The burger paper crinkled as Bailey balled it up and tossed it into the trash can. They'd sat at the table in the kitchen to eat, total silence ringing in the trailer. A train was moving through town. The tone of the whistle and the amount of time that the cars had been rumbling over the tracks that ran close to the trailer park gave it away as a long ass freighter. Then the rhythmic sound cut off. The train had passed them, and the only thing to distract Nate from his raw nerves was the food.

"These are really good fries," he said, dipping one into the puddle of ketchup he'd squeezed onto his plate.

Bailey hummed around a bite of his burger that was so large his cheeks puffed out. He chewed, swallowed, and took another bite without saying anything else. Nate swirled another fry through his ketchup and popped it into his mouth. He eyed his burger with distaste. It looked fabulously delicious, like how they made burgers appear sizzling with perfect buns and crisp vegetables on TV commercials. But he wasn't sure his stomach could handle it right now.

He cleared his throat. "Look, I wanted to talk to you about..."

"There's no need," Bailey interrupted. "I'd rather you just forget the whole thing. Tanner is my issue. He's never posted those videos before, and he won't now. Besides, I'm going back to college in a couple of weeks, and he's never bothered me when I'm there."

He took another bite of his burger with finality, then decided he needed to tack on, muffled by the food, "Don't want you to worry about it. None of your business really, anyway."

Nate looked at him talking with his mouth full, grease on his lips, which were pink from eating. He turned and looked out the window. He could not really fault Bailey for always telling him that stuff was none of his business, especially since they'd not had the conversation about their relationship being more than just sex and hanging out. He sighed.

"We can talk about Tanner at some point," he said, glancing back to hold Bailey's eyes so he'd know the following words were genuine. "I'm not going to try to handle that on my own, and I will take your lead on it, but I'm not just going to forget the whole thing."

Bailey swallowed and opened his mouth.

Nate held up a hand. "He's dangerous and, maybe more importantly, all the shit he did to you impacts the way you see me sometimes. I prefer having the context, thank you." He looked away because he didn't want to see Bailey's reaction to that, nor to what he was going to say next.

"I'd prefer a little context," he said, heart in his throat and eyes trained on the cornfield outside. The corn was as tall as it would get, sprouting ears nearly ready to be harvested. "Because I'd like to be more than just fuck buddies or whatever this is. I..."

He should be looking at Bailey for this. He glanced over to find him staring, burger still between his hands, but forgotten, hovering over his plate. There was a blankness to his expression that Nate was not sure he found devastating or reassuring.

"Shit, Bailey," he sighed. "I like you a lot. I don't want to be apart when you go back to college. I really enjoy the whole power dynamic thing, and I like hanging out, but I want more. I want to be allowed to talk to you about Tanner. I want your issues to be my issues. I want to be allowed to protect you from him."

Bailey snorted, which was perhaps warranted. From what Nate had gleaned, he did not even let his dad help protect him from Tanner. Nate sighed.

"Anyway, I'm..." he pulled out his phone and set it on the table, not opening it yet but having it ready to show Bailey the listing for the apartment, the emails back and forth with the leasing agent, and the website for the construction company he'd been talking to. "Have you found a roommate yet? Or...even an apartment?"

Bailey set his burger down and picked up a napkin, a little furrow in his brow as he focused on wiping off his fingers. "I'm talking to this girl from one of my classes last year, who might have a room for me. But I haven't signed anything yet. I'm not sure...I haven't backed out of any of my classes yet, but I'm thinking of taking a gap year."

Nate noticed his own fingers were drumming against the tabletop only because of the silence that followed. Bailey crumpled up the napkin and tossed it toward the trash can. He missed, winced, and scraped his chair out to go over and pick it up. When he sat down, he wouldn't meet Nate's eyes.

"That means we could keep hanging out!" he said with forced cheer. "My mom's gonna kill me, but we could figure this out." He pointed between himself and Nate, glancing up briefly to see how all that would land. Nate's heart squeezed. He was so uncharacteristically shy about serious things like this.

"What about Tanner not being able to bother you while you are at college?"

Bailey made a face. "Well, until a couple of hours ago, I thought he'd finally decided to back off."

Nate picked up a fry and shoved it into his mouth. The conversation felt like it was spiraling out of his control somehow, and he needed to bring it back on track. If Bailey wanted to stay here, then that was fine. But also, the option to go through with all his plans was still there if Bailey was interested, and then they would be two hours away from Tanner.

"Okay, well..." he nearly choked on the fry as he tried to swallow and had to pause to drink water. He rammed his fist into his chest and cleared his throat a few times. God, this was embarrassing. He was pretty sure Bailey wouldn't laugh in his face. After all, he said that staying in town would allow them to figure things out. That meant that he wanted to figure things out. That was the important thing, not Tanner or whatever Bailey wanted to do about school. They could figure those things out together if Bailey allowed him to help.

"Sorry," he coughed. "I'm nervous." He flashed a winning smile at Bailey, mostly to make himself feel better, then cleared his throat again. "I actually found a job near the college. And also an apartment. I wouldn't need a roommate to help pay for rent or anything. I've got that covered, but I wouldn't mind one for company."

He flashed another smile to cover up the fact that it felt like he was peeling back all his skin and showing Bailey his raw nerves.

"Oh," Bailey blinked. Then he laughed. But it wasn't a mean laugh, just a surprised one that he quickly smothered behind a hand. His eyes were big in his head as they darted between Nate's. "Are you serious?"

"I'm serious." He looked down at the table. "I want...I want you to let me into your life. More than just..." he waved a hand vaguely toward the bedroom. "There is a lot of trust already between us. And I want there to be more. I want more. I know I make a mess of things sometimes, but I want to be..." He frowned, thinking of Bailey spitting blood in his face and reacting with outrage when Nate thought he was helpfully defending him. Of how it had felt that first night when Bailey let him scare Tanner off and take him home. "I want you to rely on me."

That last part came out kind of lame. And it sounded more like one of their kink discussions. He grimaced and traced the edge of the table with his thumb. Bailey didn't say anything for a few beats, so he rushed to explain himself more.

"The apartment. I can pay the rent and all the bills by myself. I've got a job so long as I sign the papers, and it's enough that you could live with me and not have to get a part-time job. I was thinking that you would be able to focus on school more, but if you were thinking of taking a gap year, then...I dunno."

"Are you trying to be my sugar daddy?" Bailey asked.

Nate looked up sharply to find a teasing glint in his eye and crook to his lips. Heat spread up his neck, and he rolled his eyes, trying to play off his embarrassment before the blush reached his cheeks. "I don't think I'll be making that much, but..."

It was all or nothing at this point. He could not let Bailey misunderstand anything. He did not want to label their relationship so that he could own him or control him or whatever; he just wanted to be allowed access to all parts of Bailey's life that Bailey would let him into.

"I don't want to be your sugar daddy or whatever," he said, "I want to be your boyfriend."

Bailey's cheeks flushed as he stared at Nate. Then he dropped his eyes and snorted with a shake of his head. When he looked back up, his eyes were sharp. "What if I like the idea of you being my sugar daddy?"

"Oh, fuck off," Nate growled, crossing his arms over his chest so that his heart wouldn't beat straight out of it. Here he was bearing his nerves, and Bailey chose to pluck at them curiously. He shouldn't have expected anything else and could not find it in himself to be upset, because he knew that was precisely how Bailey reacted when he was feeling vulnerable. He picked. He tried to direct attention elsewhere. It was one of the reasons they always fought so fucking much back in the day.

He glared out the window without much heat and waited.

"Alright, alright," Bailey put his hands up. "I'll be serious. I haven't really done 'boyfriends' since Tanner."

Nate's heart plummeted into his stomach.

"But, that doesn't mean I'm not willing to try again."

Nate glanced at him to find the teasing edge had softened. "Really?"

"I mean, we've basically already been that," he shrugged, "So...yeah. And we've been living out of each other's pockets all summer. I've kinda gotten used to having you around. I think we'd be good roommates."

Nate's heart and stomach had swapped places and how he was all twisted up and not sure if he was feeling relief or if his body had finally decided it was hungry instead of too anxious to eat. There was still a lot to discuss. But he picked up his burger and took a bite, nodding along to Bailey's words.

"The only reason I was going to live here if I took a gap year was because of you," Bailey admitted. His face looked as red as Nate's felt.

Then he sighed, falling back in his chair. "Ah, now I have to decide if I'm really going to back out of my classes or not."

"What were you going to do here if you took time off from school?" Nate asked. "Keep working at the car shop?"

Bailey chewed on his lip and looked out the window. "Nah. I was going to pull together a portfolio and go around to some of the tattoo shops to see if they might be willing to take on an apprentice."

Nate almost choked on his bite of burger because he was in such a rush to chew and swallow it, so he could get out an excited, "Really?" That had been his suggestion back at the beginning of summer when Bailey first expressed that he was unhappy at school. He didn't have such a big head that he thought Bailey was only considering it because of him. He'd always liked tattooing, even in high school, so it was probably something he already thought of. But maybe he's also taken Nate's encouragement to heart. He preened a little bit.

"Really," Bailey shrugged.

"There's plenty of tattoo shops in the city," Nate pointed out.

"That there are," Bailey smiled. Then he tilted his head, and the smile left his eyes. "Ah, this really wasn't how I expected this conversation to go. I thought it was going to be like fending off my dad when he first found out about how bad Tanner was. Not that he knows about the videos, but... Anyway. I'm really happy."

Nate set aside all thoughts of Tanner for the moment. That was a problem for another day at this point. Hopefully, it won't ever be a problem at all. Unfortunately, he didn't have high hopes in that regard. He had to do some research. But it was not what he wanted to think about right now. Right now, he'd just made Bailey happy, and really, that was all his nerves needed to settle down, apparently.

"So that means you'll move in?" He asked. "I'm going down to see the place later this week and maybe sign the lease. Do you want to come with me?"

Bailey glanced down at his hands, then back up through his lashes, devastatingly pretty without even trying. "Sure."