I walked out of the bedroom after I woke up when I heard the front door open again. Brynn was standing in the doorway with a horrified look on her face. She was holding a few shopping bags and dropped them on the floor. "What the hell happened?"

"I told him we were done." I said in an exhausted tone. Everything felt so heavy.

I looked around the room, Ezra had smashed a crystal vase that had some artificial flowers in it and there was a hole in the wall near the front door. The hole looked like a perfectly placed fist had gone through it. Blood spots were lining the edges. It looked like he cut his hand pretty badly.

"I'm sorry, Brynn, I'll get you a new vase."

Her mouth was still hanging open, surveying the damage to the wall. "I don't think we will be getting our security deposit back."

I shook my head no and she reached her arms out to me. I crossed the room to her and she wrapped me in a warm hug. She rubbed my back and tried to soothe me, but nothing could cure this empty feeling inside of me.

"We're staying in tonight." She said, letting go of me. "Pajamas, ice cream, and movies."

"Please, no Kevin Smith movies." I teased, remembering the simpler days of watching the movies and roaring when Mark, JD, and Aiden would act them out line by line. It seemed like it was so long ago. I quickly flashed back to the night I met Ezra. I could remember the way his eyes watched my every move from the corner of the room. He watched me like he owned me even then. He did own me. I was always his, even when I didn't know it.

"I was thinking 'Dirty Dancing'. No one puts Baby in a corner." Brynn said, smiling. I pondered her suggestion but then remembered the scene about Penny and shook my head no.

"Magic Mike it is." She winked and pulled out her favorite movie.

Halfway through the movie and lots of gyrating later, I received a text from my Mom. I had been a horrible daughter and had not called her daily like I used to when I first moved out. She reminded me constantly that she missed me and I felt extremely guilty. I know she was worried about me and my mental state since the accident. I didn't blame her. I was making questionable decisions; lately, the worst one being letting Ezra into my apartment after everything he put me through. She didn't even know that part, but I could still hear the judgment in her voice circling my head.

Mom: I'm going to cook dinner Thursday. JD, Anna, and Aiden will be there. Can you come?

I paused, thinking over Aiden being there. Since our little rendezvous in the bridal shop, I was not sure what was going on between us. 

Would I want him to kiss me again? Would he want to kiss me too?

I looked over at my best friend, who was sitting curled up in a ball while admiring the eye candy on the tv screen. What would she think if she knew what Aiden and I did? I felt like the worst friend ever. She was trying to help me out of my Ezra funk and I was thinking about how Aiden had made me feel at the bridal shop. She looked over again and smiled at me. I sent her a small smile back and felt like a traitor.

Me: I'll be there.

"Who was that?" Brynn asked, shoveling a large spoonful of cookie dough ice cream into her mouth.

"Just my Mom, she wants me to come over on Thursday."

We continued to watch the movie until we both fell asleep. I woke up and covered Brynn with a blanket. This was the first night I had seen her not attached to a guy in a long time and it was refreshing. She didn't deserve a friend who kept secrets from her or parents who didn't love her enough to take care of her. I prayed that someday someone would sweep her off her feet and give this wild girl the world. Even if I had no chance of ever being happy again, I was hoping she would find hers.

I turned off the tv and went to my room, hoping my nightmares would stay away tonight. I opened my pill bottle on my dresser and swallowed the only hope I had of getting some rest. Life had to start getting better sometime soon. I'm not sure how much more I could take. I looked at the clock wanting to call JD to tell him what was going on. No cell in my body could find the strength to reach for my phone to call him. I wouldn't be able to stomach the shame I would feel when he found out I brought Ezra back to my apartment.

I tried closing my eyes and the sound of metal twisting and warping took me over once again. There was only one person I felt like I could talk to. 

Aiden answered on the first ring. 

"Aiden," I whispered into the phone so Brynn wouldn't hear me.  "Can I come over?"

"Uh, sure. You remember how to get here?" He asked, confused.

"I remember." I had only been to his new place to drop him off once a few months ago, but I thought I could find him pretty easily. 

I changed out of my pajamas into some cotton shorts and pulled a tank top over my head. I covered the tank with a hoodie that looked like a half-shirt. I pulled on my flip flops before running out of the apartment. 

I found Aiden's place a few minutes later. I'm not sure exactly what I was doing here, but I wanted to be with someone I felt safe with again after what happened with Ezra this afternoon. 

I got out of my car, climbed the stairs up to the security door and pressed his buzzer. 

"It's me." I said nervously into the speaker.

I heard the click of the door release and walked up the stairs.  Aiden opened the door and smiled at me. I looked him up and down and admired the way his shoulders looked in the tight white tank top. His cotton shorts hung low on his hips. It looked like he was about to go to sleep.

He crossed over to me and pulled me into a tight Aiden hug. I squeezed him back, enjoying the warmth surrounding me.

"Come on in." He said, stepping back from me and running his hand over his multicolored facial hair.  He held the apartment door open for me so I could step inside.

"Mark is out right now. He should be back later." Aiden said as I looked around, taking in his apartment.  It was cleaner than his room in the band house but still had the Aiden messy touch. 

"Oh," was the only word I could get out of my mouth. Aiden and I were alone in his apartment. I didn't think this part through very well. Part of me expected he would have had people over.  Aiden was a social guy. I wasn't used to seeing him alone.

"I was just watching some tv before bed." He motioned to where he was sitting on the couch and I followed him over to take a seat.  Aiden plopped down in the middle just like usual and patted the seat next to him.  I kicked off my flip flops and curled up next to him. We sat in awkward silence for a while, watching some crime drama before he turned to look at me.

"I'm really surprised you called." He said nervously.

"Why?" I asked, a little confused. 

"After what happened today and the other night on the phone, I thought you would try to avoid me for a while. I'm really sorry I let that happen and said those things to you.  I shouldn't have put you in that situation. I don't ever want things to be awkward between us." He apologized.

"Aiden, you didn't do anything wrong." I turned my head to the side and moved my hand to push his hair back from his face. I ran the pad of my thumb over his short facial hair.  He placed his hand over mine and closed his eyes.

"Did you come over to help me work on my spreadsheets?" He asked.

"Spreadsheets? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you from working." I apologized to him.

"Dumb joke. You were obviously too drunk to remember." He said, looking down at his hands. "Explains why I never got a video either."  He mumbled under his breath just loud enough for me to hear.

"What are you talking about? What video?" I asked.

"These lips are sealed. You will never find out."  He pretended to zip his lips and throw away the key.

"Oh, really. You're going to be like that now?  I'm going to get it out of you one way or another." I stuck my hands on his sides and began tickling him.  He was laughing and he grabbed my hands to wrestle me.  I got up on my knees to get better leverage against him.  When he wouldn't break my grip, I lifted my knee over him and climbed on top of him to try to pin him to the couch.

He pushed my arms back and leaned up into me. Before I even knew what was happening, Aiden had pressed his mouth against mine.

I pulled back and looked down at him, surprised that it happened again. One minute we were playing and picking at each other. The next, he was looking at me like I was the only girl in the world. Aiden's eyes were searching my face trying to read my thoughts. 

Spending time with Ezra today had me feeling reckless and lonely. I wanted to feel something to prove I wasn't really gone. I wanted to be loved again by someone who could love me the way I needed. Aiden wanted to give me that.  I wasn't sure if I could give him the same in return, but I could try.

I pulled my hoodie off, leaving me in my tight tank top and the thin cotton shorts. His eyes moved up and down my body, lingering on my breasts. 

"What are you doing, Riley?" He stammered nervously.

I took a deep breath summoning my courage and closed my eyes, lifting my shirt up over my head. 

I could do this.

I needed to do this. 

I looked down at Aidens's wide hazel eyes.  His breath was ragged and he was frozen in place.  I bit my lip as I looked down at him.  He leaned up to me and grabbed the small of my back to run his hands up and down over my hips.

"Riley... I..." I covered his mouth with my hand to shut him up.  I was already overthinking this. I didn't need him to be my conscience tonight. My own was already telling me how bad of an idea this was.

"Tell me you want me." I whispered into his neck and grazed his ear with my teeth. He moaned and moved his hand gently to the back of my head as I nipped and sucked at the skin.

"I do." Aiden said breathlessly.

I had not been daring enough to press myself against him yet. I wondered if I would feel the same way on top of him as I felt when I was on top of Ezra.  I pushed Aiden back against the couch and leaned in to kiss his mouth gently.  I used my tongue to push his lips apart and let my tongue ring move against him. Aiden was letting me have the control.  I never had control with Ezra, even when I was on top of him. Ezra always dominated me.

I pulled my mouth away from Aiden's and looked down to see he was ready for me. I cursed at myself for thinking about Ezra when I had someone who cared for me right here in front of me.  I needed this to forget about those damn blue eyes and the way they always watched me.

Aiden's hands continued to move over my hips as I tried to shake Ezra from my thoughts.  It didn't do any good. I was wishing Aiden would tell me what he wanted me to do to him like Ezra would have.  I missed the way Ezra whispered his filthy words into me and the way he would praise me when I gave him exactly what he wanted.  I never had to think about it with Ezra. My body knew how to please his and gave itself to him willingly in the most sinful ways.

I shook my head, trying to shut my brain off. There was only one way this was going to work. I spread my legs a little further and lowered myself over Aiden's boxers. I teased his head against me and his eyes rolled back into his head. I began to move in circles over him, applying more pressure with each movement. Aiden wanted me. The thin fabric of his shorts couldn't hide his excitement.

He opened his eyes and looked back down, watching me grind against him in a slow rhythmic pattern.  He moaned and closed his eyes again. My hands moved to his hair and I forced his head down to keep him watching my hips as I circled him. It felt so different. I wanted him to watch me like Ezra did.

"Stop comparing them, Riley. Aiden adores you; Ezra wants to own you." My mind was screaming at me. There was no comparison between them.

"That's my good girl." I heard Ezra's voice in my head.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

"Show me who you belong to, beautiful." His voice growled at me.

I wanted to cry.

Why did I let him do this to me? 

This was my chance to be happy. I just wanted to feel like me again.  I pulled Aiden's hair in my frustration wanting to beg him to save me.  Ezra's flame-filled eyes flashed through my mind and I rubbed myself harder against Aiden, quickening my pace.

Aiden moved his hands to my breasts and began pulling at the fabric that covered my nipples.  I moved my hands down to his pants, getting ready to stick my hand into his shorts to pull him out.  I was going to do what I should have done the moment Ezra left me.

I was going to sleep with Aiden tonight until I forgot Ezra Miller's stupid gorgeous face. 

I was going to use Aiden to let myself be free finally and he was going to let me.