Big's POV

I sit next to the bed where Arm is laying. My eyes drop on his left hand where the IV drip is place. He's been sleeping for hours now after he suddenly passed out this morning due to fatigue. He has been taking care of Pol for two days in a row without any rest and enough sleeps. My tears slowly drop. It is really hurt to see him like this.

After the day we parted, I really wish him to be happy with Pol. I maybe lying if I said that I didn't feel hurt. I am hurts. I never stop thinking about him. Sometimes I regreted that I let him go and get back with Pol. But it is because I love him and don't want to be selfish, I give in . Like I said, as long as he is happy I will be happy too. No matter how hurt I get.

It would be not necessary if I keep holding him and let him stay if his feelings are not for me. No matter how I tried to make him happy, he will not feel happy. It will just make me a bad person if I do that. It's better to let him go. But I never thought things would turn out like this.

"Big."

I immediately wiped my tears when Tay suddenly came. I looked at him and smiled.

"You're here?", I asked.

"Yes. I rushed here after class. How's Arm doing?"

"The doctor said he's fine. Just need some rest."

I leave Arm with Tay and go to Pol's ward room. I saw him staring at the wide open window. When I came in, he turned to look at me. I took a sit next to his bed.

"How are you feeling?", I asked.

"I'm okay."

I just nodded.

"How about Arm?"

"He's sleeping. Tay is looking after him."

"It's good then."

Silence. Both of us are now looking at the glass window.

"I never thought I would make every person that I love sad because of me."

I looked at Pol. He slowly shift his gaze to me.

"I know Arm would be like this. I don't want him to feel sad if he knows I'm ill. That's why I leave him suddenly without any word."

"But you did hurt him and make him sad."

"I know. It was a fool decision. But at least he won't be sad because I'm dead. I want him to think that I cheated on him and when he hates me he can forget me and move on. That time, his mother just died and if he knew I'm dying too what will happen?"

So, that's why. That's the reason he left Arm.

"I watched him all these time. Watching him smile and laugh around you already makes my thought in peace, knowing that someone good loves him and stay by his side.", Pol took a deep breath. I could see some clear crystal at the edge of his eyes.

"I already wanted to completely disappear from his life after making sure he's in a good hand then will live the rest of my life. I thought my plan did goes well. But seeing how everything turns out like this, I guess I failed.", He smirked. I couldn't read his face expression. All I see is sadness.

"But didn't you think that if one day when he finally knew he will be so sad? Didn't you afraid that he will blame his self for not knowing that you're sick? Worst thing would happen.", I said. Pol just staring at me the slowly shook his head with a pain smile on his pale face.

"Even when he was with me he was still thinking of you. Until now, I still don't know if he ever really love me.", I continue.

"I know he loves you. I have been watching both of you these whole time and I know he do loves you."

It took me few seconds to answer. "I hope so."

He slightly smiled. "Don't be sad, dude. I'm his past and already left him. You're his future now. I may sound pathetic but for now, let's just say that I am borrowing him from you to spend the rest of my life I have with him."

"I don't want to be selfish, Pol. I can be one, but I know Arm is missing you so much too. You can have your time with him."

"Can I ask you one more thing?", he said. "After I die, I don't know what will happen to Arm. But, I hope you can take care of him well. Just do like how you did before this. I know you can take care and love him so well. This is my wish."

I nodded. "I will. I promise will love and take care of him. You don't have to be worry, Pol. Even if I have to risk my life for him."

"I know I can count on you."

After class I go to the hospital to give Arm his spare clothes I get from Tay. It's been days since Arm didn't go to work and didn't go home often. Pol and his parents already told him not to take any more off days but Arm is Arm. So stubborn to listen to other people.

Today will be his last day looking after Pol and will start working again tomorrow, after Tay manage to talk to him and reminds him that he still have his brother to be taken care off. He have to work to pay his brother school fees and pocket money. Fortunately Tay knows how to deal with Arm even Tay need to scold him too.

When I was about to get inside Pol's room, I saw Pol kissed Arm. My eyes glued at them for a while before I move my hand away from the door knob and slowly walked then took a sit at the chairs besides the door. I leaned my head to the wall and close my eyes.

I know I shouldn't feel jealous since I know our relationship status aren't lovers anymore. But I can't help to feel the pain I felt in my heart. It's hurt so bad that I thought I could get a heart attack from it. I tried to hold my tears from falling with biting my lips and hold my fist, but it still fall down to my cheek.

It is so hurt that I couldn't help but to cry. The pain is too real.

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