chapter twenty-two
reveries
[shawn mendes]
-
as anya types away on the laptop, stringing together different words into a sentence, and making a masterpiece on the page, i look around the quaint office. the large white desk remains neat, and dustless, some of her studying essentials dotted around the room.

we hear a knock at the office door, the two of us snapping our heads up, seeing poppy standing there.

"uh anya, uhm, dans here," she begins, as i quickly look at anya. her face falls, as she connects eyes with me, shaking her head lightly. "they want to talk to you."

"she's not talking to the guy who broke her heart, no." i say, standing up from the couch.

"she can talk for herself," poppy shoots back at me, raising her eyebrows, making me feel slightly intimidated, before sinking back down into the couch.

"fine, we'll be down in a bit. save some pancakes for us." anya says, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, before placing the laptop down with a small sigh. poppy nods, rushing out of the room.

"anya, are you sure you want to go?" i ask her slowly, as she sighs, looking down.

"yeah, i want to." she nods, looking up from the floor. "plus, you're here, so it's not like i'm actually gonna feel too uncomfortable. i just don't want to face my mom."

"like i said, i'm sure she didn't mean it, baby. come on, she flew out as soon as i told her you were in trouble." i say gently, holding anya's hand in mine.

"she doesn't like you half that much either," she mutters, making me look at her confused. my girlfriends mother doesn't like me? "wait, shit, i didn't mean to say that."

"well you said it, so now you have to explain." i say back, as she sighs, squeezing my hand, running her thumb softly over the smooth part of the back of my hand.

"she just doesn't like you." she tells me softly, squeezing my hand. "but that shouldn't matter, okay?"

"how could she like your last two boyfriends, and not me?" i ask, pulling my hand away from hers. "i'm the only guy you've been with, you doesn't disrespect, or hurt you. mentally and physically. why doesn't she like me?" she lets out a small sigh, folding her arms, and standing up.

"she has this-this problem," she sighs, fiddling with my shirt that's resting over her torso. "dan, and nathan, they were both born into wealth. you, however, earned your way into wealth, and she doesn't like that, how you don't have a trust fund, something that you can use, if your career fails in the near future." she avoids eye contact with me, as i scoff, rolling my eyes.

"you don't think like that, right?" i ask, suddenly concerned if she thinks like her mother.

"what? no! shawn, i love everything about you, and even if you weren't rich, nor famous, i still would love you as much as i do." i let out a sigh of relief, as she walks up to me, unfolding my arms, and holding onto my hands. "i love you, shawn. i one hundred percent love you, okay?"

"i love you more," i whisper, as she grins, cupping my cheeks with her small hands, and kissing my lips gently.

"come on, let's go get something to eat, i'm starving." i let out a small chuckle at my girlfriend, as she eagerly skips out of the room, wanting to go and eat whatever has been prepared.

"she'll be the one," i sing gently, trying to not let anya hear, as i follow her away from the office. "wait," i say quickly, the inspiration hitting me quickly, my fingers tingling to find something to write my thoughts on.

"shawn?" anya says, turning around, as my hands begin to twitch, and i stop, looking around.

"paper, i need paper," i say quickly, racing back into her room, and hunting through my suitcase to find my notebook. i finally land my eyes on the leather bound book, pulling it out from under my endless clothes, and grabbing onto a pen as i do so.

"shawn, what are you doing?" anya asks me, confused, as she crouches down next to me, whilst i sit down, leaning my back against the bed, opening up my book, and rushing back to the page where i was scribbling down the unfinished lyrics, which were entirely inspired from anya rose steinburg.

"i need to finish this song," i say, opening my pen, and scribbling down the lyrics coming to my mind.

"i thought it was finished, come on, you sang it like twice on the north american leg of the tour." she says gently, sitting down next to me.

"i literally had two verses and the chorus." i say, as she chuckles, leaning her head down onto my arm. "you go down and eat, baby, i'll be down in about twenty minutes."

"do you want me to bring anything up? i can make you a plate." she suggests, looking up from my arm. i smile gently down at her, leaning down, and pressing my lips against her warm forehead.

"no need to worry, i promise i'll be down, okay? go have some time with your family." she grins, pressing her lips to mine briefly.

"see you in a minute," she says, hopping up, and rushing away from her bedroom.

anya rose steinburg, she makes my mind go wild.
-
"so are you two dating or something?" anya's ex boyfriend, daniel asks us, looking between the two of us at breakfast. i clench my jaw, as anya rests her hand softly over my thigh.

"yeah we are, do you have a problem with that?" anya shoots back to him, herself getting more and more angry as the breakfast passes.

"no, it's just there were rumours that shawn mendes' girlfriend was just press, that's all." he shrugs, as i take a deep breath, trying to not let my anger overcome me.

"well, i'm not. we're very much real, and our relationship should not consider you." she says simply, taking a sip of her orange juice.

"so what about that nathan guy? what's his name, nathan sutton? upper east sides finest?" everyone stops with their conversations at the mention of his name, and i see anya's eyes glaze over with tears. "what happened between you two?"

"um, i think anya and shawn should go and do the shopping for lunch now," jasmine says, trying to get us out of this situation.

"well surely if you and shawn were real, this shouldn't be effecting you." dan shrugs, eating a piece of his bacon. "right?"

"shut the fuck up," i shoot, clenching my fest under the table. everyone around the breakfast snaps their heads at me, and my language at him. "you have no right to question anything, so i suggest you continue to be quiet. your voice isn't needed right now."

"neither is yours, so i don't know why you're talking." he shrugs, as i let out an angry sigh, moving anya's hand from my lap.

"no, you need to shut up. obviously, anya doesn't want to talk about anything, especially to you, so respect that, and get on with your day. she doesn't need this stress right now." i say, putting my fork down.

"why, is she pregnant?" daniel snorts, making his mother shoot her eyes at him. "hey anya, did you tell shawn about our scare? and how-"

"daniel, shut up." anya seethes, her teeth grit.

"oh honey, i was getting to the best part though! that scare was the funniest part of my life, do you remember when those photographs of you buying a pregnancy test were leaked, and how the entire school found out? don't forget that patch of depression you went through, and your suicide-"

"daniel, enough!" his mother yells, making everyone drop their cutlery down in shock. i feel my heart break, she tried to kill herself?

"anya?" i whisper, turning towards her, as she continues to look down, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"excuse me," anya says, standing up from the table, placing her napkin onto the table, and rushing off, wiping her eyes.

"wait, you didn't know?" jason whispers from next to me. i shake my head, looking down at my lap, as the slam of a front door echoes throughout the house.

"i-i'm gonna go and find her," i say softly, standing up from the table, and looking at mrs steinburg. "thank you for the lovely breakfast, mrs steinburg. the pancakes were great." i say, trying to get her to like me. she lets out a sad smile, as i see her own eyes glaze over with tears. it must've been horrible, i mean, her own daughter trying to kill herself?

i quickly head out of the house, pulling on a pair of trainers, racing around to try and find anya. where would she go if she's upset?

"sometimes, when i was younger, i used to go to the beach, whenever i felt upset. the waves lapping up onto the shore, and the warm sun kissing my skin, was enough to calm me down. in a way, it's was the loving embrace i never had from my mother, father, and brother."

i shoot away from the house, running in the direction of the beach, which is fairly close to anya's home. i arrive there in due course, scanning the fairly empty beach for my girlfriend. i feel a tear roll down my cheek, making my hand fly up to my face, eager to wipe away the droplet. i see a brunette sitting on the sand, her legs huddled up to her chest, and her shoulders shaking. over her body, my shirt still lies, and i start running forwards, ready to embrace her body.

"baby," i whisper, snaking my arms around her, as she cries, leaning onto my best, staining my shirt with her tears. "shh, please hunny, shh."

"i-i-"

"don't speak, it's okay. let it out, i'm here," i say quietly, kissing her head, as she explodes into a fit of cries, her emotions hitting her hard. "darling, i'm here, don't worry."

"i-i-i'm s-sorry," she hiccups, as i trace my fingertips over her shaking back, shaking my head.

"don't apologise, don't," i say quietly, as she looks up from my chest. i bring my hand up to her face, wiping away her tears with my thumbs, pressing my lips onto her exhausted forehead.

"i-i d-didn't w-want you t-to find-find o-out l-like-like this," she stutters, as i shake my head, my eyes softening at her.

"shh, it's okay, it's okay, i'm here," i remind her. "you wanna talk about it?" she nods her head weakly, as i sit cross legged, pulling anya onto my lap.

"i-it was junior year," she lets out a shaky breath, trying to steady herself. "dan and i has been dating for maybe four months, and decided to have sex," she continues, sighing. "it was my first time, his god knows what time, and he didn't have protection. me being the idiot i was, told him it was okay, as long as he you know, pulls out. i don't know if he pulled out just in time, or too late, or whatever, but i took the morning after pill to be certain that i was safe, and got an std test after that," she explains, the tears not stopping from falling down her cheeks. "a month after, i didn't get my period, and i was getting sick, felt bloated, and i thought i was pregnant. i went to go buy a test, someone in my school saw me, took pictures, and leaked them online. i had to cope with slut shaming, my dad leaving, my grandma dying, and everything else that put me under so much stress," she sighs softly, as i feel the tears build up in my eyes. how could people treat her that badly? "the test was negative, but when i got back to school, i got pushed around, kicked, slut shamed, called names, tormented in school, and online, and i just had enough one day. there were pills in my bathroom, and i was about to take them, but jasmine rushed in, and stopped me. i went to rehab for three months, and after i came back, i found out that dan was cheating on me, and you know the rest." she says, the hurt tone running through her voice.

"anya, oh my god," i say gently, cupping her cheek once again. "i-i- how could they do that to you?"

"high school is full of idiots, it's just reality shawn." she says softly, looking up at me. "why are you crying?"

"because i feel bad," i sniffle, holding my tears back.

"please don't, it's in the past, i just want to forget about it." she says to me gently, as i nod, wiping away her tears. "thank you for caring, no one has ever been this worried about me."

"why wouldn't i care about you?" i ask her, as she looks down, sighing softly.

"my life has been so fucked up till you came along. you truly are my light in the dark." she whispers, looking up at me again, as i smile sadly at her, leaning forward, and kissing her forehead gently.

"i love you," i whisper, the gentle sound of the waves lapping up onto the shore.

"i love you," she responds, before tucking her head into my neck. "lets go home." i nod, gently lifting her head up, as she stands weakly, myself following. she hooks her arm around my torso, leaning into my side, as i rest my hand over her shoulders, her hand finding its way to my hand that's over her right shoulder, knitting our fingers together.

i found out a lot about anya today, but it makes me wonder; what else is she hiding from me?