This Is What You Want

★ ★ ★

"Marlena, gah, thank god your powers are on a little...hiatus, I guess, otherwise you would've caught me there in the hall," Tony started with a nervous chuckle. "Anyway, this is the third video I've made today and I'm pretty tired, so I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

"I just have to start off by saying the last ten years with you in my life have been more important to me than you know. You were this sweet, annoying little teenager that didn't take my shit half the time and I've always secretly admired that about you. We've definitely had our fair share of differences, some often worse than others, but I like to think that's just our relationship. I've watched you grow into this strong and determined young woman who's only weakness is now the fear of losing the people you love. Hell, you've even turned that into a strength. The way you've fought for your family—the way you've fought for the Avengers—there's a lot to be said about someone like you, Marlena Claire."

"There's a lot to be said about someone like you, too, Tony Stark," Marlena spoke quietly as the warm tears flowed down her face.

"Maybe I'm getting too sentimental, but who cares? You only live once, right?" Tony exhaled quietly and looked at the camera. "That's kinda the reason I'm recording this? Maybe I get out of this alive or maybe I don't. Yeah, staying alive would be awesome, but I've had to come to terms with the fact this could very well be the endgame for me, and I don't wanna take a chance in not letting the people I care most about know exactly how I feel about them. You're just one of few, and I'd like to think that means something to you."

"It means so much more to me than you'll ever know." Marlena knew Tony couldn't hear her—he was gone—but sitting there interacting with the strange, holographic version of him made her feel almost as if he was standing right there with her. She only wished he was truly there for her.

"I gotta say I'm incredibly proud of you, Marlena." There was a certain light in his brown eyes that let Marlena know he was being nothing but sincere. "You've become everything I thought you'd be."

"Yeah, well you had quite a hand in that as well," Marlena chuckled quietly, and it was nothing more than the truth. Bucky Barnes had always been responsible for helping Marlena discover who she truly was. Steve Rogers was responsible for helping Marlena make sure she didn't forget who she was. Tony Stark, however, was responsible for helping Marlena accept who she was. A catastrophe, yes, but a beautiful one.

"That's the reason I know it'll be okay for me to drop a few truth bombs on you." Tony sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Now, don't be angry with me, but this is something I kept from you to protect you; all I've done for years is try to protect you."

Tony shook his head and laughed quietly to himself. "I'm getting sentimental again, wow, okay, back to the matter at hand. Are you sitting down? I need you to sit down for this. Wouldn't want you to go into spontaneous labor."

Marlena could only laugh from her spot on the couch. She more or less knew what he was about to say, but she wouldn't cut him off. The sound of his voice was something so comforting to her, despite how much it had a hand in annoying her over the years.

"So, you have a sister," Tony admitted with a heavy breath. "A twin sister, actually. I wanted to tell you as soon as I found out, but then her intentions became crystal clear to me, and I just couldn't let anything happen to you or Barnes or those little rascals of yours. It wasn't my place to keep it from you, and I really am sorry, but I have a tendency to do whatever I have to do to protect the people I love, even if what I'm doing isn't the best thing in the world for those involved. You were finally happy with your family, and I didn't want to risk anything ruining that.

"I promise I'll tell you everything you need to know when we make it through this, but if not...well, you're here listening to me now," Tony continued. "If she ever finds you, or if you ever find her, just know you, Maximoff, and Barnes aren't the only ones Hydra had a hand in trying to destroy, Marlena. I wish I could've found a way to help her for you, but I know you'll do the right thing if it comes down to it."

Marlena placed her glasses on the table and wiped her face as she listened to his words. She was happy to know Bruce's words regarding her situation with Alena were true. She was making Tony proud, and in doing so she was helping release a lost member of her family from the shackles of Hydra.

"I gotta get back to work on the gauntlet now, I guess," Tony said with a quiet chuckle. "I do need a favor from you, however—please for the love of God take care of Peter, and maybe after the little nugget's born you can help Steve take care of the team. You are an Avenger, kid, and you always have been. Tell those soldiers of yours I'm gonna miss them, okay? And as for you—I hope you have a long and happy life, Marlena Claire. Don't waste it, kid."

With one last billion dollar smile, Tony's image disappeared, leaving Marlena crying quietly on the couch. His words meant so much to her. Marlena's relationship with Tony wasn't always the best. The two fought and were often times unable to see eye-to-eye, but through everything the two cared deeply for one another, and the bond they shared was one Marlena wouldn't forget. Tony Stark was and always would be such a marvelous soul to Marlena Claire, and she planned to continue her best at making him proud.

Marlena wiped her face once more and stood up, not even bothering to worry about the sound of the apartment door opening. She could hear multiple sets of footsteps, and she turned to see Steve coming into the apartment with Bucky, Sam, and the twins.

"I'm back, Mom!" Charlie exclaimed as she ran over to Marlena. She hugged her mother's legs tightly. "You don't have to be sad anymore."

"Yeah, why do you look terrible?"

Marlena rolled her tear-filled eyes at Sam and hugged Charlie tightly. "Shut up," she remarked.

"Are you okay, Mom?" Charlie asked Marlena.

"I'm okay," Marlena assured her. It was the truth for the most part. Watching and listening to Tony only made her emotional. In fact, she felt quite good. She'd found a bit of closure, though she knew the process to absolute recovery was still a long one, just as it was with Natasha. "I didn't think you guys would be back so soon." Marlena glanced between Sam and Bucky. "And I didn't know we'd be having company."

"Do you not want us here, Marlena?"

"Can I not make a statement, Bucky?"

"Can both of you shut up?" Sam chimed in quickly. He didn't feel like listening to the two of them banter. Things were already awkward among the group and he couldn't stand it. Steve, Marlena, and Bucky were Sam's best friends; he couldn't stand knowing that even while they were all together, they were all so far apart. "I came here because I need the company, so please don't ruin the atmosphere for me."

"Yikes," Jay muttered. He quickly grabbed Marlena's phone off the coffee table and took off down the hall to his shared room with Charlie. It didn't take too much longer for Charlie to join him, which left the four adults standing alone in the leaving room.

"Even your own kids don't wanna be around you," Sam remarked, though Marlena knew enough to know he was joking.

"Shut up, Sam." Marlena sat back down on the sofa and looked up at the three men. Just seeing the three of them together was something so special to her. The soldiers, her soldiers, as Tony had said. They were three of the most selflessly devoted men Marlena believed she'd ever been given the privilege to know.

"Are you gonna tell us why you were crying or are we supposed to act like it didn't happen at all?" Bucky asked Marlena. He walked over to sit on the loveseat with Steve, while Sam sat down beside Marlena on the sofa.

"Why do you worry so much about me?" Marlena grabbed her glasses from the coffee table and put them on. Her eyes were finally beginning to feel normal again, so she figured she could stand the added annoyance of her glasses.

"You're really small."

"And you're still a bit on the clumsy side."

"You're also pregnant."

"And sometimes when you're upset, things don't exactly turn out the best for objects and others around you," Steve finished off the list for the men.

"Yeah, remember when Tony had to have new windows installed inside the tower after the Halloween incident?" Bucky followed with a quiet chuckle.

"You just have a lot of worrisome qualities, you little weirdo," Sam finally finished for the three of them. "But the three of us still respect you as one of the strongest and finest heroes this universe has ever seen."

"He's not wrong."

"You're pretty cool, I guess."

Marlena shook her head quickly. "If you keep saying nice things to me I'm gonna start crying again."

"Why don't you tell us why you were crying to begin with, genius?" Sam suggested.

"Um, Tony left me something to watch and, well, I watched it, so that's why I was crying when you guys came in."

"What'd he say?" Bucky asked; he was genuinely curious.

"I'd kinda like to keep that to myself, but he did tell me to tell 'those soldiers of mine' that he was gonna miss them," Marlena answered with a soft smile on her face.

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss him, too." Steve stood up from the couch before disappearing into the kitchen, leaving Sam and Bucky to watch after him curiously. He'd been acting strange since he showed up at Sam's apartment, and neither of them were too sure why.

"He's been acting weird all morning," Bucky told Marlena. "What's wrong with him?"

Marlena glanced down at the folder still laying on the coffee table and let out a sigh. It wasn't a surprise to Marlena that Steve was still trying to figure out what to do about the information Pepper sprung on him. "Pepper stopped by this morning and gave him a bit of information I don't think he was really expecting, and now he has a decision to make, so he's trying to figure out what to do."

"What kind of decision?"

"A $50 million decision," Steve's voice sounded. He was walking back into the living room with a bottle of water in his hand. He sat back down beside Bucky and met Sam's eyes. "That's what kind of decision."

"Wait, what?"

"Just Tony being Tony is all," Steve muttered.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not exactly, and that's why it's driving me insane."

"You'll figure it out," Marlena assured him, a smile on her face. "You always do."

Bucky cleared his throat and leaned forward in his seat, his eyes on Marlena. "Is there a day this week we can take the twins shopping?"

"Shopping, right," Sam snickered. "He just wants that haircut you and Steve promised him."

"I mean, sure, but why are you so intent on getting your hair cut?" Marlena asked Bucky.

"Just wanna cut off the weight of the last decade of my life..." The thought crossed Bucky's mind much too quickly for Marlena to ignore it, and while she wanted nothing more than to say something to him about it—about the countless thoughts she'd accidentally been subject to over the last couple of weeks—she simply bit her lip and waited for the words to come out of his mouth. Only they never did.

"I already told you I just want something different." Bucky ran a hand through his already tousled brown locks and shrugged his shoulders. "It's too much maintenance."

"I'm sure it is, Buck," Marlena replied halfheartedly. She'd figure out a way to deal with the situation later. "How was Charlie yesterday?"

"She was really good, I was really happy to have her there," Bucky answered with a smile on his face. He truly enjoyed spending time with Charlie, just as he enjoyed spending time with both of his kids. He hated that he'd spent the last five years away from them.

"The kid sure can eat, though," Sam scoffed. "She ate seven pancakes this morning."

"Sounds familiar," Steve teased Marlena, and she rolled her eyes playfully.

"How about we not poke fun at Marlena's dietary habits anymore?" Marlena suggested as she stood up from her spot on the couch. The conversation was pretty ironic, considering Marlena had plans to run to the kitchen to find something to snack on to help eliminate her nausea. "I'm eating for two now and I would very much like to eat in peace."

"Is that where you're going now?" Sam chuckled and gestured over to the kitchen. "You're going to eat?"

"Possibly..." Marlena shrugged and continued slowly backing towards the kitchen. "Desperate times call for desperate measures, Sam."

"And what exactly are you so desperate for, Marlena?"

"Food and a much needed escape from the testosterone," she answered Sam with a cheeky grin on her face.

"Are we really that bad?" Steve asked as he took a drink of his water.

"No, but when majority of your closest friends and family are men, life can actually get really irritating," Marlena answered him. "I love you guys, don't get me wrong, but you're incredibly annoying sometimes."

"And women aren't?" Sam exclaimed before Bucky or Steve could even think of responding. "You're moody as hell, you cry all the time, sometimes over nothing, and you eat everything."

"Just to be clear, we are talking about women in general, right? Not just me?"

"If the shoe fits, Marlena..."

"That's rude."

"What's rude, Momma?" Charlie ran back into the living room and hurried over to Steve and Bucky on the loveseat, wasting no time at all in climbing onto the small sofa. She wedged herself in between the two men, but neither of them minded.

"Sam's just being mean about girls," Marlena said to her.

"Girls are better, Uncle Sam!"

Marlena laughed at the sound of Charlie's words and began backing towards the kitchen again. "Uncle Sam, how patriotic, now you really are Cap's sidekick."

"Oh, yikes," Bucky chuckled.

Sam glared at Bucky, but his attention didn't last too long at all. He turned back to look at Marlena, who was very amused with herself. The two of them always had a knack for getting under each other's skin. Marlena was one of the most annoying people Sam had ever met, but he wouldn't trade her for anything. "Why don't you go into the kitchen and stick something in your mouth besides your foot?"

"You don't have to tell me twice," Marlena replied before taking off into the kitchen.

Sam looked at Steve and Bucky, who were both more or less amused by the interaction between the two.

"How the hell do you two deal with her?"

"Very carefully," Steve and Bucky responded simultaneously.

Bucky got off the couch and started towards the kitchen, only turning back for the briefest of moments. He wanted food, but he also wanted to talk to Marlena alone. "Do any of you want food?"

"I'm okay, Daddy."

"Bring me a yogurt," Sam said to Bucky.

"We don't have yogurt," Steve told him.

"Who doesn't have yogurt?"

Bucky only rolled his eyes and continued into the kitchen, where Marlena was sitting on the counter fiddling with a pack of saltine crackers. He assumed she was feeling a bit nauseous.

"You look comfortable."

Marlena looked over at the sound of Bucky's voice but quickly turned her attention back to her snack food when she realized he was alone. "I'm very comfortable," she said to him as she placed a cracker into her mouth.

Bucky was thrown off by her tone of voice; moments ago she'd been in the best mood, but now it didn't seem that way. He wondered if it was simply because of her pregnancy or because of him. Either way, he knew he was about to find out.

"You okay?" Bucky asked her. He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a water bottle before turning back to Marlena. He figured he'd browse for food in a few minutes.

"Yeah," Marlena answered slowly. She wasn't necessarily lying, but there was a lot on her mind regarding Tony, Charlie, and her current emotions toward Bucky. It was one of the reasons she'd taken off for the kitchen in the first place. She wanted a quiet place to think for a few moments without everyone asking her what was wrong, but that obviously hadn't worked out in her favor. "I'm just thinking about what I'm supposed to do to help Charlie." She chuckled dryly and met Bucky's curious blue eyes. "Just thinking about how to cut off the weight of the last decade of my life."

Marlena's words sparked a certain familiarity inside Bucky, and when he realized where she'd pulled them from, he cursed under his breath. "Marlena, I—"

"You were the love of my life, y'know?" Marlena cut him off and turned her attention back to her crackers. "Everything I ever wanted from life, I wanted it with you, and I got it with you, but then it was taken away. I loved you and I lost you, and yeah, I found a way to move on, but there was never a day over the last five years that I didn't think of you. Even after Steve, I thought of you every day, not so much in the way I used to, but I couldn't let you go."

"Why couldn't you?" Bucky asked, his voice strained. Every word coming out of her mouth was tearing him apart inside and stitching him back together again. It was agonizing, and he could feel it in the way his aching heart skipped a beat or the way his blue eyes burned beneath the thin layer of his forming tears.

"You taught me what love is, you helped me discover who I was, you changed my entire life. How could I ever let go of you?" Marlena sat her crackers down on the counter beside her and looked at Bucky with sad hazel eyes. "Our relationship was and still is everything to me. I don't wanna let you go, Buck, no matter the circumstances between us, but that's not what you want."

Bucky didn't know what to say to her. Marlena was usually cool about keeping her abilities to herself to protect the privacy of others, but even Bucky knew his thoughts and emotions had likely been taunting her since he'd found out about her and Steve. He wasn't too sure what exactly she'd managed to hear, but she'd heard enough to know what he now wanted from life.

"The weight of your love for me is suffocating you and you can't take it," Marlena continued quietly. "You're desperate to be free of the hold I seem to have on you. You're desperate to find a way to let me go, because loving me isn't worth the pain anymore."

Bucky only wiped the tears from his eyes. He had a strong feeling things weren't about to end well for the two of them as the words continued to spill from Marlena's mouth.

"If it wasn't for the twins, you'd be long gone, because the sight of me isn't worth the tears you've spent years trying to keep from crying."

Marlena was exposing each thought and every emotion of his she'd stumbled upon over the last couple of weeks. She never tried to listen to Bucky, but he felt his pain so intensely, and his thoughts tormented him so loudly it was impossible for Marlena not to hear them. It was the reason she'd spent the last couple of weeks convinced she'd destroyed him.

"What do you expect me to do, Mar?" Bucky replied quietly, his glistening blue eyes on Marlena.

"I expect you to have a wonderful life, Bucky Barnes," Marlena said, a small smile pulling at the edge of her lips. "I'm always gonna love you, no matter what happens, but I can't take feeling like you regret me, because I don't regret you."

"What does this mean for us then?"

"We have Charlie and Jay, and we're gonna be such awesome parents to the two of them, but I think that's all we can be right now," Marlena answered him quietly. She grabbed her crackers from the counter and started inching towards the exit, though her attention remained on Bucky. "I care so much about you and I want you to find a way to be happy again. I just think that needs to be done without me around."

Marlena had put into words everything Bucky couldn't, and he couldn't believe just how relieved he was to hear them. He loved her so much it physically hurt, and while he'd told himself all he needed to be whole were the twins, he still needed an extra nudge in the right direction. There was a part of him, however, that didn't want to push Marlena away simply for the sake of healing, but this time the pain was greater than what he wanted. He needed the separation. He needed a fresh start, a fresh heart, and he wasn't sure how long it would take to get it.

"Are you upset with me?" Bucky asked her.

Marlena shook her head and wiped away a few tears that managed to fall. The mere expression on his face confirmed everything she'd just said to be the truth, and she wasn't prepared for how terribly it hurt. "Of course not. I know this is what you want, Buck, and I'll always respect that."

Sam then walked into the kitchen, attracting the attention of the two standing by the fridge.

"Is everything okay in here?" Sam asked as he glanced between the two of them. He noticed their teary eyes and frowned, but Marlena spoke before he could question either of them about it.

Marlena wiped the remaining tears from her face and spared one final glance over at Bucky. "One day it will be."

Marlena didn't bother waiting on a response from either of them. She simply walked out of the kitchen, doing everything she could to assure herself her words were true.

Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top