Petros had appeared before me, his eyes locked me with raw hatred.

"You did it again," he sneered.

"Selfish asshole," Hades said, appearing at his side. I looked back and forth between them helplessly, then back down at Yiuwa, cradling his head in my hand, tears spilling down my cheeks. An overwhelming sensation of guilt flooded my chest, suffocated me. It felt as if there were literal hands around my throat, squeezing me tighter and tighter, and I could only sit there on my knees, letting it happen until I burst awake in a flurry of terror and agony.

Yiuwa had no idea what the nightmare had been about. I couldn't form any proper words to tell him, not that I would anyway. All he could do was hold me, and I savored it, savored those muscular arms wrapping around me protectively.

Because it was the last time it would ever happen.

I had been here long enough. I had mostly healed. I was fine to be on my own now. No more liquid diet, no more pampering, no more love and affection. No matter how much I craved it.

Because the curse was getting worse and worse as the days dragged by.

Yiuwa had already been injured during battle, not once, but twice. Hades had also been severely injured, but had brushed it off like it was nothing, only to land himself into Recharge for a while.

Things were starting to fall apart. The shadows were getting stronger and the Shifter was gunning for me. The battles were drawing closer and closer to Styx. Soon, they would arrive at our doorstep and everyone dear to me would suffer the consequences.

It was time to stop playing around.

Time to stop pretending that things could work out and end like some fucking fairy tale.

Because reality wasn't a fairy tale.

There was no happy ending.

With that in mind, I plotted my escape.

Yiuwa was still off fighting shadows. He wouldn't be home for another six hours. Hades was also MIA. Theo and Adonis were in the building, but something told me they were a bit preoccupied at the moment, so I kept that in mind.

Despite the aching in my bones, the tension in my muscles, I slid my legs over the side of the bed and rose to my feet slowly. There was mild protest in my knees and my shin bones were definitely still weak, but I ignored it and started toward the nearest window. It took some doing, but I made it. I looked out over the River Styx, at the dark murky waters that hid souls aplenty, plus some unfriendly monstrosities. The sun was a fiery orange ball dipping below the horizon, casting shades of orange, purple, red, and blue across the sky. It was beautiful, but there was something strangely sorrowful about the sight.

I turned away and headed over to the bed, staring at the place where Yiuwa and I had spent hours. And not just having sex either, but talking. Watching movies. Sharing meals. It was the most relaxing time of my life, and my heart ached at the thought of not spending another day with Yiuwa by my side.

An image of his corpse flashed across my vision and I flinched, moving away from the bed and taking a deep breath as I moved across the room to the door. I paused, listening for any sounds of movement on the other side. I twisted the knob and did a quick scan to reveal the hall was empty.

Carefully and quietly, I closed the door behind me and slid into the hallway. I moved along the wall, sticking to the shadows. I could feel my body beginning to melt, feel myself breaking up into a thousand microscopic pieces and joining the shadows along the wall.

I moved easily through the hall and into the main throne room, where there appeared to be a heated debate between some of the soldiers about how many shadows they'd killed over the past week. Apparently a female named Rita had killed a hundred and was already being called the queen while the males argued among themselves while she watched on with a wicked grin.

Amused, I made my way toward the kitchen. Inside, it was a bustle of excitement as chefs and cooks moved from one end of the large industrial kitchen to the next. Dishes and pots and pans clattering, water roaring from hoses in the sinks. A couple of young kids were peeling vegetables and one was actually trying to cook a potato by blowing fire at it with fire magic. I slipped past them with ease as someone let the back door bang open and closed behind them.

Outside, it would be trickier. While the sun was almost entirely down and the world of shadows was endless now, I still had to avoid the security that had been put up. This barrier was special, designed especially by Viviana to keep shadows out... and in. If I tried to go through it on my own, I would alert her that something had made an attempt to bust through.

And I'd already seen what she'd done to those who tried to puncture her barriers.

However, there was one handy trick I could try.

I slithered along the wall of the mansion, making my way toward the front, watching as a set of guards marched up the steps, talking in low voices. They greeted the guards at the entrance, then appeared to switch shifts with them. The new set of guards was heading down to the bottom of the steps at the front gate... where they would guard the outside of the gates.

I latched onto the shadows cast by the landscape, moving quickly, despite the pain starting to solidify my body. I crept along the shadows, following closely behind the guards.

"I still think it's total bullshit," one of the guards was muttering, "Of all the people to shack up with, why Adonis? The fucker almost started a war. Two, actually." The other guard was shaking his head as I slid up alongside his boot and latched onto his shadow.

"I don't know, but I don't give a shit. Let the kid do what he wants. You saw the way he was before."

"Yeah, but he shouldn't be with an asshole like Adonis."

"You saying you're a better match?"

"Hell no. I can't handle the kid. I can barely stand to be in his presence for an hour. I just think it's stupid..." The guard trailed off into a tangent and his partner simply listened in silence, shaking his head every so often. It gave me plenty of distraction to sink myself into his shadow, going absolutely still as we drew toward the gates. I held my breath, waited as we made our way toward the gate where the guards stopped to punch in a code before exiting.

I felt the barrier around me, felt it like I was passing through syrup. But I passed through.

Relieved, I stuck to the guard as they made their way just outside the gates and stood at their posts, watching people pass by left and right. I latched onto each of their shadows, making my way through the city. I finally let go of a mother with her three children all clinging to her clothes and begging for toys. I slipped into an alleyway and allowed myself to solidify.

Instantly my legs gave out and I grunted as my knees hit the cobblestones, my body slumping against a waste disposal chute. I cursed at the stench of it, pushing myself away and propping myself up on rubbery arms. I took deep steady breathes as my body screamed at me to go back to bed. Everything in me wanted to go back, and it wasn't just the rest either.

I immediately began to feel an ache at not being with Yiuwa. Fuck, even when I was at the house, the ache was there, but at least I could look forward to him coming back. To seeing him again.

But this time, it couldn't happen.

I shut my eyes for a brief moment, forcing myself to remember what would happen if I stayed with Yiuwa too long. I blinked my eyes open when the image seared itself onto the backs of my eyelids. I sucked in a deep breath and heaved myself onto my legs. I managed to find my balance before I teleported across the realm. I easily bypassed the barrier of Hades's home, passed the black skeletal guards that stood like stone statues around the perimeter.

I appeared in the hallway, just outside the laboratory. I listened for any sounds that someone may be inside, peeked into the windows, and confirmed it was empty. I still wasn't convinced, though. Hades wasn't stupid. He was a healthy level of paranoid. His laboratory wouldn't sit here unprotected, even in a castle that was heavily protected by armed guards and barriers.

I sent magic in to investigate, and sure enough, the doors were enchanted to blast anyone back who touched them. I dismantled the spell without issue, though. Hades may be all powerful, but he was no match for someone older...

His father.

I grimaced at that.

No, I was simply his creator. A father was something completely different. And I had no right to call myself his father.

I walked into the laboratory, letting the doors close behind me. I threw out a spell at them to make it appear like the room was empty in case anyone passed by. I turned back and scanned the large space.

This was Hades's sanctuary. It was obvious in the way he took care of everything so well. All the stainless steel counters were pristine and sparkled under the white fluorescent lights. All the shelving along the walls were neatly organized with jars and containers of unidentifiable fluids and materials. Across the room was a large set of glass containers big enough to fit a grown male inside with multiple computers and machinery hooked up to it. The place where Hades created and experimented on his artificials.

I swallowed hard as a realization settled in, while I stood there in front of those glass containers.

Fuck. Hades really was my creation. The only reason he had so much power to create things, to create his own race... I'd been the one to give him that ability. It was the only reason his artificials survived as opposed to anyone else who tried to create them.

I ran my hand down the glass, feeling the cold smooth surface as I imagined Hades creating his own creatures inside this thing. I could imagine his pride, his joy, at seeing his creations step free from the containers and look at him like he was the only god that existed. I imagined that was how his own children felt about him, especially Theo. The red headed demon child was obsessed with his father, idolized him like no other.

And Yiuwa. Yiuwa had come from one of these containers. Hades had given him a vessel, a physical form so that he could live amongst us normally. Yiuwa had spent some time in this container, had stepped free and would perhaps be ever grateful to Hades for giving him another chance at life.

One that I was slowly destroying.

I drew my hand away from the glass, clearing my throat and stepping away. I turned away and caught sight of a storage room. I frowned and headed toward it, opening it up to reveal what looked like something straight out of a science-fiction movie. Rows upon rows of lit up cases ran along the walls of the small room, all of which appeared to contain vials of blood. Each one was specifically labeled. The temperature in the room had also dropped significantly, probably almost five degrees Celsius.

I went to the refrigerated shelves and started searching. It was organized in a specific way, one I didn't quite understand, so I quickly scanned each label, tilting my head to read them, but I wasn't coming across my own blood. I frowned, standing up and looking around the room slowly before I noticed a particular set up.

One of the refrigerator units was set up quite reverently.
I walked over and read the units, my heart tightening. All of the blood here was related to him. Vials of blood from his sons and their children. Lucifer, and his children and their children. All of it was neatly stored and carefully labeled. I studied the vials for a moment before I noted something hiding in the back. I frowned, reaching out to pick up the vial that I recognized as Lucifer's. The moment I lifted the vial from the space, there was a click and another vial shot out of nowhere and took its place.

I picked up the new vial.

My blood.

Of course he'd hide it. And hiding it beneath Lucifer's was quite smart. In a weird roundabout way, he trusted Lucifer to protect my blood. I replaced Lucifer's vial, taking my own.

There was a moment of guilt about doing this. Hades needed to know. He needed to know that at least one of his creators, his real creator and not the incubators he'd fought his entire life, gave a shit about him. At the same time, he wasn't a child anymore. He didn't need me. He'd grown up strong and intelligent. He'd learned to love, to share, to care, because of his children, because of Lucifer. His life was slowly getting back on track.

And my presence would only destroy that.

That thought hardened my resolve.

I wasn't going to destroy Yiuwa's life, and I definitely was not going to destroy what Hades had worked so hard to obtain. He deserved a life free of pain and misery. And my presence would only increase those things.

I clenched the vial in my fist and turned, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

Couldn't stay here. Couldn't cause anymore damage.

I teleported to the only place I could think of.

I appeared in a small cabin in the middle of nowhere. It was cold inside, the heat long having been shut off. It was dark, the electricity not working after so long. There was a layer of dust on everything from the small galley kitchen to the bed in the corner. A single room cabin fit for a lonely lifestyle that I had spent centuries and centuries living.

It was almost a trigger, actually. Recognizing the small confined space, knowing that no one else inhabited the place, or the rest of this realm as a whole. My breath hitched and I sucked in a sharp gasp with it. It felt too tight in here all of a sudden, I felt claustrophobic.

I quickly went to the fridge, opening it up to reveal it was empty and cool inside. I closed my eyes and the cabin filled with light, but it didn't seem to help that tight confined feeling. I put the vial of blood in the fridge, then stepped back and scanned the room.

There was a twisting pain in my chest. I swallowed, reaching up to clench my fist over my heart.

Yiuwa.

Fuck. The mark on my neck may have had nothing to do with it, but it felt so powerful. This sense of loss, of destroying something so good.

I would never again wake up with Yiuwa by my side. He'd never be here to offer me something to eat, or a massage. I wouldn't wake to him kissing my neck, kissing the mark and stroking it, like he was so proud to see it on my skin, proud to be with me. I would never hear his voice again, his laughter, his growling. I would never see those yellow eyes again.

Pain assailed me abruptly. For a moment, I couldn't believe how much it hurt. It felt completely physical. Like someone had thrust their fist through my back and was clenching my heart in their grip, squeezing it almost tauntingly.

Blood suddenly rushed up my throat and spilled down my face. I blinked rapidly, stunned, confused, struggling to return back to reality from my panic attack. I choked when I tried to breath. Blood poured from between my lips and ran down my chin, splattering to the floor where more blood pooled around my feet. Sticking out of the front of my chest was a black oily slick hand, gripping my heart in its fist.

Low, demonic laughter erupted from behind me and I felt a disgusting lipless mouth press against my ear.

"You know, it wasn't that hard," the Shifter sneered, its breath rancid like rotten meat, "All I had to do was wait for you to break your own heart. Leaving the poor beast high and dry like that, you're cruel, Rowan. But it's so predictable of you. Trying to protect everyone you love, even if it destroys you." I choked again as the Shifter twisted its arm inside me, then yanked backwards.

My knees buckled and I hit the floor, feeling a cold wave rush through my veins. The Shifter walked around in front of me, dropping my heart on the floor in front of me, my eyes lifting slowly to meet those glowing red eyes planted in a featureless face of darkness.

"The physical part of this was just for fun," the Shifter purred with a wicked smirk that tore up the side of its face, "I've obtained everything I needed from your soul. Could you hear it, the way it screamed when you came back to this shitty little cabin in the middle of nowhere? It screamed for your beast boy, but you denied it. And I must say, I'm so glad to finally be rid of you, and I can't say I'm alone either. The world has enough misfortune in it without someone like you."

I couldn't speak. More blood poured from my mouth before I fell backwards on the wooden flooring, blinking slowly as I struggled to figure out what was going on, struggled to focus. It was hard for me to sort through everything that was happening. All I knew was that I was dying. I could feel it, feel the tether from my soul and my physical vessel wearing thin. I was going cold so quickly. I had no idea how I was still awake, still processing what the Shifter was saying as it stood over my body, looking down at me.

"Tsk," the Shifter shook its head at me, folding its spindly arms over its chest, "You just don't want to die, do you? That's fine. Take your time. Die the way you lived, little demon. Alone." In a flash, the Shifter was gone and I was left alone on the floor of my cabin, listening to the sound of blood rushing in my ears, my breathing becoming a wheezing struggle for air that simply did not come.

I'm dying.

I waited to feel a sense of panic, yet all I could feel was... relief. I stared up at the rafters coated in dust over my head, listening to the sound of blood pouring from my body, of my body slowly shutting down.

It was over, I thought. It was finally over. I no longer had to live in solitude. I no longer had to worry about hurting other people. The end I had craved was finally here. Yiuwa would be safe. Hades would be safe. Their families would be safe. My family... would be safe. They would hurt for a while and I knew that; I wasn't stupid. I couldn't deny the love they held for me, but soon they would accept it. Just as we were forced to accept the deaths of all the others.

Of War. Famine. Plague.

I smiled faintly at the thought of seeing them again. It had been so long. I wondered if they would be angry... Probably War would be. He reminded me of Stanton; so easily offended and hurt. Their hearts were so fragile. I imagined Stanton would hate me, yet ache at my loss, but he would be okay. He had Alaric there to protect him and comfort him.

This is the way things were supposed to be.

This was the way I had wanted things, so long ago.

When Viviana and I joined the Shifter in its plot, thinking it would reset the universe. I was fully prepared to die, because it meant my presence would no longer hurt anyone anymore. Of course, that changed when the Shifter revealed its true plans and we were forced to defect. I had felt disheartened at the thought of not being able to help people. It was why I had struggled to keep track of each of the steps in the prophecy. This recipe for catastrophe. I had to make up for the tragedies my curse had caused.

I didn't deserve to be loved. I didn't deserve happiness.

I'd hurt so many people. My existence was poisonous to everyone I came in contact with. It was only further proven after what happened to Petros and his family. And Hades's ruination. I'd done so much evil without meaning to. I just wanted to make up for that so badly...

And I finally did it. Dying was the only way I could protect everyone.

I wasn't an idiot; I knew they would come after me. It was why I had come here to hide. The only person who knew of this place was Viviana, and she wouldn't think of this place right away. She'd be in hysterics before it dawned on her.

In fact, I expected them to arrive any minute now.

To find my corpse on the floor.

It was going to be upsetting, but it was for the best.

I just ached for Yiuwa. He was going to feel so alone for a while. He would mourn me, I knew that. But Theo will be there for him. Adonis. The little imp-fae. He would heal, just as everyone soon did, and he would move on and find someone better.

Even though it stung, the thought of him with someone else.

But I couldn't be selfish. Yiuwa deserved happiness.

I closed my eyes, feeling everything inside me loosen, muscles turning to jelly, organs ceasing their functions. I imagined Yiuwa's face. Those sharp angular planes, his almond shaped yellow eyes, his lips that seemed to ever smile, the black shadows of facial hair along his jaw and upper lip. I imagined feeling that long silky black hair between my fingers, his lips against mine.

I love you, Rowan.

I love you too... Yiuwa.