Chapter 6: Hazy Memories

"Beast Boy: the Ex."

Time seemed to stand still a moment as everyone fixed their gazes to me, waiting for me to explain, or at least deny it. But, the thing is, I can't, exactly, completely, 100%, deny the truth in that statement.

Because, as much as I hated to admit it, Beast Boy and I had a little, teeny-tiny never-before-shared secret between us.

We may, or may not have, kissed. Once. While we were both a little past the point of tipsy-ness. Maybe.

Okay, yes. It happened. But just once. And honestly we both had had a few too many sips of the raspberry Svedka that Beast Boy may have dared me to (some-what illegally) purchase that night during an intense, and rather irresponsible, game of Truth or Dare to even fully remember it.

And yet, looking back on that night, of all the events that had taken place, our kiss is somehow the clearest memory of all. Which is really rather absurd considering it had happened at the time that we were at our most deluded state, occurring just after we had finished off the Svedka, and a few other alcohol-based beverages prior to that (hence why I had even agreed to play that vile game with him in the first place). Overall, it had been a night of dumb, stupid, 100% avoidable mistakes that were only allowed to transpire thanks to our surprise guest: alcohol.

It's a dangerous thing, kids, use it wisely. And I guess I should throw in the fact that you should also be 21 years of age (if in the US), but that would make me a bit of a hypocrite.

But it wasn't, exactly, completely my fault that these events occurred. There had been something the air that night, like a spell had been cast upon the tower. I swear, mystical forces were acting upon us, possessing us in a sense, causing us to all act a bit out of the ordinary. For you see, nothing about that night had been ordinary.

2 Years and 3 Months Ago

(Ages: Cyborg: 20, Robin & Starfire: 19, Beast Boy & Raven: 18)

We hadn't had a crime alert in weeks, which was odd because it was the middle of summer. Most of the crime that had been reported in the city, had only been petty house-break-ins committed by harmless, regular human beings. Hardly a reason to call in the Teen Titans. So, with the police on top of the crime and no reason to stick around, Robin and Starfire decided to take the weekend off and go on a mini-vacation, renting out a small beach villa on the coast. They left just after lunch on Friday and weren't to return until late Sunday afternoon, at the earliest.

Not long after they had left, when Beast Boy and I had started on the dishes in the kitchen, Cyborg announced that he was going to spend the weekend with Bumble Bee at Titans East. Taking the T-car, he left, leaving Beast Boy and I, alone, in the tower to watch over the city and respond to any crime that did happen to occur.

At this time, I suppose Beast Boy and I had fallen into a sort of friendship. He annoyed me constantly, starting each day with a new way to irritate me. But I had sort of started to accept this as part of his personality and let it slide, maybe even enjoying it just slightly. Because, in all honesty, sometimes he does come up with an amusing joke that would make laugh, at least internally. It would breach the unwritten rules to laugh out-loud, thus rewarding Beast Boy with the satisfaction of winning.

That was the game after all: how annoying does Beast Boy have to be before Raven finally cracks a smile. It was a rather pointless game that neither of us exactly win, but it was how we operated. The only way we were able to stand living together in the same house without tearing it to pieces.

And today, with our friends gone, our little game was able to heighten just slightly, as there was no longer anyone around to separate us when things got a little too heated. I saw the flashing warning signs as soon as the door closed behind Cyborg and his lingering "Try not destroy the Tower while I'm gone". With those words I had sensed the danger coming. I had seen the mischievous glint in Beast Boy's eyes. I had felt that jolt of excitement in my stomach as I realized the perplexity of my situation: alone with Beast Boy.

And not just the "in this room" alone. That I could handle, with the fear of someone bursting in and witnessing our close-proximity argument (and then mistaking it as something more) preventing me from doing anything stupid. It was really that fear of someone finding out that kept me, and possibly both of us, from taking that extra step over the edge. The step that would take us from angrily-annoyed-fighting-friends, to angrily-annoyed-sexually-charged-fighting-more-than-friends. The step that would make our bickering fights and charged interactions even more complicated than they already are.

But I ignored these flashing signs that clearly told me to run away, lock myself in my room, and drown myself in a book that was so long it would take me until Sunday night to finish. And I allowed myself to do this because the events of that night started out innocent enough with a water fight in the kitchen. Nothing sexual about that. Out of the ordinary, sure, but not sexual. I mean, friends have water fights in the kitchen, right?

"Beast Boy!" I shrieked as he scooped up a handful of soap suds and smoothed it over the top of my head. He sent me an innocent smile. I was washing the dishes and my hands were submerged in the sink, rubbing a bowl with a rag. I now withdrew one of my hands, scooping up some water with it, and flung it at the green teenage boy smiling beside me. The soapy water splashed onto him, turning parts of his light-grey t-shirt a shade darker. I smiled victoriously at his shocked and dismayed expression, which only made him determined to attack me again.

Pushing me slightly out of the way, he reached over and splashed me with the soapy water. So I, with the wet dish rag in my hand, wound it up and whipped it at him, lightly catching his arm. Beast Boy let out a pained, "Hey, no fair!" and then quickly came up with a way to get me back. He scooped up an armful of suds and, before I could get more than two steps away from him, wrapped me up in a tight embrace, successfully drenching both of us. I remember feeling a bit of a flutter in my stomach as he had done this, but at the time I had been enjoying myself too much to pay much mind to it.

We decided to call it a tie after that and then quickly cleaned up the mess we had made. We finished the dishes and then retreated to our rooms to change into dry clothes. I took a quick shower and threw on a pair of dark washed shorts and a Led Zeppelin t-shirt. It was Friday, crime was unlikely to happen, and I was ready to curl up with a cup of tea and a good book. Beast Boy, however, had other plans.

*Knock Knock Knock* "Hey, Ra-ven!" He called out in his sing-song voice. Setting down my book, that I had only gotten a chapter and a half into, I answered the door with all intentions to hear him out, say 'no' to whatever crazy idea he had come up with, and then return back to my book. But Beast Boy's convincing skills had improved, or maybe I'd just gone soft. Either way, when he played the 'everybody's got somebody but me' card, I couldn't help but release an exasperated sigh and agree to hanging out with him. Besides, Beast Boy can be entertaining sometimes and a little bit of fun wouldn't kill me, right?

So, I agreed to going to the mall with Beast Boy. There was apparently some new ride in the amusement park that he had been wanting to check out for weeks, but Cyborg had been spending all of his free time with Bumble Bee and going alone would be no fun at all. So, now, I get to be the person to share this experience with him. Thanks, Cyborg.

I mean, not that I had anything against roller coasters. In fact, I thought they were pretty fun. But suddenly, the thought of leaving, going out in public with Beast Boy, and Beast Boy alone, made all of this seem like much more than just two friends hanging out. I mean, the mall is a place for teenage girls and cute lovey-dovey couples. Robin and Starfire couples go to the mall together. The amusement park is pretty much where two people of opposite genders go when on a date.

And, I mean, Beast Boy is great- funny, caring, kind of cute- but boyfriend material? I'd thought it over a few times recently, and I just couldn't fathom it. Even the fact that he would choose me to go on a date with, baffled me. I mean we are complete and total opposites. I bet we don't have a thing in common. I'm dark, he's light. He's day, I'm night. It'd never work. One of us would end up getting hurt, probably even both of us.

But he had convinced me to give it a shot- not the dating thing, of course!- the amusement park. And I felt I had owed it to him. Besides, we're just friends. Surely we could handle spending the day together without it meaning something more, even if we are in couple haven.

With this conviction in mind, I followed Beast Boy out to the garage and the black car Robin had finally allowed him to get. Not gonna lie, it was a pretty nice car- sleek and sporty with black leather interior. It was only a two-door, but Beast Boy was the only person who used it since Robin has his red sports car or his bike, and Cyborg has his beloved T-car.

I hadn't gotten the chance to drive with Beast Boy before now, since we usually just drive the T-car with Cyborg around town, and I suddenly found myself wondering what kind of driver he is. As Beast Boy pulled out of the garage and into the streets, however, I soon discovered that he actually isn't too bad. Other than a bit of a lead foot, a need for speed, and a tendency to take corners a little bit too fast, Beast Boy is a surprisingly safe driver.

And I couldn't help but notice in the few glances I sneaked at him, that with his dark sunglasses shading his eyes, leaving only his enthusiastic grin exposed, he suddenly looked different. He had changed into a pair of dark washed jeans and a black t-shirt that fit tight across his shoulders. The ensemble made him look older, rougher, and from this proximity I could see the tiny amount of stubble along his jaw.

He looked good, for Beast Boy.

When we reached the mall, we headed straight for the amusement park and the coaster that Beast Boy had been so impatient to ride. It was a U-shaped track that twisted at the top of one side (Think Steel Venom at Valleyfair). The car moves forwards and backwards along the U-shaped track at speeds that had to be greater than 60 miles per hour, and at one point it stops right at the very top for a few seconds, before dropping you again.

It was exhilarating; the kind of heart-pounding, stomach-dropping excitement that only the best roller-coasters can create. And since the park was unusually empty for a Friday afternoon, we were able to go on all of the rides at least five times each. We ate junk food, joked around, and just had a generally good time together. It was nice.

Around 8 o'clock we finally had enough of the rides and fair food and decided to head home. As we were driving back to the Tower, however, Beast Boy spotted a bar with a sign advertising their Friday Night Karaoke. He gave me an evil grin before whipping the car into a parking spot just down the street from the bar. I raised a suspicious eyebrow at him. "Beast Boy, what the hell are we doing here?"

"It's Karaoke Night! Let's go check it out." He explained. Before I could protest or insult his choice of entertainment, he was opening up his door and exiting the vehicle, excitedly making his way toward the karaoke bar. Not wanting to sit in the car alone for who knows how long, I unenthusiastically followed after him, noticing the sly smile on Beast Boy's lips as I caught up with him.

The bar was spacious and dimly lit with high-tops littering the seating area. There was a decent sized crowd, maybe twenty or thirty people, sitting near the stage at the back of the bar, throwing back drinks and appetizers. The stage was brightly lit with flashing multi-colored lights. There was a DJ in the shadows at the far corner of the stage and a middle-aged man dressed in jeans and a button-down shirt leaned up against the wall beside to him, microphone held limply at his side in one hand. They were both watching the two twenty-something year old, clearly drunk, women who were attempting to sing, and I do not lie, 'Wannabe' by the Spice Girls.

It's a bit of an oldie that is definitely not my style, but even I could tell that the notes they were singing were far from correct. And I don't think they were singing the right words either. The crowd didn't seem to mind too much, however, but I suppose with a couple of beers in your system, you probably wouldn't.

Following Beast Boy, we made our way over to the bar where a man was serving up drinks and appetizers. "Garfield, my man!" The guy called, using BB's real name, as he saw us approaching. I shot Beast Boy a confused expression, but it was lost in the jumble as they began to shake hands in greeting. Suddenly, the man, who I now learned to be named Steve, cast a sideways glance at me, eyeing me up. Looking back at Beast Boy, he asked, "That your girl?"

Before I could explain that we were just friends hanging out together because all of our other friends ditched us for their significant others, Beast Boy snaked a hand around my waist and pulled me taught against him. The sudden proximity caught me off guard and my head went spinning, unsure which route to follow out. If it even wanted to do that, because I noticed two things as I was there in that position- (1) Beast Boy is hiding an impressive set of abs underneath his t-shirt (2) Beast Boy wears cologne, really good smelling cologne at that. It was some kind of wood, sandalwood maybe, but it was mixed with something else... lemon? Lime? It was something citrus. And I could also pick out hints of lavender and jasmine, and possibly some amber.

As I tried to peg exactly what it smelled like, I faintly heard Beast Boy confirming Steve's suspicion, even though it was completely false. So I guess, for tonight, I'm Beast Boy's girlfriend. That's an odd picture.

Beast Boy ordered two beers, which Steve quickly poured up and placed in front of us without asking for ID's or even questioning our ages. Beast Boy thanked him casually, as if being served beer was a normal occurrence for him, and then lead the way toward one of the high-top tables near the stage, beers in hand.

"So, you come here often?" I asked him as we sat down at one of the tables. He shrugged.

"Occasionally," he answered. He slid a beer across the table to me and then took a sip of his own, turning his attention toward the stage, clearly not going to offer anything more. Weird, Beast Boy being reserved with his thoughts. I followed his gaze to where the two women were passing the mic off to a group of five, more than a little buzzed, guys. They were all right looking, but when they started to sing Bohemian Rhapsody in terribly awful, high-pitched voices, all hope was lost.

I fixed my attention back to the clear glass of amber liquid. I've never been keen on the idea of drinking, nor have I had much experience with alcohol. In Azarath at dinner parties or balls, I will sip on some champagne or wine, but it's never near enough to get me drunk. I think I managed to get buzzed once, but it wore off after a half hour (during which I had been acting way too perky and forthcoming) and I didn't touch another drop of alcohol the rest of the night.

That was last year at an Azarath dinner party. It had been a rough day, I had been more than a little pissed at some remark one of the council members had made, and the result had been a few too many glasses of the bubbly champagne. I've set myself at a two-glass limit ever since. And tonight will be no different, I reminded myself.

I began to finger the glass, circling the rim with my pointer, having no real intention to drink it. I could feel Beast Boy's gaze on me, studying me, and looked up to meet his deep green irises. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but changed his mind and looked away.

This was officially starting to feel weird, almost date-like. And Beast Boy was acting weird. Where were the sarcastic comments, or the jovial, teasing banter, or that good-natured grin? The solemn, almost thoughtful, expression made him look older and maybe even a little bit sexy, but it was also very uncharacteristic of him. This was a whole new side of Beast Boy that I had never seen before, hadn't even known existed. I didn't like it.

"Well, this is fun." I said sarcastically. Beast Boy finally looked back at me, eyeing my untouched glass of beer as he took another swig of his own.

"You're so uptight." He answered. "Drink some alcohol- maybe then you'll actually start to enjoy yourself." I rolled my eyes but made no move to drink any of the alcoholic substance in front of me. Alcohol and Raven should never mix. The result is always catastrophic. And with Beast Boy here, I don't even want to think of the ways that things could go wrong.

Beast Boy noticed my reservations against the alcohol and a smirk crept upon his lips. "Don't tell me you're too much of a goody to drink a beer." He teased. I didn't find it humorous.

"I'm not a goody," I said matter-of-factly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Oh?" Beast Boy's gaze dipped just slightly to my chest, but he corrected himself quickly and brought them back to meet my deep purple eyes. Not even a hint of a blush across his cheeks. "Prove it."

I looked down at the glass of amber liquid. It was only one beer, surely my system could handle it. And there is no way I would let Beast Boy get the satisfaction of winning this.

Looking him right in the eye, I picked up the glass and tipped it back, swallowing down about half of it before setting it back down, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. I never did like the taste of beer and I tried not to grimace at the lingering flavor in my mouth, unpleasant and foul. Beast Boy broke into an amused grin as I continued to stare at him, refusing to be the first to look away.

We continued to sit there, sipping on our drinks and listening to the singers on the stage. Beast Boy ordered a basket of wings and another round of beers, despite my reservations. One beer was fine but I knew that two would be pushing it. Seeing Beast Boy's smug smirk as he calmly sipped his drink, as if it were completely natural, encouraged me to loosen up and prove to him that I could have fun too. Eventually my faked fun became genuine, as the alcohol set in and made us much more talkative. Neither of us had drank enough to be considered drunk but we had enough to receive a decent buzz.

And this time, I kind of liked the feeling of being buzzed. Sure, my abdomen hurt from laughing at all of Beast Boy's stupid jokes, and I was acutely aware that I was showing my true feelings much more than I should be, but in this state I didn't seem to really care. In fact, I almost wanted Beast Boy to realize that I didn't hate him. Because, maybe it was beer-vision or maybe the inhibition of alcohol finally allowed me to admit it to myself, but tonight, he looked good. And for the first time in a while, I could picture myself being more than friends with him.

Then I realized how absolutely crazy this thought was and took another swig of beer to wipe it away.

On the stage the guy in the jeans and button down shirt was waving an act off the stage and calling for any other brave Karaoke singers. I glanced up at Beast Boy to realize that the mischievous grin had returned on his face. "Let's do it!" he exclaimed excitedly, grabbing my wrist. I raised an eyebrow, feigning ignorance to what he was referring.

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

"Sing!" he said pulling me toward the stage. I sent a glare his way as I made a silent promise to myself that I'd get him back later and then unwillingly followed behind him, ignoring the tingles in my hand from his touch. After all, it was probably just the alcohol in my system deluding my thoughts. Beast Boy might be good looking and funny, but we are just too different for anything to ever work out between us.

We made our way up to the stage where microphones were shoved into our hands. The guy asked for our names, which Beast Boy gladly gave as "Garfield and Rachel". How he knew of my alter ego 'Rachel Roth', I don't really know but I do plan on asking him later. He's been snooping in my files a time too many.

Beast Boy, apparently already having a song in mind, whispered his selection to the DJ and then placed his hand on my lower back to lead me onto the stage. Yep, he wasn't even going to tell me what we were going to sing. I guess I just get to wing it, even though I don't want to be up here as it is! It's not singing that scared me, because I'll admit I don't have that bad of a voice. But what I hated most of this situation is being up here in front of all of these people and showing a side of myself that very few people have ever seen- the side that might actually enjoy singing and being in the spotlight.

Sensing my tension, Beast Boy leaned in closer, his breath brushing past my neck. "Relax. Just follow my lead." We were now in the middle of the stage and the music was starting. I immediately recognized the beginning Oo's of 'One More Night' by Maroon 5. It was an appropriate song, I guess. A better option than some of the others he could've chosen, and I was familiar with most of the lyrics.

"You and I go hard at each other like we're going to war." Beast Boy began. He wasn't looking at the screen with the lyrics but right at me, like he meant the words to mean something to me. His voice was surprisingly good, following the rhythm and key of the song. It was hard not to follow along with it. And his bright green eyes were so damn mesmerizing. "You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slamming the door. You and I get so damn dysfunctional, we stopped keeping score. You and I get sick, yeah, I know that we can't do this no more."

Suddenly the lyrics on the screen changed from blue to pink, signalling that it was my turn to sing. I started out a bit shaky but soon got into the groove of things. "Yeah, but baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you. Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go. Got you stuck on my body, on my body, like a tattoo. And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid, crawling back to you."

We sang the purple scripted chorus together and then it was my turn to sing solo again. "Try to tell you 'no', but my body keeps on telling you 'yes'."

"Try to tell you 'stop', but your lipstick got me so out of breath." Beast Boy sang.

"I'll be waking up in the morning, probably hating myself."

"And I'll be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell."

I sang my part again, starting with, "Yeah, but baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you." And Beast Boy echoed the last part of each verse. The chorus came next, showing up in purple as a duet.

We continued through the rest of the song, singing our parts. And I had to admit, we didn't sound half bad together. But that could have been the alcohol talking.

When the song finished we each took a bow, basking in the applause, and then handed the mics off to the announcer dude. There was a goofy smile plastered on my face, still unable to believe that I had actually done that, and even enjoyed myself a little bit. Beast Boy's face reflected my own, but their was just a hint of pride in his green irises. He obviously knew that my excitement was because of him.

We sat back down at our table and ordered another basket of wings and some sodas. Apparently Beast Boy no longer felt the need to impress me with his drinking abilities. Or maybe he was trying to sober up enough to drive. Whatever the reason, neither one of us touched another alcoholic drink while we were at the bar. And that was just fine by me.

We continued to talk, discussing topics like movies and music, and even touching just briefly on our pasts. Despite my previous accusations about us not having anything in common, I soon learned that that wan't true. Beast Boy and I actually do enjoy some of the same movies and he even listens to some of my favorite bands. They weren't necessarily his favorite bands ever, but he did like a few of their songs. It was surprising how well we were able to get along, even while we weren't being influenced by magical forces (aka alcohol).

A few hours later, when the clock was rounding eleven-thirty, Beast Boy, now sober enough to drive, decided that it was time we headed back to the tower. I agreed and followed him out to the car, breathing in the fresh night air. It was dark out now, but the street lights illuminated the downtown streets and twinkled against the shiny metallic cars and glass windowpanes. The night was still warm, despite the lack of sun, and it had a romantic charm to it as a warm breeze would blow through my purple strands of hair. It almost felt right to be here, walking under the city lights with Beast Boy, playfully nudging each other's shoulder as we made our way to the car.

As we got into the sleek black sports car, I recalled my personal promise to get him back for forcing me to sing with him. But what could I dare him to do that would be equivalent to singing in a karaoke bar? Beast Boy pulled the car out of the parking space and drove down the street, stopping at a red light. I studied the shops on the other side of my window. What would embarrass Beast Boy?

"Hey Rae," Beast Boy suddenly said, pulling me from my thoughts and shattering the silence that had set in. It hadn't been an awkward silence, but I was thankful that we were still able to talk.

"Yeah?" I said, risking a glance into his deep green eyes.

"Uh, you were... good tonight." he said. A blush crept across my cheeks.

"Thanks, you weren't too bad yourself." I managed. The light changed to green and Beast Boy stepped on the accelerator, moving the car forward once again. "So, you go there often? It seemed like the bartender knew you."

Beast Boy shrugged. "I go there sometimes. It's better than sitting around the tower all the time." I tried not to see that as a jab at myself, because I don't think he had meant it to be one. I nodded in response, not sure where else to go with this conversation. Luckily, I didn't need to come up with another witty response after all.

"Can I ask you something personal?" I was unsure what kind of 'personal' question he'd want to ask, but I decided to let him proceed.

"You can ask, but I won't promise that I'll answer." I said sarcastically. But it was truthful and I think Beast Boy caught that as he rolled his eyes.

"Why are you so averse to having fun and enjoying yourself?" Whoa, that was a loaded question. And with a big word like 'averse', too. Is this really Beast Boy I'm talking to? Does beer somehow make him smarter?

"I'm not averse to having fun. I just like being alone. It's easier to control my emotions that way." I explained with a shrug. And it was the truth. Having fun and being wild and free makes my emotions a lot harder to control. I'm surprised I didn't blow anything up tonight.

"But you enjoyed yourself tonight, and nothing bad happened." he argued. Why did this matter so much to him? What I do is what I do, and it's none of his damn business- friend or not.

"I guess I got lucky," I huffed. Beast Boy noticed my irritation and pursed his lips, thinking through his next response.

"I don't know, Rae," he said, stealing a sideways glance to study my face. I suddenly wished I had my robe to hide my face. "I think you're just afraid of having fun. Especially with me."

I folded my arms over my chest and released a heavy sigh. Maybe he was right, maybe he wasn't. But I didn't really have a response to that accusation. Denying it would encourage the fact that I enjoy hanging out with him, but agreeing to it would insult him. Neither option seemed appealing.

"Since when are you Dr. Phil?" I asked, changing the subject and trying to direct the attention away from me. Beast Boy released a low chuckle.

"You know if you just opened up every once and awhile, I wouldn't have to try to get inside of your head." he countered.

"I like my privacy." I seethed.

"You like your secrets." he corrected. I rolled my eyes.

"We all have secrets." I argued. "It's not like I know everything about you."

"Sure, but it's not like I deliberately keep things from you. In fact, I'm probably the most forthcoming of all the titans." Okay, so he had a point. Beast Boy's past is a lot less vague compared to the rest of ours, aside from Starfire. But it's not like I know everything about his past, just the basics. Though, I've never really asked. But even still, he has secrets too. As if sensing that I wasn't going to answer his response upfront, Beast Boy spoke again. "Fine, so you think I have secrets. Ask me anything you want to. We'll make it a game: I'll answer your questions, if you'll answer mine."

I raised an eyebrow at him, considering my options. If I said no, I'd never get any of my questions about his past answered. But saying yes would mean that I would have to answer his questions too. And I could already tell that some of those questions would be about a time that I really did not want to visit again. But saying no would only push him away further, completely ruin this heart-to-heart moment we're having, and somehow that's something that I don't want to happen.

"Fine," I said staring straight ahead so I couldn't see his gloating smile.

"Know what, on second thought, let's make this a little more interesting: Truth or Dare?" I turned my head to study his face. he was giving me a way out of answering deep and personal questions? No, he'd probably just dare me to take a truth or something dumb like that. But still, the whole point of this is to learn more about each other. We were stopped at another red light and Beast Boy turned to look at me, waiting for my decision.

"Truth," I said bravely, looking him right in the eyes. His mouth curved up into a small smirk as he came up with a question to ask. And surprisingly, it didn't have to do with my past, well not exactly.

"Have you ever done something illegal, aside from underage alcohol consumption?"

"Yes." I said simply, with no intention of supplying anything further. Beast boy quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, don't hesitate to explain."

"That wasn't part of the question." I teased. "Now, your turn. Truth or Dare?" Beast Boy sighed, frustrated with not knowing what "illegal" thing I'd done, but chose one anyway.

"Truth." he said bravely, also aware that the point of this game was in fact to get to know each other better. I thought for a moment, trying to decide which question I should ask first.

"What happened to you before you joined the Doom Patrol?" So, maybe it wasn't the lightest question to start with, but it was one I'd been asking myself ever since we met the Doom Patrol and learned of Beast Boy's true identity. I noticed Beast Boy's jaw tighten just slightly.

"You don't start off easy, do you?" he joked, but the humor was missing from his voice. I considered taking the question back, seeing his discomfort, but then remembered that this was the whole point of Truth or Dare: sharing our deepest, darkest secrets.

Finally Beast Boy mustered up the courage to answer with a deep sigh. "When I was a little kid, I was diagnosed with this rare disease: Sakutia. My parents were able to get a hold of this serum that cured it, but it also turned me green and gave me the power to morph into animals. A few years later, my parents died in a boating accident. I should've done something to help them, but I was just a kid and I couldn't..." Beast Boy paused, sucking in a shaky breath. I reached out a tentative hand and rested it on his, hoping to calm him down. "Anyway, after that I lived in the village with some friends, until some scientists got wind of my powers. They brought me to some lab and did a whole bunch of tests and shit on me. They wanted to see the power for themselves, see what made my metamorphic powers possible." I stifled a gasp of horror at the thought of people testing on Beast Boy. I mean, I was abused, but never treated like a science experiment. "Eventually I was saved from them by the Doom Patrol. And when I was strong enough, I used my powers to help them fight crime."

"So why did you leave the Doom Patrol?" I asked, for a moment forgetting the rules of the game. But Beast Boy didn't seem to notice, or if he did, he didn't seem to care as he answered my question.

"Things got rough. We were up against the Brotherhood of Evil and Elasti-Woman no longer thought that a little kid like me should be involved with it. They tried to put me in foster programs, make me go to school and shit, but everywhere I went I was the freak. So I ran away. And then I found you guys." He tried to sound happy toward the end, but I could tell that it hurt to talk about the past.

Not thinking, and completely swept up in the moment, I rested my head on his shoulder. "Well, I'm glad you found us." I said, breathing in his cologne. Maybe I was still a little drunk, or tired. Beast Boy chuckled, the sound vibrated through his body and into mine.

"Don't go all sappy on me now, Rae-Rae." he laughed. I lifted my head and let a small laugh escape as well.

Sitting back in my seat, I prepared myself for his next question. And tried to ignore the quiet little voice that was missing his proximity.

"Okay, Rae, let's do something exciting. Enough of this depressing shit." I raised an eyebrow at him, slightly fearing what his next great idea would be. "You asked me two questions right in a row, so I'm going to appoint you a dare. And I dare you to go into that shop and purchase something."

Beast Boy had pulled the car up to the curb and I now looked over to the store that he was pointing to. It was a 24/7 liquor store. Yes, a liquor store that I legally should not even enter, much less purchase stuff from. I faced Beast Boy and his eager smirk.

"Beast Boy, that is a liquor store. We," I waved between us for emphasis, "are only 18. How the hell do you expect me to buy stuff from there?!" He shrugged.

"Use your imagination. Besides, you've already done one illegal thing, supposedly, so what's one more?" I sighed, exasperated and looked back at the liquor store. There was only one worker at the cash register and one other customer. It'd be pretty easy to slip in, grab a bottle or two of my favorite flavor of Svedka (just about the only alcohol I like) and then convince the guy that I was in fact old enough to buy it with a simple trick of the mind. It wasn't right, it definitely wasn't legal, and ethics would be thrown out of the window. But it could be fun, and it'd impress Beast Boy.

"Fine," I said throwing open the door of the car and heading into the store before I could change my mind. A stunned Beast Boy followed behind me, not quite believing that I was actually going to do it. I lead the way into the small store and strolled confidently toward the vodka section. That was the key to this whole thing: if you believed that you were old enough to be here, everyone else did too.

When I came across the section containing the different flavors of Svedka vodka, I stopped. "What kind do you like? I personally enjoy the raspberry, but the strawberry is pretty good too. What do you think?" I held a bottle of the raspberry flavored vodka and faced Beast Boy, who was looking at me as if I had grown an extra head. "What?" I asked.

"I just- you hated drinking that beer, but vodka you're okay with?" he asked, obviously confused.

"I don't hate alcohol. I just don't like the taste or smell of beer. Raspberry Svedka, however, is completely different." I replied with a smile. Beast Boy shook his head, not even attempting to understand my logic. Joining me in front of the many flavors of Svedka, he reached for a bottle of the plain distilled vodka. I grabbed two bottles of the raspberry Svedka, because it's my favorite, and a bottle of strawberry, because I couldn't quite decide. And since I was here and not planning to come back for more anytime soon, I also picked up a few packages of the pre-made pina-colada shots and a bottle of peach Schnapps.

"You go hard," Beast Boy commented, looking at my small pile.

"Well, it's not for one sitting, you know. You're supposed to mix drinks with these, not just drink it straight." Beast Boy rolled his eyes, before picking up a six-pack of Redds. Boys and their beer.

Deciding that I had enough, I brought my selection to the counter where the cashier stood. He was older, maybe fifty or sixty, and he was eyeing my pile suspiciously. But Beast Boy ended up going first with his bottle of distilled vodka and six-pack of Redds. I watched as the man rang him up and then studied Beast Boy's, obviously, fake ID. For a second, I thought he would decline him but then he gave in and took Beast Boy's money. Then it was my turn.

I could feel Beast Boy's curious stare on me as he wondered just how, exactly, I planned to convince this guy that I was 21. Turning a blind eye to him, however, I focused on the task at hand.

"Can I see some ID, ma'am?" The guy asked. His hand was on top of one of the bottles and I placed mine on top of it, staring him in the eye.

"You don't need that." I said in a deadpan voice. If I were to look in a mirror, my eyes would be black and the old man's eyes turned black as well, but only briefly and then they returned back to their normal blue color. He shook his head as I retracted my hand.

"No, of course not." the old man said, a bit dazed. And I knew that it had worked. The man rang my items up, put them in bags, and swiped my card without a second thought. Smiling politely, I thanked him and dragged an amazed Beast Boy out of the liquor store.

"Dude! What did you do to him?" he asked as we got in the car. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I just persuaded him a little bit." I said, hiding a proud smile.

We headed back to the Tower, picking our game of truth or dare up slightly, but sticking to questions that were more humorous and random than sad and serious. After Beast Boy's confession about his dark past, we had sort of made a silent pact to refrain from questions about our screwed up pasts. It was just depressing.

When we arrived at the Tower, neither one of us felt tired, even though it was nearly one in the morning. So, Beast Boy decided to put on a movie and I ordered a pizza for delivery because Beast Boy was complaining about his growling stomach, again. Making up a bowl of popcorn and opening up one of my raspberry Svedkas, I joined Beast Boy on the couch, but purposely sat about six inches away from him.

Beast Boy had chosen a movie about killer robots plotting to take over the world. And while it wasn't my favorite type of movie, it was watchable. Especially with a bit of vodka in my system. When the pizza arrived, Beast Boy got up to get it, set it down on the large ottoman in front of us and then sat down next to me, right next to me. You probably couldn't fit a piece of paper between us.

"Uh, Beast Boy." I said uncomfortable with his proximity. He draped and arm around me and pulled me closer.

"Shh," he whispered. "Don't ruin it." I was about to argue, but then I breathed in the wonderful smell of his cologne and all other thoughts just faded away. Or maybe that was the alcohol's work. Hmm...

About halfway through the movie, and almost completely through my bottle of vodka, I was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. Everything seemed hilarious. And Beast Boy was right there with me. Together we were yelling at the TV, throwing popcorn, and laughing our asses off at the stupidest of things. It was a good time, I think. This is the point where things start to get really hazy.

On the TV, two of the main characters (who happen to be part of a love triangle) were starting to get closer and were at that stage where you know that a kiss is inevitable. But I didn't want the girl to fall in love with that guy, because I liked the other one better. So I, being in the mental state that I am, chucked a handful of popcorn at the TV screen. "No, you bitch, kiss the other one!" I yelled at the girl, as if she could hear me. Beast Boy turned to look at me. He was on his second Redd and had also been taking greedy sips of my Svedka. All in all, he was pretty far gone as well.

"Are you dumb? Clearly Lucas is the one she should like." he argued. I shook my head violently.

"Lucas is an asshole, he was the one who was running around with a bunch of sluts." I disagreed. "Derek has been faithful."

"Yeah, but Lucas came back and apologized." Beast Boy said, still standing by Lucas. I shrugged.

"Still an asshole." I argued, taking another swig of my raspberry flavored vodka.

"So, you're saying that you wouldn't forgive him?" Beast Boy clarified. I thought a moment.

"I'd maybe forgive him, but I wouldn't take him back." I explained.

"Women, you're never pleased!" he exclaimed throwing up his hands.

"Well, you men are never satisfied. Always going off to find extra pleasure somewhere else!" I shot back.

"We are not!" he yelled. "In fact, I've never once cheated on a girl!"

"Well, Terra was pretty easy." I remarked under my breath. But I must've said it louder than I thought, because Beast Boy still heard.

"What is it that you have against Terra?" he demanded. We were both on the couch, turned so our knees were touching, just slightly, and Beast Boy's eyes were glaring into mine.

"Other than the fact that she betrayed us for Slade," I pointed out.

"You know what, I am sick and tired of tip-toeing around this subject." he said throwing up his hands, clearly exasperated about something. Maybe I insulted Terra a bit too harshly? "You know what I think your problem with her is? I think you're JEALOUS! J-E-something with an L and an S-JEALOUS!" I scoffed.

Me, Jealous? Of that bitch? Please.

"Jealous?" I demanded. "Jealous of what? The fact that that skanky-ass bitch had to suffer the torture of kissing your lips?"

"Oh like you haven't wanted to do it too." he said moving in closer. "I see the way you look at me when you think I can't see, or how you try so hard not to laugh at my jokes, or how you try to act like you don't care, when you really do."

His eyes were burning a deeper green and his voice was a little deeper, huskier. It was sexy and intriguing and I found myself incapable of thought, for a moment.

"Let's say I don't completely hate you. What makes you think we'd be any good as a couple?" I argued, noticing how close we had gotten. Any closer and our noses would be touching. That sly smile crept back onto Beast Boy's lips.

"Because if I do this," he said, inching closer, his breath brushing against my cheek, "You're not gonna try to stop me." And before I knew it, his lips were slammed on top of mine, capturing them in the sweetest embrace they'd ever received. And dammit, the little stinker had been right. I didn't stop him. Nope, I did the exact opposite. I moved in closer, willingly letting him pull me into his lap as he deepened the kiss and shoved his tongue into my mouth.

It was a rough kiss, maybe because we were both drunk and sloppy, maybe because we were both angry. But regardless, it was a good kiss. Because Beast Boy tasted even better than he smelled and he knew how to move his tongue with mine and when his hand slipped under my shirt and met the bare skin of my back, it felt as if sparks were flying right where his fingers were touching me. And as we continued to kiss, as the minutes ticked by, I found myself enjoying it, despite how wrong I knew that it should be. He was so warm, and I was so angry with him, and kissing him just felt right.

And as our lips continued to brush against each other, moving to their own song and dance, my hands began moving at their own accord: pushing up his shirt, tracing his defined abdomin. Until suddenly the shirt wasn't even there anymore and I was pressed up against a wall of warm, hard muscle. Warning signs were flashing in my head as Beast Boy's hands began following the same path that mine had, and I knew that, as much as I was loving this feeling, it needed to stop here.

I finally broke apart from his kiss, pressing my forehead to his, both of us utterly breathless. And all I could manage to say was a breathy "Wow." Then, coming back to my senses, I realized what an absolute mistake that had been. I mean, sure nothing had exploded or anything, but even still. Beast Boy and I are a ticking time-bomb headed for disaster.

Before Beast Boy could steal another kiss, that I probably wouldn't be able to refuse, I pushed him back and jumped up from his lap, covering my lips with my hand. "That was a mistake." I said, taking another step back. "We- we shouldn't do this again."

And with that I bolted from the room. I didn't stop until I was safely inside my bedroom, far away from Beast Boy. And as I began to settle with the thought of kissing Beast Boy, a wave of nausea rushed over me. I made it to my attached bathroom before spewing my insides everywhere. Whether it was from my disgust at kissing the green changeling or from all of the pizza and alcohol I had consumed, I'm not really sure. But it was unpleasant all the same.

Before going to bed, I pulled out my phone and sent Beast Boy a text. "We never speak of this night again. EVER."

Moments later his reply came through. "Agreed."

And that was that. We never spoke of our karaoke duet, or our alcohol shopping spree, or our heated, passionate kiss to any of the titans, or anyone in general for that matter. We kind of swept it under the rug and pretended like it had never happened. And in my mind, I had almost started to believe that it really hadn't happened. It had faded into the same haze as a distant dream, the type of disturbing dream that you push to the back of your mind and try with all your might to forget.

But of course, like all disturbing dreams, the memory has come back and haunted me. Showing up in the form of dreams more scandalous than the original kiss. And that damn color of green, lust-filled eyes. It is the worst kind of nightmare, because it makes you believe for just a second that it's real and then you wake up to realize that it was only the workings of your brain, fabricated from a distant, ostracized memory.

And now my preciously kept secret was exploding right in my face.

"Beast Boy: the Ex." It rang in my ears as images of our not-so-innocent kiss flashed before my eyes. I could feel my cheeks growing hot, and I knew that everyone was waiting for my response.

A response that I really didn't know how to give. So I blurted out the first thing that came to mind:

"We kissed - once. Before I left. It meant nothing." And as these words left my mouth, I saw the look on Beast Boy's face fall and his ears drooped just slightly. A wave of guilt washed over me. Because he had offered up the truth, and I had shot him down with a lie.

Because in all honesty, that kiss hadn't meant nothing. It had meant everything.

I was just too afraid to admit it.

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Wow, super long chapter packed with all sorts of crazy messed up drama!!

I hope you guys like it!!

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- Rain