Thought it was time to update! Sorry for the long delay, but this chapter took awhile to write and there were so many places I wanted to stop (and yet continue on and on... Lol). Anyway, I finally got it finished and I hope you like it! Song above (or to the side) has no real significance (unless you're someone who really enjoys analyzing lyrics/meanings) but is one that I really love and is by one of my new favorite artists: Bastille. I hope you guys like it too! Now, on to the story!

* * * * *

Chapter 9: When in Azarath

Deep breaths, Raven. In... Out. In... Out.

Beast Boy in Azarath?

The thought was absurd. I was able to share that life with Starfire. Being a Princess of Tamaran, she understood how things work. I could have handled bringing Robin, or maybe even Cyborg, as they know well enough how to conduct themselves in front of people of noble standing. Even Terra would have been better- at least I don't have to keep secrets from her.

But Beast Boy? He snoops enough here on earth. Now, I am bringing him into the lion's den, the golden egg of my chest of secrets. Letting him make guesses is one thing, but to bring him to Azarath is like giving him an all-access backstage pass to my life. There's no stopping him from 'accidentally' walking in on a secret conversation, or from asking the staff just the wrong questions that will give him the right answers to his questions. I mean, I can put someone on his tail, warn the staff ahead of time, even threaten him from digging into things, but it'd be futile. Deterring him would only spark his interest further.

Ugh, these next few days are going to suck more than having to sleep next to him. Not that sleeping next to him was awful, in fact it was rather enjoyable, until he opened up his big fat mouth and tried to discuss feelings and emotions. And that's how this trip will be. Being with him won't be that bad, maybe even fun (at times), but everything will turn sour when Beast Boy opens up that mouth of his and starts asking questions about Azarath and what I've been up to the last two years.

Maybe I can duct tape his mouth shut, or mute his voice with a spell. But Robin would have my head if he found out, and Ezra definitely wouldn't approve. She'd probably make me change him back.

I glanced over at the clock on my bedside table. 12:30. We needed to leave soon so I wouldn't be late for my meeting. With a final sigh, I grabbed my purse and headed for the common room, hoping Beast Boy was ready.

* * *

He was in the kitchen when I arrived, scarfing down a sandwich. Robin and Cyborg were on the couch playing a video game, while Star sat on the floor in front of them playing with Silkie. I rested my elbows on the island countertop, facing Beast Boy. "Are you about ready to go?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I guess," he mumbled, swallowing down the last bit of his sandwich. He then cleaned up any leftover mess and grabbed a black duffle bag from the floor. I eyed what he was wearing: dark jeans that hung low on his hips and a heather grey Henley. The sleeves were pushed up to his elbows, emphasizing the muscles in his biceps and forearms. I tried not to notice how good the rugged style looked on him. "Let's go," he said, casually allowing his eyes to wander along my own figure. Whether he liked it or not, I couldn't tell as he maintained his bored expression.

I nodded curtly before turning around and opening a black, oval shaped portal to Azarath. While we could've taken the one in my closet, I wasn't ready to disclose that secret yet and felt that this way would be better. Our teammates got up from the couch to see us off and wish us luck. After receiving a hug from each member, and a curt, but appreciative, nod from Terra, I moved back to the portal. Beast Boy joined me, bag in hand.

I slid a sideways glance at him, noting the steeled expression on his face that barely hid his apprehension. No doubt the idea of entering a black portal to an unknown world unnerved him slightly. Even though holding hands wasn't altogether necessary when entering the portal, I offered my hand palm up to him, if for nothing more than a small sense of comfort.

"Take my hand," I whispered. Then added, so as not to be suspicious, "so we don't get separated."

He stared down at my hand for a moment, as if debating how necessary it was, before finally setting his palm against my own and intertwining our fingers together. A tingle swept up my arm at the contact, but I ignored it as I focused on the task at hand. Together we stepped toward the portal, allowing the blackness to swallow us up and carry us to Azarath. Beast Boy's grip on my hand tightened slightly as the darkness faded to a blinding white light. I pulled him closer, just slightly, encouraging him to hold on. In the light ahead I could make out the golden gates of Azarath that were opening to welcome us. The portal sucked us through the gates and out another door that dropped us onto a field of soft green grass.

I hit the ground first, rolling slightly as an attempt to shake off the rough landing. Beast Boy followed after me and rolled across the grass until his body landed on top of my own- our chests pressed together, our heads mere centimeters apart. Immediately recognizing the danger of this position, I pressed my palms against his broad chest in an attempt to push him off of me. He seemed to understand and slipped his hands on either side of my head to push himself up slightly. But with his head hanging over my own, it was impossible not to gaze into his mesmerizing green eyes.

Oh, shit. I thought. His eyes were locked on mine. They seemed darker, as if glazed over with a carnal lust. And seeing it created an uncontrollable stir in my chest, his lust awakening something inside of me. I was so transfixed by this new feeling and the deep green of his eyes, that I didn't notice him gradually leaning in closer until his hot breaths brushed against my cheek.

I knew how bad this was. I knew that I should have pushed him off long before now, but a part of me didn't want him to leave. A small part of my heart wanted this to happen, even if it was wrong and stupid and dangerous.

"We shouldn't," I forced myself to say, trying to resist the temptation. I could feel a small amount of pressure on the outsides of my thighs from where his knees touched, burning through the fabric of my jeans.

"No one's here. No one would know." he replied huskily. I vaguely registered the feel of his hands trailing down my sides and fought the urge to shudder from both nervousness and excitement. I blocked out the sensation and focused instead on his face, my mind grasping for some small amount of sanity and any sort of logical response.

"We'd know." I finally chocked out, my voice more breathless than I had expected. Green eyes burned into my own. Before I knew it, his hands found mine and pried them from his chest, pinning them to the ground above my head.

"Stop fighting it," he whispered, leaning in closer to plant a tender kiss on my cheek, just beside my ear. Another one followed, just below it, and then another. I was frozen as he trailed his soft lips along my jaw, slowly moving closer to my mouth. His lips were on the tip of my chin now, millimeters from my own lips, and I was preparing myself for it to happen, for his lips to meet mine. It was so close, so inevitable, and a part of me was almost screaming in anticipation. I could remember that drunken kiss so clearly; how it had felt, how much I had liked it. And last night's kiss... it had been even better.

I allowed my eyes to close, submitting to his whims. I was putty in his hands; there was very little I wouldn't do right now. Just a millimeter more. Just a second longer. He's so close.

And then a phone rang. My phone, with Ezra's ringtone.

It was like a bucket of ice water had been splashed over us. Beast Boy quickly rolled off of me, landing on his back and holding his hands over his face, muttering a profanity. I reached into my back pocket to pull out the ringing device. Not a moment after I had pressed the talk button and muttered a greeting, Ezra's agitated voice came blaring through.

"Where are you? Are you aware of what time it is? The meeting starts in five minutes. The members are about ready to start..."

"We'll be there soon," I assured her. "We, uh, got held up." Beast Boy snickered at my fib. I zapped him.

After reassuring Ezra one last time that we would be there soon, I hung up and then turned to Beast Boy. "Let's go." I said, starting to sit up and shoving the phone into my back pocket. Beast Boy leapt up to his feet beside me and then offered me a hand, which I took and used to hoist myself up.

Once I was on my feet, still holding his hand, I teleported us both to the front gates of the castle. The guards let us in and we made our way up the steps and through the front doors. Down the front hallway, Ezra was pacing nervously in wait of our arrival. "There you are!" she exclaimed as she saw us entering.

"Raven, you look terrible. What happened?"

"Rough landing," I explained as she plucked a piece of grass from my hair.

"Go get cleaned up," she sighed. "I'll let the council know that you've arrived."

I smiled a thanks and then lead the way toward my room. The walk was silent, neither one of us knowing what to say. When we got there, I threw my purse down onto the bed. Beast Boy followed my lead and tossed his duffle bag down beside it. "There's a bathroom over there," I said, pointing to a door.

He nodded and headed toward it. I entered another door on that same wall that lead into my walk-in closet. Catching my reflection in one of the mirrors, I realized just how trashed I looked. My hair was frizzy and had pieces of grass stuck in it, my clothes were also covered with bits of grass and there were streaks of mud on the back pockets of my jeans. I definitely couldn't go to the council meeting looking like this.

I grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans and a purple V-neck t-shirt. It was good enough for the short amount of time I'd be in the meeting. Moving over to my vanity, I grabbed a brush and ran it through my hair, getting out every last piece of grass, before throwing it up into a bun on top of my head. I slipped my black heels back on and headed back into my room. Beast Boy was sitting on the bed. He had changed his jeans and swapped his Henley for a black t-shirt that looked just as good on him as the Henley had.

"So," he said standing up, "are we ever going to talk about what almost happened?"

"Meeting first," I replied shortly, brushing past him.

"Aw come on," he whined, trailing behind me. "You never wanna talk about stuff!" I rolled my eyes and opened the door to the hallway. Beast Boy sidled up with me as I lead the way toward the board room where the meeting was being held. "Fine, how about Tyler? Excited to see him again?" he pressed, elbowing my arm. Then suddenly he stopped in his tracks with a gasp. "Is that why you don't want to talk about what happened?"

I stopped too and released a sigh, pinching my brow. "No. It's just here... now... it's not good." I tried to explain.

"Because Tyler might be around?" Beast Boy asked, clearly trying to get to me.

"No, because... just because!" I snapped, turning to face him. "What about Terra? Think she'd appreciate learning about what happened?" I countered with a smirk. He shrugged.

"We're done. She has no right to be upset."

"I think Terra would disagree," I argued.

"Well, I don't care. And I don't regret it, either." he growled, stepping closer. "Just like I don't regret last night, or two years ago."

I opened my mouth to reply, but no words came. What could I say? Hadn't I pretty much told him this morning that I did regret it? I sighed in annoyance. "I never said I regretted it..." I began.

"Right..." he cut me off. "Just that it was a mistake."

"The first time we were drunk, and last night we were-"

"Tired and angry, yeah, so what. What about today?"

"Circumstances," I replied quickly, trying to convince myself as well as him. "Anyone in that position would be tempted... whatever. We need to get to the meeting." I spun on my heels, exasperated with this conversation.

"Still trying to lie to yourself, I see." He shook his head. I rolled my eyes, choosing not to reply. "You know it won't work." I sneaked a glance at his face to see his confident smirk.

"What won't work?" I huffed.

"Lying to yourself, denying how you feel."

"I'm not denying anything." I argued, turning back around to match his gaze.

"No, just refusing to admit it." He replied sarcastically. "My bad, they're totally different."

I opened my mouth to reply, but before the words could leave my lips, an excited voice called my name from the other end of the hallway. "Raven!" The voice was masculine and I knew who it was before I turned around to see him. And, judging by the low growl that escaped Beast Boy's lips, my suspicion was right.

"Tyler!" I exclaimed, turning to greet him and trying to sound excited. His timing, however couldn't have been worse.

"The council's ready to send a search party after you!" He joked, jogging up to meet me. He stopped short as he spotted Beast Boy standing behind me. "Oh, you brought him?"

I don't think he meant it to be an insult, but Beast Boy took it as one all the same. I looked between the both of them, praying that neither one decided to start throwing punches. Judging by the balled fists at his side, Beast Boy was close to doing just that. Tyler didn't look too aggressive, but there was a glint in his eyes that made me question his capabilities. I stepped between them.

"He's here to help," I assured Tyler. Beast Boy grunted behind me, as if threatening him to make the first move.

"Let's just get you to the meeting," Tyler replied, obviously trying to hide his disapproval of Beast Boy being here, and of my defending him. We followed him down the hall toward the conference room in silence, no one daring to say a word for fear it'd provoke another argument. The tension between the boys on either side of me was thick enough to slice with a knife and I didn't think it safe to engage in conversation with either one of them. Luckily we weren't far from the board room and soon arrived at our destination.

* * *

Tyler opened one of the oak double doors that led into the board room, which was a fairly large room containing a long, narrow table with chairs on all sides. The twelve members were already seated in their chairs, white name cards in front of them. Extra chairs were shoved up against the wall, a few were already occupied by guests. The chair at the head of the table stood empty in wait of my arrival, but Ezra was behind it in her own chair. She stood as we entered, and then prompted me with her eyes to say something to the members to address my lateness. She also glanced between Beast Boy and Tyler and, no doubt, caught the tension between them.

Taking charge, I stepped ahead of my companions and made my way to the head of the table. "Thank you for your patience, it's been an eventful morning." I began politely. Then, glancing over at Beast Boy, who had awkwardly followed behind me, waiting for different instructions, I continued. "As I'm sure you've noticed, we have a guest with us today. Everyone, I'd like you to meet a good friend and teammate of mine, Garfield Logan. Gar, this is the Azarath royal court." He seemed a bit stunned by my use of his real name, but brushed it off with an easy smile and a nod of acknowledgement. Maybe I had underestimated his ability to fit in before.

I tossed the thought away as one of the secretaries brought a chair forward and positioned it beside Ezra's. While I was slightly worried what sort of things Ezra would whisper to him during the meeting, I figured that I'd rather he sat near me than in the visitor section with Tyler. The last thing I needed was a fist fight in the board room.

* * *

As everyone began to settle down, I called the meeting to order and addressed the first issue on the agenda: the fountain project's progress. The chairman of the project stood up to reflect on the groundbreaking ceremony and how far the workers had gotten in the last couple of days. A few questions were asked by the other members, mainly concerning the project's budget and completion date, and then we moved on to the next order of business. The rest of the meeting went on in this fashion until all items on the agenda had been addressed. Then there was the call for any additions to the agenda. As I had said I would, I proposed we take on Terra's problem.

"I'm sure many of you remember our old friend Terra," I began, standing up to address the court members. There were grunts and scoffs exchanged around the table as the members clearly remembered the blonde nuisance we had been attempting to track down in the last few months. I held up a hand to silence them so I could continue my explanation.

"Well, it appears that she has decided to rejoin the Teen Titans." More murmurings made their way around the table, but they were low enough to speak over. "This has brought her problems to Earth."

"What kind of problems?" One brave court member asked.

"A Skyffer hell-bent on eating her ass for dinner," I explained. Ezra sent me a disapproving look for my language, which I ignored. "Now, as I was saying, Terra's issues have followed her to Earth and have begun to affect my team and my city. I understand that we have had- issues- with her in the past, but I also think that helping her with the Skyffer problem will also help us with our other problem. And she could be a good ally in the future."

"How do we know we can trust her?" the brave court member cut in again. This set off the other members with their own questions and complaints.

"How can we be sure she won't go and turn on us?" Another member accused.

"How do we know this isn't just some act- or a trap?" A different member proposed.

"Yeah, this could just be a ploy to lure you back in." Another member agreed. I raised another hand to silence them.

"She's scared and alone," I argued. "And right now she hates Trigon almost as much as we do." I had been trying to avoid directly mentioning my father in front of Beast Boy but with the way the other members were talking, I'm sure he had already figured out who we were talking about. Besides, he had already guessed it before. And knowing I was dealing with some daddy issues wasn't really all that bad- as long as he doesn't know the full extent of those issues.

"So, how do you propose we help her?" one of the elder court members seated at the end of table asked.

"By negotiating a termination to whatever agreement she has with him. We've done it once before, I believe we can do it again." I suggested. The members thought it over with low whispering between them. After a few moments, the elder court member from before, who was the unofficial leader of the court, stood up to address me.

"Negotiations can be risky," he began sternly. "But I see no other viable option. I just hope you know what you are doing." I nodded in acknowledgement.

"We will begin negotiations as soon as possible," I concluded. "Are there any other additions to the agenda?" I asked, praying that there were none. The discussion of my contract hadn't been brought up yet, and I had hoped that they had decided to table it for a time when there weren't so many guests present. But as the question left my lips, the elder court member ceased his descent to his chair and straightened himself once more.

"Yes, I have one," he stated, taking charge of my meeting. Oh great, he'd be one to bring up the contract issue. This is just what I need- more sensitive information being shoved Beast Boy's way.

Following my queenly duties, I gave him the floor and sat down in my own chair, praying with crossed fingers that he would mention something- anything- other than the contract. The elderly man studied my expression a moment, then glanced back at Beast Boy, before finally beginning his proposal. "I'm sure many of us are aware that our dear queen has a birthday coming up. Her twenty-first, if I am not mistaken."

Interesting way to begin, I thought. Of course, I understood the deeper meaning behind the words, as I'm sure many of the other members did too. Beast Boy, however, would not have caught the suggestion. Was that his plan? Did he sense that I didn't want him knowing about this? Feeling the old man's gaze on me, I cleared my throat to respond. "I'll be turning 21 a month from Friday," I offered. The man smiled as I supplied the deadline for the contract.

"Ah, yes," he said. "I was thinking we should form a committee to plan a party for the special evening."

Yes, a party. I looked behind me at Ezra. Her expression was passive, but her eyes were burning with disgust for the elderly man. She knew what he was talking about, of course. Party was just a code word for contract. And the celebration wouldn't be for my turning 21, but rather for whoever was to take power that night.

The members agreed, and a committee was formed. As queen I wasn't allowed to be on it, of course (it was, after all, for my "party"), but Ezra joined so I would have at least one insider on it. The other members were followers of the elder and a few other stragglers. With the committee formed, the topic was concluded and the meeting was adjourned.

I collected my papers together as the other members did the same and flooded out of the large oak doors. I stalled, waiting for all of the members to leave. After a good five minutes, or so, only Ezra, Beast Boy, Tyler, me, and the elderly man remained. The man shot glances at me as he fiddled with his papers, indicating that he was waiting for me to be alone to talk to him. I turned to Ezra and Beast Boy.

"Garfield hasn't gotten the grand tour yet, would you be willing to take him?" I asked Ezra. Beast Boy gave me a confused look.

"What about you? Why can't you do it?" he demanded, not liking the idea of going somewhere without me.

"I have some other business to take care of. I'll catch up with you guys as soon as I can." I promised. Beast Boy looked between Tyler (who was on his phone) and the elderly man (who was still going through his papers) as if trying to decide which one I was leaving him to talk to. Eventually he sighed and agreed to go with Ezra.

"You better be back soon," he warned, as they made their way out of the board room. I rolled my eyes, but knew that he was serious. As the door closed behind Beast Boy, Tyler stood up and made his way over to me.

"Wanna grab a drink?" he asked, clearly thinking that I had shooed Beast Boy away to be with him. I shook my head.

"I have to take care of something," I said, glancing at the elderly man. Tyler followed my gaze and seemed to understand.

"Just a hug then," he chuckled, leaning in. I wrapped my arms around his neck, as his circled my waist. His mouth was right next to my ear as he whispered, "I'll wait right outside." I wasn't sure if he was still hoping I'd reconsider his drink offer, or if he distrusted the elderly man as much as I do and felt the need to be near in case something happened, but I was glad that he was sticking around. Tyler pulled away and headed for the door, letting it fall shut behind him. This left just me and the elderly man, alone, in the board room. Oh, boy.

"I trust Ezra has mentioned the contract to you already?" The elderly man suddenly asked. I nodded. "Good; less for me to explain."

"If I may be so frank, Mr. Fowler," I interrupted him. "Just what do you hope to gain from this?"

"Azarath is a developing kingdom that needs a steady ruler. A ruler who actually knows what she's doing." the elderly man, Mr. Fowler, replied.

"In the last six months that I've been active, this kingdom has seen more progress than it ever has." I argued.

"You had a few lucky calls," Mr. Fowler agreed, "But you are far from suited to be queen. Undisciplined, risk-taking-- just like your mother."

"My mother did what was needed to be done. Whatever that may have been." I seethed, angered by his insult.

"Yes, running away and leaving the throne to a child- that's exactly what Azarath needed." The elderly man remarked, his ice blue eyes burning into my skin.

"She has her reasons for staying away," I argued. "Just because we don't understand them--"

"She was incapable of her duties. And you're hardly here to take care of them. Azarath would be much better suited with a more stable ruler. We don't need some child who runs off every time the phone rings with a message from earth." I glared at him.

"I have many responsibilities, Mr. Fowler, but I am not a child. I take care of two places: Azarath and Earth. I do what is necessary to protect them, whether that be leaving a council meeting to take care of a problem on Earth, or voting down one of your proposals. I'm sorry if you've felt slighted in some way by my actions, but I promise it wasn't intentional." A small smirk lit up his face.

"I guess we'll see what the other members have to say," he gloated. "In the meantime, I suggest you look this over." I snatched the stapled document from his hands and looked it over.

"What is this?" I demanded.

"The amended terms of the agreement." He explained simply.

"Terms? I am the rightful Princess. The only thing that can prevent me from taking my birthright position as queen is a unanimous vote from the council." I protested.

"Well, a unanimous vote from the council confirmed that stricter terms were needed to prevent the rulership from falling into the wrong hands. It's nothing personal." A victorious smile crossed his features as he threw my words back at me.

"This is absurd." I argued, looking down the list of terms. One in particular floored me. "A married partner? What the hell does matrimony have to do with ruling a kingdom?"

"Females are naturally the weaker sex. It's only in the queen's best interest to have a male beside her, for protection."

"Oh, that is so ancient history! Are we really endorsing this sexist bullshit? I can protect myself a hell of lot better than most men can."

"The agreement isn't just for you," the elderly man reasoned. "It's to protect our future generations as well."

"This is bullshit and I won't stand for it!" I snapped.

"The council agreed unanimously on it."

"Under what threat?" I mumbled under my breath.

"There's nothing you can do." He said, a smile of victory shimmering in his eyes. "But, of course, if you can meet those terms, you can run against me in the election and try to win your precious spot back."

"Election? Since when are we a Democracy?" I demanded.

"It's just among the council members, which has always run by parliamentary procedure." He reasoned. Clearly he had this all worked out. I shook my head.

"This is wrong on so many levels." I insisted.

"Fight me if you can, but you'll never win. The council is the only body with power. You're just some girl. A face to print on our bills." I swear, if I wasn't the acting queen and he wasn't the elder court member, I would've slugged him right then and there.

"You're wrong. I'm much more powerful than you think," I argued. "And you'll never get my position. I'd rather die than let someone like you take power." A low chuckle escaped the man's lips as I grabbed my stuff and brushed past him, out of the board room. I hurried down the hall, heading toward my room, engulfed in my anger at his words, at his audacity to try to push me out of my rightful place of power. Oh the things I wanted to do to him, the many ways I could bash his skull in...

* * *

I was halfway to my room, when the sound of my name being called finally registered in my brain. I stopped to turn around and see Tyler hurrying to catch up with me. "Raven!" he called. A moment later he was stood in front of me. he studied my anguished face. "What happened? What did he say?" I looked away and squeezed the document in my hands tighter.

"A lot of things," I explained vaguely. "But nothing I want to talk about now." Ty nodded, seeming to understand.

"Feel up for that drink now? The offer still stands," An easy smile slid onto his handsome face. I was about to decline, knowing that Beast Boy was somewhere in the castle waiting for me to meet up with him. But another part of me wanted to go with Tyler and drown my stressed thoughts in alcohol. Or at least have a drink or two, relax a little bit with a friend. There's no harm in that, right?

"Sure, I guess I could go for a drink or two," I replied, trying to show some happiness in my smile. But as I fell into step with Tyler and followed him into his car, a wave of guilt settled over me.

It wasn't right to leave Beast Boy, especially for Tyler. It's not like we are a thing, but after the events of last night and today, it's rather obvious that there is something between us. And what I'm doing right now is going to hurt him, a lot. I mean, would I like it if he decided to go off with Terra tonight? No, I wouldn't like that at all.

But on the other hand, Tyler is just a friend. And people go out for drinks with friends. I wouldn't be upset if Beast Boy decided to go out for drinks with Cyborg and Robin. Okay, so that's completely different, but similar concept. Ugh, stupid feelings.

Tyler's silver car pulled into a spot on the side of the street near a bar. Before I could reach for the handle of the door, Tyler had leapt out of the car and moved to my side to open the door for me. I thanked him and then walked next to him into the bar. It was a simple establishment with blue and red lights illuminating the high top tables and booths. Tyler led the way toward a booth near the back corner. It was secluded and dark back here; very little chance of anyone seeing us, which was good for paparazzi purposes. I silently thanked his good judgement.

A minute or two later, a short, brunette waitress came to take our order. Tyler ordered us both some type of beer and a basket of mozzarella sticks. I was glad that he had taken initiative of the ordering, because I was unfamiliar with the menu and still a little too rattled from my meeting with Mr. Fowler to focus on what I wanted to drink.

As we waited for our wings to come and sipped on our beers, we fell back into conversation. He didn't ask me about my confrontation with Mr. Fowler, which I was thankful for, and instead stuck to questions about me: likes/dislikes, funny stories, etc. It was nice to be together like this, having a normal conversation. But it was also just the tinniest bit boring. He was almost too normal.

He didn't annoy me every ten seconds, or tell corny jokes just to irritate me, or even try to pressure me into talking about my conversation with Mr. Fowler. And while this should have been a blessing, it seemed odd; unnatural. I kind of missed the way arguing with Beast Boy felt. By annoying me, BB showed how much he cared. With Ty, I just can't tell. By respecting my privacy is he trying to say he cares? Or is he not prying because he doesn't care at all? It was supposed to be easier with Tyler, yet it wasn't.

I couldn't look into his olive green eyes without comparing them to a certain green changeling's emerald irises. Nor could I admire Tyler's lean but muscled frame without comparing it to Beast Boy's slightly bulkier build. I couldn't even place my hand in Tyler's without comparing it to the way it had felt in Beast Boy's. Where were the tingles? The butterflies? The small flop in my stomach?

Why weren't they present around Tyler?

It all just felt wrong. Not uncomfortable, just not right. My hand in Tyler's didn't seem to sit right. Our laughs didn't seem to belong together. We were oil and water, desperately trying to mix but always staying separate.

And when he leaned in for a kiss after walking me back to my room, there was a big part of my heart that wanted to refuse, that knew I should have refused. But my befuddled brain was too slow to stop him, and the words didn't reach my tongue in time.

His lips met mine, as his larger frame pressed mine into the wall. One hand cradled my cheek as the other weaved around my waist. My own hands ended up hugging his waist. I suppose it seemed natural enough. And the kiss was nice: slow and careful. It was very different from the hungry, passionate kisses I'd shared with Beast Boy. And I guess that's why it also felt strange, wrong. It just didn't fit.

When he pulled away, I mustered up a smile and a "See you later", before slipping into my room and closing the door behind me, leaning against it for support as I released a groan and collected my thoughts.

What am I doing? The question tumbled through my brain, remaining unanswered.

* * *

The clock on the wall read only 6:53, but I was exhausted. I was tired from forcing myself to like someone I didn't and from denying my feelings for another. I was tired of running Mr. Fowler's words through my head and trying to find a way around his new terms. I was tired of having to grow up and deal with all of this crap, and yet still be treated like some naive little kid.

With a heavy sigh, I pushed myself off of the door and into the bathroom. I started the water of the bathtub and plugged the drain, emptying a bottle of relaxing bubble bath into the water. As I waited for the tub to fill, I collected a towel and my phone. I turned on a small radio that played a relaxing classical music station, and lit a few scented candles that provided both relaxation and light. When I determined that everything was ready, I stripped down and slid into the tub, letting the waters relax my tense muscles. Then, I picked up my phone and called the one person who would have any idea about how to help me.

"Star, I have a problem," I said when she had answered. I heard her excuse herself from Robin, and head into the hallway.

"Okay, I'm alone," she whispered in what she probably thought to be a discreet voice. I rolled my eyes at her antics.

"Okay, well, please don't say anything but," I began, trying to decide how to go about explaining my issues. "I think I like Beast Boy... like more than like." I admitted. I could practically hear Starfire's smile through the phone.

"It's about time you admitted it!" She squealed excitedly.

"Yeah, yeah," I sighed. "But that's not the issue. The issue is Tyler."

"What about Tyler? Did he not take the rejection well?" Star asked.

"No, well, I never exactly told him." I explained. "We went for drinks after the meeting, and it was nice, but then we came back to my room and he kissed me and it just... I don't know, it just felt off. Like it was missing something."

"Like a green changeling?" she suggested. If looks could kill, and Star could see my face, she would be dead.

"Not really helping," I muttered.

"Okay, okay," she laughed. "Did you tell Ty you're not feeling the 'more than like' emotions?"

"Um, no," I admitted.

"Have you talked to Beast Boy about your feelings?" Star asked next.

"Nope," I shook my head.

"Have you done anything?"

"I called you," I offered. Then with a sigh, added, "I don't know what to do, or say. Help me!"

"Well, first you need to explain to Tyler that you don't feel that way about him. Then you need to admit to Beast Boy that you like him." Star explained.

"Easier said than done." I muttered. "And even if we do both like each other, that doesn't mean it'd work out."

"You never know unless you try," Star responded. "And I think it's worth a try."

"Maybe," I sighed. Then, changing topics, asked "Hey, do you have a spare contract lawyer in Tamaran?"

"Lawyer? Sure, but why?" Star said, surprised.

"I need one to look over an agreement the council made up." I explained.

"Do you not have lawyers that can do that?" she asked.

"Yes, I do, but I don't trust them with this."

"Okay, I can find someone for you."

"Thanks, Star," I said gratefully.

"Is this for your temporary rulership?" she asked curiously.

"Yes, well for a more permanent rulership. A few of the court members have gotten unruly. I don't trust the agreement they've decided to enforce." I explained.

I told her about some of the more important new terms, like the marriage clause, and she agreed that the contract seemed to be rather unfair. She also told me about what I've missed at the Tower and about the date Robin had taken her on the other night. We talked for over an hour about random stuff until the water in my bath turned cold and we decided to call it a night.

After hanging up the phone, I slipped out of the bath, drained the tub, and wrapped myself up in a large fluffy towel. Then I padded my way toward the door so I could quickly slip into my closet and find a change of clothes.

The room appeared clear as I opened the door and ducked into my closet. I briefly wondered where Beast Boy was, half paranoid that he'd show up while I was in the middle of changing, but figured Ezra had moved him to another room. At least, I hope she has, because I'm not sure if I can handle spending another night sleeping next to him. Last night was already a bit too much for me to handle.

I slipped on a pair of purple pajama shorts and a black tank top. Since I hadn't gotten my hair wet in the bath, I let it down, brushed it out and then twisted it back into a french braid that still reached the middle of my back. Finished, I headed back into the bedroom, only to find a small green lump curled up on my bed. A closer look revealed that it was a small kitten: a Beast Boy kitten.

I slammed the closet door shut behind me with an enraged, "Beast Boy!" The small cat startled to his feet and morphed back into his human self.

"Dude..." he groaned, rubbing at his eyes. Then, sitting up, he fixed his gaze on me and smiled. "Raven! You're back!" His eyes suddenly widened and then narrowed with contempt. Obviously his enthusiasm was short-lived. "Where were you? You said you'd come back as soon as possible!" I bit my lip.

"I, uh, got held up," I offered.

"With that Tyler guy?" he sneered, his voice dripping with disdain.

"And Mr. Fowler," I argued defensively.

"Yeah, but I don't think you'd go to the bar with Mr. Fowler." he accused. Shit, he had seen. I opened my mouth to reply, but couldn't find the words. Beast Boy had some, though. "I saw your little kiss goodbye, too. What a charmer."

"It wasn't..." I started, but broke off shortly; not sure what to say. It wasn't... what? Good, what I wanted, like his? Even if I had the guts to admit these things, it wouldn't change anything.

"So, you've chosen him then," Beast Boy interrupted my thoughts. My mouth fell open at the accusation.

"He took me to a bar, that doesn't mean I've chosen him over you." I argued.

"Really? Because the way you shoved your tongue down his throat tells me otherwise." he retorted.

"It was just a goodnight kiss; it didn't mean anything." I tried to reason.

"So my kisses mean nothing to you, and his kisses mean nothing... does anything matter to you?" Beast Boy asked, trying to understand my logic.

"It's not that... I didn't mean... I just..." I struggled to find the right words. Where were the intelligent, snarky comments I usually had? A sly smile crept onto Beast Boy's face as he stood up and strutted closer.

"Are you trying to say that my kisses did mean something?"

"Beast Boy," I sighed.

"Yes, Raven?" he asked, stopping just inches from me and staring down at me with his deep emerald eyes. I fought the urge to let those mesmerizing orbs draw me in closer.

"We shouldn't be doing this," I said, turning away and stepping a few paces back.

"We're not even doing anything... yet," He replied cheekily.

"It's getting kind of late, you should go back to your room." I said trudging toward the door and hoping that he'd follow.

"It's not even nine..." Beast Boy argued.

"I'm tired," I waved my hands at the door, praying he'd take the hint and leave.

"Let's watch a movie," he suggested instead.

"I'm not in the mood," I muttered through gritted teeth.

"Aw, come on, Rae Rae," he insisted, stepping closer. "It'll be fun. A good movie, bowl of popcorn, maybe some ice cream... free cuddles."

"No." I deadpanned. Beast Boy's pointy green ears drooped slightly.

"Fine, I'll be in the entertainment room if you change your mind." he mumbled, strolling out the door, his posture slumped and his hands in his pockets. And even though I had been wanting him to leave since I discovered he was here, there was a small twinge of disappointment in my heart as the door closed behind him. But maybe that was the guilt from disheartening him so.

I released a heavy sigh and flopped down on my bed. Why does life have to be so challenging? I go with Beast Boy: I risk ruining everything with my unstable emotions. I don't go with Beast Boy: I risk losing him, and destroying everything with my unstable guilt-ridden emotions. No matter what I do, things just don't work out.

I rolled over onto my stomach, crumpling something beneath me. I pulled out the stapled contract and looked down the list of terms with a grimace. Hopefully Star's lawyer in Tamaran has an idea of how to get me out of this. Otherwise I am going to have to do a lot of things I really don't want to do- like get married.

There was a knock on my door as Ezra let herself in. "I saw Beast Boy walking out. He looked upset, is everything alright?" She asked as she closed the door behind her. One look at me curled up on my bed, however, and she was rushing to my side. "Oh, Raven, what has happened?"

"We had another argument... you know, the usual." I mumbled as Ezra swept a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "Oh, and Fowler gave me this." I added, handing her the crumpled contract in my hands. She looked through the conditions before crumpling the document with her own hands.

"This is outrageous. He can't honestly expect these things from you!" She exclaimed.

"Apparently the court agrees, unanimously." I explained, repeating what Fowler had told me.

"Under what threat, I wonder." She muttered.

"Who knows," I mumbled. "But whatever the reason behind their agreement, we have to find a way around it. I've called Starfire. She recommended a contract lawyer to help us. One that she trusts and who is very discrete. I didn't want one of our own to handle it for fear of word getting out and starting a coup. The last thing we need is a hoard of rioters insisting that we're trying to overthrow the court."

"Isn't that exactly what we're doing," Ezra joked half-heartedly.

"We are rejecting their unjust ideas, not throwing them out completely." I argued.

"But to them it is all the same." Ezra said sadly.

"Maybe we should do away with the council. They are nothing but power-hungry pigs." I grumbled.

"If only it were that simple," Ezra chuckled. I mustered up a half smile in response. She studied my face. "You look tired. Have you been sleeping well lately?"

"I'm fine, Ezra." I told her. "Healing Beast Boy, fighting the Skyffer, teleporting here- it took a lot out of me. And I was up really late last night."

"You're not still having the nightmares, are you?" She asked, concerned.

"No, well I guess I had one the other night but it was the first in a while." I explained, hoping that she would accept it and move on. It's not like having a bad dream every now and then was that big of a deal...

"Maybe we should go see Dr. Carroll again." Ezra suggested. I shook my head.

"That's really not necessary!" I argued.

"I thought the dreams were supposed to have passed by now. And you haven't regained as much strength as you should have." Ezra remarked with a frown.

"Healing takes time," I shrugged, remembering something Dr. Carroll had said in our meetings. "Besides it was just a bad dream. I'm fine. I don't need a psychiatrist."

"Well, I still think a follow-up meeting could be beneficial for you. And maybe we should consider getting you on that new Zentax pill. With Beast Boy in the picture your emotions are going to be even harder to control."

"I don't need the Z pill! My emotions are fine." I snapped.

"Okay," Ezra said, holding up her hands in surrender. "But it is something to think about. Maybe not today, but you know in the future. How about you try to get some sleep now? I'll go set up a meeting with this lawyer and maybe a follow-up appointment with Dr. Carroll." I nodded, sensing that I had already lost this argument. Ezra said goodnight and slipped out the door, leaving me to the peace of my bedroom.

When the door had shut behind her, and no one opened it again, I slid open the drawer of one of my bedside tables and pulled out a small blue bottle that was half-full. I had one secret from Ezra and this was it.

'Zentax: for the zen in your life!' The label read.

I uncapped the bottle and shook out four of the small white soft-gel pills. It was double the recommended dosage, but it was the safest amount that worked- at least for a little bit. Any less wouldn't affect me and any more would probably be frowned upon by doctors.

And even this amount wasn't strong enough. I mean, it helped, but there was still this darkness in the back of my mind that fought to break free. The pills made it easier to resist that urge, but it didn't eliminate it completely.

And as much as I hated keeping secrets from Ezra, of all people, I didn't want her to know about this. I didn't want her to know just how out of control I was, just how little the therapy has worked. She worries enough about the nightmares. Knowing that the pills- her last resort solution- weren't helping much, would probably put her over the edge.

I stared down at the four pills in my hand a moment before tossing them into my mouth and swallowing them down, shuddering the foul medicine taste away.

Twice the dosage and still not enough to control all of my emotions.

* * * * *

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