chapter twenty-eight
reveries
[anya rose steinburg]
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september 2019
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"we are not going to a strip club tonight," i laugh at my cousins, who are eager to go to a strip club, on our first night in las vegas.

"come on, you just turned 21 and you haven't done anything!" poppy says to me, whilst we walk down the strip, ready to definitely go out for the night, but not a strip club. "and we'll go to a male stripper one!"

"you're funny, but sophie's with us, what's she gonna do? she's not 21 yet." i point out, trying to avoid the entire situation, and wanting to change to maybe a normal bar.

"fake id, anya rose," she smirks, linking her arm with mine. "come on, please?"

"can we just go to a bar tonight, and then tomorrow a strip club? come on, we got off a flight two hours ago." i suggest, as they all sigh, but nodding understandingly after.

"sure, let's do that." jasmine finalises, walking in front of the group, guiding us to one of the bars she knows pretty well, considering she's always in vegas.

we enter the first set of doors, reaching the long line to get in. sighing, we all go to line up, but poppy smirks, dragging us to the front.

"i know the bouncer!" she squeals, rushing forward, making us laugh. she rushes up, greeting the tall, buff man, who lets us in without even checking i.d.

we immediately walk in, finding a table to sit at, which coincidentally is near the middle, and next to a group of guys possibly on a bachelorette party.

"i'll go get a round of shots!" i yell over the music, as they all nod at me, letting me walk straight to the bar. i fans at the black table, waiting for someone to serve me.

"hey little lady, what can i get you?" the bar woman asks me, as i smile in response.

"a round of vodka shots for four please," i say, waiting for my drinks.

"sure thing, coming right up," she says, grabbing a bottle of vodka. i sigh gently, standing up straight, waiting until she's poured them out.

let's just say that wasn't the only time tonight i went to get drinks from that bar.

"back again, miss?" the same bar tender asks me, as i'm fifteen? fifteen rounds in. "are you having a pre wedding party or something?"

"no," i chuckle, stumbling in my place. "can i have another round?"

"one round coming up!" she laughs again, pouring out the drinks. "you want me to call you a taxi or something? it's getting late, and you and your friends all look pretty drunk."

"no thank you, we're wanting to get drunk," i giggle back, leaning my chin on my hand.

"anya?" a man asks me, making my blood freeze cold. my face falls, as i slowly turn, seeing a twenty-one year old shawn mendes standing right next to me, a look of disbelief over his face.

"oh my god, shawn?" i blurt out, as the shots are shoved my way.

"hey, brian! geoff! andrew! anya's here!" my eyes go wide almost immediately. why are they here? no one comes forward, all of them are probably as drunk as shawn is.

"uh, what are you doing here?" i ask him carefully, the alcohol intoxicating my body.

"guys trip," he answers, over the booming music. "what about you?"

"girls trip," i answer, trailing off, and looking around, seeing my table empty. "but i don't know where they are, speaking of, where are the guys?"

"umm," shawn trails off, looking behind him. "i don't know?" as soon as he says this, i look down at my shot tray, quickly picking one up and downing it.

why is he here?

"can i have a shot?" he asks, eyeing up the tray in front of me.

"go on," i sigh, pushing the tray over to him, as he eagerly picks up a glass, downing the shot in one. as soon as he puts the glass down, there's nothing holdin' me back echoes around he bar, and he practically falls over in shock.

either that, or he's too drunk to stand properly.

"oh my god! let's go dance!" he screams, grabbing onto my hand, and dragging me into the middle of the dance floor, in between a range of sweaty bodies.

"wait shawn-" i begin, trying to tell him to stop, but the massive smile and excited expression on his face stops me completely, as all those stupid feelings come rushing back to me. i haven't even moved on in the past two years, just because of him.

"it's my song! remember when i wrote this about you?" he grins, holding onto my hands, and twirling me around.

"yeah," i mumble, as the feelings hit me in the face, making my body feel tingly at his touch.

"oh my god, everyone's dancing to my song!" i chuckle gently, sighing gently at him, as the two of us dance around, enjoying the night.

we stay on the dance floor for maybe another hour, meaning that my sober mind has completely vanished. that's just... great.

the weeknds high for this comes on, making shawns eyes suddenly glimmer, as he faces me. it's only then when i properly realise how close together shawn and i are, my torso is practically pressed against his chest, as his hands rest over my hips, squeezing gently.

"w-what are we doing?" he asks me gently, almost making him seem sober.

"i don't know," i admit, my eyes trailing down to his plump, kissable lips. "let's do something crazy."

"like what?" he whispers back, leaning forward ever so slightly.

"something crazy." i mumble back, brushing his lips with mine briefly, before pulling away. his eyes flutter open, as he sucks on his bottom lip.

"let's get out of here."

everything after that, was a complete blur.
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do you ever wake up, thinking that everything is okay, just because you wake up with the one person who you didn't even know that you still loved? yeah, me too.

i can't and say that i didn't miss shawns soft, warm embrace, because i did. and a lot, for that matter. i missed the way our bodies felt together, i missed how safe i felt in his arms. i missed everything about him, and i didn't realise that until now.

but, of course, realisation comes with a cost. and for me, the realisation is an utter shock.

i gasp as soon as my eyes lie on the familiar arm around my waist, his guitar, elephant, 8 tattoo, and the bird on his hand, which he got after we broke up, part of my vision. my breath gets caught into my throat, noticing that the two of us are touching skin to skin, no clothes between us. fuck.

i carefully lift shawns heavy arm off of my body, rolling out of the comfy bed, which probably is shawns hotel room, considering i'm sharing with jasmine. i pull on last nights dress quickly, collecting my undergarments, shoes, and jacket, before heading to quickly look at my appearance in a mirror.

love bites line my exposed shoulders and neck, making me gasp slightly, and raise my eyebrows in shock. my eyes trail back to the bed, where i notice a white, thick booklet on the bedside table, next to shawns sleeping body. i quickly walk over, examining the booklet, and my heart completely drops.

"oh my-" i whisper, bringing my hand to my mouth, feeling the tears brim my eyes. "no, no, no," i mutter, in complete shock of my actions. i drop the booklet, picking up my bag, and running out of the hotel room quickly, before shawn wakes up.

i shut the door quietly, leaning my back against it, before taking my phone out, the tears dripping down my cheeks. i dial up someone who i know who will be awake, worried for everything right now.

"hello?" she answers tiredly, as i quickly choke out a cry. "oh my god, anya?"

"camila," i cry, bringing my hand up to my face, as i cry, anxiety filling my veins.

"anya, hey, what's up?" she asks me quickly. "what happened?"

"camila, oh my god," i mutter, the cool metal lining my face, making me cry even harder. "i-i made a huge mistake."

"what happened? talk to me," she urges, as i sniffle, looking down at my hand, the rock sticking out from my finger, accompanying the plain silver band. my eyes go wide immediately, as my throat feels like it's closing up.

"i-i married shawn."

"you what?" she shouts, her disbelief stronger than mine. "what? how? what?"

"i-i don't know, i can't remember!" i cry, sniffling, as the tears continue to slide down my cheeks. "i saw him in v-vegas, a-and we were both drunk, a-and i don't know what happened after that, but i woke up this morning, and saw the paperwork, and two fucking gorgeous rings on my wedding finger!" i panic.

"oh god, anya, this is bad," she mumbles to me. "have you talked to shawn yet?"

"no, i just left, i-i can't face him-"

"you're married to him anya! you have to face him," she tells me. "you have to, so you can get a divorce before sydney finds out-"

"who's sydney?" i cut her off completely, curiosity filling my veins.

"shawns girlfriend," camila tells me anxiously. "they've been dating for the past year, in secret, of course."

"oh my god, i married a taken guy, fuck my life." i groan, leaning against the door, as i settle my tears, sighing gently. "what the heck do i do?"

"wait, what?" the door opens from behind me, and i go flying back, pushing shawn back, the two of us landing on the floor with a grunt. "what did you just say?" he asks, confusion running over his face. "no, no, we aren't married," he says quickly, as i sigh, rolling off of him, seeing himself only in a pair of boxers. i sigh, sitting up.

"look at your god damn finger," i mutter, leaning against the wall, shutting the hotel room door. he sits up, sitting down opposite me, as he presses his back against the white wall. carefully, he looks down at his hand, gasping at the silver band.

"oh my fucking god-" he curses, his eyes going wide at his hand. "what the heck did we do last night?"

"i don't know," i mumble, looking away from him, feeling the tears build up in my eyes again. "it was a drunk mistake, i-i'm sure we can easily get a divorce."

"y-yeah, right, definitely," he says gently to me, as i let out another long sigh. "do you remember anything?"

"i remember meeting you in a bar, and running off. i can't recall anything else," i croak out.

"fuck," shawn mumbles, running a hand through his hair. "i-i just cheated on my girlfriend. that's just great." i look up at him, biting down on my lower lip, as he sighs, looking back at me, resting his head on the wall, and tilting his neck slightly. "i mean, we did sleep together, right?"

"yeah, we did," i nod, the awkwardness settling in fast. i look down at my phone, seeing myself still on the phone with camila, and i gasp, quickly reaching for it, and pressing it to my ear again.

"sorry cam, some idiot opened the door i was leaning on," i mutter, glaring at shawn, as he playfully smirks at me. "anyway, what's up?"

"whatever you do, don't check social media," she says quickly, as i look at shawn, who's scrolling through his phone, an entire scared expression on his face.

"uh, that might be too late."

well, we were certainly, and most definitely, screwed.