Chapter 12: Memory Lane

10:23. Nope, 10:24.

It is 10:24 pm and I am beyond exhausted. But what am I doing? Laying in bed watching the numbers on my alarm clock slowly tick upwards. After leaving Beast Boy at his room, I went to mine and immediately changed for bed, after my daily regimen of Zentax, of course. But despite my efforts, I have spent the last two hours desperately trying in vain to fall asleep. I tried drinking tea- nothing. I put on a playlist of sad, slow indie heartbreak songs- still awake. I even tried one of those bineural beats sleep aiding YouTube videos. Yet here I am, still wide awake as ever.

At least my headache is gone. But the thoughts of Beast Boy and the contract were circling around my head. I had this strong urge to go back to him and make him quiet my mind, but knew that was a foolish idea. I couldn't let myself depend on his company so much.

But, honestly, I did need him a lot more than I wanted to admit. Being gone for so long, I had learned to cope. And besides, there hadn't been much to miss in the first place. But now that we've been together these past couple days and he's helped me through more than one meltdown, I've grown to appreciate his kindness, and his strength, and the calming effects of his touch. Or even his stupid, annoying laugh, and how it can always brighten my day. He was the remedy to a good night's rest.

Of course, there are other solutions. I could think about something boring, like sheep. Oh wait, I tried that like a week ago. The sheep were green. Stupid green, mutant sheep making me think of other green mutant things. Cute green mutant things with a deep sexy voice, amazing abs, sharp v-lines that cut down...

No! Bad thoughts, Raven. Very bad thoughts.

Love was giggling in a corner of my mind, fanning herself from the previously conceived idea. Happy was next to her, blushing, but quite thrilled by the thought all the same. God, my emotions were worse than horny teenagers when it came to a certain green changeling.

Clearly I needed something else to think about. I turned on a lamp and pulled out a list of the terms for Terra's contract release. Tomorrow's video conference meeting with my father is going to be hard enough, better to be well-prepared. I hadn't seen or talked to the guy since the negotiation for Slade's release. And even then I had refused to look at him, we did everything over the phone. All face-to-face contact was done through advisors. I was still deep in recovery, meeting with my therapist nearly every day, and was therefore prohibited from seeing him, as Dr. Carroll had feared it would have derailed the minimal progress I had made. But being "better", I had no valid excuse for doing things differently. So, tomorrow, I get to face my father, again.

I had some major preparing to do. Just the thought of him made my knees shake. I scanned the list of terms, committing them to memory until I could recite the entire document without looking. But I knew that this wouldn't be the biggest challenge. Oh no, seeing him is going to be the hardest part. How can I train myself to get used to seeing his face?

I got out of bed and padded over to the windowsill, where a collection of my favorite books and photo albums had been lined up from tallest to shortest. I grabbed the one I was looking for and headed back to my bed. The brown leather binding of the photo album was worn from over 15 years of fading and wear. The corners were a little bent and the binding was crooked, but they only reflected the love I had for this album. It contained pictures of me as a baby all the way up until I was five or six, which is when I was sent to live with the monks to learn how to control my powers. This album contained the few years of childhood I had had. And since I was too young to remember 99% of the things happening around me, I liked flipping back through this album and seeing all of the things I can't remember. It helps me find happiness in my life, knowing that there was once a time when things in my family weren't completely awful.

I opened the book to the very beginning. There were the typical baby pictures: me swaddled in my mother's arms some minutes after having been born. She was in her big bed, large rich blankets around her, and Trigon, looking much younger and thinner, was stood next to her, one hand on the headboard the other touching the end of my blankets where my tiny baby feet most likely were. The smallest of smiles was on his face as he gazed down at the creature that was half him. And my mother glowed with happiness. It was a sweet picture.

I flipped a couple pages further into the book. After all, baby pictures are really all the same. The golden shots are from when I was two or three and able to do a lot more things. There were candids of a little me, dressed up in big fluffy dresses with my raven hair tied up in pigtails with matching ribbons, running around the castle getting into all sorts of trouble: stealing from the cookie jar, riding one of the butlers like a horse, playing in a mud puddle in one of my new dresses, and then proceeding to run away from the disgruntled maid in charge of cleaning me up. So many good times were depicted here. My mother had hired a photographer to follow me around and capture these moments, and while at the time I had probably been annoyed by the constant attention, now I was grateful for it. Grateful to have something to show the good times.

There were pictures of me with my mother, and sometimes my father. They were reading me stories, attempting to get me to eat some kind of food, dancing with me at balls and parties, or joining me in one of my made-up games. Always happy, always there. How I wish things hadn't changed.

I stared at one picture of my father holding me in his arms, juggling the bulk of my dress and my collection of stuffed animals. I assume I'd fallen asleep there during one of the parties. A tiny silver tiara was on my head, kinda lopsided from hours of spastic dancing, indicating the event had been some important royal ball, and my feet were missing their shoes, they were also probably in the jumble of stuff in my father's hands.

He had been good at one time. It was hard to believe that face could change from adoration to hatred, even while looking at the exact same person. But I was good, and he was evil, and he couldn't quite stand that. I guess in a way I disappointed him, but he disappointed me too.

A knock on my door drew me away from my thoughts. Before I could say anything, the visitor was entering. "Hey, I see you're still up." He said strolling in without even bothering to ask if it was okay.

"Um, yeah," I said, trying not to get too annoyed by his antics. I mean, this is Beast Boy, I should be used to it by now.

"Anyway, Star's on the phone. She wants to talk to you." He explained, holding out his cell phone to me. He must have been reporting to Robin and also got bombed by Star, who I was supposed to call after my meeting with her lawyer.

"Oh, thanks," I said pushing the photo album aside and taking the phone from him. Beast Boy flopped down on the bed as I wandered over to one of the couches, a short ways away from him. Momentarily I worried about him flipping through the photo album and looking at all of my personal files, but knew the evidence was there and removing it would only draw more attention to it. Besides, they were just pictures. And Star was probably getting impatient on the other end of the line. "Hey Star, what's up?" I greeted the alien on the end.

"We have heard from friend Beast Boy about your plan to meet your father tomorrow." She exclaimed, cutting right to the topic of interest. Needless to say, Tamaranians don't quite understand the concept of small talk.

"Oh, yeah, I am," I told her simply.

"I just wanted to make sure you were the alright. Trigon is not very nice." I suppressed a chuckle.

"I'm fine, Star. A little nervous, but I think I can handle it. Besides, it's through video so he can't actually do anything to me. And I'll be surrounded by other people."

"That is good. And Beast Boy will be there for you too." She suggested. Of course he had to be slipped into our conversation.

"Yep, he's here too, I guess." I mumbled, praying that Beast Boy wasn't listening in on my conversation. But knowing him, he probably was.

"Robin and Cyborg were wondering how things are going with you two," Star pressed, passing the blame to our other friends. Of course I knew that she was just as curious.

"Nothing has happened, Star. You know that." I huffed. "It's been like 24 hours since we last talked."

"A lot can happen in a day," the alien teased.

"And yet nothing has," I sighed.

"Is Raven...disappointed by that?" I scoffed at the notion.

"No!" I immediately denied. "Besides, with that stupid contract I shouldn't even be joking about these kinds of things."

"Rynoc did not find a way out of it?" She asked, concerned.

"Nope," I pouted. "But I do have the liberty of choosing my own husband, so that's something I guess."

"Perhaps you could choose friend Beast Boy." Star giggled, but I knew that there was a small amount of seriousness in her suggestion, even if she couldn't get through two words without laughing.

"Star, don't be stupid." I said, chuckling lightly. "And anyway, the council can deny my engagement if they find my choice to be ill-fitting."

"So, who will you choose?" She asked.

"Not sure." I shrugged. "Ezra is making a list of potential suitors. I suppose I'll start there."

"Ooh! Can I come view the list with you?" She asked, excited by the idea of helping to pick out my future suitors.

"I suppose, but make sure it's cool with your boyfriend first. You can take the closet portal to save time on the trip."

"Joy! I will ask him tonight. When will you be going through the list?"

"Tomorrow evening sometime, probably. Come over for dinner, we can do it after. Ezra wants to invite the yes's to a ball so I can meet them in person before deciding on anything." I explained.

"Good idea. You would not want to marry a bumgorf in disguise." She said seriously.

"Um, yeah definitely not." I replied, though I had no idea what a 'bumgorf' is. I'm just going to assume it is something not good. "Well I should probably go. I've left Beast Boy unsupervised in my room and who knows what kinds of things he's getting into."

Starfire giggled. "Oh yes. Goodnight, dear Raven. You two have fun."

I shook my head. "Night, Star." I pressed the end call button and stood up from the couch to find Beast Boy still on my bed. He was lying on his stomach, feet crisscrossed in the air, with one elbow supporting his head as he looked down at something. That something turned out to be my photo album. I knew I shouldn't have left it there.

"You were a cute kid," he said, not even glancing up from the page he was on. He must have heard my footsteps with his animal senses.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so." I mumbled, sitting down on the bed next to him. I peered over his shoulder to see what page he was on. It was a collection of pictures from my third birthday party. I guess I was pretty cute in my big, fluffy dress and curled pigtails. Although, if you ask me, my amethyst eyes were always a little too big for my face.

"So, how'd your conversation with Star go?" Beast Boy asked, suddenly looking up from the pictures.

"Fine," I shrugged, holding out his phone for him to take back. He shoved it into the pocket of his sweatpants. I hadn't even noticed at first that he had changed. He looked a lot more relaxed in his plain navy blue t-shirt and grey sweatpants. Due to his position, the hem of his shirt had been pushed up slightly, revealing the very top of his blue checkered boxers sticking up above the waistband of his pants. I quickly looked away before my face could turn any redder. But seeing his laid-back perfection, suddenly made me feel self-conscious of my own pajamas. My black Soffe shorts suddenly seemed to fit too small, as if half my ass was exposed, and the random t-shirt I had thrown on, which was light blue with "I love pizza, and like 3 people" written on it in black lettering, suddenly seemed lame. And my hair was in a messy bun, which always makes the shape of my face look weird.

Beast Boy was turning the page of the book to see more pictures of my childhood. No doubt, he was very proud of having found this. I noticed his gaze had paused at a picture of me on Trigon's shoulders. Little me was smiling, fisting my fingers into my humanized father's deep brown hair so as not to fall, even though he had his hands securely gripped around my socked feet. "Is that really Him?" Beast Boy asked, surprised. 

"Yep. Daddy dearest in his prime, before he went all power crazy." I replied bitterly.

"You look happy," Beast Boy commented.

"I was," I replied softly. "He wasn't always bad, you know. Here, he was pretty good. But I guess people change."

"Yeah, I guess they do," he sighed sadly. Somewhere in his mind he was probably thinking about Terra and the ways that she has 'changed', or at least I was. I was also rerunning our conversation on the roof, almost 3 years ago now, when I was trying to convince Beast Boy of this same concept after Terra had seemingly forgotten who she was. He had been crushed after her rejection, and somehow I got to be the one to comfort him. But I guess it was fitting---he had been there for me after the whole Malchior fiasco.

Beast Boy moved his hand to turn the page, curious for more clues to my mysterious past. Especially since I had given him the false impression that I was willing to open up about this with him. Although, he does have a way of weakening my resolves.

As Beast Boy's eyes carefully examined the details of each and every picture, my own focused in on one in particular. And Beast Boy noticed as he, too, focused his gaze on the picture. It was of me and my mom. We were in the throne room. I was in her lap, while she sat in her throne. Somehow I had gotten a hold of a large sunflower, and was shoving it into my mother's face so that she could smell it. A large, proud grin was plastered on my face while my mother accepted her fate with a small, amused smile. It was a cute candid photo.

"So, that's your mom." Beast Boy acknowledged. It wasn't a question, he knew who the purple haired goddess was, so I just nodded in answer. "You look just like her," he continued, looking up at me. I could feel a blush starting to spread across my face, and quickly shook my head, knowing there was no way I looked as beautiful as my mother. But a stern look from Beast Boy forced me to stop.

"Okay, maybe a little," I finally admitted under his stare.

"A little?" He chuckled. "Rae, you're like an exact replica of your mom!" I shrugged my shoulders, not needing another reminder of what I already knew to be true. I couldn't count the number of times people have pointed out the resemblance between my mom and me. It was almost always brought up in conversation with anyone who knew my mom, or had at least seen a picture of her.

I guess Beast Boy could sense my discomfort, and annoyance, at this topic of conversation as he sobered up to ask his next question. "So, am I allowed to ask where she is---what's happened to her?"

"It's a free world, Beast Boy. You can ask whatever you want." I replied dryly. A nervous flush tinted his cheeks just slightly.

"I---I just meant that it seems sorta like a taboo topic around here. I mean, no one ever talks about her..."

"Because there's nothing to talk about." I cut him off, realizing too late how unnecessarily sharp my words were. I sighed, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you." His widened eyes softened into a small smile.

"No, I pushed. It's my fault." He rushed to defend himself, pushing himself into a sitting position.

"You're observant and far too curious for your own good. Meanwhile, I am far too sensitive for my own good."

"You're not too sensitive!" He frowned. I glared at the blatant lie. "Okay, so maybe a little sensitive." He corrected himself, uneasily. "But I'm also not the most considerate person."

"I still shouldn't have snapped like that," I frowned, truly feeling guilty. It isn't his fault I am a mess of uncontrollable emotions, and, if anything, he should get an award or something for being one of the very few people able to handle this train wreck. Seriously, this is dedication.

Beast Boy reached over and placed a hand on top of my knee, a smile on his face. This was his way of saying "it's okay" without actually saying the words, which would only provoke my denial. Looking down at the small gesture of affection, I suddenly felt the urge to lean in for more, to touch just a little bit more of his skin. And I did---I placed my own hand on top of his. It was small, but enough to provoke his interest as he looked down at our hands too. Very carefully, very deliberately, he turned his hand around to intertwine his fingers with mine. The acceptance sent a tremor through my stomach. And it frightened me how much I enjoyed that feeling.

I attempted to pull my hand back, only to have him grip it tighter. "I thought we were past this." He said quietly.

"I don't think we ever will be," I replied honestly, slipping my hand out of his. His frown deepened, but he tried not to show it too much. 

"How about we look at some more pictures." He suggested half-heartedly.

"I think we've walked Memory Lane enough for one night," I replied, grabbing the photo album and shutting it quickly.

"Aw come on!" Beast Boy whined as I got up to place the album back in the windowsill. "I like seeing pictures of little Raven." I rolled my eyes in reply, annoyed but glad he was starting to perk up a little.

"No, no more," I said sternly, crossing my arms to emphasize my defiance.

"Oh really?" He challenged, now getting up from the bed. I froze, trying to calculate what his next move was going to be.

"Beast Boy," I warned him, but he paid no mind as he bolted toward me, picked me up in his arms, and carried me back to the bed, where he promptly dropped me back down and got on top of me so that his knees were on either side of my thighs and his hands were holding my wrists to the bed just above my head. A mischievously playful grin was on his face. But the motion of bring thrown and the position I was held in brought back nightmares from a darker time---flashes of sinister smiles and empty black eyes. I could feel myself unravelling and tried to run through the steps my therapist recommended. Breathing was getting harder, so I skipped to another step: Grounding. I focused on the ceiling above me and the painted walls of my bedroom, the safety of the castle, Beast Boy and his bright green eyes.

"Rae? You okay?" my green savior asked, concerned. My brain was fuzzy as I tried to come back to reality and block out the terrible memories that still tried to creep back in. I managed a weak nod, knowing that a reply was needed. 

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" The green man asked again, now letting my wrists go, thinking that might have been the source of my discomfort. I forced myself to shake my head. Just focus on the green man's eyes. I told myself. But the pounding in my head was starting to come back as the meds had worn off and the dark memories were pressing back in. "Rae?" The distant voice called me back.

"I'm fine..." I hissed through gritted teeth. "I just... I just need some water."

Beast Boy wasted no time in grabbing a glass of water from the bathroom, and returned to the bed with it in hand. Being the good guy that he is, he handed me the cup and watched closely as I swallowed a few large gulps, attempting to calm myself down. He waited patiently, making sure I didn't spill or choke. And all the while, the concerned wrinkles never left his forehead.

"Thank you," I said quietly, once I was calm and starting to feel much better.

"Are you okay?" He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed beside me.

"Yeah," I shrugged, not really wanting to say more. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry about? I'm sorry I scared you." I finally noticed that one of his hands was stroking my back comfortingly and realized he blamed himself for my outburst. Which, it sort of was, but not entirely. Triggers never really make sense.

"It's not your fault. Really, it happens all the time." I attempted to reassure him. It didn't work.

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" He asked dubiously. "In case you need the reminder, I'm here to see that you're safe, that you're okay. And whatever that was that just happened... that wasn't what I'd call 'okay'."

"I know, but I'm fine." I tried again to convince him. "It just happens sometimes... like when I remember something. It's usually not that bad..."

"Bad memories?" I nodded. "Okay, can you tell me what the hell is so horrible that it makes you have an exorcism when thinking about it?"

"Just---bad things." I snapped, growing annoyed again.

"Your father bad?" He fished. I shrugged a shoulder, but the look on my face gave him the confirmation he was looking for. "What usually brings on these memories?" He asked, hungry for more information.

"I don't know. It's different every time." I explained. "Sometimes it's a word or a phrase, other times it's where I am- or what I'm doing..."

"Or the position you're forced into?" He finished for me. I averted my eyes to the floor, not wanting to blame him in any way. But he didn't need my blame as he cursed under his breath. "Shit, it was my fault."

"You couldn't have known," I said, hoping to convince him.

"But I should've guessed... Oh, god. Did He do this to you? When you were there, did He do this to you?" The distress, and disgust, was clearly seen on his face as he tried not to picture the vulgar scenes that had no doubt came to his mind with the implication.

"No, my father isn't good, but he'd never do something like this."

"But other people, other men...?" I hung my head in shame, unable to admit the truth out loud. "Shit, Raven. I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"I know." I said quietly.

"But, I should've. It all makes sense now. God, I'm so sorry." He embraced me in a hug and held me close. It was a little awkward, but I didn't pull away. It also felt kind of good, to still be accepted by him despite this new revelation.

He held me in silence for a few long moments before finally letting me go again. As he did so, he looked at me seriously. "I want you to promise me something," he said, all jokes pushed aside. I gave him a confused expression as he continued. "Promise me that, no matter what, if I ever do something you don't like or that reminds you of---bad things---you'll tell me. You'll straight up tell me to stop."

"Beast Boy," I shook my head. He cut me off with a sharp look.

"No. I don't ever want to be the one hurting you. And if I ever do something like this again, I want you to tell me, so I can stop. So, promise me. Promise me you'll tell me."

"Okay, I promise." I nodded my head. His expression immediately relaxed. "But I still don't blame you." His playful scowl returned and I decided it was time for a change of topic. "Look, let's just forget about my dad and all of the fucked up things that have happened. Besides, that's all in the past, nothing can be done to change what's happened."

"Well you never did finish explaining what happened to your mom..." Beast Boy suggested coyly.

"Well, I kinda did." I replied calmly.

"No, you said 'there's nothing to talk about'" he said, trying (and failing) to mimic my voice.

"First of all, I don't talk like that." I glared at him. "And second, I was telling the truth. There really is nothing to talk about when it comes to my mom. Nobody knows anything about her disappearance. She was supposed to return to the castle, but she never made it here. She just... vanished." My voice was growing softer and the words were harder to choke out as I continued, but I knew this conversation had to be dealt with eventually. One can only spend so much time in Azarath before noticing things like mysteriously missing Queens.

"How long ago?" Beast Boy plucked up the courage to ask. He knew this was a sensitive topic, but his curiosity was far too strong to let him leave it be.

"A little over two years now," I replied.

"So, that's why you left. That's what you had to take care of." I nodded solemnly.

"Trigon managed to kidnap my mother while she was traveling back from one of the villages. He'd surprised her guards and they weren't able to protect her. He brought her back to his new castle and contacted me about the ransom. Basically, he wanted me for her. I was supposed to hand myself over to him, and then my mother would go free.

"At the time of the trade, I had a fleet of soldiers follow me to storm the castle after Trigon had released my mother. But things didn't pan out that way. As soon as I entered the castle---alone, at his request---one of his guard people slapped some kind of metal bracelet on both of my wrists. The alloy in the bracelet diluted my powers---I was defenseless. He then threw me into my prison cell---The Cage. It was this square, glass cage in the middle of his dungeon---right where he can see me. It was awful, but the worst part, was that I never even got to see my mother. Not even after Slade helped me and all of the other prisoners escape. Wherever she was, she wasn't there.

"We've sent out hundreds of search parties to scour the kingdom, leave no stone unturned. But still we've found nothing. Not a single trace of her. She's just... gone." I finished my story, without a single tear. I was more angry about the whole situation than sad. It wasn't fair. Trigon got to use me as his plaything for 18 months. The least he could have done is let my mother go free like he had promised. Now, I may never know what has become of her.

A pair of muscular, green arms wrapped themselves around me. I think Beast Boy was half expecting me to break down again. But I'd made a mental promise to myself to not do that---not tonight. I was far too exhausted to cry in front of him again. But I do like the feel of his hugs... and the sound of his deep, husky voice as he says "I'm sorry," even though none of this is his fault. If only life wasn't so complicated and I could just put his name on the marriage ballot. But the elder court members would have a fit---a mutant human as king? You've got to be insane.

"They were never able to find my parents' boat," Beast Boy suddenly said. I pulled away slightly to look at his face. He noticed my confusion and continued to explain himself. "I just mean, that I know how it feels---to go on without closure."

"I guess we have a lot more in common than I thought." I said softly, the tiniest of smiles starting to form.

"Tell me something happy---about your mom. A happy memory or something." I looked at him like he was crazy, but seeing the determined expression on his face, so sure of his 'genius' idea, I decided to play along. I paused to think a moment.

"She had a theory: Tea is always the answer. No matter what was going on---good or bad---tea was always the remedy. She'd make it for me all the time---when I was sad or hurt, when I was happy or celebrating some accomplishment. Or even just to give us something to talk over. She took hers plain, but she'd always put a few drops of lemon and honey in mine---hugs and kisses she's call them. I think that's why I drink so much tea." The smile on my face had grown from the happy memory, and there was one on Beast Boy's as well. And I couldn't help but notice the twinkle in his eye as he watched me speak. He was still watching me, even though I was silent. And the smile never faltered. "Why do you care about this stuff so much?" I finally asked, honestly curious as to why he was so curious about me.

"Because I care about you. And I really like seeing you smile." He said simply, as if the answer was that obvious. "I figured, my jokes don't really work on you, so maybe a happy memory would do the trick. Pretty smart, right?" I rolled my eyes at his last comment, even though a small part of me was agreeing.

"Well, now you have to share a happy memory with me." I bargained, making up my own rule. But Beast Boy just shrugged his shoulders, completely indifferent to this suggestion. I guess he had been thinking of a similar bargain.

"When I'm sad---especially during the last two years---I always like to think back to the night we sat on the rocks looking at the moon and stars together, after the whole Beast incident."

"I remember that night. Gosh, that was so long ago." I said. "Why is that your go-to memory? We hardly even spoke."

"It's not the words that we said, it's just the feeling in the air of that moment. And the look on your face," his cheeks were turning pink as he attempted to explain himself. "I think that was the night I realized..."

"Realized... what?" I pressed. I could guess what was in the blank, but I needed to hear him say it. It's been said before, but every time feels like the first. Every time the subject is approached one of us has to go and shut it down. But tonight, I didn't want to pull away. And I hope he doesn't either.

"How beautiful you are." he finally answered. 

Okay, not what I had been expecting... but still sweet. Why did he avoid those other words? I know they were there---right on the tip of his tongue. Why didn't he say them? Was he afraid I wouldn't like it?

"Oh," I whispered, my cheeks beginning to flush. "Well, the moonlight plays some funny tricks..."

"Just once can you accept the compliment?" He shook his head.

"I'm a girl, accepting compliments isn't part of my genetic make up." I teased.

"So I've noticed," he laughed. Then leaning closer and throwing an arm around my shoulder, he whispered, "But I really did mean it. Still do." My blush reddened from both his words and his proximity.

"Now you're being cheesy," I managed to say, though unable to look at him. He chuckled and squeezed me closer.

"Yeah, but you like it!" He declared happily. I rolled my eyes and tried to squirm out of his hold, to no avail. This only made him laugh more as he realized my predicament. "Since I've got you here, maybe we can finally talk about your meeting earlier today." He suggested.

"Or maybe I'll bite you," I warned bitterly.

"I've got tough skin," He quipped, knowing I wouldn't actually bite him... I'm not that vicious. "Besides this needs to be discussed. Why not now?"

"I'm tired," I said, the best excuse I could think of.

"You're always tired," he argued. Having no good response to this, I once again attempted to wrestle my way out of his hold. His grip only tightened, however, as he held me tight against his chest. "Rae, you're getting married, I think I deserve some kind of explanation."

"I'm considering getting married. I haven't decided on anything yet." I argued.

"Same thing," he grumbled. "What is this stupid contract even for?"

I sighed deeply before finally replying. "Taking the throne for my missing mother---permanently. They're giving up on the search and passing off the crown."

"They're just assuming that she's..."

"Dead? Pretty much." I finished for him, seeing his unease with the word.

"Damn," he cursed under his breath. "I'm sorry, Rae."

"It's certainly not the best situation," I shrugged, refusing to get emotional over this. "But when I'm queen, I can resume the search. I just have to jump a few hoops to get there first."

"I wouldn't consider marriage to be just any 'hoop'" he argued flatly.

"So maybe that one is on fire and suspended over a tank of piranhas," I huffed, taking a crack at his sense of humor to lighten the mood a little. Which worked, judging by his amused smirk. "But my hands are kind of tied right now. I have no choice."

"There must be something you can do. You're the queen!"

"Temporary queen," I corrected him. "I sit in a throne and regurgitate the council's words. I'm a figurehead---I have no real power against them---at least not until I become the real queen."

"Why the contract, though? You're already the Princess, the real queen's daughter---shouldn't that count for something?" He tried to reason, pointing out any flaw he could find.

"Not unless my mother passes off the crown herself. But, of course, she's not here to do that." I explained. "So the contract is devised to ensure a quality ruler is crowned."

"What does marriage have to do with ruling a kingdom?" He asked, almost angrily. Clearly the idea of my marriage was upsetting him greatly.

"You've got me there," I sighed. "It's probably some rule from an older era. A contract hasn't been needed for centuries. If I were to guess, though, having a male counterpart by a queen's side could possibly offer some stability, maybe even insight, into the rulership. Or it could be to encourage a strategic alliance between kingdoms, promoting growth. In ancient times these would have been more necessary, but today we really don't have much need for it. The members probably didn't change the contract from its original form, though, so the old stipulations still stand."

"If it's not needed, why enforce it?" He asked the million dollar question.

"Because Fowler is an ass who doesn't want me to take power." I grumbled.

"Fowler...?" He mumbled to himself. "The old guy who gave you the contract?"

"That's the one. He couldn't stand my mom and he doesn't much care for me either."

"Hmm, I thought there was something off about him," he acknowledged.

"Any other questions, or can we go to bed now?" Having sensed my impatience, Beast Boy sighed before nodding his head in agreement.

"I think it's enough---for tonight." He responded.

"Good because I'm exhausted!" I exclaimed breaking away from his hold and making my way over to my vanity. Beast Boy sprawled himself over my bed as he watched me get ready for bed- cleansing my face with a relaxing makeup-removing face wipe, applying lotion, redoing my ponytail, etc.. It was several minutes before he spoke again.

"So, should I go back to my room and wait for you to come to me in a few hours after a nightmare, or just stay here?" There was a confident smirk on his face, as if he already knew the answer and was just waiting for my response. Finished with my routine, I turned back to the bed.

"Who says I'm going to have another nightmare?" I challenged him.

"No one," he shrugged. "It just seems like a habit, judging by the last couple of nights." I rolled my eyes, even though I knew he was right. Without him, I was bound to have another nightmare. And probably end up in his bed, because let's face it, that's a weakness of mine.

"So, my bed or yours?" He prompted again, pushing through my thoughts.

"Right side's mine," I sighed. The smile on his face grew wider as he slid over to make room for me.

A few minutes later, after shutting off lights and adjusting curtains, I joined him, feeling just a little bit guilty about our actions. Sure, sleeping next to your guy friend isn't all that bad. There are much worse things that we could be doing, but I still felt as though this wasn't completely okay either. Maybe because in a few weeks I was supposed to be marrying someone---someone other than the person lying next to me. And while I wasn't exactly innocent, or pure, a part did feel as though this was wrong.

But why should it? We were just friends. Two friends, who happen to be of opposite genders, sharing a bed and finding comfort within each other's arms. Was that so bad? It's not as though I think of him as something more.

But as Beast Boy wrapped his strong, green limbs around me and pulled me close, nuzzling his head into my neck and shoulder, I heard a small voice in the back of my mind say, "Liar". And I knew they were right. Friends don't usually give you butterflies when they hug you, and Beast Boy was giving me a whole swarm of them right now. But despite the nervous flutter, I was also happy. Happy that he was here, just where I need him.

Just another reason for why I hate this whole contract business, and Mr. Fowler.

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UPDATE!!! Didn't cover quite as much as I had thought, but still a pretty meaty chapter full of cute BBRae moments. Hope you guys liked it!

VOTES are great, COMMENTS are better!
Don't be afraid to leave some!! I love hearing from you guys!!

Next chapter, Raven will confront her father about Terra, so be prepared for some drama and excitement there! And maybe the suitor selection will take place too, if I can fit it, otherwise that will be in the one after. Overall a lot of great stuff is coming up, so STAY TUNED!!!

Oh, and if you guys have an idea or a prediction for what will happen or what you want to happen, lemme know! Don't be silent now!!

Thanks for all of the love and support! You guys are the best!!

-Rain