Title: Temptation of the Witch

Author: hi5wifi
Reviewer: MoniTheTigerEmpress

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SYNOPSIS

"I yearned for you before I knew you..."

Aribel Clover comes from a long line of witches, but she didn't realize it until her grandmother took custody of her.

Now she is ready to face the big city again after 15 years of apprenticeship, during which she learned how to control her magic and heal those in need.

But no amount of training could have prepared her for Eric Roe Woods, a cursed man...

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Title:

I like the title. I can see its relevance to the novel pretty well.

Cover:

I think your cover is beautiful. There wasn't anything I noticed that could have been done better. I love the cover.

Blurb:

I think your blurb is fine but it does seem a little short. Your blurb is 74 words long approximately but generally a blurb should be longer. Your blurb tells us who the book is about which is good. I think maybe you can tell us more about the character and more about what conflicts the characters will face. It will entice a reader more.

Plot/flow/pace/description/sentence structure:

I felt like the flow between chapters is great. Nothing felt or read off. The pace of the chapters were perfect. I think the descriptions were fine and a reader could easily picture the scenes.

Grammar and dialogue:

I think your grammar was fine for the most part but there were a few little mistakes here and there which I will point out below. There were also some problems with capitalisation after a full stop that I found that I will also mention. Your dialogue was also fine and it was realistic throughout your novel.

One thing I noticed was with a lot of your dialogues when an action tag follows (so a full stop is present at the end of the dialogue) the next words do not have a capital letter as they are starting a new sentence. The following are examples from the first chapter of your book for reference. I will also show how these sentences could be improved.

What you have: "It's all right, baby. Don't be sad, Mommy is here." while struggling to carry her luggage-

What needs to be improved: The 'w' for 'while' needs to be capital since it is an action tag.

What you have: "So, how about you?" she only needed to find something to break-

Improvement: The s for 'she' needs to be capitalised.

What you have: "-habit I picked up from someone." as if she'd been reminded of-

Improvement: The 'a' for 'as' should be capital as it is also an action tag.

What you have: Aribel shook her head and pointed to the nearby taxis, "I can't, I have-"

Improvement: Since 'pointed' is an action tag, the comma after 'taxis' should be a full stop here!

What you have: "I'll just simply take a taxi." Aribel explained calmly.

Improvement: Since 'explained' is a dialogue tag, the full stop after 'taxi' needs to be a comma here.

I also wanted to mention that numbers under 100 should be written out. So for example in the first chapter you had written '12 month old' so instead you can write 'twelve month old'.

Character Development:

So I think you did a great job with character development. Nothing felt overwhelming or too much. Everything felt natural. I can see Aribels personality shine from the first chapter. She seems to care about others which is evident with her interaction with the mother on her flight. I think you did well here!

Overall:

I'll keep this short and sweet! You have an amazing story and it is quite unique. What I mentioned above can be fixed with a quick edit. Well done.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to review your book and good luck on your future writing endeavors!