chapter five
reveries
[shawn mendes]
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i sit at the edge of the stage, looking out at the empty seats which are going to be filled with screaming people later. i completely forgot about my show tonight, so i had to cancel my dinner with anya, which was a shame, because i would love to spend every last moment with her, even if she doesn't like me back.

sighing, i lean back, placing my hands behind me, and swaying my legs over the stage, just sitting down for a few moments to simply think.

she's never going to really be mine. i need to move on.

"hey," i look next to me, seeing anya walking on the stage, holding two bottles of beer. i smile gently, lifting my hands from the stage, and placing them on my thighs. "i got you something." she hands me the beer as i let out a small chuckle, taking a sip almost immediately.

"thanks," i say, placing the bottle down next to me, whilst anya takes a seat next to me, still about a foot away from me.

"i told him." she says quietly. "when i get back to new york, we're having a quiet dinner at his, since i can't really go out with someone else." i look over at her, seeing a small smile on her lips, a faint blush at her cheeks. can i be him?

"i'm happy for you." i tell her softly, as she smiles, looking at me.

"what about you? have you told this girl that you love her?" she asks me slowly, as i look down at my feet, letting out a small sigh.

"it won't work out." i murmur. "it's my own fault really. it just won't work."

"oh shawn, i'm sorry." she frowns, moving closer next to me, holding her hand out. i take it quickly, as she squeezes it, running her thumb over the back of my hand. i feel the sparks rush up my arm, and the butterflies in my stomach once more. i'm head over heels in love with this woman.

"i fell in love with her in my dreams." i mumble. "it was crazy, i can't believe it." i take another sip of my beer. "how does that happen? how can you live out eight years of your life in a dream? how can you fall in love with someone in a dream?"

"it's called a reverie." she says quietly. "you're locked in your own pleasant thoughts and daydreams. it's something you want badly, and something that makes you happy." she explains to me, as i look down at her. "this girl, whoever she is, makes you happy. that's why."

"she does." i mumble. "i-i just want to give her my love."

"you'll find someone." she reassures me. "i assure you."

"i don't have the time to find someone. i did, but she's way out of my league, now i just don't have the time." i take another sip of my beer, as anya lets out a quiet sigh, squeezing my hand once more. she leans her head against my shoulder, and i smile gently, looking down at her. "what are you doing?"

"comforting you." she mumbles, making me smile once more. "try thinking about something else." that's hard, you're always on my mind.

"like what?"

"like pigs flying, or voldemort actually having a nose." she lists, making me laugh.

"don't say his name," i gasp sarcastically, as she lets out a giggle. "that would be creepy, if he had a nose."

"what shape would it be?" she asks me.

"probably big and fat and pale." i shrug.

"like yours?" she says, making me raise my eyebrows and look down at her.

"oh okay then i see how it is." i laugh, as she chuckles.

"see, i bet that cheered you up." she nudges my side, lifting her head up from my shoulder. i breathe out a laugh, nodding, whilst she lets go of my hand. "okay, i'm not too sure if you're feeling okay, but get down."

"excuse me?" i ask her confused, whilst she stands up, holding her beer bottle in one hand, and her other hand on her hip.

"you heard me, go sit in the crowd." she motions her head to the seats in front of me, and i sigh, jumping off of the stage, and over the barrier, standing in front of it instead.

"and what are you going to do up there?" i ask, as she smirks at me, lifting her beer bottle up to her lips, like she's using it as a microphone.

"hello sydney! i'm so excited to be here and perform, so here's my song, stitches!" she yells, making me shake my head, laughing at her. "you watch me!" she yells out, yet still singing, and holding a really off pitch high note, whilst i continue laughing at her, as my band walk on stage, setting up for the show later.

"great voice anya!" mike yells, making her stop and turn around in embarrassment. i laugh louder, leaning against the barrier, still laughing.

"thanks! i really like to embrace my voice you know?" she says sarcastically back, whilst i jump back over the barrier, climbing onto the stage again. "okay you guys clearly need to rehearse, i'm gonna go see if they need any help backstage." she tells me. "see you later?"

"yeah, see you." i respond, as she leans up, giving me a quick hug.

"cheer up," she murmurs, before picking up her beer bottle and rushing off, leaving me standing there, my shoulders dropping. it's hard to cheer up when the girl you love is moving on.

"what's the deal with you two?" zubin asks me, plugging in his guitar.

"nothing, she's my fake girlfriend, that's it." i shrug, picking up my own guitar.

"bullshit shawn, come on, spill it." mike chuckles, making me roll my eyes playfully.

"she's honestly become my best friend." i say, whilst getting my microphone in place. "that's all."

"geoff doesn't seem to think that." eddy pipes in, making the band laugh.

"what did geoff say to you?"

"you're crushing on her." dave smirks at me. "like real bad."

"so what if i am, i mean, who wouldn't? her mind is beautiful." i say quietly. "i guess that's why i'm not the only one who finds her attractive."

"what's that supposed to mean?" geoff says, entering the stage. "have you thought things over?"

"she's starting something with this other guy. from what we've talked about, he makes her happy, and that's all i could ask for." i say quietly, looking down at the floor. "any chance we could add roses to the set list for tonight?"

"i mean you could do it as an encore." geoff shrugs at me. "but you have no practice on it."

"i don't care, i'll use the piano and sing normally." i say, strumming a few chords on my guitar. "i'm singing roses tonight, no ones gonna stop me."
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"shawn you completely forgot about the setlist! why did you add roses without telling anyone? do you know how crazy the fans are going to go? oh my god i am so mad-" andrew starts fuming, but after a while i begin to blank hum, walking backstage and reaching for a fresh bottle of water immediately.

"i don't know why you're yelling, that was literally what all my fans have been wanting me to do ever since i fucking released roses, so you should be happy that i'm making my fans happy." i snap back, letting andrew shut up.

"you did it for her, didn't you?" he asks me, slightly more calm. i let out a sigh, running my fingers through my hair, nodding.

"my mind can't rest at all." i mumble. "i wish i didn't have that stupid dream, i wish i didn't pass out." i sink down on a couch backstage, as the area breaks out into a frenzy, people high on the post concert environment.

"tell her about it." andrew says to me, sitting down next to me.

"i can't." i mutter. "her heart is looking at someone else, and i helped her get him." i let out a long sigh. "look andrew, i'm exhausted, i'm going back to the hotel. sorry i won't be able to make the post show drinks."

"alright, i understand." he tells me. "go get cleaned up, i'll call you a taxi."

"thanks gerty. see you later," i say, standing up from the couch and pushing my way to my dressing room, greeting people briefly along the way.

i quickly enter my dressing room, pulling off my current shirt and throwing on a t-shirt, before downing the rest of my water bottle, grabbing my things and walking back out, rushing to find andrew.

"shawn! that show was amazing, are you coming for drinks?" anya asks me, bumping into me as i race to find andrew.

"no, sorry, i'm pretty tired and i just want to get back to the hotel." i say gently to her.

"aw damn, i wanted to do shots with you again." she chuckles, making me smile sadly. "rest up, champ." she leans up, scuffing up my hair, causing me to laugh softly.

"have fun without me tonight." i tease quietly, as she smiles brightly, shaking her head.

"i plan to," she smirks. "see ya tomorrow mendes."

"later, steinburg." i chuckle to myself as i walk off, finding andrew and him telling me to wait outside the back entrance.

after a few moments, my taxi arrived, and i quickly climb into it, taking the short journey to the hotel. arriving at the hotel, i see no fans, and i practically breathe a sigh of relief. i do love them, but tonight i just want to sleep. i quickly pay the driver, getting out of the taxi, and rushing into the hotel, bumping into a running girl as soon as i enter.

"woah, i'm so sorry!" she says quickly, looking up. her brown curly hair frames her tanned face, her freckles covering her nose.

"don't worry about it," i smile gently at her. "are you okay?"

"yeah i'm fine, did i hurt you?" i chuckle gently at her concern, shaking my head.

"you're not from around here, are you?" i ask, noticing her accent isn't australian.

"well neither are you, i'm pretty sure you sound canadian." she shoots back, making me chuckle. "i'm sydney."

"i'm shawn."

"nice to meet you too, shawn." she smiles. "so you are a canadian then?"

"yeah, what about you? wanna get to know each other more?" i chuckle.

"not too fast, random brunette guy." she chuckles. "what are you doing in australia? and i do live in australia, but i'm british."

"oh you know, because i wanted to go to australia?" i say sarcastically. "no, i'm here on tour."

"oh sweet, that's cool." she says. "so about getting to know each other, you up to it?" she asks me, biting her lower lip.

"hell yes." she lets out a laugh at me, and i follow her to the elevators.

"well shawn, i don't know you at all, so this should be fun." the elevator doors close, as she turns to me, leaning up, pressing her lips to mine.

i sink into her touch, trying to get my mind off of things, but a thought continues to penetrate my mind.

she's not anya.
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sorry for the short chapter lads, i really didn't know what else to add lmao