I opened Pol's bedroom door. My eyes looked all over the room. It's been two weeks since Pol left the world, but his presence seems to still be there. I can still smell the perfume he always used. It's still strong.

I walked over to the bed and sat on it. my hands gently caressed the sheets and blankets that were still neat. My tears slowly fall. Why is it so hard for me to forget him?

I remember how we first met. How he tries to get close to me. All our memories together started playing in my mind. I took a deep breath and wiped the tears from my eyes. My eyes then turned towards the table by the bed.

I remember when Pol was alive he used to put something in that desk drawer. My hand pulled the drawer open and the first thing I saw was a small book. I took the book and read all what's written on it.

My heart felt like it was pierced with a knife. My tears fell again. Everything Pol wrote was his concern for me. He's worried I won't be happy. He's afraid if I don't find a good man to replace him. what if I can't take care of myself when he's gone later?

In this little book, only his worries are written. None of which he wrote about himself. Suddenly I realized. I forgot my promise to Pol to take care of myself when he is gone. Did I make him worry in that world?

I hold the book closer to my chest. The pain. The feels. It's all combine like crushing down my world.

I'm sorry, Pol. Sorry if I made you worried. But I miss you. I miss you so much.

~°°~

Two years later..

"Don! Come eat!"

"Yes, phi!"

"Quick! You'll be late for class."

"Krub!"

I smiled as my younger brother come out from his room which used belongs to Tay, and took a sit at the small dining table.

"Wow! Looks so delicious, phi.", He said.

"Eat well na."

"Urm!", he said then started to eat.

Two years passed and so many things changed. Tay already moved out from this room and moved in with his boyfriend, Time. Don also just started his freshman year and live together with me. As for me, I still working at the same book store and live my life as usual.

After Pol died, I try to live well, take care of myself just like how Pol made me promise. Of course, our memories still vivid in my memory, but I learn to accept the reality and move on. It wasn't easy of course. But I'm glad that people around me always there for me and help me alot to come out from my darkest moments.

Pol's parents also moved back to Chiang Mai. They asked me to live together with them as well as Don. They said I am already like their own child and also love me as theirs. Since Pol was their only child. But I refused.

"Excuse me, krub. How much is this cost?"

I turned around to see a person is standing behind me.

"The book?", I asked.

He smirked. "No. You."

"Oh. Not available."

"Really?", He said. "By the meaning of not available, is it not for sale or not single?"

"Neither."

"Aow!"

I chuckled. Big come closer and looked me straight in the eyes. My heart suddenly become crazy. It start to beat so fast as Big put his face closer to mine with a flirty smile.

"Tell me. Is it because you're not single? Huh?"

I swallowed my saliva. Lately, Big really become a flirty person. He always take any chances to flirt with me anytime he can. The way he flirts and his gaze also never failed to make me feel nervous.

After Pol died, Big never leave my side. He's always there everytime I need someone. I used to asked him to leave me and don't waste his time waiting for me but he never listened. No matter how often I ignored him. He never gave up. It's not because I don't like him anymore. But remember that I dumped him once, makes me feel guilty and thinks that I don't deserves him.

Big said, "I promised Pol that I will never leave you and will always take care of you. No, but even if the promise never made, I will never leave you. I will always love you Arm. I'll wait. I'll wait until you can accept me again."

Big really shows his effort. He never leave me. Always come to see me. Asking if I'm okay. Am I sick? Have I eaten? What am I doing? If I don't feel well, he'll come to see me immediately and bring alot of my favourite food. There's this one time where he escaped class and took care of me because I wasn't feeling well. He told me that his class was cancelled but I know he was lying because I heard him asking Ken to take notes and cover his absence for him through the phone call. I was so touched. After a year, Big and I are dating. Now it's been two years, and we are still together. Pol is right. Big really is a good guy.

"Answer, first.", Big said

"Not telling.", teasing him.

Chup!

My eyes widen when suddenly Big kissed me on the cheek. I looked at him who's proudly smiling.

"Big! What are you doing."

"Claiming.", He calmly reply.

"What claiming? You think I'm a voucher tickets?"

"Claiming that you're mine because that guy over there is keep looking at you.", He said.

I shifted my eyes to the direction that Big just said. I saw a guy secretly watching at us. I smirked.

"Are you jealous?", I said.

"Of course! You're my boyfriend.", He said.

"Possessive."

"No I'm not!"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Then, I'll go to talk to him."

Big just watched me walking away and go to the guy that he was talking about. He didn't stop me though. He said he is not possessive. HAHAHAH. We will see.

After talking to the guy I come back to Big.

"My working hours is done. Let's go. I'm hungry."

Big seems confused. He stopped me by grabbing my wrist.

"What did you and that guy talked about earlier?"

"I asked him if he needs something, because you said he keep looking at me. Maybe he need to find a book?"

"Then?"

"He is so bold though. He asked for my number."

He frowned. He let go of my hand. "Did you give him?"

"No."

He lifted his eyebrow.

"I told him that I'm not available and said that...", I intertwined our hands. I looked at him and smiled. "This guy over here is my boyfriend."

He immediately smiled ear to ear. "Come. Let's go. What do you want to eat? Curry? BBQ? Japanese food? Anything you want!"

I curved a bigger smile. He really likes to spoil me with foods. We all know what is the reason if I gains weight one day. HAHAHAHA

Pol. I'm good now. I'm living so well too. I have Big to take care of me. Don't worry, okay. You may be already gone from this world, but you will always live and still exist in my heart. So please rest well and I will live my life the best I can too.

I miss you.

Rest in peace, my love.