Chapter 7: Secrets, Lies, and Unspeakable Truths

After tonight, I officially hate the color green.

I mean, I already had a bit of a dislike for it, but now I'm convinced. Green is the worst color ever created. And what sucks the most, is that Tyler just happens to possess this very color in his irises.

Of course, Tyler's eyes are a different green- more of an olive color with golden flecks in the right light. They were pretty, but every time I looked into them, I'd find myself comparing them to a dream of deep, emerald eyes, twinkling with mischief and excitement. And then those eyes would turn sad, filming over with a layer of moisture. The familiar twinkle had vanished, revealing the pain and sadness hiding behind it.

I should have been focusing on my date, but how could I with thoughts of Beast Boy on my mind? The memory of our kiss had been almost forgotten, locked away forever. But now, the events of that night came crashing back onto me. The things we had said, the things we had done. The feel of his lips on mine...

All throughout dinner, I found myself drifting in and out of Tyler's rambling stories, lost in thoughts of sad emerald eyes. If Tyler had noticed, he never said anything. The only comment he ever made was one offhand remark about my quietness. Which I attributed to being tired and he seemed to accept and never approached the subject again.

After dinner, we went to the theatre where a sappy romance movie was playing. I never was a fan of sappy romance movies, and this one was one of the worst. Well, at least the parts I actually paid attention to were pretty awful. Even with Ty's arm around my shoulders and a movie playing on the large screen in front of me, thoughts of Beast Boy still continued to plague my mind.

Thoughts about his smile and his laugh, or of the more serious side he had shown that one night. Just like the night I had first met Ty, I found myself comparing his features to Beast Boy's. And somehow, the green changeling seemed to win. Not that I'd ever admit that to him, or anybody else for that matter.

After the movie, Ty drove me back to the Tower and we said goodbye with a quick, and slightly awkward hug in the car, probably because Ty didn't want to chance another encounter with Beast Boy and the rest of the Titans. Not that I wanted to either, but my meeting them was inevitable. Unless, I ditched them and went back to Azarath with Ty. In fact, that's actually not a bad idea... But Beast Boy was crushed the first time I ran away. Even if I am pissed at him for spilling our secret, I couldn't put him through that again.

As Ty drove away, I headed up the path to the Tower. It was surprisingly dark, considering it was not yet midnight. Everyone was probably too busy with their own activities to be bothered with mine, which was just fine with me. If luck is on my side, I can get to my room and go to bed without having to explain anything to anyone. That can all be dealt with in the morning; I'm too tired to keep up with all of the secrets, lies, and unspeakable truths that make up my life.

Unfortunately, luck hates me because my teammates were sitting in the living room watching movies and waiting for me to come back from my date. Beast Boy wasn't with them, thank God. He was probably trying to avoid them just as much as I am, and for the same reason too. Funny, our disagreement actually gives us something in common.

Entering the living room, I attempted to sneak past them, treading in the shadows as quietly as possible. But Cyborg, with his sonar hearing, still heard my footsteps and made sure to disclose my presence. "Raven! You're back!" He exclaimed loudly. Robin and Starfire also turned their heads to greet me and call me over to join them, so they could interrogate me about everything that had happened. I'm sure Cy was loud enough for Beast Boy to hear him, which was probably his goal, but BB still didn't join us. I briefly wondered what he was up to, with images of him doing things with Terra flashing through my mind, but I pushed them back as soon as they came and fixed my attention on the storm of questions rumbling my way.

I was prodded, not so gently, into telling them everything that had happened from the moment I stepped outside of the Tower to the moment I stepped back in. After I had told my story, the first thing they wanted clarified was whether or not I had kissed him. And they were genuinely shocked when I told them I hadn't kissed him. Jeez, they find out I kissed Beast Boy one time more than two years ago, and suddenly they think I'm some kind of slut who hands out kisses to every boy who comes my way.

Which I'm obviously not, because Beast Boy is actually the last person I've kissed. I mean, there weren't a lot of boys to make out with in my dad's dungeon that I was held captive in for the first year and a half of my absence. And then when I was free, I was too busy rebuilding my kingdom to bothered with a sweetheart. So, unfortunately, that rough, drunken kiss with Beast Boy is the last one these lips have seen. I suddenly wish I had kissed Tyler.

But then I'd compare it to Beast Boy's and it probably wouldn't win. Drunk Beast Boy knows how to kiss, which only makes me wonder how sober Beast Boy kisses. And that's a dangerous thought to be thinking. Drunk kisses are justifiable, sober ones not so much. Kissing someone drunk means you're horny and want to kiss someone. Kissing someone sober, however, means you actually might like them, maybe even more than like them. Which is why I vow to never learn how sober Beast Boy kisses. Ever.

When my three friends had gotten all of their questions answered, they finally allowed me to leave. They didn't even ask questions about the kiss with Beast Boy, even though I'm sure the temptation was great. So, either he had explained it himself, or they had enough sense to realize that it was a sore topic that shouldn't be breached yet, or maybe ever. I'm not exactly sure I want them knowing about the time I got shit-faced and made out with Beast Boy. It's bad enough he remembers it.

Wishing my friends goodnight, I headed to my room, anxious to take my shower, go to bed, and leave this awful day behind me. As I neared my room, however, I heard the voice of a very pissed-off Terra coming from Beast Boy's room. "What's your problem? You're always so moody, ever since that little witch left." I slowed my steps, realizing she was talking about me. I couldn't hear Beast Boy's response, but Terra's came through clearly. "I don't get it?" She scoffed. "And just what am I supposed to get? The fact that you're still pining over that heartless bitch? Beast Boy, it's time you realize that her kind can't love, she doesn't know how. Trust me you're better off without her."

I was now right next to the door and Beast Boy's voice was just barely audible. It was low, gravelly and muffled, but I could still make out the words. "Shut up, you don't even know her."

"And you do?" Terra demanded. "How many things does she keep hidden from you, locking herself in her creepy room. You know, I bet you still wouldn't know about her dad if he hadn't tried to end the world. There are so many things about that girl that you don't know Beast Boy."

"Funny, I recall her saying something similar about you."

"And you believe her?" Terra spit back.

"Raven is a good friend and team member."

"Yeah until she just walked out on you guys."

"Kind of like you did?" Beast Boy seethed. "Yeah, what Raven did hurt, a lot, but I'm sure she had her reasons. At least she's not here under the control of Slade. How do I know you're not still working with him now?

"Beast Boy, we've been over this. I'm not with Slade." Terra's tone had softened just slightly, but the fierceness was still evident. "I'm not! I swear!"

"You know what, I can't deal with this right now." Beast Boy sighed. "I think you should go." There was some shuffling as Beast Boy no doubt tried to get Terra to leave his room. I could hear them nearing the door and I knew I should be booking it down the hall before they caught me eavesdropping, but still I stayed, rooted to the spot.

"Beast Boy, don't do this." Terra begged. The door opened and Beast Boy was pushing her out as she grabbed his arm and gave him a pleading look.

"Just go home, Terra. We'll talk later." He sighed, trying to pry her off of him.

"Beast Boy?" she whimpered, her blue eyes teary. Her eyes glanced down the hall as he pushed her further into the hall. The cold, hard gaze landed right on me and her face hardened as she stormed down the hall in my direction. "This is all your fault, you heartless bitch!" She seethed as she passed by me. The words stung, but only for a moment. There are worse things to be called.

I could feel another set of eyes on me and turned to meet Beast Boy's deep green irises, brimming over with a mixture of guilt, pain, and embarrassment. His shirt was unbuttoned, revealing his toned abdominal muscles, and his dark-washed jeans fit him just a little too well. The green locks of hair on his head were sticking up every which way, but it only made him look sexier. Clearly something had almost happened between him and Terra, and I didn't want to think about that. So, I nodded jerkily at him and hurried toward my bedroom door, praying that he would just let me go. Of course, he didn't.

"Raven, wait!" He called, hurrying behind me. I reached my door and quickly slipped inside, closing it behind me before he could follow me inside. Beast Boy pounded his fist on the door. "Raven!" he called again. "Raven, let me in!" I didn't answer. "Rae, we need to talk about this. Now open the door and let me in." Witty remarks formed in my mind, but none of them were uttered, as I leaned against the door and attempted to control my ragged breathing. I had taken off my jacket and it now slid from my fingers and landed on the ground, looking about as limp as I felt. "I'm serious, Rae, open the damn door or I'll find another way in."

He's swearing, which means that he's pissed and I should probably comply. But I'm a stubborn 'heartless bitch', according to some people, and I refuse to give into him. I heard his deep sigh on the other side of the door. "Fine," he growled. I listened for his retreating footsteps, but they didn't come. And that's how I knew that he was really doing it, he was finding another way into my room: through the ant-sized crack under my door.

Sure enough, a few moments later he sprouted up in front of me, and he did not look happy. But he did look sexy. And that is why Passion was chained to the very back of my mind. "Now," he said stepping closer, and towering over me, even with my heeled booties. When did he get so tall? "Are you going to talk to me?"

"I have nothing to say to you," I managed, trying to keep my voice as even as possible. Pushing off of the door, I made a beeline for my bed. Beast Boy followed me.

"Rae, stop bullshitting me." he said at my retreating back. Somehow he managed to catch my elbow and he pulled me to him, whispering in my ear, "We need to talk about this." I was going to reply, but the feel of his hand on my elbow was making my skin crawl with all kinds of emotions, and coherent thought was simply not possible.

I did, however, manage to spit out one word. "Talk." In my dazed state, it had came out as more of a question and Beast Boy gave me a weird look, probably questioning my sanity. But, hell, even I was questioning that.

"Yeah, talk, about Terra..." he began slowly.

"Look, it's really not any of my business," I said quickly, pulling my arm from his grasp and taking a seat on the bed. Beast Boy joined me, sitting near the end so that there was a good foot of space between us.

"Well it was kind of about you," he argued. Again I stayed quiet, staring at the wall and wishing I had gone back to Azarath with Tyler. Then I wouldn't have witnessed the big argument between Beast Boy and Terra (which also happened to be about me) and I would not have to be here having this conversation with Beast Boy. It's bad enough we have to talk about the kiss and whether or not it had meant anything, but now we also have to talk about the river of jealousy flowing between Terra and me. And last time we had this conversation, we ended up ravenously devouring each others' faces. Of course that night had also involved alcohol, but it's late and tiredness can be just as bad of a drug. Especially when he looks as tempting as he does tonight...

Beast Boy was starting to get pretty ticked at my silence. It was evident in the way he sucked a big breath of air in and slowly released it, running a hand over his face, probably in an attempt to calm himself. Ever since the emergence of his primal Beast form, his temper has been shorter, and I knew that facing this conversation head-on would be a smart thing to do. But right now, I really don't care about making "smart" decisions. It is late, I am tired, and I really do not want to look into another set of green eyes and think about relationships and feelings and whether or not that kiss had meant something.

The bed moved beside me as Beast Boy suddenly stood up and took a step towards the door. He stopped there, unfortunately, and stood with his back to me, a hand covering his face. He was thinking about something, maybe of another approach to make me crack. My phone vibrated in my clutch and it jolted my hands that were wrapped around it, resting on my lap. It was probably another cute message from Ty, thanking me for tonight, but I had no motivation to open it. Instead, I shifted my gaze to my bedside table, absent-mindedly studying the grain of the dark stained wood.

"Goddammit, Raven!" Beast Boy finally snapped, whirling around to face me. Apparently his relaxation techniques were ineffective. "Would you just say something! Or at least look at me!"

I bit my lip but lifted my head to meet his eyes. The anguish I was feeling was reflected on his reddened face and his hair was even messier from running his hands through it so many times. His green, muscular chest, exposed by his unbuttoned shirt, moved up and down with each breath. And the color green never looked so appealing as it did right now. Passion was on her knees, begging to be released and have her way with him. And she probably would have if Rage and Knowledge hadn't been present to subdue her.

"What do you want me to say, Beast Boy?" I finally asked him, my voice hoarse and quiet in comparison to his, but the words still hit their mark. He shrugged.

"Aren't you going to say you told me so?" His voice was a little softer, but his eyes maintained their intensity. I lifted one of my shoulders in a half shrug.

"What good would that do?" I muttered. I had an overwhelming urge to look away but his deep green eyes only pulled me in deeper.

"Well, you were right about Terra. She's the real heartless bitch." he sighed, sitting down next to me, closer this time. Only an inch of space separated our thighs, and I found myself hating that inch of space. But I pushed the feeling away and focused instead on his words and the fact that he had finally acknowledged Terra's true colors. "You know, she probably is still working with Slade." he continued, leaning back on his palms.

"She's not working with Slade," I said without thinking, and then immediately regretted it. I'm not supposed to know that, but I do, and now Beast Boy is going to question me about the past two years. And I really don't want to have that conversation yet.

"Rae, what do you know?" he asked skeptically, one eyebrow raised. I froze, but he had seen the guilt in my eyes and he wasn't going to back down.

"Nothing. It's not important." I recoiled quickly. "I just know it's not Slade that she's working with."

"So, if it's not Slade, then who...?" His eyes lit up suddenly, as he put the pieces together. And before I could even try to argue his suspicions, my phone rang. We both looked down at the vibrating clutch- he with hatred and I with sweet relief. I quickly stood and pulled out my phone to answer the call, not even bothering to check the caller ID.

"Hello?" I said into it. Beast Boy was scowling, upset with the interruption, but his ears still perked up as the person on the other end began talking. He was eavesdropping, and he wasn't even trying to hide it.

"Raven! It's been hours and I haven't heard anything from you. I was beginning to worry that you... never mind, it's a silly thought. But you know, how I get. And your mother! She'd be distraught at the thought." It was Ezra, rapidly speaking on the other end of the line. She had been expecting me to call her after my date and tell her all about it, but with all of this drama going on, I had completely forgotten.

"I'm fine, Ezra. Nothing... happened." I said awkwardly, moving toward the window. Of course she would be one to worry I had decided to shack up with a guy after the first date. I saw Beast Boy snicker on the bed as he caught on to what we were eluding to. I zapped him with a bolt of energy.

"Good. So how was it? Oh, it wasn't bad was it?" Apparently, in Ezra's mind, deciding not to sleep with a guy after the first date entails that the date was bad. I felt Beast Boy's eyes studying me as I answered her, his enhanced hearing picking up every word- on both ends.

"No, no, it was... it was nice." I said. My cheeks were growing hot as I fought to find a way to explain my date accurately. After all, I haven't really had the chance to fully reflect on it yet. And, not to mention, the fact that this is not really a conversation I want to have with Beast Boy listening in.

"Oh that's great!" Ezra squealed excitedly. "So, what's he like? Where'd he take you? Did you kiss?"

Beast Boy's eyebrows rose slightly at the last question, obviously he had been wondering the same thing and was anxious for my answer.

"He's nice, funny. We went to dinner and then a movie." Ezra asked me which movie. "Some romance movie- I forgot what it's called." I saw Beast Boy roll his eyes at the movie choice, knowing full and well of my hatred for most romance movies.

"Well that sounds just lovely. But- and don't you hold out on me now- I want to know: did you kiss him? Are you going to go out again? You know, his family really is quite nice."

Again Beast Boy's gaze bore into my back. Those two questions were no doubt eating him alive. But the admittance that I had not kissed Ty would only encourage the fact that I still have feelings for a certain green changeling. And that was a fact that did not need encouraging.

"I don't know Ezra," I said, deciding to address the latter question and ignore the first one- again. She can get all of the juicy (or rather juice-less) details when Beast Boy isn't five feet away, sitting on my bed, and listening to every word we're saying. Hoping to pass that message on to Ezra, I continued, "Look, I really don't want to talk about all of this right now. So, is there any other reason you called other than to hear the details of my date?"

There was a slight pause before Ezra released a hesitant 'yes'. "The Council has been talking again. About the contract."

"Not now," I said quickly. Both to stop her from saying too much in front of Beast Boy and also because now is a very shitty time for the Council to start talking about the terms of my contract, the contract that makes me the temporary queen of Azarath in my mother's absence.

"Yes. Now. They've been starting to think that you're-"

"When are they meeting again?" I cut her off again. Beast Boy was still watching me intently but I tried not to let it bother me as I focused on Ezra's response.

"Tomorrow morning. 10, I think."

"I'll try to be there." I said. "I should go, now, Beast Boy's here. See you tomorrow." Ezra broke into a fit of squeals, rambling something about being right about the attraction between Beast Boy and me. I hung up the phone quickly before Beast Boy could gather too much more from her reaction.

"So, that was..."

"Ezra, my personal assistant." I answered him, plugging my phone into the charger and setting it down on the bedside table.

"Ah," he exclaimed, nodding. "So, you never did answer her. About the kiss?" He cocked one brow and studied my face.

"Is that really any of your business?" I groaned, rolling my eyes heavenward.

"Well, you know of my drama with Terra. I think it's only fair I get to know all of the juicy details about your date with this TJ, Tyson, whatever his name was."

"Tyler, his name is Tyler." I corrected him.

"Whatever." he stated indifferently. Then, unable to contain his curiosity, added, "So, did you?"

His brows were raised, making his big green eyes even bigger. There was almost a hint of worry, or fear, in them; as if he were afraid of what the answer will be. I tore my gaze away from his and released a shaky breath.

"No," I finally muttered quietly. "I did not kiss him."

If this was the response Beast Boy had been looking for, he didn't show it. He just nodded his head, his face remaining blank, seemingly indifferent. If I had the courage to look him in the eye, I could maybe have been able to make out the storm of emotions running through his mind, but I almost didn't want to know. If he was happy, then what? He likes me? And if he's still unhappy, then does that mean he doesn't like me? Nope, ignorance is bliss. I choose not to know, at least for right now.

"And the other part, about the Council," Beast Boy continued suddenly. "Rae, is everything okay with you?"

I risked a glance at him. The fear had dissolved into concern and I could see how much he cared. Something inside of me softened just slightly, and there was an overwhelming urge to run into his big, strong arms and feel his comforting touch as I revealed everything I'd been bottling up tight within me. I wanted to tell him about why I had left, and what had happened with my dad, and about the Council's newest ploy to get me to take the throne permanently, completely writing my mother off as dead. I was so, incredibly far away from okay. I could feel the tears building up but I kept them back with my lashes.

"Yeah, fine," I managed to say, making a beeline for my vanity. I picked up a brush and began to run it through the strands of my raven locks. Not because they needed it, because they didn't, but because it was something to do, something to distract my mind from the memories of my time spent with Daddy Dearest. Beast Boy studied my face in the mirror for a moment, before suddenly standing up and walking over to me. I began to run the brush through my hair even faster, nerves and fear racking my body, until a warm, strong hand caught my elbow and held it in place.

"Stop," he whispered. In the mirror, I appeared on the verge of tears, and it wasn't a pretty look, with my puffed cheeks, reddened eyes, and pouted lips. Beast Boy, in contrast, looked devastatingly handsome; his muscles hardened in all the right places. His expression also hard, serious, but his deep emerald eyes were spilling over with concern- concern for me.

The picture looked, somehow, right. His green hand wrapped around my creamy white arm. So different, and yet so completely natural. As if they had been crafted to fit together like a puzzle. The Beast and the Raven.

His hand pulled my elbow, guiding me to turn around, and I obliged, numbly moving to face him. As our eyes met, the first, hot tear broke free. With his other hand, the one not holding my arm at my side, he caught the tear and brushed it away from my cheek. It was one of those moments where you just feel like a hug is inevitable, and I'm really not one for hugs, or touching in general. And although Beast Boy didn't move any closer to me, I knew that he was thinking the same thing. The invitation was there in his eyes, but he wasn't going to push me into doing something I wasn't 100 percent comfortable with.

And, I think, that's what made me want to hug him even more. The fact that it was, completely, my choice. I could just walk away right now, leave with the tingles still lingering on my cheek from his touch, and pretend that the tender moment had meant about the same as our heated, drunken, make-out session. Or I could throw caution to the wind and wrap my arms around him, let him know just how much those moments had really meant to me.

The first option was very tempting, safe and expected, but there was also this small voice in the back of my mind that wondered if he still smells the same as he did on that drunken night two years ago. And there was this empty spot in my heart that ached as I stared into his deep green eyes. And, for some reason, I was allowing myself to believe that this hole could be filled by a simple hug, that this one small gesture of affection would make all of the painful memories fade away and pull all of the pieces of my broken heart back together. As if one hug was all I needed to be okay again.

But maybe it was what I needed. Maybe love was the answer.

No, love is dangerous. Emotions are dangerous. I'm dangerous. I'll only hurt him in the end.

But I'm also selfish, and right now I want this. I want his arms around me. I want his lips on mine. I want to hear him whisper my name as I lay my head on his shoulder and breathe in his sweet scent. I want this, if only for a minute, a second. I want it. Maybe even need it.

I leaned forward, just the slightest bit, dipping my head so my hair fell forward and curtained my face. And this was all Beast Boy needed before he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. My forehead rested against his shoulder and I breathed in the lingering scent of his cologne. And yes, it was exactly the same as I remember it from two years ago.

His arms felt right wrapped around me, holding me together and sheltering me from the evils of the outside world. As I surrendered myself to his embrace, a few more tears escaped my lashes and soaked into his shirt, but he seemed not to mind as he pulled me closer and stroked my shoulder blade with one of his thumbs. The touch was comforting and I allowed myself to stay there a few moments longer than necessary to savor the feel of his arms around me.

Eventually, however, I pried myself out of his strong hold. Beast Boy complied with my wishes, knowing that physical contact of any kind was a major feat for me. As we separated, an awkward silence hung in the air as neither of us knew what to say. I found looking him in the eye to be nearly impossible, unsure whether I even wanted to know what he was feeling. Avoidance seemed like a better option and I skirted around him, heading for my bed and wiping my face of any remaining tear stains.

Beast Boy joined me, sitting near the end of the bed so that there was a safe three to four inch distance between us. His emerald eyes studied my face. "So..." he finally said, trying to piece together the right words. I kept my gaze focused on my hands twisting together on my lap. "I don't suppose you want to talk about-"

"Nope," I cut him off. It didn't matter what he was going to suggest we talk about, I was done talking. About the hug or about Terra or Tyler or Trigon. All of it would be much better swept under some rug and forever forgotten.

"Please, don't do this again, Rae," he pleaded, placing a hand on top of mine, holding them still.

"Do what?" I asked innocently, risking a glance up at his face.

"This." he said gesturing at me with his other hand. "Shutting me out after finally letting me see some small piece of yourself. I really do care about you and I know that you're not okay. Why won't you just let me in? Why is that so hard for you?"

"Beast Boy, there are things about me that you really don't want to know. That no one should ever know." I replied darkly.

"Fine," he finally conceded, though his eyes portrayed the anger he felt. "But if you're not going to tell me about what happened two years ago, or even what's going on now, then at least answer this: did you or did you not feel something when we kissed that night. And don't you dare lie to me."

This was the moment of truth. His eyes bore into mine and as much as I wanted to lie to him, to push him away even more, something inside of me wouldn't do it. Because in his eyes I saw the vulnerability that question had cost him, and his words kept bobbing around my head. I really do care about you. And I knew he had meant it, because, hell, I care about him too. And no matter where I go, or what I do, or who he decides to spend his nights with, if I get a call about him being in danger, I'd be running to save his life. I mean, I'm here right now because of him.

But beyond the simple fact of caring for each other, I was also aware of the other feelings I got around him. The nervous flip-flop in my stomach every time he came near, the warm tingles in my fingers from his touch, the memory of that sloppy and yet somehow perfect drunken kiss. It all mattered to me, it mattered way too damn much.

And here, in this room alone with him, I don't think I was capable of lying straight to his face without hurting myself in the process. In front of the others, I could reason with myself, convince myself that it was better to keep all of this a secret from our friends. But Beast Boy knew of the kiss just as well as I did, and it had obviously meant something to him if he feels the need to continue to bring it up and flaunt it in front of my date, no doubt out of jealousy. And I'm sure Beast Boy has, to some degree, some knowledge of my attraction to him. I mean, it's pretty obvious when the only thing that could bring me home after two whole years of complete silence was a dying Beast Boy in the medical room in need of my help.

No, Beast Boy knew the truth. He wasn't asking because he didn't know, he just wanted me to finally admit it, out loud in words for both of us to finally hear. But words are just words. What good will saying them out loud do for us? He still has his thing with Terra going (maybe, she was pretty pissed) and I have now (kinda) started dating Tyler. And even if we did both decide to give this thing a shot, I still have a lot of shit to sort through in Azarath. Beast Boy is a good friend, but there are some things about me and my past that I really do not want him knowing. Suppose we did actually get together, would it even last? Will he still stay when he does learn everything about me? Somehow, I don't think so.

I finally looked up to meet his emerald eyes. There was a pleading glean to them, hidden behind the anger and frustration. He was serious about this, and I couldn't lie to him even if I wanted to.

"Fine." I finally caved. "Suppose the kiss had meant something. What does it matter now?"

Beast Boy screwed up his face and blinked his eyes rapidly, disgusted with my comment. "What does it matter? What does it matter!" He pulled his hands away from mine, and for some reason that hurt a lot more than it should have.

"Of course it matters, Raven!" he raged standing up now and raking his hands through his hair. "Do you have any idea how many sleepless nights I spent worrying about you! How many hours I wasted staring at my phone, waiting for the day that you would finally call me back. At least to tell me that you were okay. That you were alive! Do you have any clue at all how much your leaving hurt me? How much it still hurts me? Do you?"

There was a strong urge within me to look anywhere other than his face, but I couldn't drag my eyes away from his. They drew me in and rendered me speechless as his words washed over me. It astonished me how honest his words were, how open with his thoughts, feelings, and emotions he could be. Why couldn't I do that? Why couldn't I just spill my guts to him like this? Oh, yeah, because then my powers would go all cray-cray and something would more than likely explode. That's why I keep things bottled up.

But as his truthful words washed over me, other thoughts also came. Thoughts about Terra and the foolery they must have been doing over the past couple of years also awakened in my mind. And those thoughts came uninvited on my tongue, forming into words and breaking free before common sense could stop them.

"What about Terra? Seems she kept you happy enough!"

If Beast Boy had any doubts about my jealousy of Terra before, they were definitely gone now; little specks of dust floating away in the breeze. Nice one Raven. But hey, at least you finally showed some emotion!

"The hell with Terra!" Beast Boy yelled, glaring down at me. "This is about me and you! This is about that kiss two years ago and about that hug just a few moments ago. This is about your hatred for Terra. Or how about how you walk around acting like you don't give a fuck about me, but then the moment I get injured, you're rushing back here to make it better! I'm talking about where the hell you went to two years ago and why the hell it took you so damn long to get back! And why the hell you've come back looking so... beaten. I mean damn, don't they feed you anything in Azarath? You're thinner than before, like a lot thinner, and your hair, your skin..."

He continued to list off the changes in my appearance and personality. And I must admit, he's really rather observant for a guy, noticing details as minute as the shade of my skin tone. Normally, a conversation like this would frustrate me, listening to him list off my insecurities.

But there was also something really sexy about a pissed off Beast Boy, and the fact that he was able to remember the smallest of things about me, and the way his keen eyes studied my body even now, searching for more signs to back up his theories. His whole body was tensed, hardening and defining his muscles even more. And the intensity in his eyes sent a fire down my entire body, settling in my core. He looked older, more mature. I didn't see the prankster little kid who walked around without a care in the world. I saw a young man who had carried more than enough problems on his shoulder and still had the strength to crack a joke and pretend everything was okay, if only for a minute. I suddenly saw the real Beast Boy.

No, I was seeing Garfield Logan. Beast Boy was the act, the facade. But Garfield, he was the real thing. He felt it all and hid it behind a mask. And this, right here, this was the real Garfield, spewing out the emotions and the feelings that he had been bottling up for too long.

We really weren't that different. He had a dark side too. He kept things hidden as well.

And suddenly I was seeing him in a whole new light. A light that made him almost... desirable. Which is strange, because this is Beast Boy we're talking about. Obnoxious, annoying, green Beast Boy.

Yet, as I watched him rant, staring me down with his intense dark green eyes, I found a small part of myself wanting him; wanting more than just his hug. Deep in my chest, I know how I feel about him, but putting those feelings into words, words to be spoken out loud, is something that I'm not quite ready to do. But that same part was also remembering that drunken kiss, and each time Beast Boy mentioned it, I found myself missing that moment more and more.

Passion was struggling to restrain herself, and each time my eyes shifted down to his soft lips, the urge to take him right then and there became increasingly hard to fight. And as Beast Boy continued to point out the many subtle hints at my true feelings, the more I found myself unable to argue with him. Even while I should be completely annoyed with him, to the point of throwing him out the door (or against a wall, whichever is more convenient), I still felt that familiar tug in my chest that begged me to give him a chance, to let down my walls and give love a shot.

And with Passion currently in the driver's seat, rational thoughts about consequences or repercussions were completely foregone as I sprung up from the bed and stepped right up in front of him, surprising Beast Boy to the point of speechlessness. And before I could back out of it, I placed a hand on either side of his head and closed the last few inches of space between our lips, pressing my chest against his. Despite his shock at my boldness, Beast Boy responded immediately, wrapping his arms around me and holding me taught against his body. But his enthusiasm was short-lived as he came to his senses and pulled away. His hands remained on my waist, but his green eyes studied my face, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"Are you... drunk?" He asked. Clearly I had been completely coherent throughout the entirety of our conversation, up to this point, and was therefore not drunk. Dammit, that means I just broke my internal vow to myself. I kissed Beast Boy stone cold sober.

But given the fact that I had just up and kissed Beast Boy on a whim, completely on my own accord, had even me considering the option of potentially being drunk. I thought back to my date with Tyler. He had bought a bottle of wine, but I hadn't drank more than one small glass (I'm not much of wine drinker... too dry for my tastes). I highly doubt one glass of red wine is enough to make me drunk, and besides the effects of it would be long gone by now.

"Nope," I said shaking my head and leaning in for another kiss. Sober Beast Boy kisses almost as good as drunk Beast Boy, maybe even better.

Before my lips could find his again, however, Beast Boy was holding a finger to my mouth and searching my eyes for some hint at the cause of my sudden mood change. "Rae, wait, let's just talk about this..."

"I don't like talking," I cut him off, pushing his finger away. "Besides, I'm kinda getting used to this kissing thing."

Happy + Passion = Strange Raven. Yep, my emotions were going totally crazy right now and the overflow of positive emotions was causing me to act a bit too jovial. It's like being drunk, without the alcohol. And being tired makes it really hard to contain my emotions in their boxes any longer.

Beast Boy looked completely lost, probably reconsidering my denial of being drunk. "Look, Rae, you're tired and it's been a long night... maybe we should talk about this later..."

"What? You don't wanna kiss me?" I accused him in a teasing tone.

"N-no. No, I do. Dammit, sometimes I just wanna kiss you so bad. But Rae, I mean, c'mon. Now? I mean, shit, you just got back after completely ignoring me for two whole years and now, now, you want to give this a shot?"

I shrugged my shoulders, but Passion made me lean in seductively and whisper, "I didn't say anything about a relationship."

Beast Boy's mouth dropped a few inches, completely thrown by my response. Then, recovering, he threw up his hands and pulled away. "Okay," he managed to say. "Clearly, you have completely lost any sense that you normally possess, and I really don't know how to deal with this right now. Why don't we go to bed, and revisit this issue in the morning."

A part of my brain knew that he was right. With Passion and Happy in control, I was bound to make some really stupid decisions, especially with Beast Boy looking like a freaking green Greek god. But with my mind clouded with sleepiness, and an abnormal amount of endorphines and happy chemicals flowing through my brain, this rational thought was only a distant memory, a mosquito buzzing in my ear, about to be squashed. And squashed it was.

"Great idea," I said brightly, taking his hand and pulling him toward the bed.

"Uh, Rae! That's not exactly what I meant-" he panicked, trying to free his hand from my grasp and grinding his heels into the carpet. He finally broke free and, rubbing his wrist, looked me in the eye to explain himself. "Look, Rae, I like you. I really like you, but- this-" he waved his hand between us, "this is kind of weird, especially for you. I mean, hugging? Kissing? Are you... okay?"

His question knocked me back a pace or two, catching me off guard. Am I okay? It's been a rough two years, but I've survived it all. And, yeah, things are still kind of stressed back home but it's nothing I can't handle. And being back with the team is a bit of a shock to the system, but they're my friends and it's not that bad being back here with all them. The only thing that's weird is seeing Beast Boy again and re-remembering that drunken kiss and how good it was, and how much I've missed his stupid jokes, annoying laugh, continual pestering, and even his hugs, as rare as they may have come.

And tonight, after seeing him with Terra, and after my lukewarm date with Tyler, I guess I just kind of lost it, unable to contain the volcanic eruption of jealousy within my heart. And now, Beast Boy is here, in my room, caring about me. He could've run after Terra, but instead he ran after me. Me! And suddenly, in my unstable condition, all of the forbidden emotions I've ever felt for the green titan are flowing unbridled within me, with Passion in full control of the emotion tsunami.

In short, no, I'm not okay. But there isn't exactly anything wrong either. "I'm just a little shaken up," I finally said with a deep sigh, slumping back down onto the bed.

"About what? What's happened?" Beast Boy pressed gently, sitting next to me and taking up my hand, stroking it lightly with his thumb. His eyes bore into mine, begging me to confide in him. "Talk to me, Rae. Please, talk to me."

Looking into his deep green eyes, I seriously did consider telling him everything. And I might have, if the alarms hadn't gone off just then. The red was flashing all around my room and there was the annoying buzzer sounding throughout the tower. Beast Boy and I, pulled out of our own world, separated.

"There's trouble. We need to go." I said quickly moving toward my closet to change into something more suitable for battle.

"We'll continue this discussion later," Beast Boy responded curtly, heading out of my door. It hadn't been a question, it was a promise. A promise that he fully intended to keep.

But that didn't matter right now. What mattered was the fact that there was trouble in Jump City and I needed to remember all the unused skills from my years of Titan fighting. Being a queen, fighting isn't something I do on a daily basis. Magic sure, but crushing someone with a ton of rock, not exactly an every day occurance. And then there was the other issue: my outfit.

Beast Boy hadn't been lying when he said I had looked thinner. I had lost a lot of weight while being held captive in my dad's dundgeons. During the time that I was free, I had tried to get back up to a healthy weight. But even with these efforts, I was still a lot skinnier than I was two years ago. I mean, you didn't really think anything of it at first glance. One might even argue that I looked hot. But looking closer you could notice the signs of malnutrition and abuse from my days of captivity.

Holding one of my old leotards, I realized right away that it wouldn't work. One, it was much too big and hung baggy over my skin. Two, it showed my legs. All of my legs. Looking down at the scarred, too skinny chicken legs, I realized right away that wasn't an option. Instead I grabbed a pair of black tights and wore them underneath my leotard to hide my legs. My robe could hide the baggy-ness of the leotard. Pulling on my boots, I rushed out the door to join the others in the main living room, arriving at about the same time as Beast Boy.

He had changed his outfit at some point while I was gone and now sported a red and white uniform that fit snug to his muscular arms, shoulders, and back. He looked good, I had to admit. Looking around at the others, I noticed that they too had made small changes to their uniforms, adding details here and there to give a more modern look. Overall, however, they still resembled the team I had left and I felt that I fit in just fine. Despite the fact that Beast Boy hadn't stopped staring at me, obviously guessing at the reason behind my wearing tights.

Shrugging off his gaze, I turned my attention to Robin as he explained what the emergency was. "We've had reports of another flying creature in this vacinity," Robin said, pulling down a map and showing us the area that the creature had been spotted. "None of the reporters could say exactly what it was, but based on what they could tell me, I believe it is the creature we fought last time. The Skyffer, as Raven called it. We should exercise extreme caution with this one, as we now know how dangerous it can be. I've also decided to call in Terra. With Beast Boy injured, we could use the extra help. Besides, she's already nearby and will be able to meet us there. Now then, Titans Go!"

At Robin's command, we separated. Robin and Cy went for their vehicles, while Starfire and I took off into the sky, Beast Boy, in the form of a pterodactyl, right behind us. When we arrived at the scene of the crime, I knew right away. It was a Skyffer. One of Trigon's Skyffers, no less. And more than likely, it was here for me and my friends. The words "Oh, shit" bounced around my head, but I didn't have time to dwell on the thought as the dragon-like creature whirled around to swing his long spiked tail in my direction.

And just like that, the battle had begun, with all six of us taking a side and subduing the creature in any way we could. But just as we had contained it in a strong binding of ropes, the creature disappeared. It literally vanished in thin air. Poof! Gone.

That is not one of the Skyffer's powers. Which means it has to be working with someone. And there is no doubt in mind that that someone is Trigon. As we headed home, slightly discouraged, I made up my mind. At tomorrow morning's council meeting, I'm going to do everything I can to take the throne permanently and bring that bastard down.

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Another Chapter!! Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

It's not my strongest chapter, but I wanted to get it up for you guys.

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