CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
vol ii — home turf

KAZ KNEW HE had to find Dinara, trusting Insj enough to get to the embassy and back, knowing that she would be okay. But Dinara, he needed her to help him through this shadows, knowing she and the streets marked into her head. He had searched for her, finding her in the suite's lavish white and gold bathroom, seated at the vanity table, cutting fresh bandages from old wounds that had busted open. He spared a glance, tossing his coat into the sink. "I need your help plotting a route to the Slat."

"Well that much is clear. I'm coming with you, fool," Dinara said, looking at him through the mirror, glancing for only a second before going back to cutting up the fabric. She was annoyed that her old wounds had managed to bust open, muttering a few curses under her breath.

"You know I have to face them alone. They'll be looking for any sign of weakness, Di," he said, paying attention to the water that was pouring from the tap. "But I can't approach at street level."

"Honestly, you shouldn't be going at all, Kaz," Dinara snarked, annoyed with the boy. "But, I know you. So I know you won't be giving up."

She watched as he took off his gloves, admiring the hands she didn't see, and how he took the water and splashed it on his face and ran them through his hair. She knew that should would never be able to touch him, at least not for a long while, so she admired. "Talk me through the best route or I'll find my own way there."

"Get me a map." He dug through his pockets, pulling out a map, a tourist one, and placed it on the basin. All of the real maps, the detailed ones, had been left on the Black Veil, so they had to work with what they had. Dinara started to draw lines through the rooftops, her mouth telling Kaz the best way to go, the boy hanging in her every word. "This way is faster, but it's steeper," she said, pointing at a specific point.

"I'll take the long way." Dinara figured that he would, not wanting to risk his leg. She watched as he pulled out a contract, placing it on the sink.

"You bought Inej out? Kaz don't get me wrong, but I'm thinking you're turning soft on me."
"I'm not Pekka Rollins. I don't sell girls into brothels. I don't con helpless kids out of their money."
"I know that. But did the people at the Crow Club get what they deserved?"
"Life isn't ever what we deserve, Dinara. If it were—"
"Did your brother get what he deserved?"

"No." Dinara knew she shouldn't have asked that, knowing that the boy was hiding in the shadows when it came to his brother. The trauma that came with everything that happened, the fact that he managed to stay alive, and his aversion to touch. She could feel the guilt crawling up her throat, but by the look in his eyes, she knew not to apologize. He knew that she didn't mean anything bad when she said it, but that she was simply trying to prove a point. Nothing more. Nothing less. "We were fools."

"You were children. On your own, no one to protect you."
"Was there anyone to protect you?"

"You know the answer to this. No. My mother was a raging psychopath, who would try to kill me on a daily basis," Dinara said, looking at his eyes, the slight sadness reflecting in their own, each upset at what they dealt with at a young age. "My father was never in the picture, and when he was, well, he was worse than my mother. The Barrel was my escape, learning the patterns of people and using the skills I had learned from escaping my parents into real life. But now you and the Crows, you guys protect me. That's all I need."

"The fact you have opened your wounds and are bleeding through the bandages you have, tells me otherwise," Kaz said, raising his eyebrow at the girl.

"I need Nina to fix this one."
"I can help you."

Her head snapped up to him, trying to gauge if he was being serious. She ultimately decided she would try it out, hoping, praying, that he meant what he said. Dinara hopped up onto the counter, driving herself to become eye level with him, picking up the shears and handing them to him, watching as his body shivered from the cold touch. "Where should we start?" She watched as his eyes trailed down to her right forearm, watching as his hands shook, understanding if he was going to back off. It's the idea that he had managed to get this far that was good enough for her. She let out a tiniest gasp, trying to steady her breathing as the shears went under the bandage, cutting it off, his hands pulling it away every so gently.

Dinara couldn't believe that this was happening, that Kaz Brekker, a boy who hated touch, was willingly cleaning and changing her bandages. She saw him hesitate when he picked up a strip of fresh towel, wondering if he was going to say he had enough or continue through. Deciding to help the boy out ( as she could not physically comfort him ), she lifted her arm, allowing him access to easily wrap. He slowly looped the clean cloth around she forearm, stilling for a moment when his knuckles brushed against his skin, her eyes watched him cautiously. She heard him take a breath, willing himself forward as he moved the lower half of her left forearm, willing himself forward as he knew he had her shoulder to go for. Dinara's eyes were wide, her pupils dilating her eyes, her legs on either side of him, careful not to touch him.

Her breath hitched, watching as his fingers reached up and pushed under the bandage, freezing and screwing his eyes up at the touch. "It isn't easy for me either. I flinch at almost every man, even Wylan and Jesper, who I tend to be the most affectionate with. I live in constant fear that my parents will show up, and try and ruin the life I've built for myself. I think they haven't even done the worst to me. When I was younger, my mother was nice, caring, gentle with me. And by the time I had turned ten, she decided that I was a threat to her well being. I would hide in the trees, waiting for her to have her back turned to grab something to eat, living in fear, learning to be as silent as I could. If you can't do this I won't think any less of you, you've done more than I could imagine."

It was if her words stirred a new resolve in him, pushing him towards the edge, wishing to prove himself. Dinara watched a flicker of what seemed like disappointment run through his eyes when his fingers removed themselves from contact with her skin. She watched as he removed the bandage, replacing it with a new one, his confidence seemingly growing with every second. She could feel his eyes traveling around her skin, taking in every ounce that was her, never being so close to her, allowed him to take in a new aspect of her. He continued to loop the bandage, his skin brushing against hers ever so softly, but it didn't seem to bother him as much as it once would have. When he finished his head dropped, Dinara could feel Kaz's breathe on her skin, dropping silent, feeling the slightest brush of his lips against her skin. And just as it was there, it was gone.

i don't think you understand how long i've been WAITING to write this