February 1999

It was a week after Anthony's party and Enzo and I were back to our routine. Although I made sure I never cuddled with him, and I also made sure there was no kissing outside of sex. It was basically just Enzo taking advantage of every moment we had alone and me making sure we didn't get all relationshipy.

I was studying with Draco on a project for potions, and he looked up from his paper for the first time since we began.

"What's up?" I asked.

"You, I was going to ask you what's up."

"Oh, okay. What do you want to know?"

"I dont know what your feelings are but it's crystal clear you don't want to date Enzo. I'm just wondering, although it's none of my business I am simply concerned, about what you're doing."

"Ah, the cat has jumped out of the bag." I knew Draco had been wanting to tell me something. He does that thing where he looks at you like he's going to say something but then changes his mind and goes on with what he was previously doing.

"I agree, it is none of your business, but I know why you're asking. I'm just having fun. Am I not allowed to have a sexual situation with someone without feelings."

"But, he loves you."

"He used to, it's more of an infatuation now."

"That's not healthy."

"I know, but he helps."

"With?"

"I feel... clear after I do things with him. Like I'm being relieved of my pain."

"It's always there Davina, and you should want him, not find him a necessary aspect of your day to relieve you." I didn't have an answer, because I hadn't thought of it that way. I should want him. But the simple truth is that I don't. No matter of the chemistry and attraction or how good the sex is. He wasn't the one I wanted. So who?

"Davina?"

"Mhm."

"Have I enlightened you."

"Mhm." He chuckled.

"Here, get some sleep. Don't stress. You can deal with him tomorrow." He lifted me to position me on the bed and pull up the duvet.

"But how will I do it? I wanted to the other day but it turned into a non-fight situation."

"Gross. Do it where there's people, no, just do it in a public area. Like the common room, or the courtyard. That way there isn't a bed in sight."

"Fine." I groaned, " how do I get myself in these situations."

"Because you want to be loved. It's a problem that every single person in the world has."

"Why are you so wise?"

"I grew up with you." I smiled and he threw the books on the floor next to his bed and turned off the lamp. I curled up and closed my eyes, falling asleep quicker than I ever have before.

<><><><><><><>

After a nightmare-less sleep, I was up and in front of Enzo's door. He answered. Half naked.

"Morning Davina," he smiled. Hungry.

"Can I talk to you in the common room before classes?" His demeanour changed and he straightened. His jaw tensed and my mind went off topic but I gulped down mym impure thoughts and looked him in the eyes.

"Uh, yeah. You okay?"

"Mhm, yeah I'm fine. See you in 10?"

"Yeah."

"Make sure you have more clothes on." He smirked and I left him, heading down to the common room and bouncing my leg nervously. Waiting.

Several minutes passed and he hopped downstairs and joined me on the couch. I turned and faced him.

"Okay, I just wanted to talk to you about our situation." He nodded slowly. "I don't think it should go on anymore."

"What's changed?"

"Well, lately, I just, I'm worried that it's not no strings."

"It is," he protested.

"No, Enzo, it's not. I'm finally okay. I have moved on, but I've realised that you and I will never go any further and it just feels like there's no reason for us to be doing stuff anymore. You need to really get over me and it's not like the other times I've said this, I'm being serious. I love you so much, and we will always be friends, but our sexual relationship needs to come to a halt. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I've kind of felt the same way. But I've always wanted more Dav, you know that. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You helped me get through my pain. We were necessary but it's time to end it now."

"I just want you to be happy."

"Thank you Enzo." We smiled at each other and he stood up.

"Well, it was good month or so. I really enjoyed it." I laughed, surprised at how well he was taking. I'd guessed it was just for my benefit and he would down a bottle of fire-whiskey later. 

"I enjoyed it too," he smiled as if he was relieved from my answer.

I wrapped my arms around him, enjoying our famous hugs. We pulled away and he held me in front of him for a moment, and gazed over me.

"Well you want to head to breakfast?"

"Let's go."

<><><><><><><>

"We need to have fun, or just go out. I have to get out of this castle Draco."

"Let's go get butter beers from the three broomsticks."

"Oh, come on, we're adults now."

"Okay, let's go get actual beers at the three broomsticks." I laughed.

"Okay, let's go." I put on some shoes and we grabbed our coats and then left to go to Hogsmeade.

We stepped through the snow and walked in the three broomsticks, immediately greeted by Madame Rosmerta.

"Oh, my dearies, come in." We followed her as she sat us at a booth. "What would you like. The whole menu is at your disposal now. Merlin you both have grown so much."

"Um, we'll have fire whiskeys please."

"Ah, coming right up." In a minute or so we had our drinks. As we both took a sip he turned to me.

"Happy?" He asked.

"Somewhat. In a general sense, yes, but a certain someone is making it difficult. You've noticed right?"

"He is miserable."

"I don't know what to do. When I spoke to him a couple weeks ago, when we stopped.. you know, he was fine, but I guess it didn't really sink in for him yet, or he just didn't want to reveal his feelings in front of me so I wouldn't feel guilty."

"This is him finally getting over you."

"But I'm not even that great, why do people keep having to get over me."

"You are great." He responded instantly.

"I almost sunk into oblivion when Lupin assigned us as partners the other day." Draco laughed.

"Oh yeah. The look on your face was priceless."

"Oh shove off. It was torture," I said and he laughed again. We both took sips of our drinks and I exhaled, taking in the moment. "Only four months left."

"I know, how crazy?"

"Then we'll be out in the world. On our own. I can't imagine not living at Hogwarts. What will we do everyday?"

"Well, we'll have jobs."

"Ah yes, lovely. Either you work within the ministry, or you work outside the ministry. And if you're not famous or successful working outside the ministry then you're a nobody. Or you become a professor."

"I'm curious. What do you want to do?" He asked. 

"I don't know. We both have always said something to do with potions. But what?" I sat there thinking about something I feel like I should've been thinking about for years: what I am going to do for the rest of my life. "What about you?"

"I think I want to be a potioneer."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I love brewing potions. I want to discover more and supply them to Apothecary's."

"That's great. I never knew that's what you wanted to do. I on the other hand have no clue."

"Don't stress about it. You got outstanding in all your O.W.L.S's, you're doing N.E.W.T level in all your subjects and you'll get outstanding on those exams as well."

"At least you know, because I have no idea that any of that's happening."

"It will and you'll figure out what you want to do and you'll be happy."

"I guess so. I just wonder what I will end up doing. There are so many possibilities."

"You'll figure it out. Just focus on doing the best you can these last few months and you can worry about that stuff after."

"Yeah okay." I took another gulp, finishing the glass.

"And what you said before, about being out on our own. Just know you'll never be alone, I'll make sure of it." I smiled at him, resting my head on his shoulder and I laughed as Madame Rosmerta came and replaced my drink.

"Even when we finish at Hogwarts, we should still come here for drinks. To come see Madame Rosmerta."

"We'll make it a monthly thing."

<><><><><><><>

March 1999

"You have to come."

"I don't know. Me and party's don't end well."  Blaise was trying to protest for me to go to his party tonight in the common room. I would go but Enzo would be there and we're still a little weird.

"Please. You're important. Plus I haven't seen you in forever."

"We were hanging out just yesterday." After I started to get better mentally, I began spending time with the people I cared about and I realised how much I've missed in their lives. It made me feel guilty, like what I was doing right now. 

"That's true. Well, it feels like I haven't seen you in forever," he objected. 

"I'm sorry, but-"

"No buts," he interrupted. "You're coming and you're going to look hot. If Enzo is there all miserable then that's his problem. Don't be so selfless."

"Well that makes sense," I said sarcastically. "Fine."

<><><><><><><>

I wasn't interested in looking hot but I did try a little on my dress. It was a fitted, black, long-sleeved dress with a V-neck and I paired with some sneakers. 

I walked down to the common room and it was already crazy. Typical for Slytherin parties. People were making out, there was a full on dance-club happening in the middle, people were playing spin the bottle, people taking shots and even Blaise who was singing on a table. He saw me and pointed as I walked in, happy to see me.

"You look hot!" He shouted and multiple people looked my way as he hopped off the table and walked over to me. 

"Happy birthday, pretty boy." We'd found amusement in calling each other pet names. It was funny because we used to have a friends with benefits thing. I now came to the conclusion that I have had many friends with benefits. 

He ruffled my hair in thanks. "Oh shove off. Just tell me where the drinks are." He waved his pointer finger around and landed on a place in the room.

"Just over there, my sweets." I followed to where he was pointing and I gulped. 

"Well, it's safe to say he won't be miserable. See, you had nothing to worry about." Blaise danced away and I was stuck in place, staring at Enzo who was standing near the drinks table with a girls' tongue down his throat. I shouldn't be feeling how I'm feeling. I should be happy.