"Oct 2x, xx

So our marriage was decided like that, purely a transaction between my family and his. I would never know what it is like to go on dates, what it is like to have a man kneel down on one knee and propose his love to me, what it is like to walk out of the changing room in my wedding gown and have my fiance amazed by how beautiful I look. None of that I would experience in this life time, but it is the choice I made, the foolish choice to be able to help him and be close to him. That is the sacrifice I am willing to make.

All the details of our wedding are being arranged by the hotel wedding planner. Yoongi made it clear that he would not get involved in the whole process. I would not want to go through the heartache of planning it without him. I always wanted an intimate wedding in a remoted chateau with only our close friends and families. I wanted to share every minute of that happy days with people I love, instead of spending the time for business networking. However, it seems like our wedding will be a business event one. It is ok, as long as I could be next to him, i'm willing to accept that."

"Nov 1x, xx

We had our wedding photo shoot today. I started out the day feeling extremely anxious, because this was my chance to have pictures with Yoongi. The makeup artist took 1 hr to doll me up and complimented that I looked so beautiful and my groom's jaw will drop. To my disappointment, Yoongi did not even look up from his phone. He just coldly stood up and said "Let's hurry! I have an appointment in few hours." I felt as if someone took a dull knife and started trying to cut my heart in pieces. I used up all my strength to hold in the tears since I did not want to ruin the makeup. If Yoongi does not care for me, at least I would have the photos with him when I looked my best. Yes, I knew how pathetic I am.

We were so awkward and uncomfortable around each other, everyone noticed. The photographer was really frustrated with us. He could not capture the "passion" that he was looking for. How could there be any "passion" if the love is one-sided. After 2 hours of desperation for inspiration, the photographer gave up on us and wrapped things up. Yoongi said thanks to everyone then muttered "later!" to me then quickly took of, left me there in my wedding gown, alone, in the middle of the studio. I could feel the sympathetic look in everyone's eyes when they witnessed me getting abandoned. I kept my head up high then collapsed in tears once the doors of the dressing room closed behind me. I cried, I cried so much in silence. I did not want the whole crew out there to pity me. This is the choice i have made, and it is a heart-breaking one, but I will have to walk down this painful path, even walking alone, I still have to push on."

"Dec 1x, xx

Tonight is a beautiful night, really cold yet magnificent with the gorgeous moonlight. In less than 12 hours, I will marry the man of my dream, the only man I have ever loved. However, my mental state is shaken right now. The fear that I have been trying to bury past few months is slowly resurfacing and frightening me as the wedding draws near. I'm afraid I might not be strong enough to go through with this marriage, because I'm certained that the man I'm marrying does not love me, not even one bit. He undeniably must hate me, the one who pressured him into this reluctant marriage and made him give up on his woman.

Yes, I just found out few weeks ago that Yoongi was dating someone. I felt horrible with the news, partially because of the fact that there is actually a woman could capture his heart, and partially because I separated them by my selfish act. He has every right to hate me. Should I give up and call this off? I do not have enough courage to do so. I have to think about our families' reputation. Lord, please give me the courage to continue on my chosen path. Please forgive me for acted carelessly. Please give me strength to face the consequences of my action and help me to mitigate the aftermath."

"Dec 1x, xx

Wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest days in a girl's life, but not for me, a pathetic girl who chased after the unattainable love. Every step I took down the ailse was as heavy as steel. I looked up to see Yoongi standing there by the altar indifferent as if this was not his wedding. Undeniably it was my wedding only and he was forced to be there. The ceremony painfully completed with me immersed in heartache and remorse, and with Yoongi acted nonchalantly through the whole process.

He was as dashing as always and put on the cold expression that could freeze anything that crossed his path. When my dad placed my hand into his, I could feel the chill down my spine. He pressed his lips onto mine as soon as the priest announced "you may kiss the bride", i cried. Yes, I did. They were not tears of happiness like all the guests assumed, but those were bitter tears. I always dreamt that my first kiss with Yoongi would be a very beautiful and tender moment, yet it was a very heartbreaking one. I quietly followed him around to greet the guests. We put on the best fasçade throughout the evening.

Things got really awkward between us on our wedding night. I was alone in Yoongi's house, the place I have longed to once visit. Now I got here and I want to run away from it, from everything, from the mess I have created. I was really nervous about our first night together. He does not love me, how our wedding night would be, I was scared. As much as I have mentally prepared, I was not ready to spend the night with Yoongi, the only man I have ever loved and also is the man that detests me. Yoongi's voice distrupted my trend of thought, "I'm going to Jungkook." Before I could react, he grabbed the car key and quickly took off. It took me a while to recover from shock, my husband abandoned me on our wedding night. I, still in my wedding gown, collapsed on the floor, alone in this large, empty, and unfamiliar house as tears streaming down my face."