Chapter 19: Dinner with Daddy Dearest

Raven's Point of View

I stared at the rack of dresses in my closet, trying to decide which one was least distasteful. Beast Boy had forbidden me from wearing black, saying it was the color of death. Even after I had pointed out that we were more or less meeting with my demonic father to our possible deaths, he still refused telling me that I needed to embrace more color... whatever that means.

This, however, cut my wardrobe down to about half, maybe a little less, and so putting together an outfit was rather difficult. But I knew Beast Boy was getting impatient waiting for me in my bedroom, so I hurried to make a decision. I pulled out a strappy royal blue cocktail dress. It had a plunge neckline and spaghetti straps that crossed in the back. The pleated skirt reached just above my knees and had a slight flirty flare to it. I paired it with some strappy silver heels, a crystal statement necklace, and a square silver clutch to pull it together.

Once dressed, I checked my appearance in the mirror. I had already done my hair, curling it into loose springy curls and then pulling it into a side pony. My makeup was kept simple: foundation, mascara, and a nude lip. Classy and elegant, without looking as though I had tried too hard for him. As I was giving the mirror another calculative glance, checking the length of the skirt to be sure it was not too short, Beast Boy knocked on my closet door and then let himself in.

"Almost ready?" He asked tentatively, casting a "sneaky" glance along my frame. He had dressed in a suit and fixed up his hair ages ago and had been waiting patiently (well, patiently for him) for me to finally decide on a dress. Even now, all dressed up, I was unsure of my choice. Maybe this blue was too bright? Or the cut too skimpy? I mean you could kind of see the tips of the scars that crisscrossed my back, and even though they weren't much of a secret anymore, I still felt self-conscious letting them show. And this skirt was a little short... was that inappropriate for a dinner 'date' with daddy dearest?

"You look beautiful," Beast Boy said, drawing me from my thoughts.

"Maybe the purple dress would be better... or--"

"Rae, they're all beautiful. You're beautiful." He said, coming up and hugging me from behind and placing a soft kiss on my bare shoulder. "Just pick one. We're running out of time, and I don't think your father will appreciate us being late."

"Can't we just skip?" I suggested, turning to face him. "I can think of plenty of things to do instead." With my borrowed words, I teased his lips with a kiss that he reluctantly tried to escape.

"As tempting as that is..." he drawled planting another kiss to my cheek. "I think that would only anger your father more. Better to work with him, for now, yeah?"

"Yeah," I sighed in resignation. Beast Boy reached behind me to pull my off-white moto jacket from the hanger and place it on my shoulders.

"C'mon, let's get going." He said, pulling me toward the door.

"But... dress..." I argued, planting my feet firmly to the ground. He stopped and looked me over one more time.

"I like the blue." He decided. "Complements your eyes. Now put on your jacket and let's go."

"Fine," I pouted to hide the smile that threatened to break through. It was kind of cute how serious and mature about all this he was being. And I rather liked the look of lust in his dark emerald eyes... How did I get so lucky?

•°•°•●•°•°•

Ezra was waiting to send us off in the foyer. One of the palace drivers was waiting with a car to take us to the restaurant. And while I was almost willing to do this earlier, I suddenly felt nervous once actually sitting in the car that would take us there. Beast Boy noticed, holding my hand tighter in his grasp and stroking the top of it with his thumb. I'd like to think it was an unconscious movement, but something told me he was painstakingly aware of every thing he does around me. Chalk it up to his damn animal instincts.

All too soon the car pulled up to the restaurant and the driver was opening the door to let us out. Beast Boy exited first and then held out his hand to help me, like the gentleman he could sometimes be. The Golden Rose was always really good about keeping away the press and I was thankful to see that no crowd of photographers was waiting to ambush us and snap pictures of me with my new beau. The last thing I needed to worry about right now is a news article about Beast Boy and I and our nonexistent very real secret relationship that even I had not quite figured out.

I mean what are we? Sure he "proposed" last night and we tossed around the words fiancée and marriage, but did that make this real? Can we simply go from barely friends to engaged in a matter of days? hours? What if this all blows over and I end up not needing a marriage to take the throne like I want... then what will we be? Still engaged or back to nothing? 

Yes I love him. And yes he says he loves me too. But lets face it, without the pressure of this contract, he would not have proposed. Maybe we could have started something, but certainly not marriage. If that pressure was gone, would he rescind his offer? Would I want him too?

Ugh, Raven, this is not the time to be contemplating this. I reminded myself. But it was better than dwelling on the alternative as we waited for the waiter to lead us to our table... and the devil incarnate.

Far too soon, a waiter came to collect us and lead us toward the back of the restaurant toward one of the more secluded tables. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I barely registered the fact that I was shaking and Beast Boy had to stop us to make sure I was okay to continue, a concerned expression on his face. Carl, our waiter, patiently waited for us, looking off elsewhere and trying to give us some amount of privacy while Beast Boy pulled me in close and whispered words of encouragement into my ear. After several moments, I had drawn enough fake courage to continue on and Carl lead us the rest of the way back.

And damn Carl's strides were far too long and we arrived at that damn table far too soon. Dammit Carl.

Beast Boy, suddenly a gentleman, slid my jacket from my shoulders and passed it off to Carl to bring to the coat room before pulling back my chair to let me sit and then pushing it back in slightly. He then sat down in the seat between my father and I. Unfortunately, while this did keep me further away from my father, it also forced me to have to actually look at him. At least physical contact could be avoided. I do not think I could bear that.

"Ah, look at you two! Raven, you look well," my father complimented me with an appreciative nod. I glanced over him quickly. He had taken on his human form in order to blend in better tonight. His skin was pale, like my own, his grayish-white hair was long but tidy, blanketing his shoulders and easily hiding the stumps of his horns on the top of his head. His eyes were red, but not with rage. That was just his "human" eye color. He was wearing a grey suit with a soft pink tie and a white undershirt.

He almost looked normal. He almost looked like my old father--the one in the photo album--aged a few years. But I knew better.

And looking at him now hurt more than it should have. Because here, like this, I was almost willing to forgive him for all that he had done and take him back into my arms as the father I had missed for so many years. If he were a demon, I could hate him--see him for the terrible being he really is. But like this, it was easier to believe he really had changed. It was easier to believe it when he says he is sorry for all that has happened and that he promises it will never happen again. Even though deep down, I know the truth.

"Thank you," I managed to say politely. Beast Boy's hand had found mine under the table and his thumb continued to stroke the top of my hand in the comforting way he does. The touch, small as it may have been, helped me to stay calm, and I do not think he will ever understand how grateful I was to have him here, always knowing exactly what I need.

"And, Mr. Logan, I appreciate your suit." There was almost a teasing lilt to his voice that made me want to vomit.

"Well, you told me to wear one." He smirked at him. But though his tone was jovial, his gaze was the furthest thing from that as he stared my father down, an unsaid threat being communicated between them.

"So, I did." Trigon agreed with a dry smile.

Carl returned to ask for our drink order. And while I had originally planned on sticking to water, wanting to keep sober and alert for this meeting, I suddenly found myself in need of something else. Being faced with my father would definitely be easier to handle with a drink. So after my father had ordered some fancy sparkling water, with a declaration of his plan to give up alcohol, and Beast Boy had ordered a scotch to pass before the meal (he planned to drink water the rest of the time), I placed my drink order.

"Vodka Martini, up and dry with a twist," I told the waiter confidently, my gaze hardened on my father's slight frown. I could not quite ascertain what was going through his mind right now, but I hoped he was seeing his little girl as an adult who was no longer feeling oppressed by his presence, because that is what I was currently trying to be. Beast Boy shot me a warning glare, but didn't hold it long as I simply smiled innocently back at him. He is, after all, having a drink, so he cannot exactly be mad at me for having one as well. And it is, only one drink. Something to steady the nerves.

As Carl was swiftly leaving our table to place our drink orders, a little flushed from witnessing the tense moment, I turned back to my father, suddenly feeling much more confident. There was something exhilarating about ordering a drink at a fancy restaurant that fueled me to actually ask my father the first true question of the night. "So, daddy dearest," I cooed, a touch of sarcasm souring the pet name, "what have you brought us all the way out here to discuss?"

"A bit early in the night for business talk, is it not?" He said coolly, taking a sip from his water glass.

"Well, I've nothing personal to discuss with you," I bit out, my voice maybe a bit chillier than necessary.

"What she means, is that our business is important and should be dealt with first." Beast Boy cut in, trying to keep the peace between us. He knew it was important to keep a good relationship with my father while he is trying to be civil, at least until we know what he is truly after. However, I look into his eyes, and all I want to do is cower away, or punch him. And neither of those two things will do me any favors tonight. So my last resort is to let a few choice words fly out. Trigon did not seem altogether upset about it, though. No doubt he had been expecting some amount of rebuke from me.

"It is quite alright, Mr. Logan. I understand my daughter's animosity."

"Animosity," I scoffed under my breath, wishing I had my drink already. As if having heard my silent wish, Carl was returning from the bar with a tray containing our drink orders. I thanked whatever heavenly figure was up there looking out for me.

My father noticed Carl as well and cleared his throat, as though preparing to make a speech. "I actually invited you both here not just for business but as a congratulations."

"Congratulations?" I questioned warily, raising a questionable eyebrow. 

"A green little birdie told me there'd be a wedding soon... for you two." He explained, a strange twinkle in his eyes. I suddenly understood.

"Oh, yes." I muttered, feeling a little shy at the mention of our engagement. Beast Boy's hand squeezed my hand a little harder as he smiled proudly.

"Yes, we're quite excited." He gushed. Maybe he is, I couldn't help but think bitterly, even though I too was a little giddy at the thought of marrying Beast Boy.

"Well, then a toast!" Trigon announced proudly, taking his glass of sparkling water from Carl. Beast Boy and I took our drinks as well and held them up in mirror of my father. When he was satisfied he continued, "To new family and a happy future!" He wished us, pressing the glass up an inch or so higher before tipping it to his mouth and taking the first heady sip.

Beast Boy and I followed his movements. My "sip" was a bit greedier than what was probably necessary, but with all that was going on... I felt I needed it. I mean Trigon--my demon of a father--happily toasting our marriage? And with such positive words, too? It was unfathomable and I needed another sip of the alcoholic drink to take it in. I felt a little guilty for having already consumed half of my drink, but Beast Boy had practically downed his tumbler of scotch, so I figured I was in the clear, at least in my mind. 

Carl had awkwardly waited through our toast before stepping in again to ask if the drinks were satisfactory and to take our food orders. I also ordered a second martini, which earned me a disapproving look from Beast Boy, but I pretended not to notice. We might be engaged but he did not get to dictate my drinking habits. Besides, if Trigon wanted to discuss our wedding all night, I was going to need a second dose of that liquid courage.

"So, Mr. Logan, how are you enjoying Azarath? It is your first time here, yes?" With Carl gone back to the kitchen, my father attempted a second stab at conversation. This topic was indeed less harmful than the last one, but there was still a venom in his voice that I did not trust. It was as if there was some greater motive behind every word, some calculable secret hidden in the answer. But maybe that was also just me reading too much into the situation. After all, Beast Boy was more than happy to provide him with a response, gladly taking up the opportunity to have a nice, "normal" conversation.

"Yes it is." He nodded at my father. "It's quite nice here. I like it. It's nothing like what I had expected."

"What did you expect?" I suddenly found myself asking, taking a little too much interest in the conversation. But I had just realized that I had not yet asked Beast Boy how he is liking Azarath, at least not in so many words. Others have, I'm sure Ezra has, but I have not. I guess I was so wrapped up in everything going on that I had forgotten that this was Beast Boy's first time seeing my home world.

With this revelation, I was only more curious as to how Beast Boy was liking it here and what was different from what he had "expected". Last night he had said something about staying here with me, if that's what I wanted, so he must not mind it here entirely. But still, I was curious as to what he thought of Azarath. After all, if we really do go through with this whole marriage thing he will be spending a lot more time here. 

Beast Boy's gaze found mine. He was a little surprised by my choice to join the conversation, but plowed through a response nonetheless. "I don't really know what I was expecting. Everything here is just different. The same... but different, you know? But it's good--fresh."

I kind of liked how he felt the need to assure me that it was a good different. It made me happy to have shared this special place of mine with him.

The conversation ambled on as my father asked if Beast Boy had seen any of the great touristy stops around Azarath. He was rather disappointed when Beast Boy admitted that we had not had much time for sight-seeing. My father apparently felt it was important we find time to take a trip around, as the future king should know his land. The sentiment was both heart-warming and worrisome. I was happy to hear him endorse Beast Boy as a candidate for king, even if his opinion is a little slanted, but I was still struggling with the idea of it myself. Was I really ready to ask that of Beast Boy? It's a lot to put on someone's shoulders... Not that he couldn't handle it, but why should he have to?

Lost in my own thoughts and tuned out of the boys' conversation, I fiddled with the lemon wedge garnishing the rim of my martini glass, occasionally catching bits of their excited banter. They were discussing the World Series, a topic which I never pegged either of them to care about. I suppose they were just trying to hold a "normal" conversation with "normal" topics of discussion, and somehow baseball fit that bill. It was like tonight was a "meet-the-parents" dinner and my boyfriend was trying to chum up with my dad. The thought would have been sweet, if my life were anything but the way it is. To think just a few months ago this guy was holding me captive in his dungeon and now here he is having dinner with me and my fiancé.

My eyes wandered to Beast Boy as he laughed at something my father had said. How was he so okay with this? Sure, maybe he wasn't the one held captive and tortured, but still--was this not at all weird for him? or was he just really good at hiding it?

After a short while of awkward "normal" conversation, Carl returned to our table, bearing our food and drink refills. Once he was assured that we had everything we needed, he quickly scurried back to the kitchen, leaving us to resume our awkward conversation. As Beast Boy and my father began to switch their conversation to football, I wasted no time in taking the first sip of my martini. It was mixed perfectly. I took another quick sip before sliding the glass a little ways away from me so as not to tempt me from drinking too much of it too quickly. Beast Boy was already watching me closely, I didn't need to give him any more reasons to scrutinize me further.

While eating our dinner, we entertained a fairly friendly conversation. The boys talked about sports and their favorite teams. One of the things Trigon actually likes about Earth is our bounty of competitive sports teams--it was one of the few reasons he wasn't entirely disappointed he didn't get the chance to destroy our planet. Occasionally I would slip in comments where necessary, though I was not an avid sports fan and therefore had little to say. Because of this, I was also thankful of the choice in conversation. It allowed to avoid confrontation with my father for a little while longer.

Unfortunately our plates cleared far too quickly, and after Carl had come to collect our dishes and take our dessert orders, the conversation was forced to change as we finally acknowledged our purpose for being here. "Alright lovebirds," Trigon said with a lazy smile that was very uncharacteristic for him and, honestly, looked a little awkward. It also made me feel a little uncomfortable. "I'm sure you have questions."

"Yeah, starting with why the hell we're even here."

"Always so feisty. Can't a father just want to reconnect with his daughter?" Trigon chuckled humorlessly. I gave him a pointed look of disbelief. Beast Boy was looking between us with bated breath, unsure if he should step in to cut the thick tension at the table just yet. Finally Trigon released a deep sigh of resignation.

"I realize I haven't been the best father and that is something that has deeply hurt me. I was so happy when you were born, Raven." He paused a moment to give me a weird look, one that almost revealed his admiration for me. The sentiment made me uncomfortable and luckily Trigon quickly plowed on again. "But I was in a bad place for a long time. I'm trying to do better now. I've been seeing this therapist. She's helped me to realize my actions and do better. I know I did a lot of terrible things, sweetheart, but I want to do better. And I don't expect you to forgive me tonight, or even this week. But maybe just give me a chance? I'm trying. I want to be the father you deserve."

"You're a little late for that." I huffed. "You know when I needed a father? Fifteen years ago when they were shipping me off to the monks because no one else knew how to control my demonic powers. Or how about when I was twelve and the monks kicked me out because I was 'too dangerous'. You know what I needed then? My father--the one person who understood all this half-demon shit you'd passed onto me. Oh and let's not forget seven months ago when you were holding me captive in your basement, letting your guards use me as some kind of toy. Where was my father then?" My voice was nearly hysterical by the end of my speech and my father gave me a defeated look, struggling for words, finally seeing the full damage of his actions. Finally realizing that it would take much more than fancy dinners and pretty words to earn my forgiveness, to gain anything from me other than contempt.

Trigon clamped his mouth shut for a moment, considering his next words carefully. "I'm sorry." He finally said, his voice soft. I chose not to respond and looked down at my half-empty martini glass. I was vaguely aware of my shaking shoulders and the beginning jitters in my leg from the anxiety my outburst had brought on. In attempt to calm myself, I tipped back the rest of my drink, ignoring the silence that had set in around the table.

"So..." Beast Boy sighed nervously after the silence had extended for a few too many minutes and was beginning to become stifling. "Who wants dessert? I'll go find Carl."

As Beast Boy left the table, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly but disobeying my pleading gaze to stay, that creepy grin sprawled across my father's face. He was quite delighted at having gotten me alone, if only for a few minutes. I cursed Beast Boy up and down for leaving me with him. Of course it's not entirely his fault. He probably thought I would be okay, I was handling it well so far. But suddenly being alone with him was the tipping point. I struggled to maintain my cool composure.

"You two do make a cute couple. When's the wedding, again?" Trigon drawled, almost tauntingly.

"I guess that depends on how you decide to 'help' us." I replied coldly.

"You say that as if I have some evil motive in this." He 'joked' wryly.

"How do I know that you don't?" I retorted.

"I've changed!" He defended himself weakly.

"You didn't order wine tonight, Azar, you're a completely different person." My sarcasm earned me an icy glare.

"It is more than just my drinking habits." He seethed. I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"How about we talk about something more important? Like the whereabouts of my mother?"

"I have already told you I had no part in her disappearance. I returned her to your soldiers, as promised. I assumed she was back with you." Trigon argued, sticking to his story from earlier.

"Well, clearly she wasn't. She disappeared, on your watch. That's on you." The anger in my accusation hit him and he reeled back in his chair, a curious look on his face.

"I returned her to you. I did as promised. I have no knowledge of what may have happened thereafter." There was a look in his eyes that I did not quite trust. He almost looked upset, but I could have been wrong.

"And of course you didn't care enough to find out." I accused him. It should not have mattered, the answer was obvious, but a part of me was still angry and upset that he truly did not care about me or my mother.

"Of course I did." His red eyes were ablaze with a new fire--a dangerous one, because it almost made me believe him. So I sealed up my heart.

"But playing house with me was more important." I retorted, my voice devoid of any sort of warmth as the horrid memories from that time flashed across my mind.

"It wasn't like that..." He tried to argue, eyes wide with a desperation I was unable to discern. But it fell upon deaf ears.

"I'm going to use the powder room." I announced, standing from my chair. Though my heart had quickened and my clenched palms were sweaty, I remained stoic as I left the table, ignoring the calls of my name to stay. Beast Boy was mere feet away from the table and his fingertips grazed my elbow as I quickly brushed past him, leaving both him and my father at the table alone, looking quite at a loss for words. Clearly this dinner was not going as expected.

Well, good.

●○•●•○•●•○●

A little late... okay a lotta late... Sorry for kind of disappearing for awhile. There were finals and then my work schedule got crazy and then of course I came down with a bad bout of writer's block.

And I'm also sorry that this update isn't as long as I would like it to be. But I felt guilty for not updating in forever. So here you go... I hope you enjoyed it and it wasn't completely boring.

Don't forget to VOTE and COMMENT!!

Much love,

Rain