chapter thirty-seven
reveries
[anya rose mendes]
-
i gulp back my breath, staring at the three tests in utter shock. tears pool in my eyes, as i let a few flow down my cheeks, and my hand fly up to my mouth.

how can i be pregnant?

i choke out a cry, nothing but shock coursing through my veins. shawns going to be so annoyed. i shove the tests off of the counter in anger, leaning my arms down onto the sink, and crying into my hands.

"hey, hey, hey," hailey bursts into the bathroom, embracing my crying body. "anya, shh, please, shawns gonna be here in a bit," this makes me cry harder, as the tears choke me. "they were positive?" i nod, as she sighs, cradling my head over her chest. "anya shh, shh."

"w-we were s-so careful," i sob, soaking her shirt with my tears, but i don't think she cares. "so careful."

"anya, listen to me," she says, pulling me away from her embrace, and placing her hands on my shoulders. "you will be fine, shawn will support you, he's your husband for christ's sake! look, just don't cry, and stay calm, and hey, the tests could be wrong, yeah? don't worry."

"i-i don't want them to be wrong, b-but i know shawns gonna be so mad," i cry, as she sighs, rubbing my back.

"shh, he won't be, he's gonna be ecstatic," she says to me, as i continue to cry, being the big baby i am (no pun intended).

"hails-" i get cut off by the flats intercom going off, and i freeze, shaking my head wildly.

"come on," she says, grabbing onto my arm and dragging me out of the bathroom. "shh, come on," she says, as i grumble, trying to push her grasp away from me.

"hailey, please-" she opens up the door, and shawn stands there, his usual smile on his face, but his cheeks tinted red from the cold weather. his smile falls when he sees me, and he immediately rushes forward, holding me in his arms.

"darling, shh, what's wrong babe?" he says, rubbing my back. "hey, love, what's up?"

"c-can we just go h-home?" i stutter, looking straight at hailey, who smiles sympathetically at me.

"of course, hunny, come on, we'll go call a cab," he says gently, placing his hand on my back. i sniffle, nodding, before pushing myself away from him, and hugging hailey tightly.

"you got this," she whispers in my ear.

"i'm scared," i whisper back, a tear rolling down my cheek.

"he'll be there for you," she says gently, just so i can hear. "text me how everything goes."

"mhm," i nod, pulling away from our hug, and following shawn out of haileys new york apartment, heading straight down to the main street, and waiting for a cab.

the two of us get in one in silence, letting the five minute drive wash over in peace, the two of us not uttering a single word to each other. is that a bad sign?

"come on, let's go sit down," shawn says quietly to me, as soon as we enter my penthouse. i nod, sitting down next to him on the couch, as he sighs, placing his hand on my back, as i lean forward on my knees. "what's wrong, hunny?"

"p-please don't be annoyed," i whisper, sniffling, and wiping away my tears.

"why would i be annoyed, anya rose? you're upset, i'm concerned hunny," he whispers, delicately pressing his lips to my cheek. "come on, tell me."

"i-i'm scared," i shake my head, as he sighs, wrapping an arm around me, and tracing patterns onto my shoulder.

"shh, tell me darling," he coos, kissing my forehead. "angel, i hate seeing you upset."

"s-shawn," i choke out a sob, as shawn sighs, crouching down in front of me, cupping my cheeks, and wiping away my tears. "s-shawn-"

"come on baby girl, talk to me," he urges, wiping away my continuous stream of tears.

"i-i'm pregnant, shawn," i cry, avoiding looking at his face. i continue to weep into my hands, as shawn sits in silence, his hands slowly letting go of me.

"you're pregnant?" he asks, in utter disbelief. "oh hunny," he whispers, running his hands up and down my thighs. "calm down, shh, please?"

"i-i'm so sorry! i didn't mean for it-"

"hey, it's not your fault," he says, gently removing my hands from my face, so i can see him. fortunately, he has a soft smile on his face, and his eyes are filled with nothing but endearment. "it's a shock, yeah, and a little bit of an unplanned accident, but hunny, this is the best news ever."

"really?" i ask, in a small voice, as shawn chuckles, nodding.

"yeah, we're young, and yeah, we just got married, but i'll support you through everything. i already love this baby to bits, anya rose. i'm so happy that we can take this next step in our relationship."

"you're not annoyed?" i ask, as shawn chuckles again, shaking his head.

"not at all, baby," he whispers. "i'm happy, i'm really happy, i'm over the moon happy," i let out a small giggle, as shawn removes my jacket, lifting up my shirt slightly, before leaning forward, and kissing my abdomen softly. "hey baba," he coos, tracing his soft fingers over my toned skin. "i love you so much, and i'm gonna take care of you and your mom, okay? i promise."

"shawn," i whisper, my cheeks flushed, as i smile, running my fingertips through his curls.

"i will admit, it is a little bit unplanned, but everything happens for a reason, and you know, maybe we are ready to have that close, loving relationship back. we're both so much more mature than what we used to be, and i think we can really get through this if we stick together, and be a team." he explains, his eyes glinting.

"yeah," i nod, smiling at shawn, and holding onto his hand that rests over my stomach. "there's a baby in there."

"can we go book an appointment? after the wedding? and then we tell our families?" he plans, making me chuckle, then nod.

"of course, handsome," he grins, standing up, and leaning down to peck my lips. "hailey already knows though."

"we have to tell andrew at some stage," shawn chuckles. "and lucy."

"i'm pretty sure andrew can tell lucy himself," i mutter, making shawn laugh again. "please tell me i'm not the only one who sees it!"

"you aren't, don't worry. andrews crushing, hard," shawn says, making me chuckle. "anyway."

"shawn, how are we gonna do this?" i ask, as he sighs, holding onto my hands tightly, and sitting down next to me again.

"we'll make the guest room in toronto into a nursery, and once the first year is up, we'll start looking at houses, and things like that," he says gently to me. "don't worry, hunny, everything will be okay."

"i'm so scared," i whisper, leaning my head down onto his arm, sniffling gently.

"i know you are, gorgeous, but hey, in a little less than nine months, we'll have our little mendes here. doesn't that sound incredible?" my cheeks flush gently, as shawn chuckles, hooking his arm around my waist. "don't worry, baby girl, i'll be here."

"thank you, for not being angry," i say gently, as shawn squeezes my waist lightly. "i know that it's happened at such a shit time for your career and-"

"you matter more than my career, we're gonna have a family, anya. that matters so much more to me than having a number one album, or a stadium tour," he kisses my cheek lightly, running his thumb over the back of my hand. i feel my entire face heat up at shawns beautiful words, and i let out a small sigh, smiling up at him. "it's just a step we have to take earlier than expected, that's all. don't worry hun, okay? we'll get through this."

"okay," i whisper back, as shawn sighs, bringing me into a hug, and kissing my temple over and over again. "i hope it's a girl."

"i hope so too," shawn chuckles, as i smile against his chest. "i'll have my own princess to spoil rotten."

"shawn mendes, you are not going to be one of those parents who makes their child into a spoilt brat," i say, making shawn laugh. "spoil her a little but not to the point you're getting her a new phone every two seconds."

"slow down, that's years from now," shawn says, making me chuckle. "i'm kidding, we'll raise our child to be mature, and understanding, and not a spoilt brat, even though her parents are millionaires."

"i love how we're referring to a child we don't even know the gender of, as her. for all we know, it could be a him." i say, shrugging. shawn laughs again, rubbing my arms gently.

"let's refer to the baby as baby, until we know what we're having," shawn decides, as i nod, chuckling in agreement. "man, we're having a baby?"

"i guess we are," i say softly, sending him a smile, as he grins, leaning down, and pressing his lips onto mine.

"i love you, you know that, right?"

"i do, and for the record, i love you."
-
"hey gerty, lucy, thanks for meeting us," i say, greeting them with a quick hug, as shawn smiles, bringing out four tall glasses of water.

"of course, what's up, you guys?" lucy asks, sitting at my island bar table, taking the glass of water from shawn.

"we need to talk about something," shawn begins, as i walk over to stand next to him, his arm immediately going around my waist.

"you're not cancelling the mock wedding, right?" andrew asks, a wary look on his face.

"no, not at all, but it's sort of linked to that," i breathe out, looking up at shawn. he nods, reassuring me, and rubbing my side softly. "we're pregnant, for real, might i add."

"you're what?" lucy bursts, shock consuming her and andrews faces. "i thought you made it up to get attention!"

"so did we, but it turns out i am," i say nervously, scratching the back of my head. "i know it's gonna be a mess with the press, but we'll do something to explain it as soon as the news comes out to our families, and shawns fans."

"congratulations, guys!" andrew says, a massive smile on his face. "oh my god, we're gonna have a baby come round the world with us! this is incredible."

"oh shit, i have the arena tour next november," shawn says, looking down at me. "i'm not leaving you and the baby alone, and i can't cancel."

"that's fine, i'm sure we'll find a way to bring the baby along. we'll be flying on a private jet anyway, it's fine, and the baby will be at least two months by then, that's a safe age to fly, right?" i ask, looking at lucy, who nods, considering her little boy.

"yeah, michael came with us last year, and he was only a month," lucy says, smiling gently at me.

"you have a child?" andrew asks, confused, as shawn and i snigger to each other.

"uh, yeah, it was a one night stand. the father bailed on me," lucy says, folding her arms. "oh well, he was a bit of an asshole anyway. i wouldn't want my child having him as a father figure."

"can i meet him?" andrew asks, as shawn and i look at each other, our eyebrows raised. i hold in my laughs, leaning my head on shawns chest.

"yeah," lucy nods, a small smile appearing on her face. "he'd like that."

"how old is he?"

"just turned one, two months ago. shawn and anya came to his birthday party, actually," lucy says, as i grin.

"yeah, how is the little man?" shawn asks, happiness running through his voice. honestly, shawn on the topic of kids, is probably the most happiest shawn i've ever seen.

"he's great, you guys should come over while you're here, before the wedding," she says to shawn and i, as we both nod eagerly, chuckling.

"well we have an appointment tomorrow, but maybe after that we could pop by?" i suggest, as lucy nods. "the appointments at 11am, so at maybe 2ish, we can be at your place?"

"that sounds okay," lucy says, checking her phone calendar. "okay, well i have to go, but congratulations guys, and see you tomorrow."

shawn, andrew and i bid lucy goodbye, leaving us all in silence, looking down at the island.

"you so have a crush on her," shawn says to andrew, making him lift his head up. i chuckle, nodding in agreement to shawn.

"look at you. you're younger than me, and you're married, with a kid on the way, and i'm having a high school crush on a woman who has a kid. what have i done with my life to not be married yet?" andrew rants, making shawn and i laugh.

"you want a scotch?" shawn asks, jokingly to andrew.

"honestly, i wouldn't turn one down," andrew says, making me chuckle, before rolling my eyes. shawn laughs next to me, whilst i open up the cupboard containing all the alcohol which i won't be able to finish, taking out a bottle of scotch, and pouring out a glass for andrew. "so, you guys are seriously having a baby?"

"believe it," shawn chuckles, pulling out one of the barstools, and sitting down. "i don't even think i'm ready for a baby."

"neither do i," i chuckle, placing a hand over my abdomen protectively. "oh well, we can't look back now."

"yeah," shawn says, holding his arms out, as i smile, walking so i'm standing in between his legs. "i'm happy, i'm more than happy."

"so, when are you telling everyone?"

"we're gonna drop it in one of the speeches at the reception next week," i say. "i think that will be a good time to tell everyone. by then, we'll know how far i am along, and if the baby is healthy, so i think it will be a good time to tell those around us. shawns fans however, we're not so sure about how to tell them, nor the press. i mean, they already think we're four months in, which is honestly crazy."

"you're gonna have to say you were trying to play a joke on everyone, but it turned out to be true. when you tell them though, that's your choice." andrew advises. "maybe do a livestream and explain yourselves."

"that sounds like a good idea," shawn nods, sending andrew a small smile. "we'll do that then, in the new year."

and man, i couldn't wait till the new year.
-
hi guys!! hope you're all doing well, eating healthy, drinking water, getting good sleep, doing hard work, and most importantly having fun.

i'm incredibly sorry i haven't been so active lately, i've just been so so so so so so busy with school, and applying for summer schools, and exams, and deadlines, and ugh i'm not gonna go into detail, but it's going to be like this up until early july i guess, so i'm sorry for the irregular updates

on a side note from that, can we talk about hoW INCREDIBLE IN MY BLOOD AND LOST IN JAPAN ARE??? sis, shawns stolen my wig, i'm literally in freaking love with the new music and i can't wait to hear what shawn has planned for the entire album

anyway, i love you all lots
-s xx