before i give you this bonus chapter, please please please go to my profile and check out my new book: boundaries!! i will be updating that over summer!! (+ some sneaky new books too haha) love u guys
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BONUS CHAPTER TWO
reveries
[shawn mendes]
-
"hi sweetheart," i say, wandering into my daughters bedroom, seeing her writing away in her new notebook that anya bought her for her fifth birthday. "what you doing?"

"nothing much daddy," she says, as i walk inside, crouching down next to her little table. "momma told me i should do some drawings in here."

"what are you gonna draw, baby?" i ask, looking down at the empty notebook, which only has her name doodled about in it.

"i want to draw some hearts but you taught me wrong," she says, making me chuckle. "dada, hearts are supposed to have a point, not look like a circle."

"i know, sweetie, i just can't draw," she laughs at me, sitting up, and looking at me. "are you ready to come down for dinner?"

"i'm not hungry," she mumbles, and this is the only time when i notice she looks a little upset, and worried. i furrow my eyebrows at her, moving closer to her, still crouches down.

"you're always hungry, avery sierra, what's wrong princess? did anything happen at school today?" she stops her doodling, placing her pencil down onto the book.

"the mean girls teased me," she mumbles, rubbing her eyes. "they said i'm stupid because i never have my dada at home."

with those simple words, my heart completely breaks.

"baby, you don't believe that, do you?" i say, placing my hand on her little back.

"i don't know," she mumbles, looking away from me, still rubbing her eyes.

"angel, hey, come here," i pull her chair out gently, picking her up in my arms, and standing up. "you're not stupid, or anything that these mean girls say. they're the ones who are stupid for being mean," she hides her face in my shoulder, hiding the smile i know is on her face. "avery, baby, i love you so much, and i'm sorry that i'm always away, and not at home, but i promise you, i'm gonna take a really long break, and we can stay at home and have as many tea parties as you want."

"okay," she nods, taking her face out of my shoulder. "can you do my hair, dada?"

"after dinner, baby, come on, your moms made pasta," i say, putting her down, as she runs off, heading straight to the kitchen with her little feet. i follow, chuckling to myself, before i see anya, holding rose in her arms, whilst noah sits and eats his pasta.

"dada, can you sit with me?" avery asks me, as i plate up her dish full of pasta and salad.

"of course, ave," i nod, placing her plate down at her seat, taking a dish for myself, and piling it up with food, putting it down next to avery, and anya.

"we need to talk," i whisper, kissing anya's cheek gently, before rose mushes her hands on my cheeks, pushing me away. "rose penelope mendes, what are you doing?" i ask in a baby voice, making a toothless smile appear over her face, as she gurgles, sucking on her fingers.

"momma, do i have to eat the green things?" noah asks, pointing at his salad, the only thing that's left on his plate.

"if you wanna be as tall as dada, you have to," she says, standing up from the table, rose in her arms. "alright, say goodnight to your sister," anya says, crouching down in between avery and noah. avery kisses roses forehead, smiling widely at her, before saying a quick goodnight. noah follows, kissing roses cheek, and saying a short i love you.

"hun, you eat, i'll take her up," i say, standing from the table, and walking over to anya, who's heading for the steps.

"are you sure? i know avery wants you-"

"anya, go sit down, you look exhausted," i say to her, as she sighs, nodding. i take rose out of her arms, and lean down towards anya, pressing my lips to hers.

"i love you," she sighs, rubbing her hand gently on my arm.

"i love you more," i reply, as she grins, walking back into the kitchen.

"come on, sweet girl," i say gently, whilst rose gurgles in my arms, her little hands pressed against me. "are you gonna be a big girl and sleep in your cot? or are you still gonna sleep with momma and i?" i joke, even though she probably doesn't understand me. she gurgles in response, as i open up to the door to the master bedroom, walking straight to the bed. i make a quick barrier with pillows, before putting her down, since she's already been bathed and had her teeth cleaned.

"goodnight, baby girl," i whisper, leaning down, and pressing my lips to her forehead, before i grab a blanket, placing it over her little body. "sweet dreams."

i turn on the baby monitor, taking the second one with me, just so we can hear anything that could be going on upstairs. i stroll out of the room, running back down the stairs, revealing an empty kitchen, with only anya sitting down, her laptop open, and eating dinner.

"hey hun," i say gently, taking my seat, and kissing her cheek gently. "where are the kids?"

"playroom," she mumbles, squinting her eyes at the screen.

"anya, babe, what's up? you look stressed," i say, shuffling closer towards her, pushing her laptop away.

"just lucy sending me things," she sighs, her bottom lip quivering.

"anya, hey, hey," i say quickly, standing up, and crouching down next to her. "hey, don't cry. why are you crying?"

"the press are saying i'm a bad mom," she sniffles, a tear sliding down her cheek. "just because i told noah off when we were out getting ice cream," she says, her voice trembling.

"woah, darling, you aren't a bad mom," i say gently, knitting our hands together. "you're the best mom out there, everyone knows it."

"am i? i was so close to snapping at avery just because she wanted to go play," she mumbles, as i sigh, pulling her into my chest. "shawn, i just want to be a good mom."

"you are, hunny, you're such an amazing mom. you have been for the past six years, you're incredible, gorgeous," i say gently, running my fingertips through her hair. "if anyone's the bad parent, it's me."

"what?" she asks, completely shocked, and pulling away from me. "why did you say that?"

"because i am," i mumble, looking away from her.

"what happened?" she asks, suddenly more concerned about me, compared to herself.

"avery's getting picked on because she has a dad who's never home," i mumble quietly, looking down at our hands. "she told me today."

"shawn," anya sighs, taking her other hand and cupping my cheek softly. "don't think like that, she understands."

"i know she does, but i'm still gonna take a break. i don't want her to be unhappy."

"you can't just cancel a tour you're going on in three months time!" she says, raising her voice slightly. "they're all gonna be so mad at you!"

"which is why i'm gonna delay it till summer, so we can take the kids with us. avery and noah will be on vacation, and we don't have to worry about rose just yet, it'll be fine," i say, waving off her anger. "i'm doing this for us, so we can be a family. i have to."

"your fans are gonna be so pissed," she mutters, standing up, picking up both of our plates, and taking them to the sink.

"why should they be pissed? i'm being a dad, i'm trying to spend more time with my kids," i argue, making her sigh, as she opens the tap.

"well for starters, if you want to spend more time with your kids, you can say hi to noah at least, god! it's like you hate talking to your own son," she mutters once more, thinking i won't hear her.

"excuse me?" i ask loudly, standing up from my seat, and looking at anya with narrowed eyes. "where's this coming from?"

"he told me, shawn!" she bursts, turning around, her face red hot with anger. "he told me he's scared to talk to you, because you clearly care more about your precious little avery! heck, i see it with rose too, i'm always the one to put her to sleep, this is the first time you've even offered since she turned two months! she's now six months shawn, six!"

"i do not have favourite children!" i argue. "avery's going through a hard time at school because of me, can't you see that?" i yell, as she breathes out a long sigh. "i don't think of our children as objects if that's what you're trying to imply."

"i'm not saying that!" she says, loading up the dishwasher. "i'm saying that your son feels as though you're ignoring him!"

"well i'm not-"

"momma?" noah says, making anya and i both snap our heads around, seeing a worried noah standing there, his face full of concern.

"hey sweetie, what's up?" anya replies, quickly wiping her eye.

"i'm tired, can i have some milk please?" he asks in a small voice, his brown curls, identical to mine, flared over his face.

"yeah, sure honey," anya says, closing the dishwasher, and opening up the fridge, taking out the bag of milk, and pouring it into a mug, before microwaving it. "do you want me to come upstairs and read you a story?"

"yes please momma," he nods.

"i can read you a book, buddy," i say, crouching down next to him, placing my hand on his back.

"no, i want momma," he shakes his head, running towards anya, and taking his milk from her hands.

"go upstairs sweetie, and change into your pyjamas okay? then i'll help you brush your teeth," he nods at anya, before she kisses his cheek, and lets him go running back off.

"anya-"

"i don't want to hear it," she snaps at me, wiping her hands on a towel. "our son feels upset because of you."

"how do i fix this?" i ask, panic suddenly filling me. she ignores me in response, before shaking her head, and walking out of the kitchen, taking her laptop with her.

"dada?" avery asks, coming round from a corner.

"hey princess," i say gently, as she wonders in, with her little guitar i bought her in her hands. "you brought your guitar?"

"can you teach me?" she asks, holding it out. a smile finds its way onto my lips, and i nod, holding out my hand.

"let's go to the basement, yeah?" she nods, taking my hand, and following me into the basement turned studio, where all my guitars are.

"dada, are you okay?" avery asks me carefully, as she perches on top of the piano stool.

"i'm fine, angel," i say, pushing out a smile, before picking up an acoustic guitar, and a cushioned stool, dragging them both so i can sit next to her.

"i heard you and mommy yelling," she says to me softly. "i don't like it when you and mommy yell."

"neither do i, sweet pea," i say gently, tuning up her guitar.

"and noah doesn't hate you," she adds. "he misses you."
-
"are you coming up?" anya asks, leaning against the doorway of the lounge, her arms folded.

"no," i mumble, looking back at the tv screen, the light illuminating the dark room.

"shawn," she sighs, folding her cardigan tighter around her, and walking up to me, crouching in front of me. "hey, i'm sorry."

"you had every right to say what you did, don't apologise," i say gently to her, as she smiles sadly, placing her hands on my thighs. "are the kids asleep?"

"all three of them are knocked out," she says, standing up straight. "you wanna call it a night?"

"come here," i say, holding my arms out. she immediately sits down next to me, cuddling her head into my chest, and holding my torso tightly, her warmth comforting me more than anyone or anything else could.

"i hate it when we fight," she mumbles against my chest, her eyes fluttering shut.

"so do i, darling, so do i," i lean down, pressing my lips onto her forehead, as she smiles softly, her cheeks going a soft pink.

"you know what this feels like?"

"what?"

"when we were 18, and we were in barcelona. that night i first kissed you, and i realised my feelings towards you," she says. "that amazing night."

"i have loved you since we were 18," i sing gently, making her chuckle.

"long before we both thought the same thing," she sings back, making me grin.

"to be loved and to be in love," i finish, as she looks up, sending me a tired grin. "i love you, anya rose, i truly do."

"again," she whispers, taking me back to several years ago, those simple words hitting me like an earthquake. i lean forward, so our lips are closer.

"i love you," i mumble, my lips delicately grazing hers. "anya rose mendes, i am so in love with you."

"again," she whispers, her lips pressed to mine.

"i love you," i whisper back, cupping her cheeks, kissing her fully, feeling her lips turn into a smile under mine.

again, i'm flashed back to when we were 18, and i kissed her for the first time. it was in her new york apartment, and it was 'practice', but she didn't have to know that. her confusion, and her mixed feelings clouding up her mind, but my feelings clear and loving. i couldn't help myself from saying it was for practice, because that one kiss made me fall in love with her all over again.

she truly has my heart.

"i love you," she says, pulling away, resting her forehead against mine.

this definitely was love.