"Can you take two or three days off?"

Big suddenly asked me. I looked at him and frowned.

"Why?"

"I want to take you for a vacation."

"Huh? But how about your classes?"

"It's okay. I can handle it."

"No! Your studies are important. Let's go some other day, alright?"

"But tee rak.."

"Big."

"Please. Na?", He kept begging.

"Where do you want to take me actually?"

"Secret."

"Then, I won't go."

"Hey! That's not fair."

"Aow. It's fair enough.", I chuckled when Big pouted. "Big. I can't take day off just like that. Porchay will have to work alone too if I take some days off suddenly. You have to attend classes too right?"

Big sighed. He then nods his head. I intertwined our hands. Big smiled and hold my hand tightly, slowly kissed it.

"Let's go some other day. On your semester break will be okay. I'll take a leave earlier.", I said. Big smiled and nodded.

"Promise na?", Big said.

"Promise."

"Come. Let's eat."

I laughed. "We just ate earlier. Now hungry again?"

Big shook his head. "I want to spoil you with food so you will not become thin."

"Don't you afraid I will get fat and ugly. You probably will not like me anymore." , I said jokingly.

"I love your heart. Not your body."

"Really? We'll see."

Big laughed and drag me to a restaurant, with my hand still in his.

"Do you want to eat here or just take away?", Big asked.

I feel a little bit tired after some walk so I decided to just take away the food. While Big ordering the food, I was just waiting besides him. I didn't need to tell him what I wanted to eat, Big already know what I like to eat and what I don't. I never told him but since he always took me out for eat, I think he find out about it from what I always ordered before.

While looking around and waiting for Big to finish ordering, I saw someone standing outside the restaurant while on his phone. The figure was kinda familiar but his body just a little thinner.

"Pol?", I whispered.

Yes. The person reminds me of him. I couldn't see his face because he was standing with his back facing me. I tried to convince myself that he's not Pol, but when he turned around I now can see his face clearly. At that moment my world stopped. It's Pol.

"Pol!", I called his name and run towards him. I forgot that I was with Big and just left him.

When I get closer to the person, he also looking at me with his shocked face. My tears dropped.

"Arm."

"Pol. It's really you.", I immediately hugs him. "Where did you go all this time? Why did you disappeared?"

He didn't respond. His face clearly shows me that he still shocked.

"Tee rak."

Suddenly I heard Big's voice calling me. I turned around to see Big is standing behind me with a confused face. I totally forgot about Big. Now my lips sealed.

"Why are you crying?", He asked. Big stared at Pol, trying to figure out who is he. "Pol?"

Pol didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything either.

Big drag me to a side not far from Pol who is waiting for us to finish talking. I keep looking at him. Afraid that he will run away.

"What do you want to do now?", Big asked.

I looked at him. Honestly, I don't now what to do. I am confused about this situation myself. I just shook my head.

"Do you love me?", Big suddenly asked. I nodded.

"How about him? Do you still love him?"

A little bit shocked. I shifted my eyes to Pol who's looking at us. I shook my head while my head bowing. but not a sign of the word 'no'.

"Is it 'no' or 'I don't know'?", Big asked. I heard a heavy sigh escaped from his mouth.

"Arm. Look at me.", Big slowly lift my head.

I can see how hurt Big is from the look of his eyes. But his lips curved a little smile. Both of his hands cupped my face.

"Remember when I told you, if you finally meet Pol again? If you still love him and wanted to get back with him, I am okay with it. As long as you're happy."

I didn't nod nor shake my head. My tears slowly falling down to my cheeks. I  don't know. It's true. I said I don't want to get back with Pol but now, I'm confused. My heart confused. I don't know what I want.

Big hands slowly dropped. "Go."

I looked at him. He is smiling. But his eyes. He's in pain.

"I know all this time, your heart isn't fully mine. I know you love me, but deep inside your heart.. your heart still belongs to Pol. Not me. You maybe show me that you forget Pol, but your eyes can't lie. I can see it."

"You can't forever hide it away, Arm."

My tears fall even harder. Big wiped the tears away from my cheeks.

"Don't cry, tee rak. It hurt me everytime you cried.", Big said.

"I'm sorry, Big."

"Don't apologize, Arm. I never blame you. Whatever makes you happy, I'm happy for you too. I just want the person I love the most always happy. Just remember that, I will always love you."

Big hold my hand tight. He looked into my eyes and smile. "Come back to me, if only you still love me."

I immediately throw my body towards him and hug him tight. Big wrapped his arms around me. Slowly caressing my head, dearly.

"I love you, na.", Big said.

After a few moments, Big let go of me. He smiled. "Now go. Don't make him wait any longer."

I nodded. I hug him for the last time. While walking away I sometimes look at him. Try to make sure he's really fine. Big smiled and nodded. I smiled back. I know I'm being selfish here. I hurt Big. I broke his heart. But I can't keep lying to myself.

I love him. He's kind. Understands me the most. Know myself well than I am. Care about me more than himself. He's perfect. Like I said before. The problem is me.

When I stand next to Pol, Big already disappeared. I looked around and couldn't see him everywhere. Somehow, I feel the pain too. But I'm sure, it's not as hurt as how Big had. I really hope he's okay. All I can do is pray.

"Will he be okay?", Pol asked.

I nodded. "I hope so."

"How about you?"

I slightly smiled. All I need to do right now is, ask him what actually happened. When the right time comes, I will figure it out and decide what will I do. Sooner or later.

"You have to explain to me everything. Why did you lie to me?"

Pol smiled. "Let's go to my car first."

I hold his wrist. "You're okay, right?"

Pol nodded. "I'm fine."

"Why did you left me? You don't love me anymore?", I asked.

"Of course I love you."

"But you left me. You even lied to me."

"I'm sorry."

"Why did you do that?"

Pol just smile and shook his head. Refused to answer. "It's nothing."

Pol seems like avoiding to answer my question. I stared at him. Too many changes about him.

"Why do you look thinner? Are you ill?"

I saw a little bit change in his expression. But he immediately smiled and shook his head.

"No. I'm fine.", He said. "I just want you to be happy Arm. Seeing you with Big already make me in relief. He really good and take care of you well. Are you sure you want to come back to me?"

I frowned. "You know about me and Big?"

Pol nodded. "I've been watching you all this time. When I saw you crying because of me. It hurts me so much. Remember when you come to the flower shop? I was there. But I know Big can make you happy."

"I thought you're in Chiang Mai."

"Yes. But I don't want to leave you. I want to make sure that my love is happy."

"If you want me to be happy, why did you want me to find new boyfriend?"

Pol didn't answered. "Let's take you home. You must be tired from working."

"No! I don't want you to disappear again."

"Are you sure you don't want to go home?"

"Yes. Unless you take me with you at your place."

Pol smiled. "Alright."

When we arrived at Pol's condo, he asked me to take shower first. But then I just remember that I don't have any clothes to wear.

"Why? Your clothes are inside the closet. There are some in there.", Pol said while smiling. He know what I was thinking.

I just remember. When I was still with Pol, I left alot of my clothes at his condo and when he move to a new condo he actually take them with him. I quickly take a shower. When I done Pol asked me to eat which already served the food on the table. He even prepared me a warm glass of milk.

I really miss him.