Brothers but Not

Author: Pulchra_Aurum

Reviewer: -sylver

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SYNOPSIS

Nigel seeks validation. Familial love and warmth couldn't be any more unfamiliar to him, perhaps all the more reason for its eludation. However, he'd still give anything for that bit of warmth he'd never known. But what if there's no hope left for him to find family?

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TITLE

Review: The title is very fitting in my opinion. It describes the theme of your story very well. Two brothers who are related by blood but have a hard time accepting one another because of internal and external conflicts that keep them apart. It's a good title.

COVER

Review: I like the cover. It's very neat and presentable. The fonts for the title, subtitle, and the author's name are very easy to read, and I think if you got any stickers they'd be easy to place anywhere on your cover. I like that the two people on the cover look like one's on the outside looking in and one's stuck on the inside looking out. It symbolizes Saxon's and Nigel's dynamic very well.

SUMMARY

Review: Since your story is mainly about Saxon and Nigel I think you should include both of them in your summary, not just Nigel. Because they're twins it would make sense if they were both equally a main character, especially since you have chapters in both of their perspectives. Try to stretch out your summary a bit more. It's kind of short and lacks the standard foundation. Introduce your characters, establish the story's setting, list a few stakes that keep Saxon's and Nigel's relationship apart (as that is the main theme of your story) without revealing too much about the plot. Things like that.

PLOT

Review: Even though your transitions are very fast paced, the plot is very slow from the ten chapters I've reviewed. It's mainly just Nigel venting about how much better his brother has it than him, and his brother trying to get Nigel to talk to him. Then the friends and parents are there just so the plot isn't only Nigel and Saxon but they don't contribute much. My favorite part of the plot is Saxon being sick and Nigel taking care of him.

CHARACTERS

Review: A lot of your characters have similar names. Like Alfie and Aries, Tay and Tate, Loxley and Leroy. I just thought that was a little iffy and your characters could end up being confused for one another. Especially because of how you introduce them.

I don't really understand some of your character's personalities. Alfie, Aries, Matthias, Tay, Tate, Rhett, Nash, Declan, Loxley, Leroy all give that they're there so the story isn't one dimensional. That there are background characters and the universe isn't just Saxon and Nigel. They all seem to have the same personality. To support the main characters.

Nigel and Saxon are the only ones who have a complex personality for me. Saxon seems to want to have a close relationship with his brother but Nigel keeps pushing him away for insecurity reasons.

I think if you're going to try to depict that their parents are abusive/not caring to Nigel compared to Saxon I think you should describe it. If Nigel's just saying "Oh my parents don't show up to my events, and don't let me go to the hospital when I'm sick" without showing it, all I'm thinking is that Nigel is insecure and jealous of his brother and just wants a lot. His parents seemed nice so far that's why I say that. He seems super pampered and always wants to get his way. He's only giving spoiled rich kid vibes right now and Saxon seems humble and like he works for what he has and Nigel just wants life handed to him on a platter. That's how I'm differentiating them honestly. Make sure the parents aren't one dimensional because they seem like the parents that aren't there until they're needed for a plot twist or to scold or give philosophy.

I think the character of Hayley Cruz would be interesting so I am hoping to see more of her and what she does for the plot. I don't understand why there was a POV change for Kheri. They were introduced so abruptly I don't understand what they're supposed to contribute to the plot yet. Lastly for Sanitago are they also Thiago? I assumed they were the same person and that Thiago is a nickname.

ORGANIZATION/STRUCTURE

Review: Your transitions were very abrupt so I had a hard time following the plot without having to rethink how certain events connected. When you introduce your characters you introduce them in a way it feels like the readers should already know who they are but we don't. Work on how you introduce your characters to your readers. Don't just pop them into the plot, it ruins the layout of your story because then they feel a bit random and convenient and just so your character can have friends.

GRAMMAR/DESCRIPTION

Review: Overall your story seems to lack basic details that help readers to visualize your story. I think dialogue and character thoughts carry the story the most. I can't imagine any of the characters or setting because there aren't many details to go on. So work on your details. Do more showing and not telling. You can describe sensory details while characters are doing actions and observing the world. A thing that you do wrong with grammar I've noticed is the thing where you add commas after question marks like "?,". It's not necessary. It doesn't need a comma.

WRITING STYLE/FLOW

Review: For me your writing style is definitely catered to teens and young adults. I think you'd write stories that this group would enjoy the most. Work more on your flow because everything's fast paced and jumps from one scene to the next and not very easy to read plot wise and it just feels like a bunch of oneshots about how the character feels back to back.

CREATIVITY/ORIGINALITY

Review: I think a story focused on sibling and family relationships is very unique as every family is different and has different aspects from one another that you wouldn't see in another family. Because you're portraying a rich family, try to come up with more things other than "my family thinks my favorite food is kale". Not all rich people promote that kind of lifestyle but I know some can be strict so try to emphasize that more. I think rich people would do more activities other than staying home because they have a lot of money, so try to give variety things other than friends hanging in school since Nigel doesn't seem to be focused on his study like his brother is.

PERSONAL ENJOYMENT

Review: I had a hard time enjoying the plot because of how characters were introduced and the lack of details, but your story does have an interesting plot idea. Just work on how you convey the story. My favorite character though is definitely Saxon because he's trying his best and I admire him for that. Good luck on your writing journey, and thank you for letting me review your story.