March 7, 2017 9:01 A.M

I woke up along with Marriam and we walked into the kitchen, where everyone was gathered on the couch staring at the television.

"Why's everyone looking at the TV like that?" I asked

"LBS news is getting ready to start," London said.

Marriam said, "Ooh, I wanna watch"

On the TV, a blue sky appeared and a CGI image of the earth started spinning in the center. A man in a business suit appeared sitting at a desk with a moving picture of daytime New York in the background

"Good morning everybody, and welcome to the London Boarding School news. Police on the lookout for Grady, a 13-year-old kid, who conducted a cannibal attack that injured nine and killed twenty one people. Also, the buffet is now regular food again, hopefully, and we're still clearing the severed body parts for lunch and dinner. Judy Sharparrow is offering five hundred dollars to anyone who finds her golden condoms, which wasn't the only thing she lost in the pool. She claims that the man she lost her innocence to, quote, is an "ain't shit nigga'. Now we will have Marina with the weather"

The camera panned to Marina, who was wearing a white dress with yellow flowers on it. She stood in an excited pose with a huge smile on her face. In the background was a moving map of the ghost town with yellow spots moving around it.

"Good Morning LBS! Winter is leaving and spring is coming! The high for today will be seventy and the low will be just sixty. Pretty good day to go to the park or just chill in the pool, but due to health concerns, the park would probably be the better choice. Back to you, Frank". Just then, the weather screen fell on her and she screamed, "Aah!"

The camera panned back to Frank and he said, "Thank you, Marina. Now we will have Andrew for today's joke". Marina said from the off, "I'm okay"

The camera panned to Andrew who was wearing a red shirt.

"Good morning everyone. Laughter is a great way to overcome a bad day and lift our spirits. And with that, I hope this joke brightens your day. What do basketballs and women have in common? The answer will be revealed after the sports"

The camera panned to an energetic young man in a shirt that had the left side as a football jersey and the left as a basketball jersey with the numbers 1988.

"InsportsnewsLBSfootballteamtoplaythepanthersitwillbereallyexcitingsocomesupportyourteamandbuysnacksandfoodbacktoyouAndrew"

The camera went back to Andrew and he said, "Do you have a clue? Well here it goes! After you shoot in the basket, you pass it to your teammate! Well, there you have it."

Mariah immediately shut off the TV and said, "That nigga ain't funny".

Azyrea added, "I wanna cut his balls off". Around the room, all the ladies were shocked while Kenyelle was completely unaffected and Thomas and Johnny giggled a little bit. Outside, we heard riots of women protesting loudly. I went to the patio and already hundred of women were running around with torches. Marriam came from behind me and said, "Andrew really started something this time". Johnny came from behind us and said, "Well, can't bang hoes today"

The women continued rioting outside and some caught on fire.

"The joke was just made and already people dying. Wow," I remarked.

"I heard the breakfast buffet is good again," Marriam said, "Let's go eat and forget about this bullshit".

As we were walking to the door, Kimberly tagged along with us. Marriam looked at Mariah and said, "Mariah, you wanna come with us to breakfast?"

"I don't trust that damn breakfast," Mariah said, "But I'mma still come". Azyrea followed Mariah as she joined us

We got on the elevator and rode all the way down to the lobby. However, once we got to the buffet, there were angry women protesting all around it.

"Sexist dudes! Get no food! Sexist dudes! Get no food!".

"Yeah, we definitely can't bang hoes today," Johnny said.

One of the protestors pointed to Johnny and said, "This pig just called us hoes! Destroy this sexist son of a bitch!"

Johnny said, "Hold up, I wasn't talking about y'all, I don't wanna bang y'all"

"So you're calling us unattractive and undesirable?"

"That's not what the hell I was saying," Johnny replied, "I was just saying..."

"DEGENERATE DOG! GET HIM!"

And with that, a storm of women violently jumped upon Johnny. Mariah, Marriam, and I started throwing the women off of them and while we were successful for a small time, the rest of them wouldn't budge and I was bitten by one woman.

"I don't have time for this bullshit," Marriam said. She pulled out her gun from her coat pocket and shot the ceiling.

"Get the fuck off or I'll shoot you to death!" Marriam said. The women started fleeing away from Johnny, who was lying on the floor with a bloody nose, scratched up arms, ruffled hair, and a tattered shirt. He groaned in pain. Kimberly fell upon him and started kissing his wounds while saying, "Don't worry father, I will avenge you!"

Back in the room, Kenyelle and Deasia were flirting while eating Breakfast together, while Monica, Shanequia, Delma, Sonya, London, and Thomas sat on the couch, and Emmani sat on the floor eating bacon and macaroni and cheese. Peaches walked in with Jean Angel in her arms, and commented, "Man, it smells like a good breakfast in here. Anyway, I'm gonna get Jean Angel some games, be right back". She left as soon as Andrew came in holding a big brown box.

"This box is for Monica," he announced, and subsequently ran to one of the closets.

"By the way, I don't care what no one says, that was actually kinda funny," Thomas said.

"At least I got one brotha on my side," Andrew said. Monica ran up to her box, and opened it.

"Oh my gosh, It's awesome," she said.

In the box she found multiple singing books, home cooked meals and a CD. She ran to the DVD player and placed the CD in. The video playing on the TV had Grady in a halo and a white gown, with water from an overhead hose spraying to look like rain, and he began to sing:

I know I'm not a perfect man

But there's somethings I wish you would understand

My love for you will never die

But I can't light the fire again, no matter how hard I try

A thousand tongues ain't enough to express

How much I truly love you and regret

The transgressions I committed against your heart

I never meant for us to part

Lemme be your guardian Angel, and guide your soul

To love and protect you on this bumpy road

We would feel so much better

If we were still together

I miss your precious smile

Classy but sassy style

And my heart goes wild

When I think of youuuuuu

Baby, human eyes can't comprehend to see

How much you really mean to me,

And I looooooooooooooooove you

The end of the video showed Grady petting a pet dog and a white cursive text saying, "If you want rekindle the romance, meet me at Fubway"

Upon seeing the video, Monica and London's jaws dropped. A tear appeared in Monica's

"Where did that damn kid learn how to sing?" Monica asked. "Last year he sounded like two loud trains running over a horse".

"I don't know, but dammit, that was beautiful," London said, "Maybe we should meet him at Fubway and talk".

"You in love with him again, girl?" Monica asked.

"Well, um, we'll see when we get there," London said.

Just then, Andrew walked slowly from one of the closets wearing a clean tuxedo with a blue bow-tie.

"Damn boy, you looking kinda sharp," Monica said while walking upon to him. London followed

"And sexy too," London said. Monica and London started feeling on his suit.

"Thank you ma'am," Andrew said, "And you two are quite sexy yourselves".

"What's the occasion?" Monica asked. "You can't be on a date because every woman in town hates you"

Andrew replied, "Exactly. Which is why I'm disguising myself to protect my identity. None of those wicked witches will notice me".

London said, "Lol, good luck with that".

"No worries," Andrew said, "I got myself covered".

"Well, we're going to Fubway to talk to Grady," Monica said, "He said he really loved us and sent us a beautiful song".

Andrew stared at them blankly and said, "You girls suck".

"And that's why you'll never get a damn girlfriend," London said. All three of them headed out the door.

Meanwhile, Marriam, Mariah, Kimberly, Johnny, and I, were walking to the spa so Johnny could get a remedy for his minor injuries.

"You think they give free lollipops?" Johnny asked.

"Well, I doubt it. But who knows?" I said.

Just then, Marriam swooped her hand down my pants and started squiggling it around my crotch.

"Ay, What the...brrrdosfygfhkefhyd"

Marriam and Mariah threw a laughing fit then Marriam pointed to me and said, "That was soooo damn funny. You should've seen your damn face".

"Mmm-hmm," I said while rubbing my hands together . I then swooped my hands down her pants and started squiggling it around her vagina.

"Ahh, Bae stop that, you making me hot," she cried.

"Alright," I said. I put my index finger in my mouth and said, "Mmm, tasty". Marriam started blushing.

We arrived at the spa and masseuse said to Johnny, "Boy, you look beat up"

"Got hurt by a bunch of butthurt ladies," Johnny said.

"Well take off your clothes and I'll be back at ya," the masseuse said. Just then, Marriam's phone started beeping. She took it out and looked at it.

"Ugh, some damn people at Fubway, gotta take care of them," Marriam said.

"I wanna go," Mariah said.

"Sure, Bae," Marriam replied.

I then smacked her on the ass. "You can't call my sister Bae".

All of us, except Johnny and Kimberly, started walking from the spa to Fubway.

"I can't wait to get back to Fubway!" Marriam said, "There's a new sub I would love for you guys to try"

We got to Fubway, where Monica, London, and Grady were waiting outside. Grady was smoking a cigarette-like roll of flesh with pieces of humor liver inside of it that were leaking out.

POW!

Marriam had grabbed her gun and shot the roll of flesh out of Grady's hand.

"That's disgusting as hell," Marriam said as she unlocked the door to Fubway. We all walked in, and Marriam hung up her black coat and put on her Fubway coat and hat. She jumped in the back, grabbed two subs with chocolate bread, and went back the front.

"These are my new Chocolate Paradise subs," she said. She opened up the sub which revealed a stream of chocolate, partially liquid strawberries, and a red sauce

"This sub is made of natural aphrodisiacs like loads of chocolate, strawberries, and watermelon sauce. That means about 5 minutes after you eat it, you will be extremely horny and will fuck the first motherfucker you see. I made some with semen for the extra freaky niggas and bitches"

"I would pay so much for one of those," Grady said

"You're not allowed to eat these," Marriam said, "You're already enough of a damn pervert"

"She's right," Grady said.

"It's okay," Monica said, "We're all interested in different things and have different tastes. Who cares if it isn't socially acceptable? Go for it!"

"You sound like one of them Sunday Morning commercials about bullying," I said, "But you're justifying a habit that kills and mutilates people"

Marriam added, "In other words, you're supporting a bully pervert alien".

Monica said to Grady, "Yeah, you need to go to rehab"

"The day I go to rehab is the day people stop tasting so damn good," Grady said.

"Well until you stop eating people", Monica said, "You're never getting any of this again," she briefly rubbed her body, "Let's get the hell out of here, Lon".

Grady yelled, "Wait! Stay! Aside from stop eating people, I will do anything!"

Monica and London kept walking towards the exit.

"I'll rub your legs!" Grady said. He then ran up and tackled Monica.

"AAAH! Get off of me, creep!" Monica yelled. Grady started rubbing Monica's legs in a circular motion. Monica's protests slowly turned into moans.

"Damn, I forgot how good this kid was with his hands".

"Yep, that bastard won't get no chocolate sub anytime soon," Marriam said while cutting the subs in fours and throwing them in snack bags.

On the other side, Andrew was walking on the street, checking out the scenery to make sure no one noticed him, and kept walking with KFC as his destination. However, two women at a house in front of him started pointing to him.

"That's the nigga on the news that told that unfunny, stupid-ass joke"

"Let's make sure he'll never be able to have children"

Andrew said, "Whoa, who you talkin' about? I'd never"

"Ladies, this is the sexist pig! Get him!"

All of the sudden, a storm of women from surrounding houses and on the sidewalk started running towards Andrew from every direction. Andrew sprinted off, however, there was a group of angry women coming straight for him. He tried to look for ways to run away, but violently offended women clamored over him.

"Get away, some of y'all breath stank, get the hell away from me"

The women grabbed ahold of Andrew and started kicking and stomping him. He tried kicking, punching, and biting them, but nevertheless, they prospered over him. After a while, they lifted him up and started carrying him off.

At the spa, Johnny laid on the bed with Kimberly on his side. A towel was covering him from the waist down and the masseuse was rubbing a mint-scented cream on his wounds.

"Do you remember the specific faces of the bitches who attacked you?" Kimberly asked.

"One of them had a big mole on her lip, and one of them had a dragonfly tattoo on her face," Johnny answered.

Kimberly pulled out her notepad and started writing the details Johnny told her.

"Now, tell me, how would you like your Revenge," She said, "Semi-Brutal, Brutal, or So Damn Brutal That Plastic Surgery And Medicine Won't Be Able To Fix It Even With Advanced Technology?"

"Brutal," Johnny replied and Kimberly jotted in her notebook

"And one last question. Has this event made your interest or ability in S&M activities tonight decline?"

"Hell No," Johnny answered.

The masseuse said to Kimberly, "Excuse me, are you this guy's girlfriend?"

"Sorta-kinda," she said.

"Do you mind if we rub this cream on his genitals? It's part of the remedy".

"I don't really give a damn," Kimberly replied.

"Whoo-hoo! Handjob!" Johnny said. "A free lollipop comes with that?"

At Fubway, Grady rubbed Monica's shoulders for 15 minutes before getting up and saying, "Do you love me now Monica?"

"Hmmm", she said while putting her pants on. "Tell ya what, how about you be my, um, masseur instead?"

"Happily delighted!" Grady said.

Just then, Marriam's phone started dancing and she glanced at it.

"We've got your friend Andrew at the drug factory and he's paying for his crimes," she read.

"They're gonna kill a man over a stupid joke?" I said, "We gotta stop this!"

Marriam said, "Yeah, this bullshit is getting too damn stupid," and hung up her Fubway coat then put her black one back on. She pushed open the door and said, "Come on, everybody". We all rushed out of Fubway and ran toward the Drug Factory, where there were several other people were heading too. We burst through the doors and saw a bunch of angry women in the front of the crowd along with a few angry men while the more neutral women and men were in the middle and back. We pushed through the crowd and saw Andrew, who was strapped and tied to a rotating metal wheel with Lions running around it.

Monica said, "I can't watch this shit, I'm leaving". She grabbed London and they burst through the exit door.

A woman in a tuxedo came to the podium that stood about five feet in front of Andrew's predicament and said, "How is everyone one. My name is Mary Jane, the leader of the Dick Rehab classes"

Marriam whispered in my ear, "I hate this girl"

"While I'm not gonna trouble you long, I will trouble all the sexist men in the audience. After my speech, please help yourself to some pizza and punch. Now, what this young 'boy' did was very despicable, sexist, and very juvenile. Us women worked hard for voting rights, equal pay, and to have the same rights as our male counterparts. Our efforts shall not be thwarted by crude comparisons to sexist sport games like basketball"

Mariah said to herself, "What the hell that gotta do with basketball tho?"

"Good question, young lady. They've built a separate league for women, called the WNBA, and while this looks nice, if looked upon closer, bears a resemble to the Jim Crow Laws of the 1950's. Playing on separate leagues is like drinking from separate fountains. One day, us women should be able to play in the same league as those bastard men. While women are progressing, jokes like these are hindering us from reaching our full potential. Now, in five minutes, a bunch of steak sauce will pour on young Andrew and the lions will devour him"

A man yelled from the audience, "Hey lady! What do women have in common with condoms?"

"Young man, I do not appreciate your..."

"After you use em', you throw em' away!"

While the men burst out in laughter, some of the women drew guns, including Mary Jane.

"Here's a joke for you," Mary Jane said while cocking her gun, "What do men have in common with arcade games? Without the stick they can't work for shit!". She then shot the man who made the condom joke.

"I got a joke," one of the women said from the crowd. She rushed up and grabbed the microphone.

"What do men and midgets under a microscope have in common? They act all big when they're really just little"

The women in the crowd had an uproar of laughter, then one man said, "Shut the hell up! How's living with women like working in a damn bomb factory? One mistake, and shit explodes!"

Mary Jane yelled, "I've had enough of this misogyny!" and started rapidly shooting some of the men in the audience. The men responded by drawing guns and firing at the women.

"I love shooting," Marriam said. She pulled out her gun and started shooting at the audience.

One of the men came inside with a missile launcher and said, "I knew this would come in handy"

Just then, Johnny and Kimberly burst through the door and both yelled, "Stop!". Everybody looked at them and a Johnny began to say

ALL OF YOU STOP!!!!! Now, that joke wasn't funny, well maybe a little, and you have the right to be offended. But guess what, you let that get to the point that you've turned against each other and put thousands of people in danger and took their lives over a stupid joke. That just makes you look like fools if one sexist joke is enough for you women to declare war. You should've just struck back with another joke instead of missiles and guns. Besides, we're losing sight of what's important. MARINA MIGHT BE APPEARING NAKED ON THE NIGHTLY BROADCAST SEE YOU LATER!!!!!" then he walked back out the door

Mary Jane shed a tear and said, "Well, fighting sexist words with sexist violence wasn't quite the best idea". She walked to Andrew and untied him.

"Perhaps all you needed was a good kick in the testicular region," she said. She kicked him the nuts and he said, "Ow, but thanks for freeing me"

"You welcome," Mary Jane said. Just then, whole gallon of steak sauce fell on Mary Jane. The lions started growling.

"Don't worry, my dear," Andrew said as he picked up Mary Jane. He dashed out of the building with Mary Jane in his arms and the lions rapidly chased them out the door.

"Time to go?" I asked.

"Yeah," Mariah said.

As our crew and I walked out, I said, "Ya know, I learned something today"

Mariah said, "Me too"

"Freedom of speech doesn't mean you just say whatever to somebody, you never know how they might react, but then again, you can't react in such a violent manner, which makes you look like a fool," I said

"I just was gonna say bitches be crazy for real," Mariah said.

"Yeah, bitches do be crazy," Marriam said

"Bitches be crazy," Azyrea said as we walked out of the Drug Factory to the afternoon sky.