(1 July 2012, 8 years ago)

I stared at the date on my phone's screen for a brief period of time before keeping it in my pocket with a sigh. I rubbed my eyes lightly after removing my specs which I wear everyday to the university to hide the bags under my eyes due to lack of sleep.

I was in my last year of Ba of Law, a year full of dread for law students. Every day you get up, not because the sun is up but to study, study and just study. The final exams were near which means we all had pressure with continuous alarms ringing. It felt like we all are pressure cookers but the only difference was that our condition was far worst than the cookers.

Psychologically speaking, Pressure and stress are always good as it can improve your performance, by giving you a little amount of boost but the pressure/Stress should always be moderate, not too low and not too high.  

I was never a type of girl who liked studying and in the school, used to just study for the sake of getting passed. So I never liked this kind of exams pressures but now, I couldn't even complaint because I was the one who chose this path after that incident.

Incident. This word used to easily trigger my trauma earlier but now, it's under-control and nowadays, I don't get panic attack. Even though panic attacks have stopped visiting me, but the nightmares never, they visit me every night and leave me only after they disturb my sleep.

Luckily, I don't suffer from insomnia as I get too tired because of college and studying mentally exhausts me, or else my whole daily schedule would have been a pure mess.

My thoughts were cut short after our Legal Psychology and Criminal Law's teacher entered the class.

The class went on normally with her making us mark the important questions and asking us few twisted answer.

As soon as the class finished and after saying goodbye to the teacher, I quickly packed my bag, wanting to reach home fastly. Even though, I don't get panic attack but I still have a trauma. Trauma of walking alone on the road, and that's why I prefer to walk with bunch of students who live near my house.

Indian roads are dangerous for a women, when it should be not dangerous, but no one cares. No one cares about us, no one tries to understand us, they only want us to understand.

"Leave the hopes getting sympathy from the society. They will always want you to understand but will understand you."

With my widened eyes, I looked back only to see my teacher leaning on the desk while looking at me.

"So I was right."

My reaction on what she said was enough to give her answer and my silence encouraged her to speak ahead.

I was confused, how come see read me soo easily. Everyone tells me that they find it hard to read my expressions to see what I am thinking off.

My confusion was short-lived as she is started laughing which I guess was because of the weird expressions on my face before giving me the answer to my unasked question.

"Vaishnavi, did you forgot who am I and what I teach...? For sure, you are hard to read but not for me. For me, I can read you very easily."

The air around us, or only around me, was screaming because of awkwardness I felt and I am sure that only I was awkward, she isn't.

My communication skills are great which is a good thing but when it comes to this teacher, I always feel intimidated. I don't know why I felt like that but I always feel nervous around her. I guess it's because of her sharp eagle-like eyes, which can easily catch what a person is hiding. She isn't a Legal psychology teacher for nothing.

"I want to talk with you regarding your exams and that's why I was going to ask you to come to my cabin but you were lost in your thoughts.

Before going home visit my office."

With that she left the classroom and cursed in my mind. I should have left before I think of anything, before I get lost in my thoughts but no, I have to  stand here and get lost in my nightmareland.

As I didn't wanted to waste more time and reach home before the sunset, I ran towards her office with the maximum amount of speed my legs can tolerate.

When I reached in front of her cabin, I took a deep breath before knocking the door and asking permission to get inside.

"Vaishnavi, your mid-term and final term exam results have improved over 3 years in all the subjects and as your class teacher, I am very proud of you. That's all I want to tell you."

What!?! That's all..? She could have told me the same thing tomorrow in the class or before the class but why after the class..? I was frustrated and that was clear on my face.

Suddenly I saw her getting up, picking her coat from the chair, taking the keys in her hand which I assumed to be of her car and start making her way towards the door while I stood there dumbfounded.

"Are you coming or not...?"

"Huh?"

"I have notice that you go with some students but looking at the time, o think they already made their way outside the college. I will drive you to your home. So come on."

Even before I register what just now happened, I found myself making my towards her car with her. For the first time in a while, I found myself trusting her even though I find her intimidated.

What I have learnt from the dreadful incident is that, always trust people who are polite, not the people who sweet coat their every word. There is a fine difference between polite and sweet coated people. So fine, that sometimes even experts can't figure out what they want.

The women who is driving the car now, surely isn't a person who belong to this both categories. She is bold, straightforward and spit straight facts with truth dipped in her every word. Some people might think that she is being too harsh, but for me, it was cool.

My face filled with horror when she suddenly stopped the car and negative thoughts quickly invaded my mind. Did I really trusted a wrong person...? Did I made a wrong choice by coming with her...? What she will do to me...?

"Don't think too much negatively, I stopped the car because I want to talk with you before we reach your home."

She must have noticed that horror on my face. Her sentence calmed my racing heart and negative mind down as I finally relaxed my back on the passenger seat of the car.

"I have noticed that you leave with that kids every day and I have also noticed that you aren't even friends with them at first place, forget about going home with them."

My back was again on alert as it stood straight up and my eyes looked at the teacher who was looking straight in front. How did she knew that I am not their friends and I just go with them because I am scared, because of that trauma...? Was she stalking me...?

"No, I wasn't stalking you. My home is in the same direction as yours so inevitably I always see you guys going.

I don't exactly know what happened in your past or what now you are going through now but as a women, I can understand you.

In such a big country like India and in such big city like Mumbai, we are always told that we aren't less than men, both the genders are equal but they are the first one to discriminate us.

When we go through a hard time, we want the society to understand our struggle, to understand our feelings, but they don't do that. They don't even try to understand them, forget about they feeling it.

I agree that many people say that they understand us, but kid, you can never fully understand a person's struggle until you go through the same thing."

I was speechless of how accurate she is, how sternly she spoke and how brave she is. What made me shock, was her eyes, which were now filled with tears. She have definitely went through something very bad and that's why I can connect with her.

"Kid, you should cry, but not to gain pity, but cry for your own self. Don't care about what society says or what will people think. Just be yourself.

Be confident and roam around the streets whenever you want. Roads are made for that. You should be fearless, fearless of that bad men and bad people who don't care about what we feel and attack us because our past whether it be history of molestation or be it we are still virgin or not, doesn't decide our character. Our personality decides it.

We all are born as free as the birds, but some of us let the society handcuff them and some don't.

Don't let the society handcuff your freedom and make you live by the society's norms. Let you be the who lives your own life, don't let the society rule it."

Her words hit my heart as if someone stabbed me, some one stabbed me with the knife of right sense without any involvement of the societal norms.

"Vaishnavi, you once said that you want to be a righteous lawyer who doesn't get swayed by dirt money and help the victims to get their rightful rights, Am I right...?"

She said as soon as I was going to exit her car as the car stopped in infront of my home. I nodded to her sentence as I remembered my first year of Ba when I said this. That time, teachers told us to tell them the reason why we chose this field and that's how I answered them.

"To be that kind of lawyer,
Rule No- 1: Don't let your opposition know your true feelings. Be the one who will make people mentally exhaust but will never let them know what you thinking or feeling."

That night, was the night of a change, a change of myself from a person who easily get scared to a person who is brave and will never step down even though her enemy have already reached till her throat with a knife. Surely the change will take it's own sweet time but I am all ready for it.

I was lying on the bed with laptop on my laps and was typing something when I got message from one of my partner with whom I was doing a project with, to check my email.

I opened the email and saw many unread emails. Clicking on the first as she thought that it was from her project partner but she was soo wrong, she was soo wrong.

'From- [email protected]
To- [email protected]

Subject- Do you really think...?

Do you really think that I was the one...? Do you really think that all accusation you both accused me off, were right...? Do you really think that...? Think about those memories again if you are curious about the questions above and if aren't curious, then it would be your loss. Because the actual criminal is roaming around freely.

Regards,
A person whom you probably don't even want to think about.'

(Present)

I re-read the email again. I again and again read the questions. The email was no doubt from Adarsh Patel but the question was why did he send me this..?

I looked at my laptop screen and wondered why out of all other useful people, he chose to send me this email...? According to Kairav, after he was released from the jail, his email account have always stayed active but he never e-mailed anyone related to that case, expect me.

Luckily I haven't deleted this email as after this incident happened, I was soo baffled that I created an another email account and still use it. I have literally forgotten about this email account but recent incidents sent a spark to my brain which made it remember of this existing account which was long forgotten by me.

Multiple answers to my previous question invaded my mind but none of them, had proper evidence. I decided to search the 8-year-old-unopened-email-account again to see if there are more such emails or not when suddenly a notification from the same email popped on the laptop.

'An email from [email protected], sent 30 seconds ago.'

The email only had subject written and closing statement with a undefined number written between them.

'From- [email protected]
To- [email protected]

Subject- Do you really think like that even now...? That's sickening.

+1 2345678***

Regards,
A person whom you probably don't even want to think about but suddenly will get urge to call me.'

(A/n-

Any thoughts about the identity of the teacher and what exactly between to Adarsh and Vaishnavi..?
Comment down and let me know about your thoughts.

Take care of yourself and your family!!
Stay safe, healthy and happy!!

Love ya❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️)