When I got home a little bit later, Brynn was lying on the couch in a sports bra and leggings. Relief washed over me when I realized her boy toy was gone. She had far too many clothes on for him to still be lurking around the apartment.

"How was your wedding planning?" She asked, sitting up and shoving a handful of corn chips in her mouth.

"It was... interesting. JD and Anna invited Aiden." I decided to rip the bandaid off to let her know I had seen him. I didn't want to keep secrets from her.

At the mention of Aiden's name, Brynn clamed up and her lip quivered a bit. I wasn't sure if she was totally over their breakup.  She never talked about him to me.  It wasn't like she was the only one who kept things in.  I could never talk to her about Ezra either. 

"It was the four of you?" She whimpered. "Like a double date?"

"Nothing like that, Brynn, please believe me. I didn't know he was coming." I was lying to her. I wanted him to kiss me when he was pressed against me. I felt like such a horrible person for having some weird feelings for him.

Aiden had been there for me a lot in the beginning after Ezra left. Our friendship meant the world to me. I cared for him, but I wasn't sure in exactly what way. Maybe I was just confused about Ezra showing back up and was looking for someone to be close to again. I needed to clear my head and forget about all of this. Brynn was not in a place to accept how I was feeling about Aiden right now. Telling her about how confused I was would have to wait.

"I guess it's cool." She said, rebounding. "I know he's friends with your brother. I knew he wouldn't magically disappear."

I didn't have the heart to tell her I didn't want him to go away.

"Hey, you want to go out tonight?" Brynn asked me, changing the subject away from Aiden.

I contemplated staying home in my baggy sweats and eating a whole large pizza tonight, but I didn't want to upset Brynn more than I already had.

"Where are we going?"

"There's a party a couple of blocks over." She said with a smile.

"I guess we can make an appearance." I gave her a fake smile back, a Brynn party, hooray for me.

Around 5:00 PM, Brynn and I started getting ready for our night out on the town. She put on a red leather skirt and a black tube top. She looked perfect and would probably be snatched up in seconds at the party. I wasn't excited about the fact that she wouldn't hesitate to leave me by myself in a room full of strangers.

I had to try to be positive. Who knows, maybe I would meet someone tonight to distract me from Ezra and Aiden. I needed to start trying to put myself out there again.  If I faked the happiness long enough, maybe it would find its way back into my life.

Was tonight the night to move forward and let go?

Not a chance. The thought of it sounded good in theory.

Brynn went through my closet and pulled out a black baby doll dress, stockings, and a matching garter and bra set. She shook them at me, smiling.

"Come on." I complained.

The matching set was a Brynn inspired purchase. She refused to let me leave the store without them when she saw me eyeing them. At the time, it was right after Ezra left and I was looking for anything I could find to make myself feel something again. They didn't make me feel anything when I tried them on for the first time. I seriously doubted it would make me feel anything now.

"Put it on!" She demanded.

I grumbled and called her all kinds of names under my breath as I started changing. I looked down, frowning while trying to buckle the garter to the stockings. I couldn't get the damn clasps to close right.

"That's it. I'm done. I'm taking this thing off and throwing it out." My face was red with frustration.

Brynn shook her head, annoyed at my lack of patience. She walked over to me and began trying to help me clasp them. My body would not stay still and I fidgeted around while she tried to get them connected.

"Damnit, stop moving." She scolded me. She growled when I moved again. "Riley, go lay down and stay still."

I laid on the bed and she bent over me and clasped them within seconds. She pulled me up and walked over to toss me the baby doll dress. I stepped into it and pulled it up over my shoulders.  Brynn walked behind me and gave me a hand with the zipper.

"Perfect." She said, smiling at my too revealing outfit.

The dress was short enough that you could see the bare skin above the stockings. I would have to be careful not to expose myself to the world tonight. If I were any taller, the dress would have been a belly shirt.

I looked into the mirror one last time before grabbing my things to leave the house. My blond and teal hair popped next to the all-black ensemble. I looked pretty good tonight, all things considering. Not Brynn level good, but it was good enough to look like I made an effort.

Brynn convinced me we should walk to the party since it was just a few blocks over. She figured we both could drink if we didn't have to drive.  I wasn't very interested in drinking tonight, but the guilt over what happened with Aiden made me give in and just go with it.

The street was dark and there was a slight chill to the air. At least there was no breeze to make this walk any more miserable.  The side of my heels were digging further into my toes with every step.  The blisters that were forming were already screaming at me to turn around and go back home.

Brynn kept rattling on about how much fun we were going to have tonight. When I asked her how she knew about the party, she told me she met some guy who came in while she was working. He had hit on her and invited her to come meet up with him tonight. I was not surprised by her answer at all. 

As we rounded the street corner, I could hear the music loudly billowing in our direction. The party was a few houses down and I could see a large group of people standing on the front porch. They did not look like the friendliest group of people; I hoped Brynn knew what she was getting us into.

"You ready, roomie?" She asked, pushing her shoulder into mine.

I shook my head no and she laughed at me.  Brynn stuck her arm in mine to drag me up to the porch. When we got to the stairs, I could feel all the eyes turn to us. They were probably checking Brynn out and I shouldn't have been the least bit nervous.

One of the guys raised his hand and smiled at me. I gave him a little sheepish smile back. At least someone here tonight might be nice.

The house was dark when we opened the door. It was a little unsettling without the lights. When my eyes finally adjusted, I could see people making out and grinding on each other all around us. I looked at Brynn disapprovingly. This was not what I expected to walk in to.

"Just go with it." She nudged me. "We'll grab a couple of drinks and if you still aren't into it, we can go home."

"Fine, two drinks."

I was totally out of my comfort zone here. It reminded me more of an orgy than a party. I guess I didn't have much to compare it to since most of my party history involved my brother and his friends.

I couldn't deny that it did feel good getting out and not having a chaperone breathing down my neck. I had been watched my whole entire life. Tonight I was on my own. Since the accident, I didn't leave the apartment very much except to go to work. Maybe this would be a good time to start having some fun again.

I made my way to the table with the drinks and Brynn broke away from me to find someone to pass the time with. Some guy with a green mohawk and a lot of tattoos slithered up to her. She gave him some extra special attention. This was probably the guy who invited her or it could have just been the first one who found her. I was never sure with Brynn. He placed his hand on her backside and led her to the other room. Thirty seconds into the party and I had already lost Brynn for the night. There went my two drinks and we're out of here plan.

I grabbed a bottle of vodka and poured a shot. The vodka looked like it was a snake about to strike. I had a love/hate relationship with alcohol since the night of the accident. I loved the way it made me feel because I could forget about my problems for just a little bit. I hated it because it was part of the reason that I was such a disaster.

Lost in my own head, I thought about how different things would have been if I had never drunk around Ezra in the first place. I would have had enough sense to make Ezra wear a damn condom. I might have never even hooked up with him in the first place. My life would have been on track. I would have ended up in college, making something of myself. Instead, I was wasting my time working at a bar trying to fill the void of the beautiful boy and baby I would never get to know.

I imagined how pathetic I looked standing next to the full bottles by myself. I was the sad girl tracing the rim of the shot glass with her fingertips. I chewed on my bottom lip as I looked at the glass deciding if I was going to go through with this.  I closed my eyes and threw the double shot back and swallowed it in one gulp. The burning liquid slid down my throat and my body involuntarily shook at the bitterness.  I had forgotten how terrible this stuff tasted.

I looked around the room to try to find a friendly face, but no one seemed to fit the bill.  In the corner, a girl was sitting on a guy's lap and rubbing herself against him in a hurried pace. She looked up and locked eyes on me just as I was about to turn away. My face was bright red and I lowered my head quickly to stare back down at my empty glass.

"You look lonely." The slender guy who waved at me on the porch said as he strolled up to where I was standing.

He had long, light brown hair that hung in his face. His short facial hair was cut expertly to frame the piercing under his lip. He was not my type, but he was attractive in a slightly unusual way. He seemed nice enough before. Maybe he would keep me company until Brynn decided she was done with the green mohawk guy.

He stood next to me and grabbed a shot glass, filling his and refilling the one in front of me at the same time. He raised his glass to me and indicated I should do the same. I picked up the shot and he clinked his drink against mine. We downed the shots at the same time and slammed them on the table.

"I haven't seen you here before." He said, pouring another round without bothering to ask.

"My friend dragged me here tonight." I said, trying to make small talk.

He smiled and inched closer to me. "Remind me to thank your friend."

I smiled at the compliment even though I was not in the least bit interested in him. He pushed the glass over to me and lifted it to his lips. He noticed I didn't move to grab mine at the same time.

"You going to leave me hanging?" He asked.

"I gave myself a limit tonight." I was already feeling a little tingly and needed to slow down. I didn't eat before leaving the apartment. Drinking a ton on an empty stomach was a bad idea. I had already consumed two double shots of vodka. I had technically doubled the drink limit I had set for myself tonight.

"Come on, sweetheart, just one more for me, please?" He was smiling at me, begging with his bottom lip stuck out in a pout.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed for the drink, giving in to the peer pressure too easily. I swallowed it in one gulp and slammed the glass down on the table. The alcohol was sloshing around in my empty stomach. I really should have eaten before coming out tonight.

"You want to go upstairs? I have some better stuff up there." He placed his hand on the small of my back and leaned in closer until his facial hair was tickling my neck.

"Sorry, not really my thing," I said, moving away from him.

I looked around the room for Brynn, but she was not anywhere to be seen. In my old life, I would have had JD or one of his friends who would swoop in to save me and run interference. This was my new independent life. I had to find a way to take care of myself. Working at the bar had given me a little practice at turning someone down gently. I could use that to my advantage.

"Come on. You look like you need to let loose a little." He inched closer to me again and cornered me between a table and the wall.

I cursed at myself for letting him block me in. He was pulling on the fabric at the hem of my dress, twisting it between his thin fingers. He took another step towards me and started to lean in to try to kiss me.

"I see you've met Riley."