the fifth woman sitting on a guy's lap in the club

Author: @windwindwind03
Reviewer: CoffeeAndSilverInk

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SYNOPSIS

My name is Blair Wyatt and I am a 24 year old, successful, rich, I was perfectly designed from head to toe. I have a friend named Chanel Armons, named after the famous Parisian brand Chanel.

Chanel is the opposite of me, unsuccessful poor and stupid, we are like the moon and the sun, obviously.However, I do not know why the author decided that we would follow the life of Chanel, you know, the fifth woman sitting on a man's lap in a club.

Chanel, I'm not here to say you don't deserve to have a story but you know if the book follows my life it won't be as boring.

Xoxo I love you,your best friend Blair
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* Chanel Armons got a job as a secretary at Lin Corporation (thanks to her best friend Blair). The night before, she was kissing and sticking it to a man at a club. And she finds out it's one of her bosses.

Chanel is a player and she will play with both of her bosses. One she played with in a nightclub Mr. Lin and the other who is engaged to another woman, Mr. Bellington.

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Title and Cover:
The title is too long and doesn't exactly relate to the story. I don't know if it's written all in lowercase for aesthetics purposes, but it looks unprofessional to me. You might disagree with my opinions, however, a professional title on any story or book have the first letters capitalised. Unless, what you want to go for is to have the following impression of your book to your readers, then go ahead and stick with what you have now.

Now, I will move on to your cover. Personally, your cover feels bland to me, and I think both the author name and title are hard to read. I suggest finding a more colourful picture for the background and working on the text placing. The author name should be placed at the top or bottom of your cover with a centred, and if the title has many words it should be placed and more lines.

Blurb:
I suggest pressing delete and keep pressing. This needs a whole revamp.

The blurb isn't clear nor does it give enough information about the story. Having a blurb narrated by Blair makes it seem like she'll be the narrator for the story, which she isn't. Writing blurbs in the first person is never a good idea, especially for beginners. There are many writers that are skilled in first person pov, but even those don't tend to write blurbs from a characters pov. There are exceptions, but unless a writer is really good with summarising in first person, I don't recommend it.

Writing a blurb has a few simple steps.
1. Introduce the main characters - which you attempted well enough.
2. Introduce main conflict - this is given in the very ending and not developed.
3. Appeal to the reader - this would be where an ending line is so good the reader would have no other choice but to open the book.

Plot/Flow:
I know the author only asked for the first five chapters, but I figured there was nothing to talk about plot wise, so I finished it.

The opening didn't didn't call to me. It didn't introduce anything but a few characters and it ended in a way that didn't urge me to keep reading. I also think that Blair doesn't need to narrate a chapter since she is a secondary character (despite what she might say).
Openings should be memorable, introduce the book's dilemma and end in a cliffhanger. If the chapter was narrated by Chanel it should focus on Mr Lin and how they happened.

All chapters are way too short and uneventful. I suggest the chapters reach at least 1K words and each presents something. Short chapters usually lead to many chapters and a big chapter number scares readers away. The entire book is slow paced and goes around with very little happening. What does occur throughout the story are out of the pocket moments that don't seem to have an impact on the story at all, but instead they're random events that lead to nothing.

I'm still struggling to know what the plot is about. The blurb said close to nothing and the story itself is the same. I know this is Chanel toying with her bosses, but the review form said Romance I don't see that anywhere. So far, what I got was that this would turn into many sexual encounters between Chanel and her bosses, which isn't Romance, it's smut with no plot. Besides, her bosses can't stand her so I find it hard to believe that she'll actually manage to get them in bed with her.
The story is not original. Employee sleeping with their employers has always been one of Erotica's favourite tropes  and so far I didn't see anything that distinguishes this story.

Chanel is hired to be a secretary because her best friend's parents are the highest clients of the corporation that hired her. She has no qualifications and is a terrible colleague, worker, and person, but Blair's parents are forcing the company to hire her. I don't buy it, though. It is said a couple times that her bosses have their back against the wall when it comes to her. Well, as Harvey Specter once said, when your back is against the wall, break the goddamn wall. And he was what you would call the perfect example of a businessman, never letting himself be bullied by his clients. If Bellington and Lin let themselves be coerced like that they are not good businessmen.
The fact that she gets the job through Blair should be said earlier in the story because before that information the story makes no sense. She never has an interview and she starts working right away. That makes no sense without knowing how she got the job.

Descriptions:
Descriptions are none existent. The book consists almost entirely of dialogue. The narration is barely there, which makes the story inconsistent. There are no descriptions of actions, spaces and characters. I'd say the author should have in mind the writer's golden rule "Show don't tell" in mind throughout the story, but even the telling is off.

Characterization:
Blair and Chanel are the same person and no one can tell me otherwise. They're both self centred, rude, spoiled brats. There's not a lot to say about Blair since she only appears in the first chapter and at the end of the last, despite being mentioned multiple times. She's the arrogant cocky character, but that's it.

Chanel is a conflicted character who does whatever she wants on the assumption that there won't ever be consequences. She's insufferable and rude. She's the perfect example of a spoiled brat, and the worst part is that she's hanging on her friend and not on her own parents' money. She's an adult, she should have her life figured out and not hold onto her friend's money. Blair seemed to be the mean girl and made Chanel seem vain, but actually Chanel is worse because she is a gold digger.

Chanel was rude to Prudence right away. We hate women who see each other as competition, but we also hate women who have disproportionate reactions and women who go down to someone else's level. We like women who know their value and are the bigger person. Pouring coffee on her bag was not the right reaction to being ignored and it shows us right away what kind of person Chanel is. She is not a badass, she is just childish and spoiled. She is everything Lin said she was and the way she acts around people who didn't do anything against her shows it perfectly.

Lin seemed like a very inconsistent character until we finally got to know how Chanel got the job. He kept diminishing her with little reason to do so, even if we later realised he was right about her. If he thought she was such a bad worker he should have just given her a job sweeping floors, not an important job like secretary. She screws up right away when she refuses to do something Bellington asked for and for thinking she has an opinion on what is or isn't worth her time when it's all part of the job.

Personality wise, I got nothing on Lin and Bellington. They don't seem like strong characters as they let an arrogant character mess with them in stupid ways, not to mention how she puked on Bellington. The story is focused on Chanel and it's hard to get anything from them. That said, Chanel has a lot of room to improve and have a great development. But it's important that the author takes time to flesh out the important characters.

Writing:
In chapter 1, third paragraph, it's "it's" not "its". Still in that chapter, split "the Donna Club" from the rest of the sentence to enhance it. I don't know what "-..?" means, but it's another thing to be deleted. It's VIP, not vip. The - before dialogue is unnecessary. Also, Chanel was introduced out of nowhere in that character when she arrived in the scene. Make it more noticeable when a new character joins in.

In chapter 3, italicise "accidentally", and, in one of the last paragraphs, the word "papers" is repeated 3 times in the same two line paragraph. Try to make them less.

In chapter 4, say that the man was standing on the door before saying she puked on him or it doesn't make sense.
I liked the quote "We didn't introduce each other, we introduced each other's lips" in the second chapter. Sounded good and explained the situation well.

Most sentences need to be split. They're too long and make no sense all together. There's an enormous lack of commas and full-stops that needs to be fixed asap. Besides that there is an awful issue that makes the story seem lousy, which is the beginning of sentences in lowercase when the first letter should be capitalised. This happens too many times to be considered an accident and it makes the story annoying to read. That, and the way words around commas are glued together. There should always be a space after a comma.

The paragraphs are extremely short, conveying only one or two sentences and very mechanical writing. There are no descriptions, barely any narration, and the writing is made of dialogue almost only.

For dialogue, here are some rules:
When it's the same person talking don't split the paragraphs.
Dialogue should always be between quotation marks.

For punctuation there are two ways to finish dialogue

E.g.

        "Lara likes honey," said Brianne. (US) or "Lara likes honey", said Brianne. (UK)
This is when the quote ends in a dialogue tag, a continuation of the sentence. Every time we finish the quote with a dialogue tag we place a comma after the quote.

        "Lara likes honey." Brianne frowned. (US) or "Lara likes honey". Brianne frowned (UK)
This is when the quote ends and a new sentence begins. "Brianne frowned" isn't complementary, but an action unrelated to the quote, so we put a full-stop on the quote before the new sentence.

Here's a link to a dialogue guide: https://www.ajcollins.com.au/resources-for-writers/how-to-punctuate-dialogue/

Overall enjoyment:
First of all, I want you to take this review with a pinch of salt. I know I pointed out a lot of wrong things but that doesn't mean the book is bad, only that it has lots of room to improve. I'm a strong believer that everything can become a better version of itself regardless of the starting point.
The writing is, as I said, very mechanical, which is normal for a beginner. I struggle to give advice as the book was so slow paced and gave me very little to work on. But I think the story has lots of potential and I think it can be very successful with proper thought behind writing.

I suggest doing some description exercises and rereading the chapters from the reader's point of view. Reading some books of the genre can also be good to know what is expected of romance.
Good luck with your future projects and thank you for choosing me as your reviewer.